Rainbow babies- for all of us holding, pregnant with and trying for our rainbows. While remembering all our darling angels

[Moominsarescary]

Hoping the thread brings us luck and that soon we will all be holding our rainbows xx

Morning everyone. I am having a busy week, so haven't made it to posting, but will try to keep up with you all!

BLIZY, you shouldn't have to struggle just to see a flippin GP, that's knocking you down again before you've even got up! I'm sorry it's so crap when you are fighting so hard and being so strong.

MECHA, I was thinking of you yesterday lovely lady, I hope you are ok? X

KLEINE, I've pmd you. I have gone on FB, it was broken the first time, but late last night I had a watery grin while looking at your amazingly gorgeous girl. She is so beutiful and the photos are brimming with your love and pride, you must be so proud of her. Xxxx

BABYH, I'm sorry you had a tough day, it's hard thinking about how our children would have grown isn't it? I daydream about what Merryn would be like now, and it's so bittersweet.

FAN, (from ages ago, of course I'll adopt you my love, your DH may have to stay at home if he doesn't behave himself and stop drinking for you though!) I hope you have some sunshine today.

BLUE, it's great that you can have the birth you have planned. I think you are my hero. Home birth has always been my aim, but never quite managed it!

ELLY, thinking of you still today. Waiting for two weeks is horrible, but a days gone from that now and you will get through it, and we will stay beside you. Be gentle on yourself. Xxx

Posted too soon, hi to everyone I've missed, will call back later but need to get ready for school run! DH doing it all today!

Elly that sounds really similar to me. I had a scan at what I thought would be 6+1 and all my gynae could see was the sac, no yolk, no fetal pole, nothing. He put back my dates to 5+1. I did think I'd ovulated late that month, and when I first poas I got a really wierd thing where an incredibly faint line appeared after about 8 minutes - something I'd never had before. So, it did tie in a bit. He gave me an appointment for a scan two weeks later, and I basically tried not to think about it for the whole two weeks. At that scan we saw a baby about 1.5cm long, a heartbeat and everything. Measurements put me at 7+4, which is about 5/6 days behind what my dates put me at. So, I guess what I'm saying is that it definitely isn't over yet and I will cross every digit I have that you get a good outcome. I'm very perplexed why they don't do internal scans as a matter of course in early pregnancy in the UK though. Here they do internal scans right up to about 12/13 weeks, as you get a much better idea of what's going on...

babyh Sorry to hear you had a low day. I think we all get those from time to time. I bawled at work on Friday as one of our secretaries bought her baby in for everyone to coo over. It was just too much for me to take.

blizy Really sorry you're feeling so low too. AD's might help. My Mum and sister both took them after my Dad died 18 months ago, and they really helped them to cope. Both have now come off them, so I don't think it has to necesserily be a long-term thing.

Wave to everyone else. Sorry for not name checking, but it's hard to keep track of you all!

babyh so can t wait for some sun & quality time with Ant & Phebs.... I m quite organised think you have to be when you ve a lack of time due to damn work getting in the way!!!! Sorry you re having bad days gradually the bad days become less & the good days more though I could never imagine it in the early stages of grief... Take care xxx
BlIzy sorry.... You re having such a crap time it's not fair .. You really do deserve a break soon... If AD help go for it ... I had them once ages ago for a work thing but didn t find them much use so when I was offered them after Georgie declined ... Remember they may take a few weeks for you to notice an improvement. Hope they help xxxx
Spilt xxxxx I m exactly the same Oct is a bittersweet month with Georgie's bday on the 10 th & Phebs the 18th... Incredibly difficult....hope Freya is ok?
Fan xxxx my thoughts are with you that you find some answers either from your scan ..... Xxxx
Elly hopefully the next 2 weeks will fly by .... FX all is ok when you return for your next scan xxxxx
Mech hopefully you have some answers from your appt & can move foreward slowly a day at a time xxxx
Blue fab 28 weeks cool xxxx
Hi to everyone else xxxc
Busy & tired here last week my day off got swapped from yesterday to Thurs to cover a lack of staff... What a pain. Last night Ant & I were going to the theatre so wr had a busy weekend ( parents up = late nights & lack of sleep) then yesterday I finished work late ( goddamn patients!!!) rushed home ( missed fat club) feed Phebs & out again by 6:30.... Didn t get in to 11 so shattered again...ant at footie tonight so a chilled night in with my baby as feel I ve hardly seen her...
Oh well only 6 days to work to my hols!!! Yippee xxxxx

Wtw I "lost" a couple of friends after Georgie as I felt they weren t supportive enough and very selfish.... Life's too short to be round anyone' who upsets you xxx

Can I ask a bit of advice? I'm going for a formal job interview tomorrow for a post that I've been discussing with a potential new employer. I've passed an exam to become a permanent EU civil servant, so this would be my first post. I currently work on short-term contracts. I haven't mentioned either losing Thomas, or my current pregnancy to the new employers. But, basically if my interview goes OK tomorrow they'd probably be offering me a new job to start within the next 4-8 weeks (depending on how slow everything moves). I'm not sure what to tell them about my pregnancy, if anything, and when I should tell them. Legally, I'll be covered for maternity leave and would be taking only a little longer than the basic allowance. Obviously I'm a bit scared of telling them now before I've got past the 12 week stage, but I also don't want to screw them over before I've even started. What do you think I should do? This is starting to give me sleepless nights....

spilt thank you so much for your lovely words about E, and for looking at her photos. That particular photo we put on the front of the little booklet we printed up for her funeral - it means a lot to us.
Your Freya is absolutely gorgeous too. I can quite understand what you say about this year seeming so raw... you want both of your gorgeous girls, of course you do. Perhaps you could remind a few of your friends about Bobbie's anniversary dates via email or text? I know I find that easier than trying to find the words on the phone or in person (when I am usually just trying not to cry...). And do tell them you need some support. If there's one thing I have realised recently: people DON'T KNOW what to do to help, we have to tell them. xx

green thank you too, so much... She was a little beauty, wasn't she?

babyh lots of love to you xxx

amy I don't know that I have any particularly helpful thoughts... but I will try. As you say, you're not obliged to tell them yet. Also, you are NOT screwing them over by being pregnant. I understand why you're worried about this but I hope that you can try to put it out of your mind. This is how the world works: ladies have babies... they also have jobs...
BUT, to me, the most important thing is that you are starting to feel stressed about it - if you're having sleepless nights, obviously you need to do something about it. I'm not sure whether you should bring it up at the interview; others may have a better idea about this than me. We all know that these things shouldn't affect whether or not you're offered a job, but it might lead to some awkwardness for you... My thoughts, then, are that one solution is to wait and see what happens after the interview - and then perhaps tell them after you've been offered the job, in order to get it off your chest then, and hopefully be able to relax a little. Other, wiser folk may be along shortly to give better advice...

amy when we still lived in Belgium, I went for a job interview as well, whilst being pregnant, I didn't tell them about it, as at that moment it wasn't their business. One person who interviewed me did know via Facebook, but it didn't influence them. I got the job and started with them after my maternity leave :)

On another job interview I was in the last 2 and they gave the job to the highly pregnant lady who was on her 3rd child and she started after her maternity leave and they gave me the job to cover her in the time in between, I then went on to tell them I was pregnant too! When they interviewed me I wasn't 12 weeks either and didn't say anything. So don't worry about it! If you are the right person for the job they will take you on! :)

amy you being stressed about this is not good, so in light of that, I would tell them at the interview. Then everything is out in the open, if they are a good employer it shouldn't matter but if it does matter to them, then maybe they don't deserve you as an employee.
As blue and poppet says you don't have to tell your employee untill you get your certificate but if keeping it to yourslef is stressing you out then be open and tell them.

Amy I would definitely tell them - you will feel much better with it all out in the open and you don't need the added stress of keeping it from them, getting the job and then a potentially bad atmosphere once they find out. Similar happened to me - I went for an internal promotion in to a different role - found out I was pregnant with Erin about a week after interview. Was offered the job about 3 weeks later but I told them I was pregnant and turned it down. They came back and said they were happy to take me anyway so I could go in to the new role with a totally clear conscience knowing they'd taken me on with all the facts. I don't think they bargained on me having 2 lots of maternity leave so close together though

How did it go yesterday Mecha?

Oh split wish I could give you a big hug. Our rainbow babies really do bring in to sharp focus what we lost and missed out on don't they. We're all here xx

Sorry you're having a rough time babyh it is hard imagining what they would have been like. Erin probably would have been toddling around now which I find hard to believe

Not long until hols angel yay! We're off to center parcs again in December - can't wait but also don't want it to come as will mean I'll only have 2 months mat leave left!!

Lazy day for Miss Holly and I today - lots of sofa snuggles. Getting her weighed later - despite her slightly rocky start feeding wise she is now a total boob monster - she was last weighed 10 days ago at 7lbs 1ozs so she may well have tipped 8lbs now at 5wks old K was 8lb 10ozs born and over 12lbs by 5wks so she still seems so dinky!!

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm in a bit of a corner really. I can't turn down the job if I'm offered it really (long story, but as I've passed this competitive exam thing, I basically have to take a post if I'm offered it). Timing wise, I think it would work out OK, as the job involves a lot of project management and the projects would probably fit around any potential maternity leave. I guesss I just feel scared about jinxing the pregnancy by telling them before I've got to 12/13 weeks. I'm not worried about them not offering me the job really - they're the EU institutions, so kind of have to respect the rules that the EU makes to protect women.... Still, I'm just a bit worried that they'll think I've tricked them a bit (not like me at all). DH thinks I should just wait till I have the contract offer (should be in the next couple of weeks) then tell them before I sign. Does that sound reasonable?

amy that sounds very resonable.

Hello all, haven't caught up properly.

Appointment went okay, I suppose, but I still came home and cried all afternoon. Chances are I either had an incompetant cervix or placental abruption. We will probably never know, as I had symptoms of both but nothing conclusive. I was prepared for this, I knew I was unlikely to get an answer, but I am surprised how upset I was.

The consultant did say there was no reason not to try again, and I would be really closely monitored next time round, with specific cervix scans and a stitch if needed. They would also offer me progesterone pessaries and hospitalisation for total rest if needed. Hearing her talk about 'aiming for 28 weeks" and further investigations after losing two or more babies was just chilling. They also tried to do some more blood tests, apparently I fell through the gaps since I wasn't properly recorded as a preterm birth as Dexter was born alive. They didn't manage to get anywhere, since I have awful veins. So I will have to go back in to give vials and vials of blood at some point so they can check for antibodies, NK cells and clotting disorders.

Still all over the place today.

Oh mecha, I'm so sorry they didn't give you any conclusive answers. Sending huge (((hugs))) and cyber-cake xx I'm not surprised that you are all over the place at all, it's so hard.

baby, so sorry you are having a hard time at the moment - we all go through it, and can only take one hour, one day at a time.

Amy, that sounds very reasonable, and good luck with your interview.

Angel - enjoy your hols, a break away from home can be so helpful - I hope that you & Ant are able to chill and just enjoy being together.

blizy have you had any joy getting an appointment with your rubbish GP?

[waves] to everyone else.

We are off to the cinema tonight - will be nice to do something a bit different, although I may well fall asleep before the film starts!!

Hello again,

Found out a few weeks ago I am pg (almost 9wks now). Contacted all relevant bods asap, as this is my 5th preg (2mcs, 1dc died, 1 dc v.much alive). There is a 1 in 4 chance of the illness that killed our DS affecting this baby. As we're not having CVS, no scan until 14wks. Hosp don't seem happy to refer to specialist hosp unless there is 'proof' baby is affected (so consid invasive genetic testing). Feeling v.stressed, v.tired & v.irritable. Tempted to just hide for the next 30wks (if I don't miscarry). Scared & want to sit down & howl (but can't as DD next to me).

amy when I was pg with DD I applied for a new job partway through. I waited until I had been offered the job and then told them I was pg. They were absolutely fine with that & lovely throughout.

Mech Sorry you dont feel any better after your appt.... Don t worry about the blood tests we had all those under the genetic counsellors after the MCs they were fine... Xxx
Amy I would do whatever you feel is the best option for u... Will you be less stressed if you tell them? You ll decide xxxc
Hi all ; another day , another dollar done!!!
Wtw enjoy your mat leave my flew by don t even remember it now!!!! Cuddles to miss Holly xxxx

Hi Karen, Im sorry I don't think we've met, I think I must have missed your posts. I'm sorry you are having such a scarey time. I'm not surprised you are worried, they should be more considerate of how you are feeling. Would they not scan if you explained it was making you worry?

Well, i have some news you lot, I got a BFP on Sat. I guess I didn't want to post with so much going on for everyone, but I really need to tell you all. I thought I was out this month, but I know I ovd very late, so I guess it took its time to show up. My eBay cheapies have been getting a little darker each day. The digi test says 1-2 weeks. But I don't think I believe any of it yet! This is the first time I have been pregnant and thought 'I'm pregnant' rather than 'I'm having a baby'. I guess that's because it's actually pregnancy no 6!
I dont feel pregnant either, no sore boobs, which is always a give away, but it's not so long since they were stretched out with milk for Merryn, so maybe they won't hurt this time? (i wish they would iyswim) They are a little bigger. I don't think I want to let myself believe it.

ELLY, I'm so aware as I write this you are waiting for your next scan, and having a rough time. I hope I've not upset you, I just needed you all so much, I feel a bit like I'm falling down a hole. Please tell me or Pm me if you want me to just be quiet, I would get it completely.

Don't be daft green, that's great news - congratulations! We are all here to help support, and I will offer you as much support as I can - it's bloody scary though isn't it! I also haven't had sore boobs this time, but I have got the overwhelming tiredness (in fact I've just come straight up to bed after work!) and constant need to pee, so taking those as positives.
Take care xx

Thanks Elly.

Oh Green Im so happy for you, thats brilliant news. You will not upset any of us, we are all here to support each other in ttc, carrying our rainbows and then the life after their birth.

Hi karen, congratulations on your BFP, and I'm so sorry about your ds. Have you got an EPU nearby that you could ask your GP or consultant to refer you to for an earlier scan? It's bound to make you worried - it is very scary going through subsequent pg after a loss.

Oh green this is just brilliant brilliant news I know it's scary but we will be here all the way. Honestly doesn't seem like 10 months has passed since I posted on here with my bfp!

Holly now weighs in at 8lbs 4ozs! She has put on 1.5lbs in 10 days bless her

wtw brilliant newsm well done Holly!