A concerned other half needs advice

[paolocee]

My girlfriend, just turned 39, been TTC (see, I know some of the lingo) for 5 years.

Had one unsuccessful IVF cycle.

Yesterday she had a positive ClearBlue Conception Indicator at around 5pm. It was the day her period was due. It said conception had been 1-2 weeks ago which would have been spot on. She'd been suffering from bad cramps for the past few days. Very grumpy too (no change there, then ;)). Had odd food cravings. Higher than average temperature. Experienced apparent implantation cramps and a little spotting a week ago. All looked good. We were very excited. Very.

Then she retested again last night at 8pm. A BFN. Not to worry we thought, she'd drunk a gallon of water - the HCG must've been diluted.

We'll leave it until morning and a FMU (is that right? I may be straying from my comfort zone now). Another BFN. Utter gloom. Total and utter gloom.

She's on the sofa now watching a week's worth of Corrie. She still hasn't come on, although, as she's felt for the last few days she feels like she's about to.

My guess is that it was a chemical pregnancy. But is there still hope? Any words of wisdom much appreciated. I feel so helpless.

Scarredbutnotbroken
I am a big fan of the random strangers. We both are. I must admit, it's a rather rum turn of events that finds me on a Mumsnet messageboard. Didn't see THAT coming.

No AF yet, unfortunately.

Really really sorry to thread hijack a bit but CockDodger when you had your early loss did you need to go to your GP or have anything done? I'm pretty certain I had an early mc start this morning (AF 7 days late, CB digital +ve yesterday morning) and I don't know whether or not I need to get anything done because it's so early. I started another thread to ask but no one has answered yet.

paolocee I'm very sorry for you both and really really hope this turns out well. You seem like a lovely person and your support for your GF will be invaluable to her, whatever the outcome.

No worries, PandaWatch, hijack away. Sorry to hear about your mc.

Panda

On a chem pg this early, sadly there is nothing they can do. You just let it come out like a normal AF. Up to 70% of early pregnancies apparently land up being chem pgs but no one actually knows about it. So it comes out with what we think is the next AF.

Thanks Kick. I thought so but then made the mistake of googling and read all sorts about risks of infection etc. But I think (TMI alert!) that everything that was in there has come out now anyway.

And thanks paolocee too. I have all my fingers crossed for you!

Kick

You sure do love your stats, girl!

I read a LOT. And I'm an analyst. So I typically take a shit load of information and decide what is important and what is absolute rubbish and then tell people what to do.

That doesn't work QUITE as well on MN but at least I get paid to do it in real life

A-ha. That figures (forgive the pun). Seen you, er, discussing matters on the TTC Myth thread. Steered well clear. Some people, unfortunately, will never accept logic and rationale. TBF, though, I jettisoned most of my rational traits during the last 5 days....That's what ttc does to you.

Sorry to hear she's having a difficult time today. It's great that you're so supportive. Do you have plans for another go at IVF?

HA yeh. Proud moments.

I think its hard for some people to remember the torment of "symptoms" so I do tend to roll my eyes a bit since I have had symptoms every month as well.

Excluding the last couple months obviously... :)

MainlyMaynie

I don't know why one wouldn't be supportive. Doesn't compute.

We'll have one more crack at it the natural way next month and we're scheduled for our second crack at IVF in September. Was supposed to be in June but when they thawed our two embryos unfortunately they'd both expired.

Are you doing all the old wives tales?

The ones I have a bit of faith in are:

• Do the funky monkey every other day from the day her AF buggers off to the day her AF should arrive.
• She should lie down with her legs elevated for at least 20 mins after each session while you cook dinner or feed her chopped pineapples while reading to her
• Take Evening Primose Oil up until ovulation (if it can be detected) as it increases the cervical fluid (bleurgh) which protects your swimmers. OR just like...increase foreplay

I am sure you do all that but those are the ones I really do believe work according to medical advice and stuff.

Not heard of the Primrose Oil thingamajig. Anything that saves me extra work is to be welcomed.

I did take it and (too much laydee info) but my long suffering husband said he noticed a difference. And what that means is that it helps carry the sperm up into the fallopian tubes. The drier the tubes, the more chance the sperm dies.

So, remembering that sperm lives for 3 - 5 days (err on 3 days - I do), if you humpalot AND make sure that there is constant sperm in the right place ALL THE TIME then there is a greater chance.

But its not good to keep taking after ovulation so if she doesn't typically know when she ovulates, then perhaps something like preseed or conceive plus is better. Same thing really, just cheaper and I worry about anything that could potentially weaken the sperm and play around with the delicate balance.

Sorry to hear your DP is struggling OP. I think waiting for the bleeding to start when you suspect it's over is really the worst bit.

panda it's fine just to deal with it at home. If you don't usually get period pain you may be surprised by the cramps - worth having a hot water bottle and some decent painkillers to hand (I recommend cocodamol for those cramps). The bleeding may be markedly heavier than a period but also it might not be. I had two early losses and one was definitely heavier/more painful than a period but the other wasn't really even though it was a bit further on. The bleeding can be quite quick/intense though. Both times there was one day when I really needed to be at home to manage it, then after that I was fine to be at work etc. I found both times that from an emotional perspective I needed that one day on the sofa/taking it gently, but benefited from getting back into the swing of things after that. Fine to take longer if you need it though, of course.

Yeh the pain was intense. My bits felt numb they were that sore. I would recommend taking pain killers early on to try mitigate the pain. It was blimming sore to be honest

Have you read through Taking charge of your Fertility by Toni Weschler?

there is a whole website around the book and also (I think) a better one called Fertility friend, have a look, it has free charts for temping and loads of courses and info to maximise your chance of natural conception.

Mind you I apparently conceived during my last period according to scan dates so not sure if my charting efforts paid off!

Good luck btw x

Thanks, yes, she's just ordered the book from Amazon.

Emilie my post-scan date is definitely wrong as it would have be conceiving when I was away at a conference (without DP)! I think the baby is just big. I have charted for years and years and am sure of when I ovulated.

obsessively googling duofertility now

paolocee - so sorry this didn't go the way you were hoping. It is a fucking shite journey TTC isn't it? Am thinking of you both today.

I'm also a Taking Charge of Your Fertility fan, it's definitely worth reading!

Maples and ILoveBerries - cut it out. Your names are making me hungry.

MainlyMaynie - I've read some dodgy feedback about your pal, Angus. Can you offer a defence?

iloveberries

I think fucking shite sums it up. Two dead embies in June and a chemical pregnancy in July. Marvellous stuff.

Dead FROZEN embies I meant to write.