TTC for 10+ months, part 8

[eurochick]

A friendly, supportive thread for those taking a blooming long time to conceive!

So CD10 on Saturday, I guess it's that's week again. Hopefully MrTeu will oblige did write up for it but thought that was too awful a pun.
Gu puddings have just recently made it into the supermarkets here I'm exceedingly pleased, but wondering whether equivalent GBP4 for a pair of chocolate souffles means we are being fleeced and resisting so far. The resistance is waning.
Nelly at Seychelles. Glad you got that bit sorted. Married MrTeu 18months ago, still waiting for the honeymoon and the engagement ring
Waves to everyone.

joy we x-posted.
I'm sorry that you are having a miserable time. Your BIL sounds a bit much to take and I don't envy you making that visit. Can you make it as short as possible?
You aren't a failure a BTW.
I don't know about you, but I think the fact that we are over half way through another year, the year I was sure to get a babybee, that is especially depressing.
Chin up joy. You'll get there and then they will be envious of you having all the lovely new baby times while they are at the talking back, bratty phase.

Been back to docs and its more tests before next weds. More bloods more urine sigh I even brought up the possibilty of this causing the TTC issues but she didn't respond to that.
Still waiting on AF which is due tomorrow. Only small amounts of pmt so far so looking good. And things are great with OH. I feel so much better for stopping charting and clomid, hopefully no more mentalling. Well not quite as much, a tiny part of me wants to POAS to just check lol when I only need to wait a day

thanks all, onwards and upwards and preferably outwards (at least in the belly area)

joyce I can really feel your pain through your post. It's so hard and so unfair.

poutintrout I just googled peas as contraceptive and rhubarb came up too and you know you must believe everything you read on the internets. I'll google some more and see if there's any science to back it up

princess boo to BFN

euro boo to sludgegate too - would shower sex be a more attractive option?

teuchter I first found the Gü puddings in France a few years ago and thought I'd died and gone to heaven, now you can get them here regularly too and they're pretty expensive for what they are but you do get a perfect little ramekin weeing intoserving small pudding portions (for those who can't restrain ourselves.

that was supposed to say
but you do get a perfect little ramekin for weeing into serving small pudding portions (for those who can't restrain ourselves).

I don't wee into small puddings.

joycep I'm sorry you are feeling so rotten just now. They certainly sound rather blinkered. I guess some people just don't realise what they are saying. I sympathise, all my friends have completed their families, we're still struggling for one. Sometimes they miss the point of how dreadful one can feel. for strength and a deep breath.
carrie You're really going through it just now. Hope the docs get it together soon.
MissMedusa restraint is the problem. I seem to have a shocking lack of it when it comes to puddings.

Afternoon all, I've had my progesterone test back - apparently it's "normal" according to the receptionist. But, it was only 30.1. From a quick google this would suggest ovulation but is still on the low side. I feel a bit about this. I was hoping for the magical 40. Still I suspect that this number would have been even lower a few months ago. I have to wait another 2 weeks for the other tests (anticariolipin ab / lupus anticoagulant) to come back.

What do the other tests mean princess?
Well I am officially stupid. Come home checked and no AF so POAS and BFN. I had sat waiting on the loo (tmi) for test to bake and when I stood up guess what AF. Stupid stupid stupid. No pain except the bloody heartache. Couldn't help it just had a quick cry before OH gets here

Oh how horrible, carrie. I hope the cry has helped a bit.

Princess you beat me by .1, so don't knock it!

hey carrie I'm sorry about the bfn, ongoing rubbish tests and the arrival of ERTD. I hope that you are ok. The other tests are to do with the way my blood clots and these specific tests (TBH I don't understand it all fully) are for two disorders linked to recurrent miscarriage.

euro you raised a wry smile from an other narked princess.

Well, I found myself shouting at DH down the veg aise (arguement about him moping over work and not sorting anything out for this wedding tomorrow) one thing that came out loud and clear was, "well you're not helping me to relax and it's not like I'm having a nice time of it what with all my fertility problems" It stopped a few trolleys and pricked more than a few ears . Luckily we were back to being civil by the meat aisle....

If you think that was bad, princess have a look at the thread about mortifying things kids come out with in Chat. We all have a lot worse to look forward to when we get the ending we want to our fertility journey marathon.

Oh Euro it wasn't meant in that way at all. Sorry if it came out wrong I'm not doing very well with my self expression today. I' being a bit of dick because I'm pissed off that I dont know if the result is ok and don't get to see the consultant for another 2 months. Is 30 ok? I'm not sure if I trust the receptionists interpretation of the data. Must snap out and realise that the world does not rotate around me and my problems alone. I feel horrible. Sorry.
I have no doubt that I will be mortified on a daily hourly basis if I'm ever blessed with babies . If I'm still throwing tantrums and slinging insults at 30, I expect all hell to break loose when the mini princesses turn up and learn to speak.

medusa omg, that must have been frightening when it happened, I had a patient who fell and broke her hip while in Zimbabwe, they couldn't operate for a few days as there were no lifts working. As someone who works in rehab it really is important that he goes to physiotherapy and does the exercises.

purple I find temping a pain but I found it useful to know what was happening after ov, the first time I got updiffed it just stayed the same temp no dip or anything, I wasn't really paying much attention at the time so didn't realise that my temp was telling I was pregnant, I know I dip around CD25 so I know ERTD is on its way.

princess it was Chandler who did it as Joey got stage fright its still very early to tell, I had late implantations with both mine and never got a bfp before 14dpo. The blood clotting can be related to miscarriages, Mr Shehata tests your nk cells and does lots of blood clotting tests too. Hope you and Mr P have made up by the time you get to the till

eurosorry sludgegate is continuing, can I ask what your plans are now, will you try natural ivf or iui again

artemis it can be difficult to organise a shag with Mr B with his job too

joycep super big hugs, and you are not a failure, the gig is not up :) I feel like a social recluse, Mr B is dragging me out to a party tomorrow night

lemons good luck with lap on Monday

pout according to Mr Shehata eggs can over cook, it needs to be at least 18mm to pop, anything over 25mm is a dud.

teu oooh you could go to one of the islands Fiji or Vanuatu for your honeymoon, not Australia as that is just next door, my mother never considered going to Australia as an overseas trip and GU's are about £3.59 here

carrie sorry about the BFN and AF starting, big hugs to you too

well my ovaries are Greek, the left is on strike and the right is not working to capacity, my follie has only grown 2mm in 4 days wtf, so he has given me some more Gonal F and at a higher dose and reckons I won't ovulate until next Tues/Wed i'm on CD14 now, my lining has thinned abit since Mondays scan , he's going to give me something to take next month, so I should get a couple of shags in.
I then came home to find my little pohutakawa on the balcony has 2 flowers on it, very pleased with myself as I have grown it from a 8 cm cutting,

right off to sort out dinner, waves to everyone else

Joyce - sorry for how you are feeling just now. Sometimes I feel like regardless of my best efforts and studies and interventions.... it just doesn't ever seem to happen. What will ever help it to happen? I really sympathise. Big hugs.

Miss M - gosh that's one hell of a story. You two deserve some luck!

Pout - sorry for all your follie confusion. Hope things become clearer. It's good the follie has burst and is now dancing its way down your tubes - go catch it!

Princess - ooooo, really hope this is your month. Did you have metalic mouth with your other pregnancies? About your progesterone test - I think mine was about 30 too. Try not to worry too much - a low normal result is no less competant than a high level. Your body can do the job and it's getting stronger all the time.

Teaut - good luck for 'that week'.

So sorry for the AF Carrie - how mean of it to turn up and dash your hopes so cruely. Hope you are feeling a bit better. x

Well, nothing much here at the moment. Still got a bit of UTI - I'll survivie. I have a dark fear that its' not a UTI, that it's actually PID and that my tubes are being attacked once again. It's in our nature to think the worst after what we have been through I guess.

Aretemis - how annoying about the shag week let down. Hope next month is a bit better.

so a little while ago I was putting some stuff under the bed in my ikea zipped storage thing when Mr B gets out the shower and looks he then goes I thought the zip noise meant you were putting on your knee high boots to surprise me, needless to say I obliged and Mr B is back in full working order, and nelly we even did it on top of the covers, although I now have a stain on it

Oh no I've l can't keep up again!! I tend to read in small batches, laugh, cry, wince or empathise, but I don't have time to respond. So now I've lost track again. But I'll try:

buzzy at the knee-high-boots-on-top-of-covers-shagging. You go girl!

teu SP islands were on our honeymoon list, but getting there was a bit of a 'mare and mega expensive. You can have your honeymoon there and we can swap notes

I am so sorry you are feeling down joy. I don't know what to say to make you feel better. This is just shit, no denying. You aren't a failure. You, and all of us, are strong, amazing, funny, lovely, gorgeous people. We're all going to make fantastic mums - we will. We'll get there. . Hugs to you.

Gawd it's taken me about 3 distracted hours to get those few short sentences down so I'll give up. Except - funny/alarming story. Mr N was out last night, expecting to be home at about midnight. He wasn't. Or at 1am. I fell asleep. Woke up at 5am to find the bed empty. And the lights on. Spare room empty, sofas empty. No drunken wino on the doorstep. No phone messages. Tossed and turned until he finally phoned on his way home at 7am . Apparently he hadn't been able to get a taxi so had slept in his office . Lots and lots of worst case scenarios went through my head, many involving hospitals, some even worse. Anyway he worked at home today, and when I got back realised he'd put a load of washing on, including the shirt he wore last night, so I got a bit paranoid and asked if there was any reason he'd felt the need to wash his clothes from last night so urgently. (I'd blame too many episodes of Eastenders, except I never watch soaps!) His probably reasonable answer was that he'd slept in his clothes on the floor of his office and therefore they were manky. But I had a moment of self-doubt and told him I was worried he was going to leave me for a younger prettier more fertile version. I don't really believe this, and I don't really think he'd cheat on me - he's never given me a moments concern in this respect in 12 years, and I can't imagine he's about to start now. He's been looking a bit worried about me tonight (also today is a year since I had to have one of my hobbles put down, so I'm a bit raw anyway) so he is being extra lovely (clue in itself? MN verdict - LEAVE THE BASTARD ). But it just goes to show how TTC can bring up the weirdest insecurities; even when rationally they make no sense at all.

I will try try try to keep up tomorrow, promise! Especially as it'll be raining, and I'll be sulking. And maybe hiding from the tennis . C'mon ANDY !!!!

(I realise the tennis is on Sunday. I'm assuming it'll rain all weekend though ).

Oh thanks ladies, just been in some kind of hormonal dip since ertd started 5 days ago. I know we all go through this and it does suck.
pout - good idea about pushing for more monitoring next month. The details you give the gynae should raise a flag anyway I.e his predictions were way out. My package hasn't arrived yet. The post isn't quick to Greece but I am expecting it to arrive on Monday. This is no doubt a wild goose chase but I might as well try it first. I know what you mean pout about being half way through the year. Months have become years far too quickly now and it's probably best not to think about it too much.

princess - so I was told 30 was fine by nhs standards but as you say they ideally should be above 40. You can still get pregnant with this and don't forget levels do go up if a pregnancy takes over. But if this is your month or when you next get a bfp I think you should get your progesterone levels tested asap because your pregnancy may need supporting with progesterone. My old gynae would do that and she would supply suppositories if levels were below 40. Just a thought.

nelly - I totally sympathise with TTC making you paranoid. It messes around with every other emotion so it is bound to play on these dreaded fears even though we deep down know our men are not going to make a beeline for the young office runner. at Andy being Scottish and not British. Subo is too!!! Anyway totally backing him of course, cannot wait for the match.

sarlat - I am glad uti is dying down. It is so easy to worry about everything isn't it. The AbS will keep the uti away.

Buzzy - haha at your knee high boots ikea bag mix up. Priceless. I am glad shehata is keeping a close eye on your ovaries. And you are going to a party??? What is that ?

Waves to Teu, miss medusa, carrie, wine , Mrsd and everybody.

princess at your supermarket argument. Glad I'm not the only one that still has tantrums
buzzy funny, I don't really consider Aus an overseas destination either. I loved Vanuatu and would gladly go back, MrTeu wants to go to New Caledonia. Big that your pohutakawa has flowers, they are so beautiful.
nelly anything out this end is bloody long way from anywhere and the price tags make you wince. I'm sure MrN is all above board. Sorry about the hobble anniversary.
MrTeu claims he has a sore back so is being plied with ibuprofen and deep heat. The timing as ever is perfect, I'm sure it isn't deliberate

princess be happy about the normal result, normal is good enough and there are enough things to worry about with TTC without worrying if normal is normal enough. Congratulations on the normal result :) Also good choice on vegetable isle for heated TTC discussions. Might I suggest public transportation for the next one? That way people have no choice but to listen, endless hilarity to be found watching people averting eyes and pretending not to listen. Not to mention the lovely shade of pink the DH turns.

carrie boo to AF being so tricksy, I say she owes you a pregnancy test! I guess there's no way to stop it from sucking month after month, AF and tears seem to be intrinsically linked during TTC :(

buzzy chuckles at the ikea bag/knee high boot pavlovian response from Mrbuzz, I'm glad you didn't disappoint the poor man after training him so well. That gives me no end of ideas of things to try with MrM . . .

Nelly That's not nice he made you worry like that, he could have sent a text. Hopefully he's very apologetic and being extra nice to you now. Agreed that TTC can make us think crazy things though.

teuchter take it from an expert on the matter, DTD with a sore back is NOT FUN. The options range from awful to less awful. Hope Mrteu recovers soon.

WARNING: MissMedusa is about to say something nice about MrMedusa - as overambitous shagweek continues we both had a very long day yesterday, work, after work seminar and then a party last night. MrM rode his bike (don't get me started) so left the party early to avoid the rain. I left later and had already written off DTD due to being exhausted and I couldn't imagine DH would be up for it either so thought we'd just let it slide and make up for it the next day. Imagine my surprise when I get home, walk into the bedroom to see Mr.Medusa beckoning me, wearing nothing but a smile. Way to get into the spirit of shagweek MrM!

No need to apologise, Princess. I was just bantering. 30 is supposed to confirm ovulation. My acu lady said she would have liked to see it higher though. Mine was done at 6dpo (due to a long weekend), so maybe it would have been a touch higher the next day. It's the only prog test I have had. Every dr I have seen seemed happy enough with it not to repeat it, so I am sure your 30.1 is just fine. It means the egg is out there and so can potentially get it on with the sperm, which is what matters!

joycep I always have a hormonal dip around the time ERTD arrives. It is then that I find being around babies or preggos tough.

MM, yay for Mr MM!

Buzzy sorry to hear about your Greek ovaries but it's good news about your plant. Everything chez euro is blooming nicely. We usually manage to kill plants by forgetting to water them but that hasn't been a problem this year! I'm glad you and Mr B "filled your boots"

We haven't actually talked about it much since we discussed a tentative plan B when we talking about alternative to continuing with the drugs of evilness IVF. That plan B was to take the summer "off" save for getting more immunology tests done with Gorgy. Then in the autumn probably try our third IUI (we bought a package of 3 and had 2 before the cancelled IVF). And then when we feel ready give natural or mild IVF ago.

I guess that has become "the plan" as I am not temping or using ov sticks or anything (although at times that takes a bit of will power as I am wondering what the hell the drugs have done to my cycle; I can find lots on the interweb about what happens after a cancelled IVF cycle that stops during the stimming stage but not a single mention of what happens if you stop during downregging). And we have an appointment with Gorgy in a couple of weeks. I am working abroad for 3 weeks in the late summer, so I figure that we will start trying again after that. By that time we should have our results from Gorgy plus have had a bit of time to get our head around those results and any treatment required.

In other news, I think sludgegate might be nearing an end. I have braved leaving the house without sanitary protection for the first time since Sunday almost a fortnight ago (I started bleeding on Monday 25th June). I feel so free. I might need to go rollerskating in white jeans in a minute like those women in the tampax ad. If it every bloody stops raining. I am in the office today. If that were not bad enough, I got drenched not once but twice on the way here.

Just made the mistake of looking through people's "happy" photos on facebook. You know the ones where they are all on sunny 'days out' in the park with cute babies and toddlers and grinning form ear to ear. Usually these are the picnic group days out - likely from NCT groups where they all 'stay in touch' and meet up to discuss baby's development. Or the photos where they are going on the first family holiday - all smiles and fun times. Sweet photos of baby sat in baby pod thing near beautiful stone fireplace in gorgous old cottage. Or dad holding baby and pretending said baby is drinking the beer. And not forgetting the first Christmas snaps - cue cute babies in sweet babygroes smiling, usually a bundle of wrapping paper in fist and faces covered in chocolate coin smear.

Gosh - I sound like a bitter old cow! . I am genuinley happy for those people. And yes I realise that no none's lives are perfect and they will too have some ongong saga in their lives. But that lovely contentness is what I crave the most.

There is something so simple, so innocent and so normal about what they have. And I just can't get there. Those families are happy and they know they are blessed. But I doubt they know the real value of what they have and how truely truely awesome it is. I don't expect my life to be a one long giggle, but as the years drag on, I'm really struggling. It's what I think about every day when I first open my eyes. Sure, I have learnt coping techniques and ways to distract myself but I have never come to terms with my situation.

I know there is hope. There IS hope for us all. But some days are just damn hard!

Sorry - been crying loads this morning. I'll be ok. Just want to release. Thanks for listening. xx

I am reading and keeping up just about but planned to sit at some point this weekend and do a proper catch up. I have has massive paranoia about being recognised on here of late as I now know of three friends using mn, one of whom is trying. But just saw your post sarlet and wanted to send you some love. You sum up the ongoing exhaustion of the slog so well. I think Facebook can be a real kick sometimes. But they are just snapshots and don't capture the row that just happened, the nct cliques, the poo filled nappy etc. But contentedness, I'd settle for some of that please. So much of my life is lovely but it doesn't stop the longing for the icing on the cake. You are doing amazingly well and even on a bad day like today you sound balanced and pragmatic. So be proud of yourself. Our times will come!

I'm off to plant up my lavender pots whilst we actually have sun proper post to follow...

Afternoon. Not long out of my bed although we hardly ever have a lie-in, and we did have some sex .

Sar I am sorry you are so down. This thread is so cathartic, as you say sometimes you just want to get it all out. The other day I had lunch with my friend at work who knows about the TTC woes. She is pregnant with DC2 and knows of at least 2 other friends who are also going/been through IVF so was very understanding. She said she was feeling guilty about getting Pg so easily, which I tried to reassure her on. But she did try and say something about it not all being a bundle of laughs, life changes so much etc. I gently stopped her (she's a very good friend) and told her that didn't help; that nobody in my position wants to be told "you don't know how lucky you have it" and asked her not to say it to me or anyone else in the same boat. Luckily she took it the way it was intended, and I was still very grateful for the fact that she acknowledged the pain. Not everyone is so empathetic.

I think your "plan" sounds good euro. Enjoy the sff, god knows this stuff is hard on the relationship. On the miles/up the front of plane chat, other than one very lucky upgrade from WT+ to CW (flight from Hong Kong six years ago, yessss!) I am strictly down the back. But we have a BA Amex so clock up the miles on that, and then use the companion voucher to book. Booking in F or CW is the best value as you have to pay the taxes on whatever you book, hence we have been saving them up. I am most excited about being at the pointy end. Anyway if you fancy a referral for the card let me know as we'd both get a miles bonus

missM sorry I didn't acknowledge the terrible tale of your honeymoon. Your poor OH. If it's any re-assurance at all, my Dad had a skiing Downhill accident in the late 60s (he was on the British Team and was in a race) and broke his back. Was initially paralysed but recovered fully, has skied ever since and has a very physical job. And that was with the barbaric basic treatment in Austria from 50 years ago, so I am sure with modern treatment and physio, all will be well for him. I second whoever mentioned his physio though.

Oh bloody hell to the shag week fails. Sometimes these men need artemis patented poking in the eye some reminders. I did wail at Mr N last night I want a babyeeeeee but luckily it was after some good shagging, not before. I don't find thinking of sperm marathons helpful when trying to get in the mood.

princess that's a pass :). But maybe joy's suggestion of progesterone support might be a useful add on?

carrie bloody hell to AF/POAS disaster. FFS. nature is a witch.

Right, having faffed around all morning, I really should go and achieve something. And yep, it's pissing down. Still. Where oh where is the water all coming from, it has rained for WEEKS here. . Oh ages ago someone mentioned light boxes. I often wonder about SAD, but I think for me it's a combination of a) having lived in the Caribbean so know what the other kind of weather is like and b) the fact that with the hobbles I have to deal with mud and dirt and such like all the time too. We normally try for a winter holiday to counteract some of it, so I am glad our honeymoon is in December/January. Summer is supposed to give me a rest from it all, which is why it's getting to me so much. Sigh.

Love to everyone else teu mrsd wine lemon gin pout buzzy care purple and everyone else I've missed.