TTC for 10+ months, part 8

[eurochick]

A friendly, supportive thread for those taking a blooming long time to conceive!

Just to let you know I have battle scars from my first injection. Not I hasten to add on the injection site, but you have to break a tiny thing of water to mix it and I cracked the thing in my hand - oops. So I have an injured thumb.

In case you are wondering, I checked m-enopur is about 20quid a vial, but you can get it cheaper. I got this lot for free (and it would not surprise me if the prescription is enough for another round of stimming).

Except for that I hope you all have good days and excellent weekends. DH suggested a weekend away by the sea last night and we seem to have found a nice place for not too many pennies. YAY!

princess that was such a lovely post, thank you . Snap, my period arrived a few weeks after my 13th birthday. I think that's pretty average but I had a summer birthday so all my friends already had theirs and I remember thinking there must be something wrong with me. I've been a worrier all my life, this ttc business has just raised it up a level!

How was the first injection lemons, where did you inject?

missm I hope the tamoxfen does the trick. I'd never heard of that as a treatment before. I guess it wouldn't make enough of a difference to my dh because his levels are so low. I am curious to know whether all the vitamins have made a difference, the last sample he did was over a year ago. I've been sending him off to work with a bagful of brazil nuts this last week.

sarlat you're so right about the keeping going. We will all get there but it needs us to keep faith. pout I think Faith would be a gorgeous name, and very fitting.

Are you all in the Olympic spirit? I feel a bit detached from it all here but facebook friends are full of it. I will make an effort to watch the opening ceremony later. Do any of you have tickets for any of the events?

I love the name Faith, except it has quite strong religious connotations, which I have issues with. So that is difficult one. How about Destiny ?

Mrsd I get the choice between injecting in my belly and my (rather huge) tighs. I have opted for the latter so far. I find injecting my belly one step to far (it still has mini-scars, which have healed very nicely incidentally). But I did mess up, because the needles are much longer than for ovidrelle (which I used as a trigger before) so I wacked the whole thing in, which was too far and I draw a little blood. But all was over in 10 seconds. And I shall do better this evening. We're off for the weekend, and it will be odd to pack needles and vials and everything...

I am not remotely olympic spirit yet either, Mrsd. I have just failed to get into anything sports wise, whereas normally I follow Wimbledon, the tour and any big tournament. And despite Wiggy's excellence, I have not watched a single stage of the tour this year...

euro I don't think the "never give up" comment means you have to use any available means to conceive, only you know what you're comfortable doing. I think it just means never giving up hope. Don't write yourself off and keep trying in whatever way you feel is right for you.

princess glad you had such a nice break! Hope it was a success. I failed my first driving test too. I got the license on the next go but still can't drive and now, at 33, I've built it up so much that it really scares me. It's not such a big thing in the city I live as public transportation is really good and driving is more a pain than a pleasure but DH has been pressuring me to start driving before we have a baby. I see the sense in it but it still scares me.

Nelly I completely understand needing to take a step back sometimes. These forums and all this information and support is great but it does keep you focused and thinking about it constantly which isn't always a good thing. I don't even remember what it's like to have a thought that doesn't in some way relate to TTC. Breaks are good when you feel overwhelmed.

mrsden I can sympathise. I won't have a job at the end of this year either as my contract comes to an end. I was hoping to squeeze a baby in there as having time off career for baby would have been perfect but I'm running out of time and it's not looking like it's going to happen soon for me. :( Also, don't be disappointed about your test, doing things like that in a foreign language is really hard. Even if you're fairly fluent, every thing you do is just that much harder. Don't underestimate that.
Regarding the tamoxifen, the few others I've found on other forums who are or have taken it are men with very low counts. In one case, a guy who total azoospremia so it does seem to get prescribed for. I'll get back and let you know how it goes with my DH but might be worth mentioning it. I would also be interested to see whether the vitamins have had an effect for you DH.

Enjoy your holiday critter!

Lemon I have a friend who within her immediate family has a Faith, a Hope and a Grace. She got away with a normal name

CD1 party going on here. I will be having cocktails with friends this evening and I will be eating refined carbs and all other bad for you things that my diet doesn't allow because it's CD1 and I need to celebrate something. I didn't have much hope for this cycle after I ov'd so late so it's not as disappointing as it could have been but we really gave it our all this cycle and that's disappointing. Also, this makes my luteal phase only 8 days this cycle which I don't like but at least I did OV so that's something to be happy about and this should put my next OV right spot on when we're in Niagara :)

Grrrr to CD1 missm. Although I do find that once AF arrives I feel slightly better than I did in the few days before. Pour yourself a very large glass tonight . I'm going to ask about the tamoxifen, it's never been mentioned. It's strange how treatments differ so much, if it wasn't for this forum we'd not know half of what could be offered.

lemons Thigh sounds more doable to me than tummy too. Enjoy your weekend, are you going anywhere nice?

drizz I drew blood with a few of my IVF injections. With othes I didn't get a speck of blood. It just seemed to be pot luck as to whether or not I hit a capillary.

Buzzy I can work from home if I plan it in advance and have my papers and laptop with me. The problem will be if I plan to be in the office but can't get home! Monday evening is supposed to be the busiest time ever for London Bridge. I have asked a friend to take me out drinking until it dies down. I figure I might as well wait it out in a bar with a cold glass of rosé than standing in a queue of stressed commuters outside London Bridge station!

joycep producing 5 follies on gonal f really doesn't sound like the actions of ovaries that are on their last legs you know! As you say, that was too good a response for IUI and would be a good response for mild IVF.

I'm glad my screaming story didn't scare you. Some people sleep talk. I occasionally mumble and more frequently laugh. But apparently when the sleep is drug induced I scream blue murder!

sarlat you are right of course. I haven't quite given up yet. But not having any cycle at the moment seems to mean that my broody hormones have gone on holiday! I don't have that desperate longing for a baby that I have felt for years at the moment. I guess your body deliberately switches that off at menopause, which is where I am now. Annoyingly, I bet my cycle comes back just as I leave to go away for work for 3 weeks later this summer... But having talked with Mr euro about adoption last weekend (which does feel a bit like giving up) your comment was well-timed. I was told a similar thing about my chosen career years ago - basically it is not the people who are lucky who get jobs at the junior end, it is the ones who keep trying and trying and trying. (I decided I would do that, but then someone offered me what was a LOT of money to a new grad to make a sideways move and I went, so I don't know if persistence really would have got me there in the end.)

mrsd sorry to hear about the exam. I studied the language for where you are for a couple of years and could never get to grips with it, so I am in awe that you could even attempt an exam in it!

princess it is good to have you back. It's a shame the service was a bit rubbish though. It's the one thing businesses can do that doesn't cost anything but hugely changes the customer experience. And so many get it wrong.

care good luck for the next IVF.

MissM yay for some Niagra ttc action!

I was quite precocious on the period/kissing/bra wearing front and reached those landmarks ahead of the majority of my friends. So it feels really odd to be left behind now in the baby race.

I'm feeling the Olympic spirit a bit. There was a great party atmosphere in the City yesterday as the flame came through. That was the first time I have really felt any excitement about it buidling. Londoners are a cynical lot!

I will be signing off shortly as I have a half day to do my last shooting course. I then have to attend 3 club days then we will be full members and can shoot whenever we like and apply for our own firearms certificate. It is good to do something that I have to concentrate on 100% and has absolutely no reminders of ttc around.

mrsd sorry about the exam and the jobless threat. It's never nice, but my goodness even attempting an exam in a foreign language feels like a Win to me

critter say hi if you're in the area

Loving the pissed lemon.

So clinic called back. My initial private consultation is booked for.... My 38th birthday. . Happy Birthday to me.

Happy Friday is it the Olympics?!!

I have been also a tad mumsnet 'lite' in recent days in an attempt to find some head space from this whole malarkey, so much easier said than done. Trying to find a balance where I am:

-aware I'm trying to make a baby (knowing cycle, eating well etc) BUT

• not sucking all joys out of my life ( read alcohol/dairy/refined blah blah)
• not obsessing and worrying myself into states of horrendously physical anxiety

-not giving up entirely

....well it's get difficult isn't it? Ideally, I'd go back to not knowing anything about mucus, cycle days, fsh amh (ttc alphabet) fragmentation, morphology (which was exactly how I was the day I got married - I thought ewcm was because I was having a horny day). A men in black laser gun?

As it is, I'm trying the best I can to lock it all in a box and not look at it for now. I think sarlat a gentle nudge not to give up was rather choice, thank you, as in my recent hole, that is precisely what I'd done. I still can't really face ringing the hospital but it has been a good thing to be out of touch with them for a couple of weeks. I've also loosened my controlling reign on what goes into my mouth for fear that it isn't ttc 'pure' as there wasn't a lot left. There has been cake and wine and pasta and all sorts, yum yum. My nurse said that it hadn't worked so why not ease up a bit too.

mrsden sorry to hear about the exam, how horrid but how amazing you are even able to try to take an exam in another language. Wow. I loved princess's response so what she said! I too was a late bloomer. I fretted myself into a right state about not getting my period til I was 13 and a half. Ha, I haven't changed! When it came, I remember I was wearing a mahoosive sanitary towel with stomach ache thinking it was horrible and not at all like my glittery pink tampon holder they gave me at school had suggested! I wanted to not have them. Hopefully having a baby will not be like this at all

princess good to have you back, there was a princess shaped hole. I hope you did a good trip advisor on hotel.

pout how's things? Has the clomid evil juice eased off a bit? I love the idea of faith as a name. I like hope too. Neither of these go with my lovely but impossible to match married surname.

nelly how typical it's your birthday. Could you change it?I got my period on my 35th birthday and sat in the dark crying. How do these things keep happening? Birthdays should be lovely so let's hope they can nudge it a few days. And god about the clocks music on hold. We really do have some stories on here don't we?

medusa sorry it's a cd1 day again. But I like the sound of the party. Eating 'normal' food has made me feel very much better this week!

critter maybe whisky will lure out that egg. Have a great trip.

euro it is funny how we have ended up in similar places of hiatus. And how we aren't very good with drugs. I can't drink coffee full stop as it makes me shake. I never used to think I could take a break ever ever from ttc just in case, but I feel quite differently now. It's interesting how your broody feelings have eased. If only I could have a bit if that feeling when my period comes. There is a clear Market for the CD1 pill.

lemon I am in full admiration of your injections. And pissedness. I've forgotten how, I could do with a good inebriation.

care do keep coming and posting and letting us know how you get on. I wish I could force the big finger to hover over you. I'm worried it's been chopped off!

In spite of trying to ease up on mentalling, I have been temping and weeing on a stick every time I wee. Today is day14 and I got a pos opk today and yesterday and all signs point to it not being a three week cycle I hope, stupid doctor telling me they would probably never go back without clomid.I probably shouldn't curse things. We have definitely tried this month so I too will be entering the arena. Minus armour, sword or fight!

Wave to anyone missed buzzy purple Joyce gin

I end today with a tragic story of ttc. This morning I weed in my trusty Tupperware little pot but it was v early and I didn't want to wake myself up by testing so I placed it on a high shelf but didn't put the lid back on. This itself is a bit gross sorry, but when I got up at 7 to test it a spider had drowned in my wee how horrible. Poor spider, what an awful way to go. Drunk on LH.

hahaha. sorry, that just made my day!

Imagine if the spider contaminated your results and you got a false positive or negatives because of the spiders hormones?! (do spiders even have hormones?)

I am a bad person. I shall go sit in the corner and think about what I've done

medusa if I hadn't had a positive opk yesterday I'm sure I would have wondered the same thing!!

rabbit at your spider story

lemon It sounds like a bit of a phaf having to mix things, I dated a haemophiliac and he had to do that with his meds

joyce Yes its a private prescription as I have to pay for all my treatments now, its £135 for a gonal f pen and £20 for Ovitrelle. How much Gonal F were you on for 5 follies, that is a great number but not for SO/IUI I was on 150 and still only produced 1 good follie so he's upping it to 225.

euro enjoy your drinks, sounds like a good idea, a friend of mine is helping at the aquatics centre and saw the opening ceremony rehearsal and said we're in for a treat, I love sport so I'm looking forward to the Olympics

medusa yay to Niagara shagging :)

well on the MIL front, we have exchanged a few emails and for a brief moment I thought she was getting on board with the situation and then I get this
When you e-mailed about IVF I thought that that was for people who could not conceive - you can obviously so I was trying to cheer you up in case you could not have a baby WTF!!!! and then today she sent me this A miracle may happen and you may have a baby, I will pray hard for you. I'm starting to think she doesn't give a shit if she gets a grand child or not.

Well a patient had her birthday yesterday and has given me a bit of cake so I'm off to enjoy that

oh my friend who went to see Gorgy said he recommends pycnogenol (pine bark) 100-200mgs to help improve sperm, Mr B's has just arrived in the post along with my new Laura Ashley bed linen :)

rabbit our first cycle of "proper trying" ended with my period arriving on my 35th birthday. I went and drank wine. It was fine. :) That was before ttc became a source of misery.

I used to feel the same as you - that I would never want a break and would hope against hope that if I had to travel for work, I wouldn't be away over shag week (and amazingly I never was, although I think I will be later this summer - I'm away for 3 weeks together so there is a 75% chance!). But the cancelled IVF cycle put me so close to the edge that I am happy to be stressing less about it for now.

She sounds a bit bonkers, Buzzy. I'd leave well alone in your shoes and just rely on the people you know will be supportive. I've stopped talking to my mother about it as she is funny about IVF. Bizarrely, I think my dad would be much more supportive but we just don't have the kind of relationship whereby we would discuss such things (I think he's only just coming to terms with me having periods, tbh).

euro I would if I could but its going to be a bit hard when we go round to their house in two weeks, short of upsetting her and causing a massive family fall out, I don't particularly want to put Mr B in that situation

Thanks buzzy I just looked that up and it says its also good for females with endo showing a big improvement on pain and fertility. Guess that's us stocking up tomorrow

Could you just say you don't want to talk about it and look a bit tearful if she brings it up, buzzy ? You don't need to specify that you just don't want to talk about it with her .

trust me that wouldn't work and I will end up in tears, she doesn't listen or pay great attention much, she really does live in her own bubble

Don't let bubble have any affect on yours. She obviously doesn't even realise what she's doing. You can't control other peoples behaviour but you can choose how you respond to it. Hope it doesn't get to you too much :(
I've woken with bad cramps and only CD23 please let AF come early I can't do this for another 5 days. I don't normally get cramps until day 2 or 3 god knows what's happening to my poor body

Afternoon all, did everyone watch the big event last night? I'm not sure how I feel about it really: sick children, child catchers, NHS nurses from a time gone by and mary poppins coming to the rescue - yes, rest of the world, this is modern england. I didn't see the geese and sheep and was looking forward to that bit. I'll catch up later. However the fire thing that made the mega torch and bird-bike wings were pretty impressive and the fire works were amazing. I can see the bird-bike wings catching on down here a treat. I want some!

Anyway, I wasn't around yesterday. Scrubbing the flat for 9.15 viewing...on a Saturday? Really? Urgh. It also took 7 hours yesterday in the worst humidity I can remember and I had to have a cold shower before going out to dinner last night. Sweaty betty indeed! The cleaners are starting next week. I can't wait.

Buzzy sorry to hear you are having MIL problems. It's a tricky one isn't it. It sounds like you've tried to open up and share and she really does sound in her own little world. I'd have been really unhappy to be recommended to someone to talk about miscarriage. As there isn't enough info out there and I felt very misinformed and alone the first time, someone who had been through the experience would have been helpful. I didn't find someone until a year later (a close friend we just don't see because of hectic schedules) and then it was like, Ah you get it. I'm not a crazy bitch who can't cope. I hope that the gathering goes ok. Hugs.

Rabbit oh your spider story made me I too would like one of those Men in Black mind erasers. Maybe we could collectively contact Will Smith?
Dear Mr W Smith, we are a collective of fertility challenged ladies from the UK. No we are not asking for your sperm. You can keep that for Jada. We ask for a different favour. We have all watched you in the very awesome 1998 cinematic production 'Men in Black' and we wondered if you could kindly lend us your mind erasing stick. We would be very grateful as we know far too much about our own reproductive organs and their associated wonky behaviuor. We would all like to go back to a time when we thought cervical mucus was being horny, that women could get pregnant every day of the month and we hadn't heard of something called an OPK. Thank you for your help in advance, yours sincerely, Princesschick and the MN TTC for 10+ plus I'm going to compose my tripadvisor later. But my Dad suggested that I send it to the Hotel company first and ask them if they would like to respond before I post it. I think I will do that. I'm sorry you have been feeling so down. You have been through the mill. I think I read that you are getting back on track with your yoga.

Nelly I'm sorry that you are sad. These things are always timed badly. When is your appointment and is there any chance that you can change? Maybe you could do appointment on your birthday and see it as a really positive milestone, like a new chapter of getting a baby. I know IVF isn't guaranteed but as you have no other problems, it may be just the help you need. Plus as it will be your birthday you could go and have a really nice meal / overnight break get really drunk with Mr Nelly afterwards to try and take the sting out of it. But I think trying to move the appointment would be the best course of action. Oh poop. Big hugs for you.

MissM I hope you had a great party last night. I allowed myself 2.5 glasses of wine with dinner with the 'rents at our fave indian last night. It was a delicious viognier.

Euro enjoy the shooting. Sounds just the ticket!

Lemon you are soooooo brave with those needles. I can hear you calmly describing it, whilst my mind just does erratic 'pokey sharp needle hurty princess pokey sharp pokey sharp POKEY SHARP!' Yes I am that pathetic!

Pout I love the name Faith. I have also thought about Constance as a middle name, but I think if it's a girl we'll go with DH's Grandma's name as a middle name as she is the most awesome lady I've met.

Joy I hope you are ok this weekend.

Carrie sorry to hear about the cramps What's the plan with you now? I've lost touch a bit since I've been away.

Big flexible warrior pose Saturday waves to everyone else.

I'm at a bit of a loss what with being banned from the renovation project and having the cleanest tidiest flat ever, ever. So far, I've been out for breakfast, I've done a yoga class - first since 2nd MC and I'm feeling good in big boomy Nina Simone voice dun-ner dun-ner du-dula-dula-du-durrrrr. Can't wait to do some more! I think I struck yoga teacher gold today and discovered my spine in cat-cow (that's what I call that pose anyway) I've done years of yoga practice and I've never had such a great teacher. We started with some light meditation and he was really clear about all the basics. Plus he was really happy and not at all serious. I've skimmed heat magazine too. Yoga is defo the highlight so far. Later, I'm going to make a new healthy cake - courgette and lemon loaf (non dairy with all the brown stuff and agave syrup), I'm receiving an Ocado delivery (boring but necessary), cooking dinner tonight (this will be interesting) and I've got the papers to read in the park. I guess I should read some of my abandoned meditation today too and get back on that horse. It actually feels really good to be here on my own, doing the stuff I wanna do. I feel guilty about not feeling guilty that I'm here hanging out like the days before Mr Princess when I lived on my own whilst he is slaving away on the house. Oh sweet freedom! It won't be like this when babies rock up. Maybe I don't even want babies anymore? The peace and quiet is delightful! I'm also plotting a swim next week and maybe a zumba class. And booking spa treatments for hols and checking out their yoga schedule. I could just go for a class in the mountains. I've got my meal plan for the week ahead to write up and I've got headspace for the first time in years! I'll be back to my former singleton life, 24-again before you know it! Maybe I can watch a wanky french film later too. Maybe I could lock Mr Princess out and have the whole weekend to myself like this. Maybe I could go clubbing on my own like the good old days.... Only kidding, getting carried away there! It is strange not spending today with him but it is definitely for the best. Anyway, I hope everyone has a really great day :) I best grab my papers and head to the park to grab a peppermint tea and catch some rays before the sun disappears.

There is no plan lol we were discharged, no tests no explanation no idea what to do.
I didn't see much of it know I'm not really a sports fan.
Taken pain killers and got on with my day I am assuming AF is going to arrive early

Princess, like you I had mixed feelings about the opening ceremony. I thought the was awesome, enjoyed the Bond and Mr Bean skits but thought the politically correct history lesson and bizarre teenage love story was a bit . And Macca can't sing any more. Why do they keep wheeling him out?

Anyway, I have survived a visit to see a friend's new baby today. She is very cute. I have some lovely cuddles. And then she weed on me. She was a long-awaited IVF win, so an easy one not to resent. I'm glad my hormones are still switched off though.

It's CD 1 in the Gin household, meh. I'm off to console myself with chocolate and wine, as I've been at work all day too! I LOVE viognier too Princess.

I agree about the lympics ceremony euro and princess. The hobbitised history part was utter bollocks, but the torch was v pretty and mr beckham looked hot as usual. I also loved all the indie music and lefty sentiments Danny shoe horned in.

Hope you are all having good weekends and will catch up properly later, when feeling a bit less periody.

Ah Gin sending a massive hug, CD1s are rubbish, hope you're ok. you are obviously more cultured than me, just had to google viognier.

Mrsden i'm not sure what we'll do about SET or DET - i think probably DET can i ask a question about your friend with naturally conceived twins - does she get people asking 'ooh were they ivf' all the time? Ah your poor thing with the exam, but being able to even take an exam in another language is a huge achievement. and well done you for persevering and trying another time.

Princess i'm a big fan of mindfulness - i think its a bit like going to the gym but for the mind - regular practice seems to strengthen the mind a bit. And oh yes the joy of a super successful sibling, i know it well (and it sucks!). One of the things i like about the mindfulness is trying to let go of comparisons and be happy with the world as it is. not easy though. and bless you for reminding us of happy endings!

Joy i second what someone else said, 5 follies on gonal f for iui sounds like a great response and not an indicator of ovaries to be worried about. ah i loved your comment about dancing round the room! if i ever do get a positive i plan to lie in a darkened room for 8 months! and yes yes come to sussex, its fab, we can start our own clan down this way.

Lemon i've been on menopur this time - 375! - but felt fine on it. how are you feeling on it so far, how many days will you need to inject?

MissM sorry for the CD1. I have a good feeling about Niagara for you.

Carrie what's your take on more natural methods - this book i've got called the infertility cure by randine lewis has loads of natural type fertility recommendations in it, and you kind of create your own plan involving diet, self massage, relaxation techniques etc etc based on your symptoms and most of the things are pretty much free (except for herbs and acupuncture i suppose) - its not everyone's cup of tea but if you wanted a low cost 'plan' it might be worth looking at. i enjoyed following it and felt better but resorted back to medicines after 8 months of it not working.

Buzzy hmm she does not sound like a lady who has a way with words. i would be keeping at arms length to minimise damage for the time being i think.

AFM had EC today and got 8 eggs. which is all good, and i'm not too worried about fertilisation rate, it was fine last time, but i'll find out tomorrow. i'm feeling a bit tonight though. something about the chippy married nurses (who in my eyes today all bred like rabbits and were treating me with pity) really set me off today. like is it so hard to understand that someone who has been ttc for bloody ages, standing naked in a gown waiting for a room full of people to stick a needle into her private parts doesn't really want to smile nicely and chat about the weather?? (evil) when the 8th person tried to chat to me about the olympic ceremony i didnt even look up from the floor tbh. and having massive wobble about the whole thing, worried even if it works i'm never going to feel 'back to normal' again. oh dear. sorry. maybe a good nights sleep is needed.

care big hugs they seem to think they are making you feel at ease by this so called chit chat some people feel they need to say something/anything when sometimes you'd just like then to say nothing, 8 eggs is good. Were you on the menopur for this cycle??