TTC for 10+ months, part 8

[eurochick]

A friendly, supportive thread for those taking a blooming long time to conceive!

Ah, I see. I hadn't thought about those potential issues . I guess some things you have you just take for granted!!

Princess

pout I'm right behind you on 11DPO. Shit we are not far from the middle of this thread (you hear me big finger?) I hear you on the over-thinking comment. Nonsense. Thank you for your words on IVF, hell of a big thing for closure though, right? This is the thing that I wonder about, I'm not sure but I think I might try to find closure minus the IVF. Dreadful business. Hope you feel better soon.

Pout sorry to hear about your mum's comments. Those sorts of comments are really unhelpful. I always thought you were supposed to focus your mind on the things that you wanted to get them? I'm sorry that you feel ERTD is on it's way. How long is your luteal phase normally? I think mine is 12 - 13 days. FX that ERTD stays at bay and this is your month?

Joycep I second the wanting to hear the news from Athens! Do you think the results will turn up today?

Carrie hope your appointment goes well. Sorry you had a rubbish weekend and you don't feel like your OH is being as supportive at the moment.

Euro glad to hear of womble twitches and SFF. I enjoyed my time off too. I think it's necessary sometimes.

MissM sorry to hear about continuing cycle woes. Hopefully your GP will be able to help you and do all the necessary blood tests etc.

I forgot to mention my 'good news' letter from the Consultant, which I received on Saturday. He has said that all of the tests for recurrent miscarriage came back negative and that I ovulated 'nicely' last month. If he's happy, I'm happy. In fact I was delirious on Saturday morning what with the maintenance diet regime that includes goats cheese and rationed juice and the news of the exciting holiday. Plus I found all the necessary beach items on line so I can do a quick sweep of the shops in the week. And then this time next week I'll be at fave UK destination for anniversary treat. So it's back to SFF & SWI all at the same time in the Princess household. With lots of smiles and positivity for a change. FX for me for the next few months

purple Sorry that you are at the arse end of the 2ww too! I HATE this bit. The start of the 2ww is quite good. The pressure to SWI is off and there is the glimmer of hope. The end of the 2ww is the pits because I know that I have no preggo signs just PMS. How are you faring at this point?

I agree that IVF is one big attempt at closure! I wish I could find closure without but I just can't. Each month I tell myself that I will chill and try to "live" with being challenged in the fertility stakes but I just get sucked right back in every time. It's so bad at the moment. I feel so frustrated with everything that I actually can feel the frustration in my chest. I've also noticed that I'm starting to talk at a million miles an hour because that's how my brain feels. I am cracking up I think

x-posted princess

I'm so glad that you got good news. You deserve it. You have put in so much effort with your diet. Hats off to you.
Hopefully a holiday will do the trick!

My LP is 16days usually so I still have until Friday before the bitch officially rocks up and puts me out of my misery. I'm toying with attempting to use an OPK as a HPT just to try and end the torture by confirming the inevitable BFN. I know that this is a recipe for disaster. I had enough trouble using them for the purpose for which they were designed!

pout I have no more reason to be hopeful then any other month, less in fact. But still it's there. My LP is 12 or 13 days. I have no signs of anything. It's the very first thing I think of when I wake up, which drives me crazy. It's like that even when I'm busy, but busy I'm not (hence filling up this thread). 'sucked back in' fucking exactly. Hang in there. X

Shit pout thanks for putting that idea in my head. I used them this month for the first time in ages. No positives at all. I never keep HPT at home, so don't early test. But well now there is a whole new game to play. Manic grin.

Happy to help purple I don't have a feckin clue how one would use an OPK for testing up stickness. For detecting ovulation it says don't use FMU which is the total opposite of HPTs......see recipe for disaster! I bet I cave and then will have to explain to MrP in a couple of weeks why I have no OPKs left!

I'm sorry that you are mentalling too. It's my first thought too when I wake up. Waking up and poking ones boobs on autopilot is messed up. It is kind of comforting that I'm not the only person being driven demented right now

Thanks pout ! Just to return the favour, the Internet 'authority' on OPK as HPT is the peeonastick website. There you can read about it rather than use them up! I have 10 left and when they are gone, that's it. mr Purple will be glad to see the back of them however they are used.

Pout my clomid was actually Letrozole, which is supposed to have less of a drying effect but achieve much the same end. The NHS doesn't use it much because, of course, it is more expensive (not daftly so though - I vaguely recall I paid around 20 quid for a month's supply). I just had a few hot flushes and that was it. It did make my cycle longer/shorter though, depending on the dose. I found the longer cycle (the first month on the drugs) very stressful as my normally reliable ovulation seemed to have gone awol and I worried that I have messed everything up by taking the drugs. But it all turned out ok in the end.

We have been discharged from the clinic. End of the line for us, nothing more offered

Carrie I'm really sorry to hear of your news . I don't think there's anything I can say to make you feel better. All I'll say now is that my uncle's wife was told after 3 rounds of IVF that she had no eggs left and that she wouldn't be able to have children. This was by a top private consultant. A year later she had her first baby (naturally) and the following year a second (naturally). Miracles do happen. I just hope that they do for you too. Hugs xxx

I'm so sorry Carrie. I don't know your whole story but that is devastating news and I'm so sorry for you. Cry, vent, do whatever you need, get it out if you need to.

No news from Athens ladies ? i?m getting very itchy about it & have been checking my emails every 5 mins. I was told last Tuesday that results would take a few days. I wonder what is going on over there. I just want to know dammit so I can decide what mission I go on next !

carrie - i am so sorry to hear your news. That is awful they have just discharged you like that with no chance of ivf or anything. Take heart from Princess? story as it shows miracles do happen. You hear about these things all the time. Out of interest , how long did it take you to conceive your daughter ? was she a long time in the waiting?

pout - do our mothers know each other? My mother says this is the reason I?m not pregnant as well. Stupid us ?we should have known that this was the reason all along. Sorry to hear that you think you are out. I think we know our bodies far too well now and if anything was up in there, I am certain I would know for sure. For me the excruciating boob pain tells me I?m out by about 2dpo every month ? it?s so depressing. Plus the notion of actually getting pregnant now has just become a ridiculous fantasy. I?m sorry to hear you are feeling so frustrated. You are not alone and it?s horrible. I am going through a mega stage of this. I was ok for about one day last week but apart from that, it?s like i have permanent pmt. I totally understand the tightness in the chest as well ? what is that all about?
And purple - it?s the first thing i think about when i wake up. When i?m busy i still manage to think about it. Would a failed ivf give me closure? I doubt it. that is the scary part. I could spend the next 10-15 years liek this.

princess - top of class for you. You?ve worked hard and I hope that elusive bfp is only a matter of time now.

Has Greece closed down or something. Where are youuuuuuu???

My daughter was my third pregnancy in 18 months that was 6 years ago. One ended in ectopic second misscarriage. We aren't entitled to IVF on the NHS so it was a fuck off

Well I made it back from the northern meet up in one piece and can confirm there was no pole dancing and we have not abandoned you all in an up north splinter group . thank you Artemis for arranging things. It was lovely to meet people, put names to faces and remember we aren't alone in all of this.

Carrie I'm so sorry to hear you've been discharged. It feels very brutal and I hope you are ok. How long have you been ttc now? I really don't think its game over for you.

pout I can't tell you how much I hope you are wrong about the pmt.

joycep hope Greece hurry up for you!

princess that is excellent news - storm the arena!

Well this morning I had a scan with two u/s ladies and a top cons from another hosp for a quality assurance and assessing thing. I was there for 45 mins with full bladder and scar squeezing. The upshot is that there are no broids, no cysts and all signs point to this being a 28 day cycle. The cons had done a lot of research into tube flushing and made me feel like all was good and she had a thorough knowledge and interest in my case. I apparently have a hyper mobile womb and cervix prone to flipping back and forwards. Silly wandering womble. She did not think clomid was a good idea yet and advised to wait til 6 mnths after the op. All possible factors considered, she gave me an 18% per cent chance of conception before Christmas which seems very specific and lower than I might like but given as the odds have so far been 0% in 16 cycles I guess I'll have to take what I'm offered! She also thought my fsh was fine for the day it was done. I think it was lucky I got pulled out the hat as it has been a useful insight.

Unfortunately I got myself in a total and utter state about the scan. I was almost sick with nerves this morning. I can't bear anymore poking, prodding, needles or cutting and was terrified they would see something wrong. I think if they'd seen a fibroid I would have had a breakdown. I feel like I just can't do this anymore. It is making me frightened and stressed and I'm exhausted by it all. I had a long chat with Mr Moon (!) and it felt good and he was lovely as ever. I just don't think I'm strong enough to be in this for the long haul or when i'll be ready for drugs or ivf. The past 9 months have left me terrified of hospitals and medical intervention and I think I'm going to have to work on that.

Aologies for the outburst. Everything's kind of hit me this last week.

carrie That is rubbish. I am so sorry to hear that. Were they not interested at all in looking into your MC and ectopic? It seems unfair that just because you don't qualify for IVF that you are just written off and discharged.

euro Longer ovulation is what I don't want. I have had a couple of cycles now of earlier ovulation and I am getting used to it and liking it. If the effects aren't permanent then I guess it's okay!

joycep That is exactly it - a permanent state of PMT! Pregnancy does seem like some silly fantasy these days. It is weird that in all this, the hospitals, the shagging, the supplements/vitamins, it is the actual notion of a baby that has got lost along the way.
I'm sorry that your mum has put her foot in it too. I just can't get my head around why my mother thought it was appropriate to say such a thing in the same conversation as discussing my fertility treatment. Obviously it is common for a doctor to suggest IVF when the actual infertility problem is thinking about TTC too much

Fingers cross that Greece comes good tomorrow.

rabbit It's great that you are broid free. I can imagine how hearing the opposite would have caused meltdown of epic proportions!
A hyper mobile womb is a new one for this thread I think! Did they say whether it has any implication for TTC?
18% chance of conceiving is a very strange and exact number. How did they arrive at that? I read something really depressing today that after 35 you only have a 10% chance of conceiving each month. I preferred my idea that it was 25%. Mind you I suppose it explains why it isn't happening to order for some of us oldies on here!

I dabbled with the OPK and it's a bomb as I suspected. It was amazingly stupid to give it a go anyway & I won't bother again. There was a very faint line, but no where near as dark as the control line so it is a dud cycle as I thought. Also apparently we all have LH in our system pretty much all cycle so there will always generally be a line of some description. Also according to a thread on here, we also sometimes get a LH surge before our period anyway (hence EWCM type stuff before a period). I found that really interesting to know.
Anyway, I will destroy the evidence of my folly before MrP comes home

carrie I am so sorry to hear that thye have discharged you.

pout my cycles went straight back to normal as soon as I stopped using the Letrozole.

rabbit that sounds good.

I completely get where you are coming from about drs. I am completely sick of them. I reckon I have seen more in the past year than in the previous 35. I've certainly had more medical people handling my foof by this point that I ever have for more pleasurable purposes! It just feels like it's never going to end. And now I have the fanny verrucae stuff on top of the fertility stuff!

I totally agree with being sick of doctors and consultants who think they are god. It seems like considering the area they have gone into they have no idea that we may have strong feelings and need a little sensitivity.
Also I have heard the 'relax then it will happen'. My usual response is there has been substantial medical research on this theory and the evidence concluded that's crap.
I apologise for my sweary outburst earlier but if you had heard the language I used with my partner you would be shocked. I'm shocked.
It was a horrible appointment made worse by an hour and half wait. Basically he decided that he was no longer giving me the lap as he promised and if I wanted to complain that was my choice. He said I could go back to my gp and asked to be referred to gyne to get my endo looked at as it wasn't a fertility issue.
Can I ask a favour to all of who that have got as far as the fertility clinic. What tests have you had done? Just so I can compare

pout if it was dud I don't think anything would show up it would be blank, so the big finger could be pointing at you, I can't believe your mum saying that, i've had other people say that to me, as if it was that simple

carrie sorry to hear that you are being discharged, were there no other avenues like IUI??

medusa how was your appointment today??

princess you crack me up

ladyg have a lovely holiday

joycep no surprise you haven't heard from Athens they are probably on strike again hope you hear soon though

rabbit I know what you mean about the poking and prodding,

well I called to book in my next follie tracking scan and they asked me if I was a bit confused I said no more than usual and then had to explain that my period had started early etc etc so ooff we go again, I haven't had many twinges so hope all this stuff is doing something, I had counselling today, I went saying I felt quite calm which I do but still managed to cry for 40 minutes

Glad the northern meet up went well and I definitely think we should find a mid point for the big meet up

Oh buzzy was it helpful release crying?

carrie as you know im a bit complicated but here goes:
Day 21 test x 2 to confirm ov
Pelvic ultrasound
Sa x 2
Fsh and lh test done on day 5 and 21 (neither of which is the right day)
Hsg (failed) which got me a
Lap and dye which found a broid
Another pelvic scan
MRI scan
Stupidly huge operation.
Another pelvic scan
All bloods to now be repeated.

Most of this has been under fertility but I've crossed over to gynae too - my cons does both at my hosp. I think pushing for gynae referral now is the key for you. If there is endo it might be the piece of the puzzle that needs lasering off and it might help you. We talked yesterday at just how cruel and incapable of relationship building a lot of fertility docs are.

pout the 18% was from her research of post hsg spontaneous conception in 6 months with age/test results factored in.
Spontaneous combustion feels slightly more probable.

Nope IUI has never been mentioned at all.
Glad you had the counselling and it went ok even with the crying. I haven't been brave enough to book an appointment through work yet but I will if I go in tomorrow. I really want some time off to take everything in but i can't see that happening

Carrie - I think you should go straight back to gp and urge for gynae referral. A lap will tell you what's going on in there.

sorry x posts with you carrie I think it all depends on where you live, I don't get any help from the NHS due to age which is why i'm going private for my super ovulation and possible iui. I'm surprised that they didn't offer you a different stimulating drug to try as you were having so many problems with the clomid
I strongly recommend counselling there is nothing like being able to say what you really think and feel without being judged and to have your feelings validated and understood. If you need the time off then take, there is nothing worse tahn being stuck at work when you can't focus on it.
The only investigations we've had is
FSH x2
LH x2
E2 x1
SA x1
follie tracking on my SO treatment

rabbit I feel ok and calm so I think its just the gonal f making me a bit tearful
I second you on the lack of relationship building by the drs, the two I have dealt with at the RMC are both hideous creatures

rabbit at spontaneous combustion. Have visions of piles of ash, a pair of slippers and an OPK stick laying on top up and down the country.

buzzy I like your optimism I really do but alas Dr Google has confirmed that it has to be a dark line to potentially mean anything at all. Ah well, no surpirises really.
Ohhhh crying for 40 minutes sounds good. Can I come along next time

carrie I can't believe that they won't look at your endo....utter, utter sweary words Definitely go back to your GP and get a gynae referral. You never know, it could well be the endo that is the problem. Jeez Carrie, I'm so sorry that you have had such awful treatment today.
As for test etc for my West Sussex referral I had
2x Day 21 and Day 2-5 blood tests
Prolactin, thyroid blood test
1 sperm test
HSG
My GP also ordered dildo cam and Day 21 and Day 2-5 blood tests as well as Thyroid & prolactin.

This new referral here in South East London I've had
Day 21 and Day 2-5 blood tests
AMH blood test (that we had to pay towards the cost)
Rubella immunity blood test and microscopic endometriosis blood test
Swab to check for STI's
Cycle monitoring x 1 cycle with another one planned
Lap & dye and the one where they use dye to check the shape of your womb, hystero something.
My GP also did blood tests for thyroid, full blood count, ESR levels and then repeated them again and a whole host of others that I don't know what they were by accident (there was some kind of mistake at their end!).