Fantastic 40+ thread - part 7

[lolfactor]

Shiny new thread - over here everyone

Hi golden yes it was resolved. I am really sorry about your mum, I hope she is bearing up and getting help with her pain. I think sisters can be such support to each other, when you have one you connect with it's one of the deepest connections you can have. But you have to watch out not to get overinvolved and try to run each other's lives...!

xx

Thanks, Somewhere. Mum is actually involved in a 'pain trial' with a pioneering pain specialist at Liverpool hospital. She is currently keeping a journal of her pain since having a patch applied to her arm a month ago. This patch contins the hottest chillies known to man I do hope this patch isn't just a bunch of pseudo-science crap.

I am currently waiting upon a lady called Jean from the Cats' Protection League (from whence Little Ted came). She rang me today asking if I would take on another kitten of seven months old who was desperate for a home. She gave me loads of flattery about what a wonderful woman I had seemed when she last visited with Ted's adoption papers (well, she would, wouldn't she?) and said I had 'sprung immediately to mind' when this pussy had turned up needing help (yeah...whatever.) Being the sucker I am I have agreed to take her in. She is called Tara but that will soon change to Maureen, named after my mum's twin sister who died at 36 and she was, to all intents and purposes, my second mum. So...Mo is on her way and DP is not thrilled with the notion. I told him it is out civic duty to help cats in need and besides, he'd better get used to it as I have decided to take in one cat per year that I remain un-pregnant By the time I hit the menopause the Overlook Hotel could be teeming with approximately 17 cats

Hello all, not much to say here. We had a successful DIY staycation last week, and have made significant inroads into our to-do list, and have had very quotes come in for work we need doing which are a little mind-boggling...

Also on a 2ww - but of a different kind. In two weeks, Mia's inquest starts. Trying to break down the time usefully, with some possible consultancy work and a VAT return to complete this week, and my parents arrive next week.

And another wait - 9 weeks to go. Hip and bum are really uncomfortable, spasming and protesting about the baby weight at 2am, so sleeping sporadically. Hoping that more exercise will sort it all out, but going to ask midwife for a physio referral too.

Mia'smummy, sorry you are feeling uncomfortable. I can't believe it is only 9 weeks to go (though I am sure it feels like a very long time to you). I had awful problems with my sacro-illiac joint with Charlie's pregnancy, so I really do sympathise. I had physio and a belt to wear, which did help.

Nothing new or exciting to report here.The friends we are going away with next year have been calling to talk about buying plane tickets and I just feel like putting it off a bit longer. I can't tell them I still hope to have a viable pregnancy by then, as along with my DH, they also think it is time to give up that fantasy. Luckily my friend is a midwife, so if I do end up pregnant in a tropical paradise and I need any help, she'll be there. I love the idea of being on a tropical holiday whilst pregnant. I could wear loads of sarongs, float in the pool, take afternoon naps, be waited on hand and foot,have pedicures,get a lovely tan on my belly...of course there is the realistic side to this fantasy too - swollen feet, finding walking and shopping too hard, not being able to sleep,having to be careful about what I eat, careful not to get gastro and become dehydrated, feeling fat and not wanting to bare all around the pool...I prefer the fantasy version

I was on ebay looking around and found that I could buy clomid quite cheaply. I actually thought about it for a moment or two, but then had second thoughts and did a bit of research.I've not ruled it out completely, but I still feel I need to look into it a bit more. For some reason doctors don't seem to want to give it to women over 40, and I want to know why. I did read that it can help produce "better" eggs. I think the thing is that even with a positive opk, you can release an empty follicle( no egg apparently) and the clomid helps by producing an egg. I have no idea how the drug works, and wondered if it helps with low estrogen -because it is estrogen that signals to release an egg. I know after the second miscarriage my estrogen was low, so I have been thinking that clomid might help. I am concerned about side effects,and have heard taking it can give you a higher risk of some cancers.

I will look into it further and perhaps get some to take in January, which I think might be my last month of trying.

Any info about clomid appreciated. I might just have a search on Mumsnet and see what I find. Might need a for that.

I hope everyone is well.

Ok, so just found out why taking clomid would be a dumb idea for me.

"Clomid works as an anti-estrogenic? that tricks the brain into thinking that estrogen levels in the body are very low. It does this by binding to estrogen receptors in the brain and blocking the ability of estrogen to bind to those receptors. The brain then thinks that estrogen levels are very low so a process begins that increases release of follicle stimulating hormone (FSH). FSH is the hormone involved with stimulating development of mature follicles (egg containing structures) in the ovary."

If my estrogen is already low, this would make this much worse.

Also:
"Some women will have a thin uterine lining (endometrium) during Clomid treatment cycles. This is a result of the anti-estrogenic effect. During a natural menstrual cycle estrogen stimulates development of a thickened endometrium.

Because Clomid is anti-estrogenic it sometimes blocks the full developmental thickening process from occurring. We generally like to see in endometrial thickness of eight or more millimeters. However, sometimes the lining does not get thicker than 6 to 7 mm in Clomid cycle."
I already worry that my lining is too thin because I have lightish and short periods.
and:
"Another potential adverse effect of clomiphene is reduced production or cervical mucus. Estrogen stimulates production of clear, watery mucus by the cervical glands. In some women the anti-estrogenic properties of the medication will cause a decrease in mucus production and also thickened mucus."

so, having read all that, I think I'll leave it alone. I doubt it would help me. I can now see why giving it to over 40's might be problematic.

Oof! Sudden influx of work means I shouldn't be on here so I'll be quick..

Mia'sMummy, thinking of you as you prepare for Mia's inquest x

Gum, I really don't want to encourage you to be reckless with your fertility but I'm going to stick my neck out and say I really think you will regret not trying Clomid. You are 46 in November, right? You plan to stop TTC in January for the sake of our holiday. That gives you 3 months. Anecdotal evidence shows that it takes 3 cycles, on average, for Clomid to work. Does it matter that it reduces cervical mucus if you use Pre-Seed? I know it sounds scary that Clomid seems to be so counter-productive to egg production but it has worked for many, many women over 40. What do you have to lose?

On the other hand, you would have to take this medication in secret, am I right? You have said that your husband doesn't want another baby. Is this still the case? I think there's a huge difference between guiding your DH to have sex at the appropriate time each month and actually taking Clomid in secret. This is deception whichever way you look at it. My DP would be furious if he found out I was taking such a serious medication without his knowledge. It is, of course, your body. However, the side effects can be quite serious and the reality is they could impact quite significantly on your health and, ultimately, your family.

So..my advice is, if your husband is on board - go for it. If not, don't.

I have an appointment with my gynae consultant next Wednesday where I will be demanding asking for Clomid. I will be taking meticulous notes and asking every question under the sun. I will report back to you what he says re. success rates and risks.

Must dash or I'll never get through these manuscripts. Much love to all you ladies. Am a little worried about Eirehead. Also thinking of you, Cheese x

Gum! I meant 'your' holiday, not 'our'! Bloody hell, I'll bet you were running for the hills...

Ooh, I almost forgot..can any one advise me, please? I'm due to get my hair re-bleached and cut on Friday at the salon. Is this dangerous if I am pregnant? I've heard you shouldn't get your hair dyed if you're preggo.

I'm not sure. goldem but I usually try to get it done less often just in case. X

Hi all, it's been so long - again... Madly busy at the moment, no time for Mumsnet, but I miss it!
Feeling rather glum at the moment - AF arrived on Monday, so gutted. I had had really high hopes this time, really thought I had my timings right. No June baby for me

I have now started charting my temperature, but am a bit ... Does this really work? My temp seems to be all over the place! Althought it's early days, will have to see how it behaves over time. I'll probably have to ask you guys lots of questions once I get to my ovulation dates.

But to be honest, I think the main factor at the moment is stress - both on my and DH's part. Work is mental, and what's worse, I'm really really not happy with my jobs at the moment. It's all getting a bit too much, I am constantly thinking about work and never feel relaxed. It feels all too similar to when we were ttc last time - it took us 8 months, in which time I found out that I was going to be made redundant and DH's company had lots of problems. When I finally stopped working, I relaxed and -bam!- fell pregnant. I feel really trapped at the moment, and trying to think of ways out stresses me even more, it's a vicious cycle. Doesn't help that getting pregnant would be a nice way for me to get out of the job dilemma (well, at least for 9-12 months)... Which adds to the stress even more!
And DH is also always working or thinking of work, but he's lucky and enjoys his job (not that I'm jealous or anything...). Sometimes I almost resent his happiness, which is not fair, as for years it was the other way round - I loved my work, he hated his.
I just wish I had a job that I enjoyed, I really struggle to leave the house in the morning, or find any motivation to care about what results I produce, sigh. Problem is I don't know what else I want to do! Doing a series of career development workshops to get some clarity.

Sorry for the rant!

Evening all.....:)
JBrd...I'm in my 2nd cycle of tracking temps and although last cycle I could see a hike at ovulation (which didnt happpen until cd28) this cycle my temps are really erratic. I find it hard to get that 4 hours uninterupted sleep before (I wake up anytime from 5am and kind of doze) and also if OH gets to close I get all hot n bothered lol.
Anyway, my progesterone blood test on Monday was just 0.9 so def no Ov yet this month...now on cd27. If AF doesnt arrive and my cycle lasts the whole 40days then thats me out until next year probably. Oh leaves end of month for Army training....sniff sniff.
Golden many years ago when I was pregnant I always had my hair dyed, I think it was highlighted and very prob a spiral perm thrown in there for good measure...I quit fancied myself as one of the Irish dancers off "Lord of The Dance",....blush. It never went too wrong but I guess its best to tell hairdresser and see what they say.

Hello! It's coming towards the end of the week so can finally raise my head from work-load and dive into mumsnet again! Not had time to catch up, but saw Golden's hairpost and can confirm that hair colouring is totally safe when ttc/pregnant. Tis a subject close to my heart, having roots/highlights every 3 weeks (inc in all my pregnancies). Did extensive research and asked several consultants, all of whom said yes totally safe, and not just after first trimester either. Only 'danger' is that hair might react differently and require a shorter development time, not that this ever happened with me - in fact my grey became more resistant.

golden I second diege's comments. I need to have those persistent grey hairs covered up regularly...

I also get my hair coloured, the risks are so low.

Golden, I've made up my mind that clomid isn't for me. It isn't worth the risk of upsetting my hormones. It lowers estrogen, in order to trick your body into producing more FSH and so,in turn,stimulating the ovaries to produce an egg. High FSH is a problem for many over 40's, so taking clomid would actually make it worse, that is why so many fertility doctors won't prescribe it for the over forties. My Fsh isn't too bad for my age (test done last year,so could have changed),it is 11. Lower would be better, but it's pretty good for an old bird.I don't want to mess with it.

It was a fleeting thought on my part, thinking I should give it one last hurrah, but I trust my instincts, and my instincts say "don't do it".

I am back to feeling okay about maybe not having another baby. I always get a bit stressed and manic in the week before AF. I feel so much calmer now.

I was on the Fertility Friend website yesterday and noticed many women over 40 posting their BFP's, many over 43. One lady is 30 weeks pregnant, and 50 years old!It was a natural conception. That cheered me up no end. I think it is true that women over 40 can and do get pregnant, but the wait may be long,and we may have to suffer losses before the sticky baby comes along.

Jbrd, I am sorry to hear you are going through a tough time with work. I know how that feels. Before I had my DS (he's 4), I was really starting to hate my job. The truth is I really needed a break from it, and I knew that having a baby would get me that break. So ttc had become more than "just" about having a baby IYSWIM. I think if I hadn't conceived I would have had to take some time off because it made me so unhappy. I have now gone back to the same job, but feel completely differently (despite my rant about year 8's recently!) and do love going back after a break. I hope you can work something out. ((hugs))

As for taking your temperature, yes it really does work. I've been doing it since 2007 and I think it is amazing that I can see, clearly, when I've ovulated. Now that my cycle is less predictable (due to "old" age) it is really good to follow it using temping. I now know that a long cycle doesn't automatically equate with being "late" and possibly pregnant,unless my temperature is elevated for more than 14 days. It has also been helpful when dealing with my doctor (though not all doctors will look at,or consider charting), as I could show her I was clearly ovulating when she insisted that it wasn't possible with my "low" estrogen. She was wrong,as the progesterone tests I had showed that I had ovulated.

Deige, it's nice to hear from you.May I ask what you think about taking clomid? I know I said I wouldn't take it, but am interested in your thoughts.

I'll be ordering from the bistro in the next day or two.

Tonight I threw my lovely tea up (turkey chilli jacket potato). Despite getting it all up I've remained horribly nauseous all night, as though I have yet to throw up at all (if that makes sense). I'm sure it's not pregnancy as I've got a stomach of iron and had no sickness whatsoever when I was pregnant last time, but gosh, I feel sick

Morning all. Feeling much better this morning in fact was scoffing pickled onion crisps at 2am. Thank you all for hair advice, will go ahead ('scuse the pun) tomorrow..

Welcome back, JBrd. When Gum says women over 40 can get pregnant but the wait may be long... she is right. I've been having really well-timed sex since my mmc in march and have not had a BFP in the seven months since.It's not pleasant, this ttc journey. And when other women are falling pregnant around you it is even harder (damn you, facebook!) It is like waiting at a bus stop and watching lots of buses arrive and women getting on them and leaving you behind while you wait and wait and wait for your bus to arrive..

I don't want to state the obvious, JBrd, but your job sounds utterly, horribly shit. Maybe it isn't actually a shit job at all but you certainly have huge issues with it which are not good for your mental health or wellbeing. I don't want to sound glib about this because people stick with shit jobs for all sorts of reasons but what I do know for sure is that money should never be one of them. I am speaking as one who has had lots of money and no money whatsoever; a great career and soul-destroying unemployment. The cliché which says life is too short to be in a shit job is true. Your career workshop sounds a step forward. You need to ask yourself what compels you to stay in a job which you loathe. Once you've nailed this (and it may be uncomfortable to admit : pride; fear of others' judgement; fear of being a failure; parental expectations; spousal competition) you have won half the battle. I hope you find some peace. You sound awfully troubled, love.

P.s..I do not believe that stress prevents pregnancy. I believe this is a myth perpetuated by the men in fertility clinics to make us feel even more useless and guilty about our life choices. Sperm knows nothing of your work woes and ovaries still work inside women living in war zones. I'm sorry if all this sounds a bit preachy, JBrd, but I feel it's massively important to put things like a job (which we Westerners just love to define ourselves by) into perspective and to try to find that place where we feel o.k with ourselves.

Calibee, you must find a consistent waking time. If you are waking regularly at 5am then that should be your hour. Set your alarm for then in case you go over. Don't let a little issue like waking time fuck up your charts (crumbs! I'm really sergeant-majoring this morning )

As for me...DP and I haven't had sex since ovulation TEN DAYS AGO!! I'm not worried, his job has him outdoors in this frightful weather for eleven hours each day and he is so tired. Plus, ttc around ovulation takes so much out of the two of us mentally and emotionally that I honestly think he needs some time out to recover/lick his wounds/kiss his guns. I am telling myself that the arrival of my period on Monday will be no bug deal as i have the pleasure of my gynae consultant appointment on Wednesday where fertility experts will fall at my feet begging to be the first to make me a baby. I am, at the very least, hoping I will come away feeling that I have some hope- but hope of what...?

Gum, please will you help me? Would you take a look at my chart again? Fertilityfriend have highlighted Sunday (7th) in white. Are they suggesting my period is due on that day? Because it isn't; I'm due Monday. Or, does the fact that I ovulated a day early mean my period comes a day early, too?

www.fertilityfriend.com/home/goldengirl71

Golden I can't see that on the share page, but, yes, if you ovulated a day earlier, then you would expect AF a day earlier too.
I have to run, will catch up later.

Thanks, Gum.

For anyone who's interested I've posted a picture of my children kittens on my profile page. Does anyone know how to post a link to a photo via a word within my post (like you did, Gum, with 'ebay')?

Golden, I actually didn't do that link. I have no idea how that happened. I hope it doesn't go to my eBay page

But if you look below the message box you'll see instructions on how to do a link.

My DS is complaining of a sore tummy so we are snuggling on the couch with a soft blankie, watching Telly. It is rainy outside and it feels very cosy. I just wish I had someone to cook for us. I would much rather be on the couch with DS than in the kitchen.

I have been sewing today and have had to stop for DS, but I was enjoying it.

Now I am going to have a look at your kittens.

They are very handsome cats, aren't they? I grew up with cats, my parents love them and always have two. I haven't had them as an adult, my DH doesn't like them at all. They tend to kill a lot of native birds and small mammals in Australia, and there are a lot of feral cats about too.

However, I still think moggies are lovely.

Hello all, have been reading through all your posts for the last two days and would like to take the plunge and join you all. Some really inspiring stories but also some truly heartbreaking ones.

My background is that I have 2 DDs aged 9 and 6, and thought we were all done, but in August found myself unexpectedly pregnant at 41. After the initial shock we were really looking forward to the new arrival but it wasn't to be and at nearly 11 weeks were told that there was no longer a heartbeat (had an early scan at about 7.5wks which showed all fine). Miscarried naturally last Wednesday, and while starting to feel physically better, am feeling desperately miserable.

DH is 52 and has grudgingly agreed to try again but I'm obviously conscious of my fast approaching 42nd birthday, and the fact that he doesn't want to try indefinitely. In my more logical moments, I think everything will be ok whatever the outcome, we were happy before and we can be again, that what will be will be. At other times I feel really desperate to be pregnant again, and think I will never be quite the same. We were given a little glimpse of a future we hadn't anticipated and it's really hard to just close the door on that idea. It hasn't helped that one of the Mums at school has just announced her pregnancy, due at a similar time to us, and the thought of being faced with a daily reminder of what we've lost seems unbearable at the moment.

So, at the moment I am concentrating on getting back on track, have ordered OPKs and conception tablets (they're the size of bars of soap - how does anyone swallow them whole?). I've no idea when I ovulate and my cycles are irregular, so I have no idea about fertile times and undecided as to whether to take a relaxed or more scientific approach at the moment. I think I have a lot to learn from you lot....

Gum, yes, your link went to an ebay page but I soon realised it was nothing to do with Clomid so I looked away!

Just returned from a 3-mile run but strangely am not feeling the serotonin. It's that time of the 2ww wait for me (10DPO) where I know that tomorrow's temperature is the biggie. If it's even slightly lower tomorrow I know that AF is on its way. So, 10DPO is always the last of the hopeful days for me; a day of dreaming and wishing away the next 24 hours whilst dreading the morning when the inevitable happens. Sorry for whinge. Have a lovely snuggly day, Gum, with your DS.

P.s..do women really have babies to avoid having to work crap jobs??

P.S. Don't have cats but have 3 guinea pigs called Wispa, Crunchie and Rolo, and they are as delicious as they sound. We like chocolate in this household too, current bar of choice being Fry's Turkish Delight