Fantastic 40+ thread - part 7

[lolfactor]

Shiny new thread - over here everyone

oh no knicky - it's tomorrow!
i'm all over the place apologies.
xx

Diege, glad you had a good time.

Eire, 'more fertile after MC'. I fell for that one. Sorry if this bursts your bubble of hope (and I know there is much anecdotal evidence where women have conceived immediately afterwards) but I can only give you my experience. I was utterly convinced I would fall pregnant again quickly (why the hell would I not??) and even now when I look back at my charts of those successive months the sex was brilliantly timed, plentiful and I ovulated from the get-go....nothing. And I am still waiting for that first whiff of pregnancy. I am entering my sixth month since the ERPC and I can't understand why I am not yet pregnant. I had all the tests and the scan last month and on Thursday this week I am taking DP's sperm sample to the hospital to be tested. I am dreading his sperm being defunct. This would mean the end for us as we don't have the money for donor sperm or IVF. However, if I am being rational about it, I would say there is nothing wrong with either of us and that it is simply taking time. Please don't raise your hopes that it will happen any time soon. That's all I'm saying. If someone had said this to me back when it mattered, instead of "you'll be pregnant again in no time..women are really fertile after a miscarriage" then I wouldn't have felt quite so devastated and bamboozled as each cycle rolled by.

I completely understand your husband's harsh reluctance. It must seem like madness to a man of a certain age, who already has his family, to watch the woman he loves try again and again for 'that last child'. I know, too, that feeling that this isn't a choice for us, but an unquenchable yearning. I don't have any children, so I'm not going to give up hope until I hit the menopause. In my situation, if my DP ever said he wanted to stop trying, I would leave him and become a prostitute and insist that my clients don't wear condoms. In fact, I would pay them.

MiasMummy, clever lady, breaking it all down into more manageable chunks. I don't know how you will get through the anniversary of Mia's death either, but I know your fortitude and the love of your family will see it happen. I hope you don't mind but I had a peek at your photos of Mia and I have to confess I almost kissed the computer screen. She is an utter delight to look at! Absolutely gorgeous. Mia's Wood sounds just great. Can you give us more details? Will you be planting all the trees from scratch? What a legacy.

Well, I'm afraid to say that I have not hit the luxury biscuit 'wall' yet. Which is not good (the biscuits have gone and I'm not prepared to take out a bank loan to replace them). It doesn't help that I work from home (I use the term 'work' loosely) and am frequently bored stiff (oh, the joys of being childless!) Which reminds me, yesterday I posted the following on facebook: 'Serious warning: if anyone dare mention Christmas before November 1st I shall unceremoniously de-friend you immediately. I am a skint, childless and bitter hag with no interest in how much you have spent on ostentatious toys for your brats or where you will be eating your 64lb turkey. I don't care how many shopping days are left until Christmas (how much time does one need to scour Poundland anyhow?) The only scintilla of interest I will have is how much weight you have put on over the festive period through stuffing your fat face'.

I await the howls of protest..

still on the injections golden had a scan yesterday which showed i was deregulated which is great. my donor is going in for her scan monday and depending on her results will then start stimming and ill start the drugs to prepare my lining. all looking good but a way to go yet. trying not to get too excited!

Crumbs. Eire, I fear I may have been unintentionally negative in my post to you this morning. If we can't dream and hope against hope on here, where can we? You are not me (and you can thank your lucky stars for that particular mercy) and there is every reason to believe that you could fall pregnant in the very near future. For my part, I will try to believe that a DIY pipette from India and a negligible amount of sperm on Tuesday night will result in triplets

Tina, great news about the deregulation. I have no idea what this means, or indeed what 'stimming' is, so will have a look on google and come back to you more informed. Meanwhile, we will get excited vicariously for you

Tina, I googled 'stimming' but it came up with the repetetive hand movements of autistic children! Further googling has proved fruitless. Can you be bothered explaining more about the process you and the donor are going through and what comes next?

GG- when I read your message, I felt relief, rather than bubble-bursted! Have been under psychological pressure to concieve immediately, due to being 42- but if not all women are more fertile after MC, then maybe I am as subfertile now, as I usually am, so can relax a little bit, and let my husband relax too (then jump his bones once he forgets he does not want another baby)

Eire, sounds like a plan to me

Just got back from a morning in Manchester being interviewed for a voluntary job working with drug addicts. My freelance work leaves me with huge gaps in my days and I figure if I give something to the universe the universe may well give me something back in return. Now, what could I possibly want that I haven't already got? [ponders] Oh, yeah: a baby will do nicely, thanks.

Read an article yesterday where Kate Garraway (Hopeful, she is a broadcaster on early morning telly) was bewailing the fact that, at 45, she has been told by her doctor the reason she hasn't conceived in the past 2 years is because she is 'past it'. She was horrified (she got pregnant easily and gave birth at 38 & 42). She has been TTC since 43 and couldn't understand why she hadn't fallen pregnant. She spoke of the yearning and the 'gnawing away' that wanting a third child brings. She also said she could understand childless women (who? me?) thinking she was a spoilt ingrate for wanting more at her age when she already has two little ones (her husband also thinks she's mad). Something she said, however, was interesting: she admitted that this yearning for a last child was less to do with a need to 'complete' her family and more to do with the uncomfortable knowledge that she is no longer the nubile, attractive and fertile young woman she once was: "So why do I still stubbornly mourn my dwindling fertility? I suppose I feel I have unfinished business. I believed, when Billy arrived [her youngest], that I was on the cusp of learning how to be a proper mum. I'd stopped being an amateur. I'd almost got the gist. A third baby would clinch it: I'd be a perfect mum....but I am mourning, not just the end of my fruitful years, but also what I sense is my dwindling sexual attractiveness. Men are programmed to be attracted to young and fertile women and now, in my lowest moments, I fear I am neither...I rage against my diminishing fertility. I feel I'm stranded in limbo between fecund motherhood and the menopause"

Crumbs. I don't know how to feel about her philosophy. I'm not plagued with fears of dwindling attractiveness: I just want my first child, thank you very much. I know her psychological state is no less valid than mine, but I simply can't empathise. Sympathise; yes. Empathise; no.

So...a question: how many women on this thread have got pregnant and had a baby over the age of 43? I know of Lolfactor & Jollster; are there any more?

Knicky, thinking about you at your scan today. Lots of luck and best wishes. Do let us know how it went x

Just been catching up on the thread after being away for a couple of weeks and then manic at work. Also trying not to come on here too often so as not to obsess.

Sending hugs to Irish and Eire and positive thoughts to Somewhere and Knicky (good luck today). Also to anyone else that needs them.

Eire - I was told the 'more fertile after mc' thing and for me it hasn't been the case either, sadly. I'm now just over 3 months post mc. I had a suspected mc in October last year (would have been 4+4 but hadn't tested, lord knows why in hindsight as I am never late and had symptoms) so if that was one then it took me 7 months before anything happened again.

Golden - I don't have any children either and take your point about Kate Garraway. But some women can and do have babies at and after that age.

As for me I am not hopeful this month. Timing was fine but just don't feel it if that makes sense. Also had some weirdness in that got EWCM on CD11 (which is usual) and then again on CD16 which was just weird. Apologies for TMI but no clue what it means. My cycle is still a bit all over the place I think.

Oh and Golden - I know what you mean about Christmas - I can't face thinking about it frankly - baby would have been due just afterwards. :(

Thank you so much for the lovely good wishes that everyone sent for today.

I'm so chuffed to say (and that's just a huge understatement), that all is as it should be. Baby looks fine, even the nuchal scan results of odds for the anolmalies looks far better than I ever would have expected. The scan calculations without blood tests, for my age, gave trisomy 21 (downs), as a 1 in 99 risk, but added with my combined blood test score, gives 1 in 1988. The woman who did the scan suggested that if I wished I could consider having an amnio (this must be due to our age), but as our level of risk is low I won't be doing that.

The relief is immense. After 18 months of TTC, 2 chem pgs, 1 m/c, and the bombardment that us ladies face with the media banging on about the fertility decline in our 40's, it's wonderful to see so many ladies on here sticking two fingers up and saying sorry you're wrong, it can happen to us too. It's a terribly tough road TTC, and it takes a huge strength of character to keep going. I hope that all of you get wonderful positive news soon.

somewhere, how are you? Sickness better or worse or much the same? Having had 5 to 6 weeks of feeling poo, I think it's finally passing, so have hope that this stage doesn't last forever. Equally, I know, that you probably cling on to the fact that you're feeling so sickly because the second you don't, if you're anything like me, start to wonder if all is as it should be......

golden your facebook status update re Christmas made me smirk somewhat. Would love to know if you got any comments!! Re Kate Garraway, I completely see why you're not able to empathise. Sympathise of course, but it must feel terribly unfair to childless women who would just like one. I guess we all have our own ideas of how we picture our life to be, and if it doesn't match up, we feel thoroughly disappointed. As for ladies over 43 getting pregnant, my friend from my NCT group, is 10 weeks ahead of me. She took a while to conceive, and had a m/c at 8 weeks pregnant. She's now 22 weeks pregnant (she conceived about 6 months after her m/c), so gotintherecovery is quite right, it can and does happen (and goes smoothly - she also had very good results at her nuchal scan).

miasmum, mias wood sounds a wonderful. I'm thinking of you lovely lady in the weeks ahead xxx

eire and irish, thinking of you both too xx

much love to everyone else hopeful, italian, tina, diege and others that I've not namechecked....

that is brilliant knicky so pleased to hear! you have had a long and tough road and i am so pleased for you.
it must be good to be able to tell everyone? have you started telling people? how is work going? are you holding it together?

I had a scan today as well - i went to the EPU with a story. There was the baby, with a heartbeat, and it has put the biggest smile on my face since i got the BFP. I am 8+6.

I don't think i realised how worried i was until i had the scan.

Still feel sick, have just had some kind of flu and that was just awful in combo with the MS. Know what knicky means - have been as upset by the brief respites as feeling sick. Psychologically prepared for it to lessen though - fully ready for it to start ebbing, esp now i've had the scan. it's a low level, all day sickness and really doing my head in.

having a day off work today.

golden i was about to comfort you with my belief that the best men find good conversation as sexy if not sexier than nubility and i imagine you make excellent conversation - when i realised you were saying you DIDN'T share kate's views!

good for you.

goth lovely to hear from you - i hope you are feeling good and positive. you are very good about not obsessing and being practical. i am rooting for you.

hugs to all

xxxxx

ps thanks for urging me to have the scan everyone - you directly had an impact there, i might not have gone otherwise
xx

somewhere I feel teary reading your wonderful news. Chuffed to bits for you too. Good for you for getting a scan. The first 12 weeks is a terribly worrying time, but, and I'm probably biased, I really do feel it's worse the older you are - again, with the messages we're bombarded with by the clinicians and the media - that you almost feel to be doing OK is a miracle. And of course it is, but it's a miracle that a large number of us older ladies can achieve. Glad the sickness has given you some respite. All the while it's comforting, it can become completely debilitating. Much love and hugs xxx

HOORAY FOR KNICKY'S BABY!!!

HOORAY FOR SOMEWHERE'S BABY!!!

HOORAY FOR SONOGRAPHERS WITH GOOD TIDINGS!!!

Ah, ladies! I'm so, so relieved and happy for you both [aaaaaaand breathe out....]

Hello there, Goth. May I congratulate you, too, on managing to not obsess on this thread (what's wrong with you, woman???!) Weird EWCM on day 16? Another ingrate [sighs] I'll take your 'weird' over my 'none'. Oh dear. Now I'm developing egg white envy

Somewhere, I told you my alien insemination theory would get you a scan (and thanks for that compliment hidden deep within your post about my 'excellent conversation'. The reality is that DP is profoundly deaf).

...I'm joking He wears earplugs

Knicky, how old is your friend at NCT class?

golden major lol
i'm not getting too excited
and i'm rooting for you all on 2ww
xxx

Knicky,I'm so pleased for you, what a relief that all is fine with your scan. Somewhere,good on you for getting yourself a scan, so far so good. Lovely to have positive news here after all the recent sorrows.
Miasmum, Mia's wood sounds beautiful, I'm glad you've found a way to make these weeks a little more managable.
Hopeful, you sound like you're in a quite a good place right now, hope it continues.
Its the 2ww for me, despite DTD lots over last 10 days, as DH hasnt been away which has been nice generally, I'm not optimistic, tho of course'll be disappointed when it doesn't happen.
Love to all,sorry not to name check but posting from my phone which has taken ages!

Congratulations knicky and somewhere on your scans, glad it all went well for you!

Great news Knicky and somewhere on your scans.

Being 45 and wanting "just one more" (obviously greedy as I already have 5 kids),I do understand what Katewhat'shername is saying. Though I'm not worried about the attractiveness to men bit, I do understand that it is difficult to reconcile the fact that your fertility slips away when you really aren't ready for the next stage.

It sounds mad, that I, with 5 kids under my belt,the eldest 21, would feel another baby would seal the deal - in terms of mothering (yes,it really has taken this long for me to feel I'm getting good at it),and,for me,a sense of "completing the family".

It is hard to comes to terms with,even if you do already have kids. I can't say it is the same as if you were childless, it clearly isn't the same, but I know the longing and yearning I have felt to be genuine and heartbreaking.It has taken a long time for me to get to a place where I am starting to accept that perhaps it is too late for me.

Of course there are always exceptions, so perhaps, there will be plenty of other women over 43 who will get pregnant. However, personally,I can see it has gotten much harder than when I was 41.

I think if I was in Kate Garraway's shoes I would go for IVF with donor eggs, as I'm guessing she could afford it.But then again,her husband may not support that idea.If I was in the financial position to do that, or adopt a baby,particularly from China, I would. But that is not my life path,and I have to take a different road.

AF dropped in this morning.But I knew she would, so I'm fine. The hard part will be abstaining from sex at my fertile time for the next few months. Perhaps Murphy's law will step in and I'll get pregnant when I least want it. I'd happily travel whilst pregnant, but I know I can't get travel insurance after 25 weeks, and going to a third world country, I'd want insurance in case of emergency, especially as I have an "irritable" uterus and threatened early labour in a couple of my pregnancies.

Sorry - I'm prattling on.

Good luck to those coming up to testing time and shagging time.And may everyone else feel peaceful.

Great news on your scans Knicky and Somewhere - excellent! :)

Golden - I meant that it was weird getting EWCM on CD11 and then getting it again on CD16 - not that there was anything weird about the EWCM itself - lol!

Gum - sounds as though you are in a good place right now. I realise it's all hard to come to terms with though whether you have kids or not.

Thank you all for the lovely words of support. You're just wonderful ladies, through the good times and the bad. xxxx

golden, my friend is 43 and she's about 22 weeks pregnant. This time round it's been smooth going for her, with low risks for anomalies.

Crumbs. I've just inadvertently shoplifted a whole roast chicken from Tesco. The chicken man helped me find the fattest chicken off the spit thingy and then hooked it on the trolley where you would place your handbag. Going through checkout I totally forgot about it and when I got outside I rang a taxi to pick me up. It was only when the taxi driver was loading my shopping into his boot that I saw the chicken dangling there and I said "stop! I need to go and pay for this chicken!" and he said, angrily "me no time for wait around innit? Got to go next pickup, missus". So, here I am, a thief of Jeremy Kyle proportions, wondering how the hell I'm going to atone for this without Tesco having me arrested. Should I just send a fiver through the post? Suggestions would be helpful, please

Mind you...Tesco rob me blind every time I go there - £2.17 for a butternut squash?? Daylight robbery.

Well...I took DP's sperm sample to the hospital this morning. The hospital is miles away and it has to be there within the hour of ejaculation and I really didn't want to risk the buses so I asked my 'friend' from the gym if she could take me after dropping her kids off at school and she kindly said yes. I use the term 'friend' loosely as I've only known her a number of weeks but do you know, she bought me some Next perfume and two family-sized bags of Minstrels & peanut M&Ms for my birthday which I thought was rather lovely considering we hardly know each other, and then I thought 'oooh! I must be a really nice person after all' (I sometimes go through patches of self-doubt about whether I'm a psycopath or sociopath or both) for her to have wanted to buy me a gift at all (and for your information, Knicky, she has been the only one brave enough to mention the dreaded Christmas on fb as a direct retort to my posting and we've had lots of fun bantering back-and-forth).

Sparkly, Goth & anyone else on the 2ww (Lotsofcheese, where are you?), which DPO are you on? I'm on 8 or 9 depending on who you believe (me or fertilityfriend). I, too, am feeling less than sanguine about my luck this month. I don't have any faith in my self-insemination debacle and I strongly believe that sperm deposited three and four days before ovulation is useless without the presence of nuturing EWCM. Which brings me to my next question: has anyone on here had any success with Pre-Seed? When I was pregnant and on the ante-natal thread nearly everyone had conceived using this lubricant. Does it really mimic EWCM? If so, I'm definitely going to invest in some, but at £17.99 for a tube I'd like your thoughts and opinions, please.

Sorry for epic post (I tend to think out loud on this thread) and apologies for boring you all to death.