Fantastic 40+ thread - part 7

[lolfactor]

Shiny new thread - over here everyone

Lotsofcheese, sorry about AF

Hello, AngelGeorgie.

Thank you golden; I was reading your earlier post & can empathise with how you feel. I'm in the "can't let it go" category & wish I could rationalise with myself & stop TTC so I could move on, instead of being stuck in this limbo. But I can't

It seems like there's a few charting/cycle experts on this thread, so I wonder if anyone could answer a couple of questions for me?:

1. Is it possible to ovulate on a really short cycle (my latest was 18 days, I think I did & caught the tail end of LH surge on cd6)
2. Is there anything I can do to lengthen my cycle? Have heard of agnus castus but not sure what it does??

My usual cycle was 23-25 days before my mmc in June - since then it's been 18-31 days with lots of spotting/bleeding mid-cycle (after ovulation) - can only tell what's going on via HPT's & OPK.

Really fed up, so any advice or info would be appreciated. Thanks in advance

Hello! lotsofcheese I took agnus castus to lengthen my luteal phase, which is successfully did (from 9 days to 11 days - golden 11 is fine, and think yours was actually a little longer?) I think it's worth a shot - also started taking vit B6 which also helps apparently, though got pregnant before it probably had a chance to kick in (the B6 - had been on agnus castus for about 8 mths) I also doubled up the folic acid (one tab in addition to pregnacare) - not sure why now? Think alba , a stalwart of the thread, recommended it?
Mad busy here with trying to work from home and look after the 5 of them, so sorry for not doing personals! There's always someone shrieking! (usually me)
Love to all xxx

Lotsofcheese, the only way of knowing that you've ovulated is by seeing a sustained rise in temperature on a chart. I would advise you to buy a digital basal body thermometer off Amazon and get cracking on fertilityfriend - especially after a miscarriage when your hormones are all over the place. I would also implore you to buy Zita West's excellent Guide To Getting Pregnant, also from Amazon. And no, I don't work for Amazon

Thanks for your advice, have already purchased the bbt thermometer & more ovulation tests from Amazon. And downloaded the FF app to my phone. I think you're right, that temping is the way to go.

I'm also going to make a GP appt next week to discuss my weird cycles and see if there's anything I can do to prevent another m/c - or if there are any simple investigations that can be done.

I always take 75mg aspirin after BFP due to previous PE & have had a thrombophilia screen in the past, plus recent smear.

Let's hope she doesn't want to do a 21 day progesterone as my cycles are too short!!

Lotsofcheese, first of all, I don't think your cycles sound too weird after what is actually a recent miscarriage. I think, on the back of your molar pregnancy, you are on high alert for things going wrong with your body. I totally understand you being fearful and impatient for a 'normal' pregnancy. By all means go to your GP and tell him you're downright scared and that you're mystified about your cycles since June. However, be prepared for him to say that your miscarriage was only recent and that 'these things take time'. I remember you saying that pathology tests came back fine. Does this reassure you that you can go on to have a healthy pregnancy? If not, tell the doctor of your doubts. Don't be afraid to sound hysterical or stupid. We are women of a certain age who have endured very painful experiences. We should at least demand to be heard by professionals who are paid a heck of alot of money to sit and listen to us.

You will feel a whole lot more in control when you begin to see your charts. I promise

Thanks again for your support goldengirl. I have definitely lost confidence in my body, for good reason unfortunately. My 1st pregnancy ended at 29 weeks due to severe PE. My DS survived, just, and spent 3 months in hospital before coming home on oxygen. He is well now, but it has been a journey, and one that has taken me to the edge of my coping skills (which are pretty good).

We agonised about whether to have another child, had a consultant review & second opinion, plus some investigations & a genetics referral. So we've had plenty of expert opinions. There is about a 30% chance I will get PE again in a future pregnancy and of course there is no treatment for this, except to deliver.

Then came the molar pregnancy. My normal cycle kicked in straight away after the ERCP.And then the mmc this June; I agree that the GP will just tell me it's early days after m/c & things will settle in time.

So I'm wondering if Mother Nature is trying to tell me something - but I'm not wanting to hear what she has to say.

But at the same time I don't want DS to be an only child. So the conclusion I have come to is that I'll continue TTC whilst it remains harder to let go than it is to continue. But I also have a responsibility to myself to stop putting myself through this.

So that's where I'm at, am trying to look after myself a bit better, focus on the positive things I have in life.

Here's to happier times for all of us, whatever the future brings xx

Lotsofcheese, what a difficult and painful path you've travelled. I'm not going to pretend I know what your experiences feel like, or whether you're right to continue TTC. What I can tell you is that there are ladies on this thread who have endured, amongst other tragedies, a still birth; the sudden loss of a child at 13 months; and recurrent miscarriages. These are their stories to tell, but I can tell you that they have gone on to become pregnant and given birth to healthy babies.

There are also women struggling with the notion of maybe stopping TTC. And that brings its own pain, too. Being on this thread, though, means that you don't have to feel alone with your feelings and your fears. There are some lovely stories of hope triumphing in the darkest of places. And plenty of babies being born to women just like you...

Hi everyone.
I'm going through a very difficult time. Having had a scan at 7 weeks and another at just over 8w that showed healthy heartbeat and growing baby we went for a private "reassurance" scan this morning, only because this was the stage in my pregnancy that ended in March when I had started to spot blood and I wanted peace of mind it wasn't going to happen again. To our horror there was no heartbeat and growth had stopped at 8w6d(I should be about 10w).I was referred straight to the EPU where they confirmed there was no hope.
I have the option now of waiting and letting nature take it's course, going for medical management or having an ERPC.
The problem is that we hadn't told DD1 12 and DD2 8 that I was pregnant in case things did go wrong, to protect them from the devastation they went through in March. DD1 was very upset and couldn't sleep at night for weeks afterwards, she was really looking forward to a new little sibling.
We never told them about the MC I had in June but that was at 6 wks and was over quite quickly,by the time I had my scan at the EPU a week after it started everything had passed.
If I go into hospital we'll have to tell them something.
On the other hand I don't know how long it will be before I start bleeding. I still feel pregnant, some nausea, sore boobs,small bump, if it wasn't for the scan I would have no idea things had gone wrong.It's so difficult knowing I'm carrying a little dead baby and continuing life as normal trying to put on a brave face and I suppose it could go on for weeks.
DH feels that at our ages and after three MC in such quick succession we should stop TTC. DS 19 wasn't pleased when we told him about the most recent pregnancy originally but mainly because he was worried how I would feel if I miscarried again, he had been really supportive the first time but I hadn't realized how traumatized he was by seeing me upset. I have to think how fair it is to put the whole family through this but the thought of this being it and that I'm losing my last chance to have a baby seems so final.

Irishmammybread, I'm so so sorry you are going through this, it is exactly what happened to me. I too had those scans around 7/8 weeks,had a healthy heartbeat,then started spotting at around 10 weeks. I also didn't tell my children about the the pregnancy because of what we'd been through with the previous pregnancy. But once I realised I had lost the baby, I had to tell them,because there was no way to keep my sadness under wraps.I just couldn't and they needed to know why I was grieving. They seemed to cope much better the second time, perhaps because they hadn't built up any excitement about a baby coming.I don't know. They were just so loving and supportive of me when I went through the grief.At the time my DD1 was 14,DD2 was 11 and DS3 was 3 (my older boys knew about the pregnancy).

I also had an ERPC, because I couldn't handle the thought of carrying my little one anymore,once I knew he was gone. It is a natural reaction I think.I also couldn't stand the thought of a miscarriage dragging on for a long time, or having to deal with labour pain. I don't know if I would do so again,because after the second ERPC, I didn't have any bleeding (at AF time, I was charting and knew I was ovulating, but at AF time I had pain,cramping and no blood)for several months, which really worried me, and it was thought I may have had some scarring from having two consecutive ERPC is 6 months. Thankfully the problem seemed to resolve itself, but I think it did stop ttc for that time.

I asked for the tissue (after the ERPC)to be examined to determine the cause of the miscarriage, at the time,I really needed to know why. Unfortunately the test results were inconclusive, but it did help to know I might get answers.

As for it being your last chance, there really isn't anyone who can decide that but you. I know your DH and DS both care deeply for you and cannot bear to see you so devastated, and that is why they wouldn't want you to ttc again, but there is nothing like that longing for your baby,particularly when you have experienced this kind of loss, and you have to come to the decision yourself.

It was just over a year ago that I had my second miscarriage,and like you I just couldn't bear to think of my future without getting pregnant again. It has taken time, and I do feel better about it all now, but your journey is your own,and that need to try again is part of it. I do hope your DH can try to understand.

I'm so sorry for your loss.If I can help in any way, please PM me.

Oh Irish I am so, so sorry. You must be so shocked & upset. I also had a mmc in June at 11.5 weeks, having had a scan at 8+5 and being assured by EPU that the chances of things going wrong after a good heartbeat at that stage were "minimal". It gave us false hope & we were so shocked to find out the heart had stopped at 9+5. Like you I still had pregnancy symptoms & was horrified to think that I'd been carrying a dead baby inside me for weeks. I'm so sorry it's happened to you as well, there's not the words for it.

I was given the option of medical management on a ward at the weekend - ie waiting 5 days. Or ERCP the next day, which I chose. I've never had a natural m/c & was terrified of the pain/mess, however I can reassure you that I found both ERCP's relatively painless with minimal bleeding afterwards.

If you opt for ERCP, perhaps you could tell your children that you're having a D&C for medical reasons, if you feel that you want to protect them from the m/c. I'm not sure what advice to give if you opt for medical management - others will be along soon who can advise.

As for making decisions re: TTC, perhaps now is not the right time, when you're so raw & emotionally distressed.

Please take care of yourself, if you'd like more info about the practicalities of ERCP, just PMe.

I'm so sad for you, life can be really shite sometimes x

Oh Irish my love, I'm so so sorry to read your devastating news. This is just so bloody unfair.

I think cheese has given excellent advice about what to tell your children about an ERPC. I also agree that it's too early to make big decisions about the future. I think right now, it's time to think about you and your current feelings which must be immensely sad. Everything is so raw right now. Life is just dreadful sometimes, and one wonders how things will ever be brighter again. But they will be, whatever decision is made regarding TTC in the future.

I'm sending you huge hugs and thinking of you. Much love xxx

irish I am so sorry. Be as kind to yourself as you possibly can - I know you have responsibilities. I don't have personal experience specific to this to speak from, but I am sure you won't always feel the way you do now. I wouldn't say this is the end but maybe others can give better advice on that. Oh honey, so so sorry.

xxx

Irish I'm so sorry for you I think you've had some excellent, heartfelt advice and I really can't add much more other than to agree that you need to take some time out before making a decision on ttc-ing. There are an awful lot of us who have been in very similar positions on this thread (myself included) which I know is no consolation but will at least mean that we have a little empathy and understanding, and some perhaps useful advice if needed. Thinking of you xxx

Irish very sorry to hear your news... I too have had a MC & MMC and had both medical management & ERPC. I found the surgical option much quicker & less stressful....
Take care , hope u ve got RL support ... Lots of love xxx

Hi all; hope everyone is well? Awaiting news from Italian & Tina with any progress???
Love to all xxx

irish so sorry to hear your sad news. I had an ERPC in Feb this year and found it the best thing. I went into hospital at 7am and was out by noon. There was very little bleeding afterwards. I was groggy for 24 hours after the GA. My hospital did all the ERPCs in day surgery first as those women were clearly traumatised and needed to be seen asap then back home. I know not all hospitals have the same policy. Take care of yourself.

Irish, sending big hugs. What a horrible shock. I agree with Blackcats & Cheese. The ERPC is so quick and painless and you can tell your children a white lie to placate them. I had an ERPC because, at eleven weeks, I was told my baby had died at the very early stages. I was told it could be another six weeks until I miscarried naturally and I didn't want the prolonged agony. My heart goes out to you and your family xxx

(hmmm, I'm 40, maybe I should have a look in this thread...wow, there're a lot of people on here, will have a bit of a read first!)

(sneaks off to get bag of crisps...)

irish - like so many others on here I too have had that devastating news and my heart goes out to you, Sweetie. So sad and so unfair. I chose an EPRC with the MMC and as we had stupidly told the boys at about 9 weeks we were at least able to be truthful about why I was going into hospital. i then had a MC 4 months later and as it all happened naturally and they hadn't been told that time I was able to keep that news from the boys. i don't honestly know what is the best thing for you to tell your children this time. I guess it depends if you think you will be able to keep your grief from them. i was so upset after the MMC that i cried a lot and the boys knew why. However, after the MC i felt differently - I hadn't got as far with that pregnancy (7 weeks) and i had been holding back on the emotions just incase, so i was actually able to get through an MC without the boys knowing about it. You could tell them that you have to have something else done as a day patient but ultimately you may feel that it is better to be totally honest with them. i still find it weird in a way that the boys know we lost one but not the other - maybe I will tell them about the second little forgottten one - one day. Wait a while to decide whether you want to try again, the right answer will come to you when it isn't all so raw. XX

I've polished off a bag of crisps and a glass of wine, what a lot of back stories that I fear I'll be slow to catch up on. I laughed at knickys faking a twitch when a man caught you boob checking, was bowled over by somewhere's capacity for meaningful dreams, moved by too many sad stories, and heartened that this thread has it's own bistro!

May I join? I'm 40. In brief, I spent too long in a failing marriage, then spent too long being uncertain before finally settling down last year with OH after 4+ years, I became pg quite quickly but then mc'd at 11 weeks, that was in March, I then bled for two months, so have only been back to ttc for the last 3 months. Have fears of having left it too late. Had the blood tests back in December though and the results were good.

Can I ask a question? I think the NHS won't do any investigations as I've had one pg, do you think that's right? I wondered if they would help if they knew OH had some difficulties, anyone know? I hate going to the gp, and feel pretty sure OH won't want to have that chat with the gp so thought I'd ask on here first.

Anyway, am actually dpo 2 today. Sorry for long newbie post.

Hi onemoreforgoodmeasure, you're very welcome to join. I'm more of a lurker these days as I'm pregnant, but still feeling as though it's early days. I'm nearly 10 weeks and I'm looking forward to the 12 week scan with trepidation. Just want to know things are OK. I'm especially concious of the awful time poor Irish is having. As for tests, has your DP had his sperm analysed? This is offered on the NHS and is definitely worth checking. I think you're right that you won't be referred for one miscarriage - I was told that I would be referred when I'd had three (great - I wasn't wishing for that....). PS I'm still boob twitching but only in private.....

I've also got to say I find the ladies on here incredibly knowledgable, supportive and friendly, so I'm sure you'll be welcomed with open arms.

Diege I think it'd be lovely if the bistro can open tonight. Could I put in an early order? I'd like a warm goats cheese tartlet with sweet red onion chutney, fillet steak medium rare with thrice cooked chips and strawberry pavlova for afters. A large cold pinot grigio wouldn't go amiss either. If you could arrange Bradley Wiggens to serve me that would also be appreciated (no idea why, but have taken a bit of a shine to him......)

Thanks for the welcome Knicky. It's confusing to come to all of this so late in the day.

What I meant by help from the NHS was a referral to clinic for support like IUI, or is it UIU??? And I thought that those referrals might be kept for women who haven't had any pregnancies iyswim?

I followed Irish's posts, heart breaking.

hey onemore you've made my day with your kind comment about my dream. great news about your blood test. this is a great thread - a unique combination of heartfelt support and useful information.

I'm becoming more of a lurker on this thread but sometimes i can't help myself. posting, i mean.

knicky i am crossing my fingers for you.

diege can i have some profiteroles... oh look... there are some magically in my fridge... i can't have just bought them at sainsburys can i?

xx