Fantastic 40+ thread - part 7

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Shiny new thread - over here everyone

Been AWOL for ages, and notice lots of new names which is fabulous... yay to the 40+ thread.

Haven't read back too far but a big thumbs up to Knicky and Tina - all sounding promising. A special squeeze for Gum.

I'm now 30 weeks, all measuring fine, looking normal and dull. For newbies, I was 44 in Feb, and have a DS who is 4. Started TTC in June 09, and had 3 MMCs around 12 weeks and 2 early MCs. Had all the recurrent MC tests and nothing amiss. Took DHEA (75mg/day) after recommendation for 8 months starting April 11 and got a BFP in Jan 12. Feel grateful and blessed, but just want to say it is possible.

Best wishes to all of you on your TTC journey.

Hello. I wanted to add some encouragement too. After very busy life building career (mostly to please parents), I decided to jack it all in and start family. Came off the pill after 20+ yrs. Practice nurse says to use condoms for 1st 2 months ? wrong! Should have used the massive hormone surge that ensued. Started ttc Jan ?12. AF arrived, but why? We had unprotected sex didn?t we?! Same again in Feb. Not impressed. I discover Mumsnet. Apparently women over 35 are rather old for this. Might be too late. Panic. Go to Wessex Clinic for ADH test. Result ?less than 1, very low even for your age so chances of conception extremely low even with IVF?. Consult Mumsnet again. Visit clinic in London well known for alternative therapies. Lady reads notes and says, ?OK, so it?s IVF with donor eggs or adoption then?. She?s very pushy (?must book IVF asap?) and won?t listen when we say no, we want to try naturally. I?m very upset. I arrange HyCoSy at Wessex. Horrible but worth it ? everything is clear and there are 5+ follicles clearly visible on each side. April - start acupuncture with lady with special interest in fertility. She wants me to temp. Prescribes vits & herbs (L-Arginine, Selenium, Royal Jelly, B Complex, Cordyceps). She orders blood tests with GP ? day 3 and day 21. All OK. Probably a short luteal phase. She works on this (& sorts out hayfever and tennis elbow!). I feel fab. Temping & EWCM vital to pinpointing ovulation. July ?12 ? BFP. I think the acupuncture made the difference, and possibly the vits & herbs, but wouldn?t underestimate the benefits of good news (test results) and the dis-benefits of stress. I wish you all the very best of luck.

Forgot to say, I'm nearly 43.

Hello everyone!

jollster, we've met before on a different thread, glad to hear your pregnancy is going well.

I've had a very stressful day, been having a bit of cramping and then woke this morning without feeling sick and convinced myself my pregnancy symptoms had disappeared and my stomach was flatter than yesterday.
I phoned the EPAU and they were quite dismissive and said as I wasn't bleeding it wasn't an emergency. We're going over to Ireland tomorrow for a week and I really didn't want to travel without some reassurance so I did some internet research and found a private clinic an hours drive away who had an appointment free.
They did a transabdominal scan and there was a little blob with a definite heartbeat measuring 6w6d (I'm 7 weeks ),in my uterus, so that was a huge relief . The sonographer then said there also looked like a gestational sac by my ovary but as it wasn't a diagnostic scan she couldn't do a transvaginal scan or give me any more information and I should get checked out at hospital asap in case there was an ectopic twin. Off I headed to the hospital to find the EPAU was closed and all the staff in a meeting so I was directed to the gynae ward.
A doctor looked at the printout images of my ovary which I'd been given to bring with the referral letter and said it just looked like the Corpus Luteum though he didn't suggest any further scanning today.I go back for a scan on 6th Aug.

I know statistically my chances of miscarriage are decreased if there's a heartbeat on the scan though the sonographer couldn't check the heart rate.
Then I see all the statistics for increased risks over 40( let alone 44!) so I start to worry all over again. My first miscarriage was at 11 weeks but I suppose the baby could have stopped developing earlier ,I'd not had a scan before I lost it. At least I've got past the 6 week stage when I lost the last one.
I think I need to try not to think about it all so much, at least being away will be a distraction!

Irishmammy, I'm sorry you are worrying, but its par for the course,isn't it, it's just so hard not to worry? But you've had a healthy heartbeat and a baby measuring right on date, so you should try to relax and enjoy your week in Ireland. For today you ARE pregnant.

Cuckoo, thanks for your lovely words. Your are a champion if you went back and read the thread, blimey, that would have taken some time!

I've been wanting to ttc since my son was 10 months old, but had to wait til he was about 18 months when I started ovulating again (when I breastfeed I don't have my fertility return for 18 months to 2 years).He will be 4 at the end of August, so it has been a long time - over two years. It feels like, at some point, I have to stop wishing, hoping and longing for a baby, because it isn't healthy to keep doing all this. And it isn't easy ttc with an unwilling partner. I would love it if I could anticipate a joyful response from DH when I announce to him that I'm pregnant, but I already know his response would be nothing like that. So having a reluctant partner makes it feel lonely. And when I did miscarry our relationship was affected, and not for the best. The first miscarriage, he told me he was relieved, because he didn't want a baby at the time. The second miscarriage he was supportive, but told me he didn't want to try again. I've just kept on ttc because he wouldn't do anything about contraception, and I told him I still wanted a baby and wouldn't use contraception.

Recently, in a stressful moment, he told me we had too many children, which is causing all the stress. It wasn't at all, it was just a rushed, difficult time of the day, getting ready for work.But those words hurt, and made me think I'm being very, very, selfish in this quest for a baby because it will affect everyone else in the family too.

My DH had performance issues when we were DTD the other night, and when I quizzed him, he said he wasn't sure why, but he was worried that I was ttc. I didn't refute it, but I told him that the chances of conceiving were very low and that I've almost given up completely on the idea.We haven't discussed it again.

After that conversation,I just felt so sad, that it was coming between us, and that I can't have what I want. I've always felt it was the right thing to do, that our whole family would benefit from the joy that a baby brings, but the way he sees it is that a baby will just bring financial woes, exhaustion and a few more years before we are free. And I guess it isn't fair if I keep trying when he feels that way.

I've always felt DH would be okay by the time the baby arrived, he would accept it and the actual child would bring him happiness. I also have felt, the whole time, that a baby wants to come to us and I should leave the door open(so to speak) to allow the baby to come in. I guess, in some way I also think, if it's going to happen it will, whether we try to avoid pregnancy or not.
I am confused about all of this, and feel I might be in a transitional stage.I guess I'll just take one day at a time,and see what happens.

Flapjack, thanks for sharing your good news. All the best for your pregnancy.

Deige, if you're around (or did you go away this weekend?),and opening the Bistro, I'll have a Beef Wellington, with all the trimmings, and follow that with a zesty lemon tart and vanilla bean ice-cream. Yum!

p.s. Cuckoo, Lombok is a lovely little island near Bali, but not as commercial and busy as Bali.
Here's a link to where we are going:www.imajproperties.com.au/gallery_villa1.htm

Jollster, thank you for sharing your story - what a tough, tough time you've had - and what a result! Congratulations. What is DHEA, please?

Flapjacks, thanks, too, for your share. How unbelievable! To be rushed towards the IVF process after being told your chances of conception were really low (what's an ADH test?) only to find that there was nothing wrong! Fantastic news but also scary that the 'professionals' can be so wrong. (What's a HyCoSy, please?)

Irish, try your very best to relax for the sake of your baby - difficult, I know, with the doom-laden statistics. I wish you all the very best.

Hopeful.....are you for real??! Those villas look simply gorgeous; I was literally dribbling over the keyboard. When would you be going? You said this was a family holiday; do you mean extended family, too (it sounded like you were the head of a wider project here)?
So...you've been trying for this baby since you were 44? I have to say, I can't imagine the shittiness of ttc for two years - which is basically what I'm facing, if not longer. Who knows which of us on these threads will get lucky and have a baby? How many miscarriages/chemical pregnancies do we have to face before we say 'no more'? I've only been ttc since December 2011 (4 months since MMC) and it feels forever. I'm 41 at the end of August and feel slightly more panicked than I did late last year. Moreover, I can't shake the belief that I've probably got at least another miscarriage in me. I simply don't have the time to recover from the damn things if this last MMC is anything to go by. I don't have six months at a time to spare after miscarriages (it doesn't look like I'm one of those women who's ultra fertile after a MC). Some days I have a really strong feeling that I will never have a child. I certainly don't feel the way you do, that there's a baby waiting to come to me. That must be a beautiful feeling.

One last thing: I firmly believe we know our husbands/partners better than they know themselves

Can someone please tell me what results I'm looking for from my CD2 blood test? I'm not sure what they were testing. Thanks.

cuckoo - so sorry, amh not adh (no, not a typo, just birdbrain-ness on my part!). It's the egg reserve test. I have read on mumsnet that the result can change from one cycle to another but I don't know if that's true.

HyCoSy is where they put a narrow tube into the uterus via the cervix. They blow up a balloon inside to seal the entrance and then put some slightly sugary liquid in via the tube. They then put in what I saw delicately described (ahem) as a dildocam (vaginal scanner thing) which didn't hurt at all. They are looking to see if the liquid spills out of the other end of your tubes (if so then they're clear, if not then there's a blockage which they say they can sometimes clear if it's not too stuck). They can also look for cysts, polyps and fibroids; at the general state of the ovaries; the thickness of the womb lining; and see if there are any follicles. I found the tube insertion incredibly painful and the removal quite painful too, but it was fine while it was in. And so worth it to know there was nothing wrong. They ask you to have it before CD 5, partly so you can't be pregnant but they also said that quite a few women conceive in the month they have it because the sperm seem to like the sugar and it energises them!

As for the professionals, the clinic in London behaved badly I feel, and they weren't cheap. My GP warned me off clinics because he said they're always happy to exploit your situation and take your money. I can see his viewpoint but I wouldn't agree in the case of the Wessex Clinic - they did not suggest any alternative therapies, but they did suggest trying Clomid alongside natural conception for a few months before resorting to IVF, and thought my own eggs could work. I also wonder what choice he (GP) thinks we older ladies have when we're too old for NHS treatment.

CD2 tests: not sure exactly but mine included thyroid, full blood count, FSH, Luteinising Hormone and Prolactin (which helps milk production later but if it's too high you can't conceive). There were 5 phials of blood.

Sorry that was a bit longwinded.

Flapjack, thank you for all that information. Can I have my egg reserve checked on the NHS? (Actually, I'm assuming not). Same for the HyCoSy...which sounds like a great check-up of the lady-bits - very thorough. Thanks again for responding; it certainly was not long-winded

cuckoo you're very welcome. Having googled the day 2 tests, it seems to suggest that the AMH is one of those. I think ask your GP - I reckon they might do it. Mine was very happy to do as many blood tests as he could think of and, because my cycle had been erratic, he just said keep booking in for day 21 tests (or in my case day 19 as it needs to be 7 days before AF) until we get one that ends up on the correct CD. He never said what the tests were, and just said, "Everything is within the normal range" when he rang with the results.

Our local NHS hospital doesn't do HyCoSy but does something else ("similar but not as sophisticated") called HSG and I think that's available to anybody under the health trust's qualifying age e.g. Dorset patients must be under 35, Somerset under 39, in the same hospital! So you could be lucky. I think I paid about £350. As I said in my first post, I think the acupuncture helped enormously, not least by chilling me out!

Cuckoo- yes the villa is gorgeous. I am really looking forward to it. It will involve our immediate family (Me,DH,DD1,DD2 and ds3), and also another family that we are very close to and have holidays with every year. They have a daughter who is best friends with my DD1.

I also had the AMH test, which said I was pretty well barren. But my doctor reassured me that because I'd been pregnant twice in a year before the test that I shouldn't worry too much and it is to be expected at the age of 44. I guess I've been trying since I was 43. I think because I fell pregnant relatively easily with my DS, at age 41(7 months ttc), I didn't think I'd be one of the statistics. I'd never had a miscarriage before and had fallen pregnant first try with my other four kids, so I thought it was just a matter of time.

Now I know it might be a matter of a long time, and that I wasn't immune to miscarriage.

As for the tests, the day 2 test was for estrogen and FSH(follicle stimulating hormone) and the day 21 test is for progesterone(which can tell you if you have ovulated). It's important that it is done 7 days after ovulation, rather than 7 days before AF (that would only be if you had a textbook 28 day cycle, ovulating on day 14). If you do it on day 21, but you ovulate early or later than day 14, the results won't be accurate.

flapjack, I think acupuncture is great and has helped me so much - I don't know if it has helped with conception, but it has certainly helped me to relax and also I think to regulate my cycle. I'd recommend it to anyone ttc.

Jolls - it is so nice to hear from you and I'm so pleased all is well

Morning! Belated beef wellington on its way gum! Yes, have been away - at the Olympics, watching women's football. Had a great time with the girls, though very tiring travel-wise and it was so hot too. We don't have that problem now
Gum I felt really sad when I read your post about no longer ttc . I can't remember who posted, but I agreed with the sentiments that you have come so long along the journey of ttc-ing number 6 that it seems cruel that you feel you have no choice but to give up the quest. Is you dh still not taking any decision over contraception? If so, I think I would carry on. At least you would feel that you had done absolutely everything, and maybe the emotional stress of giving up would be worse than the 2 week wait /early pregnancy anxiety? A tough decision xxx
Really interesting to read about tests/where people are in the process. I was so lucky in that agnus castus was about it for me and I do feel eternally grateful when I look at my ds - 9 mths yesterday! I truly wish everyone here the greatest luck in the world.

See, hopeful? That's two of us now - me & Diege

Thank you, flapjack, for your information. I've already had CD2 blood taken (awaiting results) and will be sure to have next bloods taken on day 22 (I ovulate on day 15). I kind of wish I could have the AMH test so that, if my eggs were shite, I could resign myself to a VERY LONG WAIT as opposed to wafting through each cycle THINKING I AM 26 YEARS OLD. I fell pregnant easily, too, Diege, after ttc for two months, but that ended in MMC and it's been 4 months since the ERPC. Every month I tell myself I have the same chance as anyone out there but I know now that, statistically, that is simply not true. 9 month old baby! I love, love, love them at that age !

Oh, and what is with this fecking rain?! I wanted to go fishing today

cuckoo I asked for both day 2 and day 21 (or their equivalent cycle day tests). My day 2 tests were fine, but my day 21 tests were rubbish, even though my GP said they were 'normal'. However, I asked for actual print-outs of the results, and my AMH was at the high end (11 or 13) which seemed to indicated I was peri-menopausal... so I was very depressed. But then got pg the next cycle, so I did wonder if AMH did vary a lot. And I seem to remember others on here had similarly high AMH but still managed to get pg, which also indicates it isn't the be-all and end-all...

21+3 weeks today. Baby kicking lots, and while I started my Olympic volunteering work, my team was very self-sufficient, so I am waiting to be transferred to a new team, which also means a move to the Olympic village and a hassle around travel. But I do want the experience!! Still, it meant I was able to go to the rowing today, which was fab.

Mia great to hear all's well.
Jollster too.
gum double take - sad that you're stopping but understand it might be right for you. Would love you to stay on the thread.
hello diege
cuckoo I love how your DP is being now. I love that you go fishing! and after the second time you mentioned poo I didn't turn a hair this time. the poo barrier is broken.

I'm due AF in four days. Am having very very sore boobs and nips, a light feeling in my uterus-area, and a sense of utter dismay.

Does anyone else feel dismayed when they get pregnant? I did the first time. It must have been implantation pains and I felt this surge of emotion and almost burst into tears.

gotta go dp coming pu the stairs

gotta go DP coming up the stairs i had to tell him i was working to get FIVE MINUTES TO MYSELF TO COME ON MUMSNET

BTW it is probably a psycosomatically induced sense of dismay this time round. maybe i'm not dismayed. you know how it messes with your head. i'm not syaing i'm PG, just that i'm having the usual 'willies' to coin a phrase that I'm PG.

Hiya Italiangreyhound and all you lovely fantastic 40 and ttc ladies out there!

Happy to report safe deilvery of Isaac Joseph on Thursday 26th of July 2012 at 11.04am by el cs, weighing in at a very healthy 7lbs 7oz. Very pleased, just before my 41st birthday on Tuesday.

Giving baby wishes to all ttc.

Lots of Love Mary

marytheresa lovely

hopeful your last post was v moving i didnt get to read it properly before cause my dp was breathing down my neck. its amazing how its no easier for you than for someone with just 1 child. That journey that there will be no more. I sort of imagine that if I had several I'd be thinking 'never again'!

hard to speak of in RL.

flapjack lovely post. where did you come from? - i need to get in there and do those tests. I just keep thinking next cycle will be the one but if this doesn't work then I really will go to the GP.

mam lovely to hear the baby is kicking! and you're at the heart of the olympics too! Hello to your little olympic baby!

I've got - now we've broken the poo barrier - intestinal rumblings this morning coupled i think with some abdominal cramps. god know what's going on but uterus is not so 'light' any more. don't feel tired or dismayed today either.

bosoms are unbeleivably sore.

i suppose i should test to see if there's a CP but I hate the dissapointment - i prefer to get my period.

someone asked how i felt - i feel so mixed. part of me fears another PG. the dismay sensation i get is very offputting - it does actualy make me kind of releived when it doesn't happen. My first PG was awful - I just felt miserable, couldn't walk cause my feet got inflamed, put on loads of weight, and could barely stay awake for 5 minutes. It was terrible for work.

But a much bigger part is well up for it, no matter what the impact.

xx

Feck! Feck! Feckity-feck! I just lost a mahoosive post which was involved/informative/engaging/helpful (probably totally boring & useless). When I've had a and a poo (that one's for you, somewhere ) I may just come back...[sighs]

MiasMummy, how wonderful that your pregnancy is progressing nicely...keep enjoying your Olympics!

Somewhere, I'm sorry that I can't empathise with your pregnancy 'dismay'...are you quite mental? I do hope you're preggo.

Mary...CONGRATULATIONS!!!

cuckoo it's not rational, the dismay. it's hormonal and it's my mental frailty, which i do have.

i just went to a freelance interview - for a short job - they basically gave me the job then emailed me almost immediately afterwards to say they weren't sure! Actually very unprofessional. I emailed back and said as much as nicely as possible then also blurted out in this email that i was in early pregnancy and off form (I do feel dazed and weepy). Then when I got home i thought i'd better test and so I did and it's a BFN. But it's not my morning wee and there are still two days to go till AF is due.

But feeling really hormonal and pissed off. GRRRRRRRR. AF can do this but doesn't usually. But it probably is AF. bugger. .