Rainbow Babies - hoping and trying for rainbows, loving and remembering our Angels xxx

[Ellypoo]

Hoping this thread brings us all luck and hope xxx

Ooh holidays sounds good angel I love anything Disney Whereabouts are you staying at eurodisney?

Elly sorry lovely I missed your post earlier, I was so bowled over by fans kindness. I went to about 6 counselling sessions after Erin died. I really don't know if it helped or not if I'm honest. It probably helped me work through things in my head but although the lady was lovely I just felt quite uncomfortable with it all. Stress and grief have so many physical symptoms. Take care of yourself - treat yourself as you would a friend who was going through an awful time xxx

Deep breath, dp mentioned going baby shopping soon to sort out hospital bag etc and getting pram/carseat ready. In reality we don't need loads of stuff but I'm scared to buy anything 'just in case'. In my head it would be okay to buy say 2 outfits and a blanket for her as she will need them 'no matter what happens' but the stuff we need for her actually coming home alive I just don't know. I know practically everything can be bought after the event and there's no actual need to buy anything now but I think dp wants to to make it feel more 'real'. How would/did you handle preparing for your rainbow? Just 6 weeks left on Sunday.....

ellypoo remember we are always here, you can say whatever you like. I found this thread helped me so much and still does.
I also found it easier to talk to DH once I had written it down here.
I was thinking yesterday that those first six months really were hell, I felt like I was losing it. Be kind to yourself and rant and shout and scream on here if it helps, we will not be shocked.

green boo to the bad nurse, how is DS now?

angel I hope you get some better sleep tonight.

blizy how's it going? Did AF arrive early?

wtw that is such a hard question, we have everything we need for a new born. But I guess I would buy an outfit. And that's it I think. Ophelia wore the outfit I bought for her, so maybe I would let DH choose the next one. I would pack my bag so early incase I went into early labour. And then I wouldn't look at it.

wtw after we got told the cord was fine I've gone out and bought one outfit (and I've got 10 weeks left). Needed to can't quite explain why, just felt the need, can imagine it's like everything else in this, roll with it and do what you feel like you want/need to at the time. If your DH really wants to get something and you don't feel like you can't why not go with how he feels - that's how we've been doing things anyway. I have most things already too though, inc my free pack of nappies from the first bounty pack, but then I had just sent and stored everything at my mums.

Green So glad to hear your DS is doing well - must have been really scary for everyone. Grrr at the bad nurse - hope that gave her a kick up the bum for being so uncaring on a childrens ward of all places.

elly I didn't have any councelling about Sproglet, but I've actually had quite a lot over the years and it was the things I learnt about myself and coping mechanisms I learnt already that helped me cope without it. There are different types, but everyone is different and not everyone needs it. I always looked at myself to see if I was feeling 'stuck' - if I couldn't express how I was feeling and bottling it up, or if I had very low mood for longer than two weeks.

Angel I have to book tickets and then assistance for the train so that we can use the ramps to get my wheelchair on. I live in Hull and the MRI is in Sheffield. It's then complicated further because I have to book assistance for specific trains but can't book the wheelchair space on those trains. It's totally possible to end up with assistance and no space, not happened yet though so hope it won't happen tomorrow.

DH is currently in the kitchen making sure we have food for the journey tomorrow. This is the easy bit really - make sure we get there, eat and get home, can contend with everything else later. I'm a bit worried it might put me in bed for a bit, but I can still get MN on my phone Thanks everyone for the handholding, I've really needed it, I'll know far more tomorrow after the scan and time with the consultant. I think it's one of the perks of being in a research study, everything moves much faster than usual which is fantastic.

Trickle... Will be thinking of you tommorow, hope the journey is ok and the scan goes well for you. X

trickle thinking of you.

Arh I see Trickle was confused. Good luck today xxx
Whatever I didn t buy anything apart from a going home outfit we had everything from Georgie so didn t need anything. I just couldn t xxxx

trickle thinking of you today, hope evrything goes well. x

fan af has arrived right on time (this morning) after spotting for 5 days! I feel yuck though, quite sicky and have supe cramp.
Well done with helping wtw!

wtw I'm glad Erin's grave will be all ready for her birthday.

Wtw... Re buying stuff. I kind of know what you mean because I was so worried about merryn before she was born, but made myself shop anyway. I think if I was you I'd wait, but mainly because it should be so much fun, and before you have your little one it won't be, but after she's here, you'll really enjoy it! Why not think of it like that? You deserve the good stuff WTW, some of it might just work better after she's with you! Another day passed, another day nearer.... Your doing so well, not far to go now....

BLIZY... Sory y AF here.... Wine and chocolate at the we then?!

Take care trickle, hope you get good news xx

Hi, I know counselling is probably a sensible thing to do but it's a long term thing - it doesn't help me get through now. I am so grateful that you lovely ladies, who know exactly how I feel, are here, although I so wish that we didn't have to be.
Am on phone so can't name check but I hope you are all ok and will check in again later x

Thinking of you trickle x

Sorry AF got you blizy, its so much worse isn't it when you are hoping with all your heart that this month will be your month. I dreamt I got 2 bfps last night - ridiculous as AF still here :(

So sorry AF got you blizy

Thinking of you today trickle x

blizy boooo that AF caught you, what a shitty thing. Are you feeling ok?

ellypoo I remember what angel said to me on here, that planning a break away for a couple of days can help. It can help you think about something to look forward too? Do you think that might help? TTC in our situation can be so hard we are suffering such grief and then our life is comsummed by regret and feelings of failure as we wait each month to get a BFP. We ache at the loss of our babies, but it feels like we are going round in circles. That's how I felt and sometimes feel now. Planning day trips out with DH really helped.

big hugs for everyone!
We just had the most dreadful of storms, it was literally pitch black outside and pouring it down, neighbours down the road were almost flooded and some other friends in the village were... :(
Postponed my dentist appointment to this afternoon, cause there was no way I was going out in that!

boo for all the AF's that have arrived... you are not welcome here! We want BFP's! :)

I'm looking at counselling as well atm, I'm a year down the road, but in order to do what I'd like to do in the future, I need to get myself sorted. It's still very raw specially now with little rainbow on the way, I feel very vulnerable.

Waiting for HR to get back to me about maternity pay... Phoned up earlier and she just said I will get the basic... which is 90% for 6 weeks and then down to SMP...
Now I know that other people employed by the diocese get full time paid for 39 weeks on top of that... so it would be very unfair if I didn't get that... she's taking a while, I wonder what the outcome will be!
After all I've been through, I should really deserve a long time at home with rainbow baby, on a decent pay, don't you think? Cause we all deserve that!

Oh no, the storm sounds wild! We had them here on Friday, (I am terrified of thunder & lightening) was not fun!

Fan- I mighty pissed off! Feeling really ill too, hope I'm not coming down with something.

I have to go do school pick ups now, I can really see it far enough. I think we will have a movie afternoon! That's the schools here finished for the summer...

Hello everyone, move went well. We've had storms all morning too. Only have Internet access on my phone at the mo and signal is not too good, hope everyone is ok.

Morning sickness has arrived full force, from the moment I open my eyes till I go to bed, tommy isn't settling in his room very well so ip and down with him all night which isn't helping.

Hope everyone is ok x

Glad the move went well Moomin cx
Blue would be nice I had 6 months off as couldn afford any more time off. No storms here lovely & sunny xxx
Blizy sorry crappy AF here poor u ... Shitty xxxx indulge in all the nice stuff, treat yourself.
Ellypoo you have to decide if counselling is right for u or not?
Got to go: screaming baby!!! Xx

Wow blue some of those storms look incredible! Haven't had any here just really really muggy and the air is really thick. 39 weeks on full pay sounds amazingly generous! Never heard of that much before that would be amazing. I get 12 weeks on full pay which isn't too bad. Think I'm only going to be able to manage 5 months off though

Trickle how did it go today? Been thinking of you

Sorry you're not feeling well Blizy xx

Glad the move went well moomins sorry to hear ms is bad though.

Miasmummy and August how are you ladies?

How's ds green?

Waves fan angel xx

I'm totally knackered only just got in from work at 8.10pm. Just enough time to read K a quick story before bed. 4 weeks left to go! Im so ready to finish now!! My pelvis is really throbbing and aching. Feel like I've been kicked by a horse. On the plus side got to hear the lovely strong galllopy heartbeat at midwives this morning. Best sound ever x

Well atm it will be just 8 weeks :( not eligible to the 39 weeks full pay... Unfortunately!

39 weeks?? That's an awful lot never heard of that much before??? I got 8 weeks full pay, 16 weeks half pay plus SMP then would have been SMP only so hence I returned to work at that point!!! Was difficult as mortgage, loan or bills don t decrease do they??? But my pay did by £500 a month!!!!!
Whatever certainly is : a fab sound rest up xxx

It is an awful lot, that's why I'm so p**d off that I only get the bare minimum, they can't offer one part of their employees, the best offer ever, and the other part the worst... it's just not fair...
be back later!

oooh DH is such a sweetheart, he managed to swap his Tuesday shift to Wednesday so he can come to the scan with me, suddenly feel much more positive and even if we get some bad news or something is wrong, I know he's going to be there with me, just like last year.
Such a relief! :)

That's really good news Blue Wow 20 weeks! Are you going to find out if it's a little girl or boy? xx

Fan dp and I went to the cemetery today (first chance we've had to go together) and Erin's plot looks so much better. I am so grateful to you for sorting it xx

Suddenly feeling very huge - much bigger than I felt with K or E at 31 weeks!

How is everyone? xx

blue that's great news.

wtw they always say that the more you have the bigger you become and feel. My MIL has been pg 7 times and was huge in her last one. And it was my pleasure, I only reminded the guys to tend Erin grave. And I'm sure you would do the same for me.

We have our kitties, Banquo and Myrtle are settling in. They have eaten and are now sleeping, they are too cute.