TTC 10 plus months, Part 7

[lisacn]

A friendly, supportive thread for those of us who are taking a bloody long little longer time than average to conceive.

Oh euro i can imagine you are feeling utterly shite but you can do this. It will hopefully all be worth it in the end. Are you halfway through downregging yet? You are doing amazingly , i?m cheering you on from the sidelines.

carrie - as others have said, this is bound to mess with fertility and i am sure they will be able to give you something that will cure what ever is going on.

mrsd - i?ll give you 20 squid for your antibs...! no seriously poor you. TOnsilities is horrible , i hope you feel better.

critter - wouldn?t it be funny if our paths had once crossed in the newsroom...uum curious. And what a lovely post, you are very sweet and kind. And so pleased to hear your dad is supporting you and your poor parents having to go through all that before having your sister. It is amazing what people have been through.

artemis - i think we need to keep a log of all the ridiculous comments we have all had over this journey and once we all have our babies we can do a mass exposé. Since when is general health not relevant to fertility. I give up. I can?t believe the problems you are having booking in an hsg. Are they trained to drag their heels and take as long as possible? Perhaps you should pop in to the Serum clinic in Athens whilst you are in Greece and get them to do a quick hsg ? they won?t be nearly as pricey as private over here. No but seriously it?s so stressful for you but what is so frustrating it is an unnecessary stress.

gin - oh i am sorry. What are OATS and what has caused MrG?s low sperm count ? It is going to happen for you , i know it?s difficult when there is a failed cycle behind you but all that means is that your bfp is getting closer .

pout - it?s so easy to read in to everything the docs say. I always think my doc knows something i don?t and is hiding something. MrP is probably right, it probably is a ruse. I am not telling MrJ about my Greek plan [sounds like i have a solution to their economy] as i?m sure he?ll scoff. I asked my acupuncturist whether the Greeks will give me antibiotics even if they don?t find anything but apparently they won?t. Damn. I?m behaving like i?m some crack addict hunting for crack.

Had my last monitoring scan and blood test this morning. Questioned her on the antibiotics things and whether i should have had some with DH?s infection but she just said NO. She had no interest in discussing it which was fair enough as she was just doing a monitoring scan. Anyway i had to book in a clinic appointment to see her which isn?t for another month. So tedious this waiting isn?t it.

On other news , my mother called to say ?following on from our conversation the other day...?. Well she was much more friendly over the phone and sounds like she has been gathering some names of some dodgy doctors. I?m not going to see them but she said we need to find out what is wrong rather than going straight to ivf which I tried to explain was easier said than done and that?s what we are doing! She then proceeded to tell me that we would have a very nice life without kids. Well she was trying to be nice and say the right things I guess. It does make me wonder though, people who have been through all of this and then it turns out it just never happens for them, do you think they ever get over it? I wonder whether they lead happy and fulfilling lives. I am getting so frustrated , angry and bitter just 2 years in, I dread to think what I would turn out like.

mrsd that's what my husband says.

pout the weight is apparently common (this is based on the shocked googlineg I did after seeing the scales, with some women saying they put on about 10 pounds!). My weight normally creeps up and down pretty slowly (I am more or less a daily weigher). I put on 3 pounds in 24 hrs earlier this week. I am comfort eating a bit more chocolate than usual but nothing that would equate to that much. I am hoping it is water. Although with the night sweats I don't see how I have enough left in me to make the scales go up like that. The last three nights I have absolutely drenched the bed. Eugh.

Thanks for all your encouragement. I knew the hormones would do this to my moods, which is one of the reasons why I really, really didn't want to do IVF. I regret now that we didn't go with our instincts to go for natural IVF. I have told Mr euro that this is the only time I am doing the drug-laden kind. This is just fvking horrible.

joycep I croseed posts with you. I just wanted to respond to the moving on point. I think I am getting there. Before I started the IVF, I just wanted to say "enough, I want my life back". When I got the smear result recalling me in 6 months and telling me not to get pregnant in the meantime, part of me panicked but do you know what another part of me felt? Relief. Relief that I might get 6 months off from this shyte (and not have to do the IVF). But then the sensible part of me took over and arranged the gynae appointment, etc specifically so I don't have to wait the 6 months. But there is a growing part of me that just wants my life back. I was happy pre-ttc.

JoyceP I'm sorry that your mum continues to put her foot in it. I know what you mean about feeling frustrated, angry and bitter. I had delusions of taking a year off after the first bout of trying for a few months post-MC and that I would be pregnant as soon as we started trying again. Ha. How wrong. It's our 2nd wedding anniversary in no less than 27 days and there is not a sniff of a pregnancy. I don't think I'll ever be able to give up if I'm honest. Even if I'm told I can't I'll still hope. But I know what you mean. It sucks. When do you get the results from your cycle monitoring? Is that your appt in a months' time?

Euro I'm sure it's just the hormones and once you stop you'll be back to normal. it's crap though. As I said earlier, I'm sure you don't look any different. It's just a horrid side effect and something else to stick on the meh pile.

euro Firstly, dealing with the important shallow stuff, you will lose the weight, it is temporary
Secondly I wanted to add, because I fear that I latched onto the negatives and let my stupid brain run away with itself which is what you didn't need to hear right now, that you are almost there. Like everyone has said you are doing brilliantly with the drugs and it will be over soon. Hold onto the thought that it could be your time very soon - stranger things have happened
The relief thing you felt after your smear was probably just your fear and trepidation talking & FX that your TTC days will be behind you very soon for all the right reasons

princess Sending you big hugs to combat the meh! I think we all have those days when it all feels too much to deal with. I'm glad that your friend is okay but totally understand how you are feeling and can identify with that constricted feeling in your chest and throat. For me I think it is physical manifestation of total and utter frustration.
I did laugh at your pleas to the fertility Gods the bastards don't listen
I'm sorry that MrP was less than understanding. Personally I don't think that men seem to do the baby envy thing and don't get it at all. DH looked blank when I told him how I couldn't handle the baby in the waiting room & how usually I can control my exposure to babies and in this instance I was trapped there having to listen to it's cries. Cue funny chest feeling!

Cheer up lovely. Take heart that you are doing so well on the brown diet & that next month you will be in absolute optimum condition for baby making

joycep I am so sick of the one word "no" response from doctors too. It seems to me that they are hell bent on not being drawn into any conversation that might highlight the deficiencies in NHS infertility treatment/investigations. I would respect them so much more if they were to say once in a while how what I am asking is a valid route of enquiry but the funding isn't there to pursue it. Like I said I have given up now pressing them on anything. I am worried that this is a cop out that I might later regret but to be honest I have run out of steam. That is why I respect you so much for keep plugging on with your research and e-mailing clinics.
BTW I don't think the Greece thing is a ruse, it is just my DH being difficult and saying no without actually saying no IFYSWIM
I'm glad that your mum is being a little more amenable to the idea of fertility investigations but I have to say that you have way more patience than me about the comment about not wanting IVF without proper investigation!
I can't imagine feeling fulfilled if a baby doesn't materialise. It frightens me about how I will cope actually. At least at the moment there is still hope, once the menopause happens and it really is game over what then?

Xpost. princess - i hear you loud and clear. it?s frigging awful and you are torn between wanting your friend to be ok and then on hearing she is ok, it makes you think about the unfairness of your own situation. There?s nothing to say to really help but you are doing all the right things and you will crack on with ttc again next month and hopefully that bfp is imminent for you. Results of cycle monitoring will all be discussed at the clinic meeting in a month. This should have happened already if they hadn?t have buggered up the blood results.

pout - totally agree and I wish docs would be more honest and open about discussions and say perhaps you should go and talk to so and so or get this looked into. But not a word of it.

eruo - i was happy pre-ttc too. I think once you start going down the ivf route and the drugs and emotional strain starts taking its toll, you start thinking that enough is enough i guess. I remember feeling utter relief when i walked out of my gynae?s clinic last year after 9 months of prodding and poking and I hadn?t even been put through the menopause.

Oops, think this may be a bit random and all over the place as a few pages have rolled by.
euro yes you right, it's doxycycline. Interesting that was the option they came up with for your HSC, not least because it is generally not considered safe for pregnancy. Artemis so sorry for all the bullshit with yours. Mine was a complete nightmare and one of the many things that made me back away from investigations and possible interventions. To euro and everyone who is invloved with any part of this process that seems fucked up, brace yourselves because I'm about to sound like an old barren regretful type. I'm two months from being 40 and have spend years collecting crap experiences in TTC/doctor world. I let it get to me to the extent that it coloured my choices and I now fear that had I faced it full on perhaps I would have found a way to a BFP. My only point is at the very least by enaging with this in the way that you are is worth avoiding the 'what if?' in the future. I know this is not very insightful, but it's here anyway. I am genuinely full of wishes for eurettes and plenty of other 10 plus babes.
My, I had no idea that the Worthiness of parenthood questions extended into IVF. My fav from our adoption process was just before we got rejected in the first interview "I can't really conceive of you as a real couple let alone prospective parents". Beautiful.

Just one point while I remember, ladies. I don't want to scare you or put you off IVF. Me and synthetic hormones have never been happy bedfellows. The Pill literally made me suicidal. I cried myself to sleep every night hoping not to wake up. I had no idea at the time the Pill was to blame. Most people don't react like that to the Pill and I can see from threads on here and fertility friends that most people don't react like this to the IVF drugs. This is my issue. I am using this as an outlet and being very honest about how I am feeling, but I don't want to upset any of you!

purple. How absolutely awful.

Hello ladies! I arrive with tail feather uplifts, beverages of your choice and an anti meh shield. We WILL do this! We all want to be mums, we will all make amazing mums and by hook or by crook we will succeed. So raise your glasses and keep going. As my cycle has derailed itself, ttc isnt looking on the cards remotely so it can be my job to cheer you all on and hand out treats.

euro oh bugger to IVf being so fucking hard. I think I've always thought as much. I, like you, am very sensitive to hormones, the pill made me a crazy lady so I feel your pain. I'm glad you got the colposcopy sorted and totally empathise with wanting your life back. Without ttc misery my life is 100% A ok. Was it someone on here who reminded us of the Bridget Jones line about when one thing in your life is going well another falls spectacularly apart? So true for me. Anyway, you are on the IVF marathon now and we are all cheering you on every step of the way. Take no heed of the scales. I imagine a lot of it is fluid retention and it will all right itself soon enough, hopefully at some point next year when you are post baby! Use here as a good portal to get it all of your chest. Maybe the marathon analogy is useful. Embryo collection halfway? Hugs.

princess it is hard with the pregnant friends and I know Mr W doesn't fully get my conflicts there. I like your bargaining with the fertility gods but I think you should draw the line at incontinence! You have our support and are not alone. This sucks and you have been saintly with your efforts to get your body baby ready. It sucks that the wine wasn't as enjoyed as you thought. How annoying!

joycep I am finding your research fascinating. Sorry about the whole mums talking to each other disaster. Honestly.

mrsd sorry about tonsils - how glamourous antibiotics sound these days!

gin sorry about the OATs, confess to not knowing what that is. But, you have just been unlucky so far. it will happen.

carrie god what a horrible thing. Is it like a kidney infection? Lets hope they sort it out for you quickly, they haven't been great have they?

pout tell me about cycle monitoring. I want it! I would feel better to see an egg. that sounds like loads of follicles which is a very good thing. I wonder if I can ask my consultant. If I mentioned the antibiotic thing to him I think he would laugh in my face. He has his script and he follows it. I second what someone said about why on earth aren't they curious about what else might be going on? It was their career of choice so why not more intrigue into looking at the patient as an individual and not just apply the same rules and strategies regardless.

artemis i was about your anemia results as I am angry about mine. Of course it must be related! I have felt the best I've felt in a year since being on iron. Also, probiotics have magically helped my stomach. No gp suggested those. Any luck with the hsg? I had mine on cd22 but had to sign to say we hadn't had unprotected sex. I could still be waiting otherwise!

critter glad that your dad was so lovely, what a journey they had. Hope you are still zenful.

hopeful glad things are all looking ok so far.

nelly god about a special ivf policy. I bet if men had to have ivf it would be 4 weeks. Have I missed the big honeymoon reveal?

purple how could anyone make that comment. Jeez.

Wave to ladygee buzzy frannie lemon hocus and anyone else I've missed out, we are racing to thread number 9.

well, I am 6 weeks post surgery and feel great. I'm unfit and unlikely to be back at strenous yoga til the autumn but I am in awe of my body and its ability to heal itself. I think in all of this shit I end up being very angry with my body for not doing it's job and that probably isn't very helpful. I'm a bit less in awe at my wombles ability to right itself but I'm still trying to show it the love! so far this is where Im at:

period after op 5 days late. Light (but lots of bleeding after op)
period 2 - 7 days early. Super light, hardly any red bleeding and no pain, nor twinge at all. Never had this. No pmt, no mood, nada. I wouldn't have known it was there really but more than spotting. If today is CD6, I have masses of ewcm and sore boobs. WTF? Not pregnant as my temps are low. I'm trying not to think my op has permanently wrecked things. But google is not helpful to a hypochondriac in such times!

Wine your body sounds like it's just playing catch up and getting itself back into some new and normal rhythm. Very exciting! I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since your operation - that's gone by so quickly! I had barely started the brown diet and it feels like I've been doing it for an age. I'm sure that everything will right itself and you'll be pregnant before you know it.

Euro you haven't put me off IVF. I never wanted it in the first place! It's really interesting to hear all about it and I do genuinely feel for you. I'll say it again. You are doing sooooooooooo well. Especially if you are practically allergic to the synthetic hormones. Don't worry about moaning on here. I may not appreciate the full extent of IVF but I certainly understand the frustration of not having a baby.

In other news, OH was much more sympathetic at lunchtime when I shed a few tears. I've also emailed my friend back. I've told her I'm having a crappy day. I don't see why not pregnant problems should be hidden when it seems fine to talk about morning sickness and doctors appointments. I gave it some thought over lunch. I wouldn't want her to hide any of her feelings because she thinks I can't deal with it, so I've decided to be completely honest with her about my feelings / situation. She's bright and a psychology teacher, so I hope she understands! I guess I'll just have to see where this leaves me in the friendship stakes.....

princess if it was me and my friend I would want to know. Also, she has had insight into the scariness of baby making which I'm sure will have given her a look at things through your eyes. I am sure it will all be fine with you too and I bet you end up being able to do baby things together anyway, 9 months is ages and plenty of time for you to join her.

I now have period pains please don't let a proper old style period come!

Hurrah! Wine has come to save us from the Meh-ness!
I'm totally with everyone on the doom/gloom/unfairness/angry/sad/despair feelings that seem to be persisting around us all at the minute. I'm hoping we are all just in a 'down' phase and will soon come out the other side and feel more positive - we need some BFPs, where ARE those flippin' fertility Gods?!

On a selfish note, I am kind of glad that it isn't just me that thinks all these things, makes me feel much more 'normal.' It's so so so hard and tiring having all these thoughts in your head all the time, and the rollercoaster of emotions sucks.

I don't know anyone in RL going through similar right now, and although I talk to my 2 besties and Mum about it (who are all ace, luckily for me), We haven't made it public knowledge and it feels like a Big Secret sometimes. I am glad I found you all to offload chat to :)

We Will All Get There!

Wine Sure your body is just resetting itself to its new baby ready cycles :)

MrsD Tonsilitis is very rubbish - I had my tonsils out as a kid due to recurrant attacks so feel your pain. Try salt water or disolvable asprin gargles if you can, I found they helped a bit. Don't swallow though

Princess Glad your friend got some reassurance and sorry you are finding the situation tough. My best friend and I started TTCing at the same time last year (her trying for her second) She got diffed instantly (literally - they SWI'd once that cycle!) and her little boy is now 7 months old. He's completely brilliant but he is also a little reminder that I haven't got anywhere near there yet. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Euro You do sound like you're having a tough time of it. Well done you for getting so far! I'm sure it must seem like a long old slog but you will make it, we are all behind you.

Artemis How ridiculous that they are making the HSG booking so difficult for you. As if this isn't all stressful enough. And the 'general health having nothing to do with TTC' comment made me If that is the case, why on earth do they ask you if you are "generally fit and healthy" and advise good diet/exercise etc? Surely that is to ensure you have a good standard of 'general health!' Grrr!

Hellos to Purple, Lemons, Joy, Hopeful, Always, Pout and anyone I've missed

euro something that is adding to my mood at the mo is the fact that I've put on weight post ivf cycle and some of my clothes don't fit. So now I feel barren and frigging fat, nice! I wasn't sure if it was the drugs, protein rich ivf diet or post ivf therapeutic cake... You are doing great. Stick with it -I'm sure you'll feel much better when you start the stims. It's like being in the good part of a normal cycle. And you won't need another cycle cos this will work, but if not do look at mild/natural. Am surprised they've made you DR with your history of reacting badly to the pill.

Thanks everyone else for your kind words. You are a lovely bunch. My day/year has got event shitter, as I now have a family funeral to attend next week! It's for an oldie but sad nether the less. What's the betting that ertd appears actually on the day?!

For those who asked, oats is an abbreviation of the 3 words (that I'm not going to try to spell) that mean low sperm count, crap motility and crap morphology. We think it may be to do with a problem he had as a kid with his bits, which may have caused some damage or something, but no one really knows...

On a happier note, we're off to see yet another old timer in concert, this time the Stone Roses! However I reckon seeing Ian brown would have the opposite effect to last week's gig and make ovaries shrivel up!

mrsd I can trump 32 by the fact this will be last month to have a baby before i'm 40!! and as we are not going to try its not going to happen,

princess its is hard to to hide those emotions and I don't see why you should, its how you and many more of us feel, I feel so jealous of my bitch boss having her baby, she is too low to even be on the 'is she worthy to have a baby' scale

wine to be honest most of the preggy women I know only want you to be happy for them, very few are interested in how you actually feel about the situation of TCC and miscarrying. It makes them feel awkward, I can't believe its been 6 weeks, hopefully your next cycle will be back to normal for you :)

euro it will all be worth it when you get your BFP and you've got your eurette growing inside you :) although I'm finding the Gonal F tough, I might have to rethink which IVF route we go down, and its helpful to have an insight to it all, if no one said what it was like and I did it, I would then wonder what the heck is wrong with me if I found them hard going

gin did they not advise Mr G to try taking anything to see if they improve??? Sorry about the mehness

mrsd sorry about the tonsillitis :(

purple at the comment

joyce my MIL gave me that crap about be happy with what you have ie no kids, I felt like saying well you bloody well didn't, you spent years trying to have my BIL and you already had a fecking child!!!!

artemisSorry about the mehness and the farce that is your HSG appointment, well it wouldn't do for the nhs to be all efficient now would it I don't know if the lining would affect it but I can see the reasoning but then would a day here or there make that much of a difference??? Mr B should know as we talk about it all often enough, I think he thinks we are going to do it naturally like before he is taking all the supplements that I gave him, I try to stay calm when we talk about it but I need to have a plan B and know where we are going next, we've been together 4 years so he should know how I operate by now

carrie so sorry, its shit that they won't keep you on but hopefully they will resolve your kidney problems soon, blood in your urine is not good at all, big hugs

critter if he is worried then he needs to tell me, mind reading isn't one of my stronger talents, love that your dad is so supportive, I'd never have a chat like that with either of my parents, possibly because we don't speak to each other :)

My morning started off with me getting in the lift with my neighbour - did I mention she has a toddler and a baby, had a little stroke of the baby's face.

We have decided to leave it for this month, yes I have broken the stony silence with Mr B, I don't think he will be ready and if his swimmers are on strike I don't see the point wish I had come to this conclusion earlier and not postponed ERTD anyway he's going to the GP on Friday to ask for some blood tests and to get another SA bottle, I'm having my follicle tracking scan on Monday just to see if these drugs are working, I feel like shit and very light headed and sickly, 2 more days to go. Maybe give it one more go naturally depending on the results then try IUI, although I would try now.
Well I must be setting off some funny vibes today because 3 of my 5 patients cried today and no its not because I beat them with their own walking sticks although the thought does cross my mind

Also in the past I have brought antibiotics off the net (yes I know I shouldn't) but funnily enough they came from New Zealand, maybe we need to get teu on the job, oh and my diet is actually working as I've managed to lose 1.5 kilos only about another 12 or so to go

waves and hugs to everyone

Well hello!!!

Sarlat is back in the land of the living. In the last week my internet broke, as did our 2 tellys and my phone internet connection!

I have missed so much on these boards -they move faster than the olympic torch. I don't have a chance of keeping up with all the latest news but I'm sure I will get back in to knowing what is what with everyone soon.

Gin - so sorry for the worry and upset - I know how awful it feels to have an IVF cycle already behind you. Please dig deep and keep going. Your DH does have sperm and eventually it will come good. But I am so sorry for the torment. xxx

Euro - again I'm so sorry that you aren't feeling better about IVF. Your experiences seem so different to mine. During down regging, I fel very well, not moody and I actually lost weight. but really, what you are experiencing is far more normal / expected but it sounds like you are getting quite extreme symptoms. Please hang in there - I can't think of any wise words or magic cure. There is an end to this and in the mean time, please come here to rant and rave.

Aretmis - thank you for your wise words about the big O. It meant a lot to me that you commented. I guess the human race would be extinct if the big O could cause miscarriage - right?

Buzz - gosh hon you are on a rollercoaster - I really really hope IUI works out for you.

Joycep - I'm so sorry about your mums lack of support. I can't imagine going through all this without that type of support. She sounds otherwise lovely - is she in some sort of denial about the extent of the problem / blaming herself? Also grrr to more pregnancy announcements - I'm sure you are getting more than your fair share. Keep going with the antbiotic research!! You are such a star. xx

Well had new consultant appointment today - it went well. She was really lovely and was able to see me in a 'holistic way'. She explained everything very carefully and listened! My DH and mum both came with me.

She thinks I should be able to go for frozen embryo transfer. She said I can start when I want. She said that there does appear to be some disease / damage to the tubes which could be causing difficulties with natural conception but said that our embryo development after IVF egg collection was outstanding (5 in freezer) - this felt nice to hear as I almost forget the good stuff. She said that I had an average reponse time to IVF stimulation drugs and average drug dosage. memories of previous dr telling me I was in ovarian decline???

She said that it was her job to point out that tubes with hydrosalpinx can reduce IVF success rates by half. But also said that I seemd to have done my reseach and was very happy for me to proceed to FET without surgery and tube removal. She suggested that the recent IVF failiure could simply have been caused by an embryo with faulty genes / development which was not visible upon appearance. - I was and .

She says it's up to me when and if I have a lap and tube removal in the future. But for now she was happy just to progress to FET considering there are a few to go at. I may still have to do tube removal one day, but I feel the time is not now.

She also said " I'm not suspicious of the tubes" - meaning (I think) they may not be the main problem and may not be leaking fluid in to the uterus.

She also said " I can't believe from looking at your 5 embryos that there isn't a baby in there somewhere". I was overwhelmed by this.

This Dr hasn't given me false hope - there are no guarentees! But she has given me renewed hope.

She will aslo let me do natural cycle FET if I want. I need to do some research about the pros and cons of medicated versus natural first but she suggests medicated might give an advantage.

Asked about antibiotics - she looked closely at my notes and said there was no evidence of infection in my body and by taking them may do myself more harm than good. I have not completely given up on this theory however Joycep. But as she was so supportive of other things I wanted, I was prepeared to let this point go for now. Also, there is no evidence of live infection with me and DH where there is with Mr and Mrs Jocep (his SA) so I think you should persue this.

My Consultant also said that my diseased tubes/s are likely to have been caused by the miscarriage I had 2 years a go, although can never say for sure. There is no evidence of STD /PID etc. She said blood is an excellent carrier of bacteria so something like a miscarriage can create more opportunity for bactera to move from the vagina upwards as there is so much blood - grim . But this matches what I have always felt deep down and gives me some closure - I know the state of my tubes is not my fault - I just tried to have a baby like millions of other women but sadly for me it may have caused some problems.

So onwards and upwards. I would really recommend this lady if anyone is looking for a new consultant in the north.

Have had 2 x tonight - and feeling very tiddley. Have lost my ability to drink since the IVF cycle.

Really hope everyone finds a bit of peace soon. No one here deserves to feel sad. xxx

Hurray sarlet for a good cons! She sounds measured and positive. I need her!

hocus you are not the only one that thinks that way! Have you listened to the stin Hansen podcasts, they cheer me up no end. When I'm on here all it's usually because I've had a listen.

buzzy sorry it won't be this cycle. Onwards and upwards to the next, be here before you know it!

Um thought I'd share my ongoing ovary saga on the Internet. So today should be the first day of my proper period. Instead I think it's cd7 and after the loads of ewcm yesterday I did an opk this morning and it's a v dark positive. Surely that isn't even possible? Can lh get fired out randomly when your body is out of kilter? I know there are no answers but thought I'd outlet on here as I can't see Dr Big being remotely interested.

Morning! I send happy vibes.

Morning everybody

Wow this thread is faster than Usain Bolt. I'll try to keep up...

Princess I?m sorry for the situation with your BF. I completely understand the mix of emotions. It?s probably good you are being open with her, there is no sense in hiding how you feel. Sorry Mr P isn?t more understanding. Mr A isn?t either. He doesn?t understand my feelings about pregnant women and my pathological fear of being trapped near pregnant women or babies not surprising as I don't understand it either.

Gin I?m really sorry about the sperm situation, is there really nothing they can do to improve it? I think you mentioned a while back you were considering donor sperm, have I got that right? Hmm while I loved the Roses in my youth I doubt the Ian Brown effect will match that of Tom Jones?

MrsDen tonsillitis, ouch. I?ve only had it once but it was horrible. I was a student and tried to self-medicate with red wine and Marlboro. I wouldn't recommend it. Let?s hope for magic from the anti-bs unless we all wrestle you to the ground in your weakened state and nick them

Euro the downregging sounds utterly shit. As others have said, hang in there, surely it won?t last. The pill gave me serious depression as well, made worse by my then doctor's initial refusal to believe that was the cause. I often wonder about the long term impact of synthetic hormones on our bodies. I know what you mean about negative motivation, I feel mine is the same - see below...

Pout yes I too blame my OH for stalling, though not as much as I blame the men who wasted my 20s and early 30s pretending there was a future in relationships that in retrospect were clearly doomed. I totally hear you with the IVF decisionmaking. I too have been thinking that we don?t have to do it. We could instead accept our lot and focus on creating a happy child free future for ourselves. But Purple and Euro have summed up perfectly my fear of future regrets. IVF is a huge decision. There is no point in going into it expecting to do one cycle. I figure I would need to commit to the likelihood of 3 cycles, £10k outlay plus the impact of lost income and 12-18 months of emotional turmoil with less than a 50/50 chance of success. It?s a lot to contemplate. But as others have said: if we win the prize, will we care how we got there? I really hope for all of us that one day we will all look back on these years as a traumatic blip on life?s journey and one that enabled us to have the family we so badly wanted.

Purple I am beyond at that adoption comment. One thing I hate about this whole process is the scrutiny applied to our relationships, whether overt or not. That?s one reason I?m not sure I could contemplate adoption. Buzzy I get your need for a plan b, though I?m not sure I?ve got one?

Joycep I?m glad your mum is trying to be more helpful even if her comments are still wide of the mark. We need to write that collective book on people?s crap comments. We surely can?t be alone.

Sarlat welcome back! Yeah I reckon if the big O caused miscarriage ? or if booze did for that matter ? the human race would be extinct. Before tea and coffee became popular in the 17th & 18th centuries most of the population drank beer all the time because it was safer than water. Then there was the gin. Before antibiotics STIs were rife. And the Victorians were keen on opium for keeping their kids quiet. It?s a wonder any of us are here. I?m glad you had a positive consultation, that's terrific what she said about your embies and moving on to the FET . I would love to know who and where your consultant is if you don?t mind telling me?

Wine sorry the weird cycles are continuing. Hope your body resolves itself soon. Interesting that you had your hsg on cd22? the stuff the radiography woman said to me about it being impossible after cd12 was clearly a load of crap

Hoping everyone is feeling better today. Waves to Critter, Teu, Ladygee Hocus, Hopeful and anyone else out there.

Cross-post Wine

Sounds to me like you and Mr W should get to it... according to TCOYF if your body doesn't manage to ovulate when it should, it will have another go. You might get an LH surge and not ovulate, then get another LH surge later that same month followed by ovulation. The dark line combined with EWCM sounds very promising - i would go with your body's signals rather than what day you think you should be on. Good luck

Morning ladies.

buzzy how are you finding the Gonal F tough? I have that to look forward to next. I'm sorry Mr B is being frustrating at the moment.

sarlat that sounds like a great consultation. It's great that you can go ahead with FET.

wine maybe you are just going to have a short cycle as your body gets back to normal after the op? Or perhaps this could be a practice LH surge, as Artemis suggests.

I agree with all the comments about the O not being responsible for miscarriage. There is just no way it can be. Think of how many women was "enjoy" themselves during their pregnancies! Most mcs are caused by something genetically wrong with the foetus and nothing could (or arguably should) be done to prevent the loss.

I am still feeling utterly miserable today, although marginally less so than yesterday. I just don't want to be doing this. I wish I had never started the drugs. But I am scared of regrets (as I said yesterday) and I know Mr euro will be disappointed if I don't continue, even though he says he will support stopping if that is what I want to do. Every day feels like a week at the moment.

I can recommend the tonsillitis diet for losing weight. All I've eaten in the last few days is ice cream, soup, mashed banana. If I was to get pregnant this cycle I'm going to write a book based on this diet for fertility.

Euro, hang in there. I'm sure once you get closer to egg collection youll be able to have the goal in sight and this will motivate you more. The only problem I had with the pill is that it totally destroyed my libido. I never thought of sex, never wanted it at all, just nothing. More so than ttc. I once asked the dr about it, and she said that the pill wouldn't have that affect. Once I stopped taking it I felt normal again. One good thing about being sub fertile is at least I never have to worry about contraception.

Wine, what you described sounds like a cycle I get when I don't ovulate. That might explain why you're going to ovulate now, early on. I'd get some swi in tonight if that's possible.

Princess good new about your friend but I understand the jealousy. I want to be happy with friends pregnancies but I can't be. I also hate the way that pregnant people become so self obesessed. I'm no longer important to them, I was really upset when my best friend who was 7 months pregnant at the time forgot my 30 th birthday, no card, text, nothing. I think the hardest thing to face if I do end up childless is that I'll have to distance myself from all happy families because I couldn't face being around children, parents etc.

I understand the weight worries, sometimes superficial stuff does matter. One thing I've always thought is the only good thing about not having children is maintains a good figure. I am determined to pour myself into tight fitting clothes that I know people who've had babies can't. Tis the only consolation. I must admit to be a very tiny bit pleased when people moan they can't shift the baby weight. Gah I've turned into a bitch.

I had that side-effect on the Pill too, mrsd. I am convinced that is why it is such an effective contraceptive!

That's how I think it works euro, wht is they say, abstinence is th best form of contraception. The dr looked at me like I was mad though when I said tats why I didn't like it.

MrsDen the pill killed my libido stone dead. I switched from the one that sent me mental to a type that didn't affect my moods so badly but nobody prepared me for that side effect. Where did those mythical free-loving, pill-popping 70s swingers find theirs? Maybe hormonal contraception should be combined with industrial quantities of marijuana. I thought my libido might come back when I came off the pill but I reckoned without the impact of TTC.

With you on the weight thing. If you're a bitch then I'm one too. I've noticed that my child free friends look a hell of lot younger, fitter and less knackered than those with kids. I have begun to compile my list of 'reasons to be glad i'm not pregnant or a parent' and it currently looks like this:

• Rock solid pelvic floor. I seldom fear a sneeze
• My boobs are still exactly the same size, shape and pertness as they were when i was 19 (admittedly that's mostly because i only just made it to a B cup but go with me here, I'm being positive)
• stomach muscles. They might be hidden under a layer of wine and chocolate, but they're there
• Weekend lie-ins
• Impromptu evenings out or weekends away (OK so that doesn't happen very often but we could if we wanted to...)
• I have just retail-therapied on a couple of dresses that probably cost more than the average buggy or car seat, neither of which I could wear if I was pregnant or carrying baby weight. Ditto high heels
• I do not go to work with somebody else's snot or sick on my clothes
• i have never had to deal with an embarrassing tantrum in Sainsburys apart from the time I suggested to MrA that we should spend less money on wine

Admittedly it is a shallow list and I would swap everything (except the pelvic floor) like a shot for a BFP, but i sometimes need to find the positives. Any more?

I have a skinny ex-model friend who's legs post-pregnancy are completely covered in varicose veins.