TTC 10 plus months, Part 7

[lisacn]

A friendly, supportive thread for those of us who are taking a bloody long little longer time than average to conceive.

I'm back - just for a quick rant. Apologies in advance but i'm just really and I can't rant at anyone else...

I can't have the HSG. Rang to book but they are fully booked next week and after that the consultant is away. And I won't be able to have it next month either because he has another 3 weeks off in July/August which coincide with the right time of my next cycle. Which pushes us back to fecking September when there may or may not be a chance of having it done but the radiographer was dubious because clearly by then the waiting list will be massive. That one multiply holidayed consultant is the only person who can do this basic test in the whole of the NHS trust. Unbelievable. The radiographer told me to 'think positive'. Good job I was on the phone or I would have slapped her.

So I am supposed to carry on taking the clomid... I wonder if there is any point? It has made no difference so far. I've a feeling it may just be knackering my ovaries and using up all my eggs.

gin thanks for the comments on male factor... It is shitty either way. It must be tough for men - infertility is a subject that is either not discussed at all or that brings out the brickbats but I have been interested in all the recent debate over IVF treatment that it is seen by the media as a women's thing (with all the inherent selfish/old/barren judgments that come out). There was very little recognition that infertility affects men. We do have more outlets for our feelings I guess - I can't imagine a male version of this forum would take off.

Artemis Utterly ridiculous. I am totally on your behalf and I don't think I would have been so polite to someone telling me to 'think positive'. Wankshaft. In these circumstances they should be sending you off to a private clinic. In real business you have to put a contingency in place. Or get cover. Or train someone. Or outsource. Why not the NHS? Eh? I'm really, really sorry. Do you know how much an HSG would be privately? I know it's not much consolation and that as a tax payer you should be entitled to NHS treatment but it may be better than sitting 'round duly taking your clomid for 3 months and waiting for your HSG to be done on the NHS by a sickeningly sun tanned consultant. Has horrid image of Nigel Farage doing fanny work now. Big hugs to you xxxxxxxxx

princess - artemis has said it much more eloquently than i could but there is no way booze and fags will have caused your mc & we would never ostracise anyone on here!. I must admit I got very drunk twice when i was pregnant but the test had said negative and i thought ?screw it?. It does make you feel guilty but then common sense tells me that this wouldn?t have caused it. our grandparents generation smoke and drank their way through their pregnancies ? or perhaps that was just my granny. But you mustn?t feel bad because it would never have made a difference to the outcome.

lemon - i hope you get your appointment soon so you can get it over and done with.

artemis - you and I do have a similar story because i feel my mc ?broke? me too. You are the first person I have found whose periods went wacky and never returned to what they were before mc. It?s incredibly stressful because no one seems to think it is significant. My acupuncturist said i should push for a hysteo...because it may give a reason as to what has happened...i.e. scars or something. But not sure to persuade them on this. How on earth can the docs disagree on whether it is thrush or not? Surely it is just a matter of swabbing? Head brick wall. Urgh. Sorry about ertd as well.

I do find it terribly sad that friends disappear after childbirth. I hope I would make a concerted effort with all friends with or without kids. I don?t want to be one of those mummies who gets swallowed up in to baby world and can?t talk about anything else and feel that they can?t have friends who don?t have kids because ?they wouldn?t understand?. That?s one positive about waiting so long and that is watching other people and learning how you would and wouldn?t want to do things ? but perhaps I?m naive and perhaps things don?t just happen like that. Anyway, My friend?s mum took 6 years to conceive and she says that you have to wait 5 years before you can get your friends back.

Interesting article about the ARGC. This is the clinic i have booked in to although i need to rebook for October. Complete pandemonium in there with paperwork flying around the place but I kind of like the fact it isn?t swanky which a lot of places are. amazing that MrT hasn?t taken a holiday in 10 years.

Just missed your post artemis. For fuck sake how can one person's holiday push this back to sep /oct. surely there is more than one person who can do it? It makes me so cross. I paid £450 for it privately so it wasn't cheap but that is London and I diidnt realise that I had ended up seeing some very expensive and rip off woman so elsewhere it could be a lot cheaper. I I am sorry at the snail's pace of this.

Hi all. It's swelteringly hot and muggy here (99 degrees F yesterday), and I've been hiding in the air conditioning as much as I can.

(((princess))) I am so sorry to hear that you've had such a hard couple of days. Please don't think that your miscarriages were your fault, they really, really weren't. I have cousins (adopted) with foetal alcohol syndrome whose birth mothers were seriously nutso and they still arrived at term. And my good friend out here who's just had her second in her forties drank wine throughout her pregnancy and the baby is perfect. You are a ray on sunshine here and it must be hard to be cheerful and funny when you're feeling sad - I can also imagine that your best pal's pregnancy would come as a very upsetting and unsettling thing, even though I am sure that you're happy for her. You've been amazing with your brown diet and I am feeling positive that you'll have your little one soon.

artemis how infuriating about the HSG! Have you thought about going private for it? I'd be tempted. It's utterly ridiculous that you should have to wait so long. And grrr about the ERTD.

gin I am about Tom Jones. I heard him on Desert Island Discs last year and he was hilarious, flirting with Kirsty Young and generally being the life and soul of the party. I bet he's amazing live. I bet male factor is really, really hard - it is so difficult for men to talk about, as there's so much pressure on them. And I can understand that you would feel guilty about talking about your sadness to him. Poor Mr Gin. Still, only one swimmer needs to make it (that's what my sister used to say to me when I was single - you only need one man, not loads).

purple basil and lemon sorbet sounds delish! Yummers! I have basil on my roof, I wonder whether I could make something similar... No ice cream maker though. Please don't feel about the hangover, I would guess that no comment was made because it isn't an issue - most of us have them too every now and again! I am not going to give up booze completely until I see two lines. Too depressing otherwise.

Welcome free! Great that you're getting the tests - as others have said, it's disheartening to keep going for months and months without knowing what is going on.

wine So sorry about early ERTD. Your post earlier was so happy and you seemed to be feeling so much better that I was really hoping that things were going to start looking up for you - goodness knows you deserve some good luck after all the crap you've been through. Maybe this early period is a sort of flush out and next month things will have settled down post-op? After all, it is a lot of disruption to business as usual that your womble's been through. The EWCM would fit my theory too - that your body has been shaken up and is settling itself down again into a new (and fertile!) phase.

mrsden this whole thing is really, really frustrating. I hope that Amsterdam will be a nice distraction - I certainly found that going on lots of weekends away with Mr C was really helpful in terms of my mood this spring. It's nice to do something fun that would be more difficult with an anklebiter in tow. I'm sorry your DH is feeling the stress of TTC too. It is crap.

lemons when is your lap?

euro thanks for posting that article. That 84% figure is astounding. I like how he acknowledges the mental toll that TTC takes on people.

lemon running hasn't worked for me either. I ran all last year, eased off a lot this year - hasn't made the blindest bit of difference.

buzzy when do you start with the IUI?

joyce it really is the luck of the draw, isn't it? I found it very interesting that someone up thread mentioned a doctor saying that the understanding of women's reproductive systems hasn't progressed much beyond the phases of the moon.

Waves to everyone else - pout, wine, frannie and beryl, and everyone else I've missed. I hope you get some of the hot weather we've been having here - it is bound to make its way over the Atlantic soon, surely!

princess no more feelng guilty of worrying what us plussers think - you were just being a normal, living life person! How many babies are conceived under Gillian mckeith conditions? I doubt very few indeed. A walk around my city reminds me of that when I'm beating myself up over a small glass of wine. Mc must be so hard, I feel for all you ladies that have had to suffer this. My mum had one and still blames it in the day she cleaned the house top to toe and made herself tired. I think we are wired to feel guilty and responsible when the truth is, it will be down to cells dividing in ways that weren't quite right, or something else there is no control over. It is hard to stay virtuous and saintly. You are doing an amazing job and everything in your power to make a difference.

Artemis oh on your behalf. I had the same hoo hah trying to book mine. I had to ring on cd1 but there were never any appointments left by then. It took about three months and in the end I had it later in the cycle and had to miss a month of trying - was that an option? I can understand how you feel about clomid.

gin if you get pregnant we can spread rumours of the Tom Jones plan! Enjoy

purple please can I have some sorbet? You are allowed hangovers! I too was probably jealous. I've now lost all tolerance for booze.

joycep you have summed up exactly how I feel about how I want to be as a mum with friends who don't have children. Not there are a lot to worry about!

That article is very persuasive. If I knew it would only need one go I'd pay 10k. Sigh.

X post critter please send the heat over, the weather here is shocking! shocked weather face. You said what I wanted to say to princess better than me. princess I refer you to critters post!

everyone has already said it, but I'll add my voice to say princess you did nothing to cause the mcs, it's just one of those cruel tricks that life plays. And I'm pretty sure that none of us on this thread are the tut tut, judgey types. We know how much each of us are going through, and how bloody hard we are trying. You are doing so well with the brown diet, I could never have kept that up. purple I don't think I saw your comment about the hangover. I haven't given up drinking, everything in moderation and all that.

I read that article, amazing stats. But the cost makes me . I'm curious to know what they put their success down to. I also wonder how he managed 5 kids if he's at work all time. It was interesting how he said about celebs and how they make out everything is fine, I do wonder how many people are going through this the same as us and we don't know about it.

wine LOVE the Tom Jones plan! It has a great ring to it that can be the new soundtrack to my swi, much more jazzy than the Ride of the Valkyries! Now if only I could get Mr C to sport some skin-tight trews and prance about the house in a curly wig...

at tom jones gin, enjoy it!

I just lost my mahoooooosive post I'll be back

princess WE WOULD NEVER OSTRACISE HERE!!! I didn't drink or smoke and still had 2 miscarriages, its hard not feel guilty as you feel you are the one protecting your little baby, I imagine they told you that they would investigate your miscarriages due to your age.

gin whats new pussycat wooha wo wo wo wo :) work is fun except for all the politics that go with the NHS and the continuous interfering

critter I have managed to OD on the progesterone so have to wait for ERTD to start then I start on the Gonal F and when I go for my scan we can discuss it but the nurse thought this cycle, I'm paying for it by the way.

purple that sorbet does sound delicious, will need the recipe

artemis it was Shehatas nurse, who must shudder at the sight of my email address popping up, who said that if the results were not good then he would probably recommend IUI, I thought maybe IVF but i'll wait until I see him, part of me thinks we should wait until his sample is better another part just thinks get on with it. I'm a little relieved by his SA results as it kind of explains why nothing has happen, I'm trying not to put all my eggs in one basket and pin all my hopes on this being the reason. Mr B was very meh about them, I thought he might be upset but I suppose maybe he thinks well we managed to get pregnant twice last year so we still have a chance. I can see how the stress leads to one person blaming the other and we don't play the blame game well not yet like princess said we married each other for who we are not our baby making skills, I love my husband very much, couldn't imagine life without him.

As for the fucking part time consultant, how bloody ridiculous i'm also on your behalf, what will you do then?? Surely someone will have to cover for him while he is away. As for the 'stay positive' a slapping wouldn't do, more a rugby tackle to ground and a few good kicks, I hate it when people are so patronizing like that.

joyce my periods are very different since my last mc, partly due to the drugs too, I can totally relate to the feelin 'broke' after the miscarriage, I spend so much time thinking about TTC that I don't seem to think much about my 2 lost angels :(

well chatting at work avoiding work I found out that the hideous creature known as my boss came in with her baby while I was away on my hols, talk about dodging a bullet, also came home to find Mr B had made me a littl etahnk you card for looking after him, he did say that this experience has made him more aware of the things I have been going through ie 2 erpcs and lots of poking and prodding, id only I could make him understand the joys of fanny came

well i'm now going to make dinner, i'm on the Rosemary Conley diet, she better work wonders for me.

fanny cam not fanny came

oh also when I talked to Mr B about IUI he said he was happy to take a day off for it really, he wasn't keen on doing that for his SA, anyway I said he didn't need the day he'd just have to pop down to the clinic and do his bit, cue the silence..... Mr B then said he didn't think he could perform under such pressure, I said its not like Shehata is going to watching him and checking out his technique :), I take it you have to do it at the clinic and not at home, we don't live that far from the clinic though, I just wouldn't want to set it all up and then him get stage fright

Artemis that's rubbish. I was lucky and managed to get in first month.

Princess you really shouldn't blame yourself. As someone else said, it's 10 weeks before the bean is sharing your blood stream. A lot of women on the Pred thread have had multiple losses and after a few, drs examine "the products of conception" (horrible phrase). Most seem to have been due to chromosomal problems and the others they put down to the NK cells (as they have all been diagnosed with high or v high NK cells). Purple I don't think I saw your post either. I often skim read if I click on the thread at work. Sorry!

buzzy Mr euro did it at the clinic but we live ages away from Epsom. He was hoping for a nice room, but was shown to the disabled bogs! Our first one was a work day, so he went in first thing and I went to the clinic a couple of hours later.

Oooo, dinner's here. Back soon for an update on the gynae appt!

My goodness there has been a lot on here today. I will echo everyone else's comments to both princess and purple (no original thoughts here). princess everyone else has said it better than I can, but of course you weren't to blame. I can understand that no amount of reassurance from us will make a jot of difference, but no judgy-pants here. Well, ok I have a wardrobe full of judgy pants, but they are reserved for very different situations, and not 10+ers! And purple I too didn't notice your post about your hangover, but like someone else said, that wouldn't have even registered with me! I certainly would not have been judging you for it, and I'm very sorry if you felt worried by the lack of responses. Like mrsden there is no way I'd be able to give up drinking at this stage. Confessions - I have had a glass of wine every night this week. Fuck it, I'm sick of TTC so I'm just going to let my hair down for a bit (wooooo hooooo - check me with my party pants on - a whole glass of wine ).

wine - my cycle last month (post HSG) was completely buggered, had it on about day 7, pretty sure I ov'd on day 12, then about 2 days later started spotting, finally turning into full on ERTD at least a week early. Anyway, so far this cycle has been normal, although to be frank I've lost track. But rough guess is I'm 4 or 5 days away from ERTD and no spotting or anything totally odd so far and even though I am not 100% sure I ovulated, I still believe I could get pregnant. Anyway I am sure you are not irreparably damaged. Hopefully all be will next cycle, and your shiny womble will lead to the big finger pointing at you.

euro interesting article and scary stats. Was it you who said you had a private HSG? I am sure my clinic quotes £650 which is why I was so keen to get it on the NHS. Luckily that part did work quite well, managed to get mine easily, but artemis so for you on that one. Mine was done by a radiologist, not a gynaecologist. Again, the bloody NHS have no consistency. Stupid public sector.

mrsden hooray for Amsterdam, it's been a fair while since I was there but have happy memories. MrD sounds lovely, I am sad for him that he feels isolated re his SA. Maybe he could come on here and pretend to be a lady . Men are generally rubbish at sharing their feelings in this way, Mr Nelly has never once said how he feels at the continued lack of baby making on my part. Once in a while I get kind words (after our IVF tour, I said thanks for coming. He looked at me like this >>> - seriously, it was exactly that face - and said why are you thanking me, of course I'd come. I said but it's me that's broken, and he was surprisingly empathic and made a point of saying we were in this together etc etc - not his usual level of communication!); but generally, I think I do all the head banging and worrying and self-flagellation. Who's to say they haven't got the better plan though? Anyway a weekend away is something great to look forward to.

buzzy sorry about Mr B's results, although Awwww at him making you a card (see above for why Mr Nelly would never do this!). Fingers crossed for the Big Finger. Which by know needs to be every finger on both hands.

Critter - 99F sounds fine. Honestly, I can handle it. Send it over.

Tea is just ready (breakfast, lunch, tea here too, dinner is only when someone else makes it ) so better go for now but general waves to everyone else. I am going off to research honeymoon venues after tea, which will cheer me right up. Except it won't, as I've had to discount my favourite, zanzibar, on the basis it's malarial, and I might be pregnant in 6 months, even though I know full well that I won't. So I'll go on my honeymoon pissed off .

Righto, it's the weekend, the wine is open, have a good one ladies :)

Quick post to say I am still here but struggling to keep up with posts as only on my phone. I can take private messages if anyone wants to.
Wine my period was 5 days early after HSG and now I am on clomid I was late after ages of being a like clockwork girl so now haven't a clue.
Atremis that's proper poop. Have they not told you to stop the Clomid until after the tests as you only get so many goes. Ours doesn't prescribe until you have had the HSG.
Hi to all others and sympathise with many OH comments, I have said the immortal words leave me and find someone who can give you what you want and had the response of I didn't get with you for a baby making machine. He also had a little difficulty with pressure when providing for SA and he finds it hard when its the right time to DTD.
I have a smile on my opk and dtd last night, have booked in tomorrow night and Sunday morning too let's hope he doesn't get too stressed.
I have not drank for a year and have decided to relax now and screw it, I have no plans for big nights out but I am looking forward to the option.
Hi to everyone

Right, so gynae was lovely. He did a colposcopy (fascinating, actually - who knew that the cervix looks just like the end of a penis [there are images of cervixes undercolposcopy on google if anyone is curious and has a strong stomach]). Anyway, he couldn't see any visible problems, not even anything to biopsy, but he did say that probably because of the fertility drugs my cervix is "menopausal" and he couldn't see the bit of it where problems usually start as it had sort of gone up towards my womb. So he took another smear and said that will be tested for the two dangerous strains of HPV most likely to cause cancer. I have to wait about 10 days for that to come back - it should be before IVF egg collection, fingers crossed. I'm partly relieved, because there were no obvious lesions (I'd had a good look on google on what a healthy and pre-cancerous cervix looks like and mine looked pretty healthy to my non-expert eye). But I still have a nervous wait for the HPV results. I mostly used barrier contraception pre-ttc because I didn't get on with the pill, but there were two slutty condom-hating men that I wasn't as careful with as I should have been back in my misspent youth....

So, at least there was nothing obviously bad, and he didn't want to burn bits of my cervix off today, so I am feeling happier this evening than I did this morning!

He was very interested in the fact that I had been on the Prednisolone treatment just before the test.

Nelly it wasn't me with the private HSG. I got mine on the NHS.

BTW, there is a section on Fertility Friends called The Mens Room. You could point your OH in that direction?

Great news that nothing visible to the naked eye euro. Fingers crossed that the tests show nothing - if they do, will that be the end of it; other than I presume more regular smears going forward?

Sorry for confusing you - I was too lazy to go back up thread to check, I think I maybe meant Joycep. Must be the .

euro Glad things went well, I googled cervix pictures a while ago when I was trying to feel my cervix for ovulation, all I can say is at least the ugly bits are on the inside of us. Menopausal cervix ???? I hope the next 10 days pass quickly for you and i'm sure your results will be fine and you get on with IVF and making baby euro :)

nelly when are you getting married??? Is it in 6 months or is that when you plan to go on your honeymoon, you could go to NZ and see teu no nasty malaria there and no nasty creepy crawlies like OZ :)

Euro that's great news and good that you got a proper check so quick. Fingers crossed the rest comes back ok

Yay euro ! So relieved and pleased that everything looked tickety boo. I hope the next 10 days go by quickly and that you get your test results soon with noting to worry about.

Yep, buzzy - the first lot of IVF drugs are designed to send you in to a temporary menopause so they are doing what they are supposed to!

nelly most of Belize is non-malarial and pretty spectacular. I think most of SA is too if you fancy an African honeymoon.

Carrie I only got seen so quickly because I paid for it (although if my GP agrees to refer me retrospectively next week I am hoping that the insurers will pick up the tab.

Ah you see, I'm going to start being a honeymoon PITA. I apologise now, and you can all feel free to point this out!

Belize is Caribbean. Used to live in the region, tend to re-visit annually, so like a spoiled brat I have discounted it, even though I've not seen 80% of it and it's all so different. SA would be lovely, but know loads of people who have done that on honeymoon. NZ is fab, but have been there before, so would ideally prefer to make our honeymoon a "new" destination. (Though buzzy did you know I have told Mr Nelly I'm never going to Oz as I'm arachnaphobic? Spooky! Anyway wedding is 6 months time, with honeymoon a week or so after)

Been researching Maldives - looks lovely but not sure about the whole individual resort-per-island thing. I like to have a bit of choice of where to go for dinner etc. Sort of like Thailand, except I went there and wasn't that impressed . Currently looking at South Pacific islands but they are all soooo expensive (£650/night, anyone???), and read a snippet about beaches not being sandy, ie all coral, and I love a proper sandy beach, so maybe I'll find myself right back to the Caribbean again.

Perhaps I should just delete all of the above as I sound like a total fanny. And rather self-absorbed, when others have rather more pressing things to think about. Mind you, if I turn you all into my personal honeymoon consultants, it'll give us a group project to take our minds of fecking TTC. Win-Win, no?