Fantastic 40+ thread - part 6

[Curlylox]

Over here everyone

Wow - that looks nice jollster. I could do with a bit of a deep facial and I just wish someone would take hold of my crazy food ideas at the moment - a real mix of uber healthy then cakes and spring rolls. Tut tut. And I've never tried the hot stones or fish-eating-toes treatments - any good?

jollster I'm in too. For the lot - massage, facial, tapas side orders, and yoga... do you think we could persuade diege to come along and do a special cafe opening? I fancy a thai beef salad and a lemon tart, and a nice cold glass of champagne.

And some nice news to share, now I have overcome the 12-week scan hurdle today. (Too worried before). Baby is good and wriggly, with all its measurements as they should be. Still worried about the nuchal test, of course, but both DH and I are so relieved. I think we both imagined the worst. And yes, we both cried again...

Congrats MiaAlexandrasmummy that is wonderful news about the 12 week scan. Fingers and toes crossed for the nuchal test and continued good news.

i've never had any spa treatments but something that will slim down my thighs would be good. and a facial would be useful as i have adult acne having come off the pill that kept in under control for years. A platter of lovely tropical fresh fruit would be great.

MiaAlexandrasmummy that's great news!! wow time has gone so quickly- probably not for you though. FX nucal will be fine.

Misalexandersmummy great news. That is fabulous.

Hi new ladies, Clicking, Purple and co.

Purple we are just exploring adoption after years or fertility treatment. I am not sure from what you are asking if there are ways to improve your chances. Feel a bit of a fraud giving advice, as my success rates have been so bad! well one baby after two IUIs was brilliant but no baby after 6.5 years of treatment less so! Anyway, would recommend Zita West's book on pregnancy, not sure which one. I would also recommend the sperm meets egg plan if someone can come on here and say what it is (lol ????).

Feeling OK, still hoping for a 'miracle' baby but also feeling quite positive about adoption.

Greatings and hugs to all.

I meant .....after years of fertility treatment.

Hugs to Hippy, Tina, Gum, Diege, and *all.

Helicopter all fired up m'lady.

Wonderful news Miasmum :)

I will have the shoulder, neck and back rub plus toes and finger nails whilst drinking pimms please.

I love my life here and I think I might just be ready to let go of this need for another baby :)

Much love to all who are still coping with their losses. XXXXXXX

So pleased for you MiaAlexandrasmummy - you're on such an emotional rollercoaster; take care xx

That's wonderful Hippy - I hope to reach that place very soon (the fertility one, not the geographical one - don't worry, I won't be popping up on your doorstep!) as I think it would be healthier all round.

Italian thanks for your post. I admire your ability to deal with all these treatments and wish you well with adoption plans. There is absolutely no reason not to explore adoption alongside TTC as it looks like you are doing. I have been a bit shaken but a few comments here and there about adoption as a 'last resort' in the context of TTC. I know this is a kind of truth for many people but it's so different from my feelings about it and my experience. Yet another challenging process, but at least a different one!

Jollster great place! Right ladies, tomorrow we're all off to Climping in the helicopter. We're sending a jet for you Gum but you'd probably prefer somewhere nearer. Thailand? We'll Skype you mid-massage! Hippy thanks for the loan - and so pleased you've fallen in love with life. Miasmum that's great news. Not surprised you're in floods and the sheer relief.

Let's enjoy tomorrow, everyone! Cocktails/mocktails all round!

Purple here is the SMEP link www.pregnancyloss.info/sperm_meets_egg_plan.htm

You may well have heard it all, but just in case...there have been some success stories. I wish you all the best. It sounds like you have a really positive attitude, which can only help.

Saw the consultant today and had a 37 week scan as I'm an 'older mum' (46) and I had a 3rd degree tear with my first baby who was large. I've been told that this baby is off the centile chart (already 8lbs minimum and I have 3 weeks to go). They have refused to offer a C-section unless there are complications during labour, and they will induce me at 41 weeks. They say I've had 2 babies since the 3rd degree tear, so should be fine. I tried to explain that they were SMALLER but they weren't interested. So - my birth plan (if baby large, ask for C-section; if overdue by 1 week, c-section, otherwise try for normal birth) is out of the window. I'm having a good cry, a glass of red and a curry. As soon as I've hit rock bottom, I stand a chance of pulling myself together. Terrified? Me?

Lol that's frigging mean of them. Fingers crossed that they're over-estimating baby's weight. You were quite keen on C-sec, no? Can you do a bit of whinging and get them to change their minds? Can I join you for some curry and and a good old whinge. My whole pregnancy has been marred by likelihood of not being able to have water birth because I'm 'old'. I got very emotional about it yesterday.

Hello ladies,

Just thought I'd come back in, had my erpc today and am home and pain free which is nice. Thoughts are already turning to ttc again (after the obligatory 2 week wait), has anyone on here tried immediately after mc or mmc without waiting for a period? Also think I read on here somewhere that there are herbal supplements recommended for improving egg quality?

lol you could always tell the midwife you are absolutely terrified of vaginal birth and just couldn't mentally cope with it? I think in cases like that you are allowed to 'demand' ECS, got to be worth a try?

mia that is fab news, you must be so relieved.

twirly, it doesn't matter how many children we have or don't have, the longing for another is so difficult to overcome, if other people cannot or will not understand that then they must be blessed with very lucky lives and not much between their ears! I saw in the news the other day that infertility is classed as an illness because of the psychological impact it has on couples.

Am I too late for the spa? If not I'd like an indian head massage and pedicure please, followed by a glass of cold champagne!

x

lolfactor are you in the uk? i'm very surprised at them refusing. When i expressed my desire for an elective c-section at my booking appointment (before i had MC) i was told the local policy was to attend an information session at the hospital re birth choices and to have another think, then after that if i still wanted one i could and wouldn't need to give any reason.

also i thought new NICE guidelines now were that you could choose and didn't need a clinical reason or maybe that hasn't actually come in yet.

Thanks for the support, everyone. Curry and red wine (saved some for you, FF) consumed and now feeling a little better. Blackcats I thought the same - apparently Trusts can choose to opt out. I was told firmly 'no, we do NOT have an elective policy. I burst into tears and dp explained calmly and clearly that we have ONE SHOT at a baby and did not want any risks or complications, hence my anxiety. A large baby, getting stuck and possibly oxygen deprived, is, in my view, a massive risk. So is letting a post 40 pregnancy go over 40 weeks, apparently (ok, that was wikipedia, but even so...). My consultant is just an arrogant *$£k with a 'one-size-fits-all' policy. I can't find anyone who says a bad word about Stoke Mandeville, so perhaps I'm being an arsy cow who's too afraid to give birth . That said, I was fine when I arrived at the clinic and left sobbing, so not sure it's all my fault. Will just have to get my head around this and pray that I don't go overdue.

Mrscupcake glad you are feeling ok despite the ERPC. I followed the 'protocol' tips which AngelBump posted on the first message on this: www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=226042.600 . She mentions egg quality related to several supps. Did everything she did except take L-Lysine as seemed bad for conception from my own research, and couldn't totally fathom the business about green tea. [dim] And Marilyn Glenville's 'Getting Pregnant Faster' was a good read. (fairly obvious stuff, but still worth reading.) Also, don't underestimate male infertility/sub-fertility as a factor. DH was shocked to find he was partially responsible for our lack of success. It wasn't just down to me having a blocked tube.

Lol I like the suggestions MrsCC and BlackKitty have for you. Hope you get what you want. These consultants have an awful lot to answer for.

Hi to everyone else.

ps FF isn't it weird that your midwife won't let you have a water birth on the grounds that you are 'too old' and mine won't even acknowledge that I might need extra help after 40 weeks because of my age and the size of the baby? Why is there such a discrepancy? At Stoke Mandeville they'd probably let you and your family sit 'jacuzzi-style' in the birthing pool with a couple of joints to keep you all going!

We should switch hospitals! I am sure you'd get what you wanted at my hosp. (If I go into labour spontaneously before 16th June, and a pool is free, my wish will be granted. Just don't know how likely that will be. Have no previous experience to go on.) No one has bothered to try and predict size of my baby. They are fixated on induction on 16th June. (I have said 'no way', not on a Saturday.)

Off to bed. Fertile thoughts to all. FF xx

Lovely news Miasmummy - so glad you could see your little baby wriggling about.

Lol, I'm amazed at your consultant. At 46 they will let you go to 41 weeks,and no chance of a c-section? I'm surprised.I know when I was 41 and having DS, my doc was keeping a close eye on me if I went past my due date.I delivered the day after,on a Saturday, but the plan was to see him on the Monday to decide what to do. I think your concerns are valid,and wonder if you could talk to someone else? Having said that, I also know of women in their 40's who had lovely home-births and everything was fine.

With my DS, I was also told he was very big - at the same stage as you, and he was born at term,8lb13. (((HUGS))), I know how vulnerable you are feeling, and I think they ought to listen to you.

Hippy, I'm pleased to hear that you are feeling at peace about ttc. I hope I'll get there soon. So sick of feeling like this. At least things are looking good at work. I had been hoping for some extra funding to do a special program with students, and it looks like we have it. The stupid principal has had an email about it since Feb (he's such an incompetent arse) but has only managed to get it to my deputy this week. Anyway, it means I will pick up a little more work, but also perhaps lose my cooking classes which I don't like. So things are looking up in that area.But I'd swap it all in a heartbeat for a healthy pregnancy and baby....

Spa trip wounds fab. I'm not a fan of facials and manicures, but wouldn't say no to a massage, reiki,reflexology and actually, a bit of botox (which, I might add,I'd never do in RL) to straighten out all the extra wrinkles I've gotten lately, would be nice. I could also use a nice hair colour and style. I want to use the jet and join you because it wouldn't be the same without you all.

Must dash, DS wants to make pikelets for breakfast, then its a workday. It's pouring with rain, might need wellies today.

Lol all best wishes for the next few weeks! Keep us posted.

Thanks Purple. Can I ask, are you in the USA? I think the reason why people talk about adoption in those terms here in the UK (as in it being 'the last resort') is because normally social services here would say people could not put themselves forward for adoption and still be exploring fertility treatment or trying to conceive. It might be different with adoption charities I don't know because I have only looked at our local authority. I guess it might be that younger people might adopt and then later try and have a birth child but in this country it seems to be more normal that people look into adoption after having a birth child or a number of birth children or after trying to have a birth child. I must admit I now feel very positive about adoption. I guess also most children in the UK who are up for adoption are not babies and this may be different to other countries.

lol I'm so sorry you've got this worry at this stage. I'm shocked like others have said that this is their policy. I saw my consultant this week (am 21 weeks) and we had an early discussion on birth options, I am leaning towards ELCS at this stage, and he said whilst he would support me if I wanted a vaginal birth, at my age (44) he would want to keep a close eye on me at that stage, and would give ELCS at 39 weeks if that was my choice, and would NOT allow me to go over term as he and I would both be getting antsy at that stage. I really feel for you :(

MAM so totally delighted for you - can only begin to imagine the emotion you and DH feeling. Have all crossed the nuchal result comes through quickly and happily. :)

Lovely to see Italian and waves to all the other old-timers (partic me ole mucker Hippy). Great to see some newcomers joining the team and waving the flag for 40+mums and mums to be.

I can thoroughly recommend the spa at Baliffscourt, Climping. It is really special, have been a few times, but nowhere NEAR ENOUGH!

Lol my legs are crossing here, 8lbs and growing!!!

In terms of the spa can I just skip to the strawberries and champagne?? I tried a spa at centre parcs once and was bored out of my mind, all that new age music and swapping from a steam laden room with my hair a freaky frizzy mess to a freezing cold shower and then on to hop into a bed still warm from the previous occupant didn't do it for me!

Hi all - thanks for your lovely and really helpful posts. Armed with your info, I'm off the see the midwife tomorrow to see what can be done. It seems irresponsible to assume all is fine post 40 weeks. A plan should be in place to monitor the situation - especially as all mine have come out VERY overcooked (dry skin, yellow shade, long nails, hungry and skinny) and they were all born on or before my due date. I'm just praying this one does the same.

For today, however, we are enjoying the Spa. Twirly hope the Zita West vouchers arrived. All requests are granted - and no obligation to do anything (although I'm liking Gum's virtual botox)! Delighted you could join us, Gum!!

lol thanks for the SMEP link. I have heard of it. But wow, that's a lot of sex she says, stating the bloody obvious also, lots of luck to you over the coming days. What a great supportive thread, having zero experience I can only add my best wishes to you.

italian no I'm not in the US. You are quite right about the UK adoption system fueling the 'last resort' idea. It seems to be used as a marker of being 'serious' about adoption (having tried all other options in advance). We adopted internationally between Switzerland and Ethiopia (OHs birth country and son's birth country). The Swiss authorities did pursue this with me and were clearly looking for a list of interventions towards TTC. This didn't prove to be a big hurdle in the end (not that they didn't find other issues to fuss about). Glad to hear you are feeling positive. It's not easy but it is a positive an exciting thing to pursue.

Thanks purple.

Hugs to all.