How is everyone? I'm twitching away here - itching to test even though it's far too early. I'm trying to distract myself by working, but the majority of my mind is elsewhere.
I understand what people are saying about jealousy/feeling negative - it is so hard not to feel that way sometimes :( I hope nobody minds if I share a bit of my story here.
I have 2 very good friends who both have sons the same age as my DS - they are the reason that we met. Anyway, it turns out that we have all been TTC for a while (we didn't sit down and discuss it - we just figured it out after a while!). I didn't think anything of it other than a vague "wouldn't it be nice if we all ended up having a second set of DC's of a similar age", and certainly didn't feel any pressure at the time. However, I am a bit ashamed to admit that since my MC I do feel the pressure a bit more, especially since my friends knew/know I'm trying. A bit bonkers really, but maybe it will strike a chord with someone else. It took me a while to conceive the first time, and I am over 35, so I was amazed when I found myself pregnant after just a few months of trying, and saddened when I miscarried.
My friends rallied round and were amazing. I was in hospital for almost a week, and between the two of them they looked after my DS while my husband visited me and went to work. I can't describe the relief and gratitude I felt at knowing he was in good hands. DH and I don't have family close by, so knowing DS was happy and well cared for was such a weight of my mind.
Because I knew by then that they had both been TTC, I really worried about how it would make me feel if/when one or both of them would conceive, and about making them feel uncomfortable around me. I decided in the end to just tell them that although what had happened was hard for DH and I, we hadn't given up hope. I also said that if/when they became pregnant, I would love the chance to share in their excitement, and that I would hate for them to feel uncomfortable telling me. There was a bit of bravado in there, but 2 months after my MC one of my friends did get her BFP. I am genuinely thrilled for her, but I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a bit jealous too. It was only I found out that she had had a bit of a bleed that I realised that being jealous would only hurt me, and our friendship. The most important thing is that she has a healthy pregnancy, followed by a healthy baby.
As for me, it's early days (again). I'm trying my hardest to stay postive. There's no reason that I know of that it can't happen for me, so I'll keep popping the folic acid and keep my fingers crossed that someday soon I get my own BFP.
If any of you ladies have managed to make it to the end of this essay, then please know I'm thinking positively for all of us. I hope that someday soon, we will all get the result we are waiting for :)
PS - £10 for a test!! I buy the Asda own brand tests, which I'm sure are not only less than £4 for 2 tests, but are also more sensitive than most of the main brands (15mIU/mL)