Le BESH est trying to win un petit baybee.

[HaveUrselfAFaithyChristmasBaby]

Bring your best Franglais and gin. Newbies always welcome, complete la BESHtionnaire et nous will judge assess vous accordingly.

Laura, I'm so sorry, it sounds wretched and miserable. Like kat says, the good thing is that you are able to talk to each other, and agreeing to try counselling sounds really promising as well.

With the sechs thing, is it meant to be protected or unprotected at the moment? Because if it's unprotected and he's refusing to do it, would it help at all to switch to protected for a bit? I know condoms are vile, but the closeness of doing all the other stuff might be really helpful.

LP I'm so sorry, I really don't know what to say other than very un-BESH-like (((hugs))) for you.

I agree with the others, the fact you are talking is positive and it may be that counselling is what you both need. Either way we are all here for you [links arms with the other BESH]

Thanks for the BESH squeezes, laydees.

Faithy you're right about things being said and not being able to take them back. Embarrassingly, I don't even remember all that I said - I do know it wasn't pretty, though. And then I escaped to the bathroom where I puked up a load of wine. (which was even less pretty!)

It just feels like we've passed the point of recovering from the darkness we've slumped into. We're both so exhausted from The Relationship. I want to run away. I feel like a sad old fucked up mess.

Sweet jeebus, I iz pathetic! Quick, somebody punch me in the gut. (and kick my stoopid Droid around a bit, too, while you're at it.)

Less French, more violence.

LovelyLaura you are not pathetic. You' want a baby, that's all. It's ridiculous what power TTC has over our lives. It sounds like you have some Big Conversations to have. But not today. Have a shower, get dressed, do you have some people in RL you can hang out with today or talk to about any of this? Or do something with so that your mind isn't regurgitating last nights events? < squeezes hand tightly, sorry if I sound like a school marm!>

Yes, a shower and fresh air should help you get through today - maybe go for a walk somewhere, even if you don't say much, but just calm down quietly together so you can look at things in a more balanced way later.

OH I want to scoop all you wonderful BESH wimminz up and give you all the mahoosivest hug

sunnyd so sorry for crappy FC news, give mrsunny a stealth squeeze from me, how's he taking it? (and happy anniversary for yesterday You are very wise and lovely and kind of my hero.

lalau I have no real words of wisdom, other than to say that if we'd communicated better in the long Years Before Molette, I think we would have had similar difficulties- and that 'not communicating' at that time has left lots of shaky bits behind. It's so hard- I hope you can get some relief from ranting on here while we hold your hand and your hair back.

Much Love to everyone else- if it's not monumentally tactless, just thought I'd let you know I had scan this am, and all's well so far- heartbeat in place and 7w4.

Roll on 2012, on a besoin de un nouveau annee pronto.....

Oh my. I'm feeling like such a drama queen. TOM is (finally) awake and has reassured me that my drunken memory of last night is far, far worse than the actual event. He has been very sweet and loving.

We did have a tiny chat about the sechs-witholding. He explained that his depression has brought his drive down to absolute zero right now. He still loves me and still finds me attractive and still wants to kiss/hold/cuddle (which he has been doing all along), but until he's feeling stronger emotionally he can't really 'force' it. Fair enough. The mcs have really affected both of us in different ways.

Thank you BESHes for being here for me - it is amazing to have a safe place to go to when it feels like it's all falling down.

Now. Off to sort some counselling, book recurrent mc tests with GP, and continue ticking off the days until we can address the resuming of ttc...

yay, Moley heartbeat scan!

muchos bonne annees

Blimey, Dot that 's pretty heavy. I agree that you know people online. You don't have to see someone face to face ot know them. In fact, I sometimes find it easier to share stuff online with people who owe you nothing and won't feel obliged to come round and see you or whatever, so you can get to know online people very well online. I hope you have a lovely trip.

Frosty what a bummer. At least you have an explanation now though. Have a good anniversary!

Cavey sorry to hear about the non-diffed vomming. Leftovers can be dangerous!

Laura I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough time. It does sound like he has some mc-related sex issues, so maybe counselling could help with that.

We are not very sunshiney on here today are we? Unfortunately, I am not either, although my niggles are minor compared to some of yours. I am on CD 20 of my first assisted cycle (with Letrozole - similar to Clomid) and I don't seem to have ovulated. I normally ov between days 14 and 16 on an unassisted cycle so this is not progress! All that stealth shagging with the MiL in the next room over Xmas for nothing. Meh.

Euro, will you be having blood tests to check for ovulation? I wasn't sure whether I had ovulated or not last cycle - unconvincing temp bump and lack of CM, but the Day 21 bloods showed definite OV.

No, no blood tests planned. I normally ov every cycle so it wasn't an issue! I know I haven't ov'd - I always feel it. I guess I keep my fingers crossed for another couple of days in case it happens very late and then give up and wait for Droid.

eur it could just be a coincidental annoviulatory cycle couldn't it? Bloody annoying though I'm sure.
laura how Are you feeling?
We've just finally got hold of video of our wedding for the first time. It's so cool to see, we look so happy :) has made me feel rather romantic!

I don't think so - I don't think I have ever had one before. I seem to ovulate every month without fail. It was one of the things that was working fine! And I have felt plenty of pre-ov twinges so I think my ovaries tried but couldn't manage to push out the 3 eggs instead of one or whatever it was. Oh well, we might as well make the most of our time off and have a little sff for a change!

Aw, that sounds lovely Phoenix. We didn't get a video but we love looking at the photos. I have a montage of the day on the wall outside my bedroom and never manage to walk past it without taking a glance.

It does seem too weird if you usually have ovulatory cycles. I know I've had a couple of those in the last year is all.
We had mostly at a distance footage...even though 3 people took footage we've only seen this one after 3 years! Just us coming out the church, the speeches and the first dance. Lovely though :) especially since we don't know how many of our pictures will have survived.

I've been monitoring ov for 14 cycles and the last 13 have all been ovulatory. I think the drugs have properly messed up my cycle. I am really annoyed as I was waiting for ov to start the immune-suppressant drugs to give an embryo a chance to implant. I've waited ages for a diagnosis, gone through all the NHS tests and so on and now I have got one I can't start my treatment because I haven't ovulated. Grrr.

That is really lovely. Sorry, I didn't think with my comment about my wedding photos that yours might not have survived. That was thoughtless. If by any chance they haven't, as it was only 3 years ago there is a good chance people will have kept soft copies. I have all my photos going back to 2008 on this computer and a back up hardrive so if you were my friend, I would be able to give you any pics I took of your wedding!

How frustrating with those drugs then :(
Don't worry I'm not upset by your comment! Our photos were saved onto a hard drive which we are hoping works ok...we got a disc with the pica on. If not we wil ask the photographer.
Crikey if I got upset every time someone had something we didn't I'd be even worse than I am now a gibbering wreck. Actually, I am a gibbering wreck.

Hurrah for scan my luffly Mole!! Must have been veh veh exciting.

Euro I have heard of this before, stimming drugs messing up your cycle. What's the next step for you? Will you get another round on the drugs next cycle? It's just one fucking thing after another sometimes isn't it.

LP glad things weren't as bad as you first thought. Hope you managed to have an ok day.

Thanks y'all for your kind thoughts and words yesterday. I read a book at the start of this year called Learned Optimism. It had a huge effect on me

Phoenix I am glad my comment didn't bother you!

Yes, that is great news Mole.

Frosty I have a prescription for a higher dose next cycle and that should be with a trigger shot to force ov. But right now I feel like I might prefer to go natural to give my cycle a chance to sort itself out. I'll see how I feel when the Droid rolls around. We've done so much swi this month that I am sore now. :( Feck it, I'm off to find some

Oh yes, my apologies, moley how wonderful! :) sounds like things are progressing nicely with mini mole.
LP glad things are calmer.

Not true if male factor infertility is the cause of problems trying to conceive surely. Also perhaps not the most sensitive post Flames

I've asked for it to be deleted.

If you think it is going to upset people to the point of having to apologise in advance a mote tactful strategy is not to post it at all. The whole thing is already enough of a head fuck.

Ok.