Le BESH est trying to win un petit baybee.

[HaveUrselfAFaithyChristmasBaby]

Bring your best Franglais and gin. Newbies always welcome, complete la BESHtionnaire et nous will judge assess vous accordingly.

Thank you laydeez. I know I can't hide away and perhaps the suggestion that HWHNN has a quiet word would help. I have a feeling that they had a bit of trouble conceiving as male half passed a comment about Drs and hospitals that made me suspicious before they announced they were expecting.

Who knows, by next month I could be diffed and it all becomes a moot point [ever optimistic]

What's a "moot" btw??!!

A moot is a mock debate (without any right answer). I judge mooting competitions for law students. They are set a mock case and have to go away, research it and then argue it in front of a "judge" (i.e. me with my judgey pants hoiked to maximum). The cases are always set so they are quite balanced,so that each side has a decent chance of winning.

[in awe of the brainy-BESH]

Can I have a tiny moment of begging to be soothed and calmed down? Am all stressed from a day on public transport with heavy bags and a hangover, heading to new house, where I don't particularly want to move to anyway etc. Imbecile boyfriend has just texted to say he tipped the delivery men too, at a stupidly generous rate, because I had done it the day before so he thought he should too.1 I know I am overreacting from tiredness and apprehension about horrid new house, but for fuck's sake! I told him I had done it so he would know he didn't have to. We can't afford
to spunk extra money like this at the moment. And if he would get his stupid stupid head out of the clouds for five minutes, we needn't have done. Apologies for the wussiness, but I am actually crying with rage on the (tiny, smelly) bus. I don't want to live in this stupid place and especially not with such a vague twat.

Please either hit me with a kipper or proffer Maltesers and soothing strokes so that by the time I get there I am no longer likely to spend our first night together alternating between being a bitch to him and dissolving into self-pitying tears.

Even typing it out makes me see I am overreacting a bit. But still. Gulp. Wail. Sniff.

Hurrah hurrah hurrah for the lovely Barbie!!

Am still at work so will come back later.

[digs out large 1kg bag of Malteasers]

Poor Northey [strokes hair & tweaks nipples]

Oh Northey, how fucking annoying. Bloody idiot HABs (husbands and boyfriends). Why are they such morons sometimes.

A "moot"? I thought it was a moot point, not a noun on its own. A moot point being...um....er....anyway, I have never heard of a moot. Maybe it's because I iz well fick.

I was out at a party last night. After many glasses of wine, a woman said "Do you have children?"
"No."
"Oh!!!!" (as though this was truly remarkable) "Oh but you MUST!"

Instead of grabbing her by the hair and bellowing "Why MUST I, you smug cow? Why is it necessary to procreate to be acceptable? Do you not think that a couple in their mid thirties may just possibly be either a) trying b) not wanting children. Either way is it ANY of your fucking business? WELL???? IS IT????????"

I should have done the above. Instead I was so pissed I ended up telling her everything. I am very cross at myself. Now she will ask me "How ARE things?" in a solicitous and sympathetic way every time we meet.

However on the plus side, she is a triplet which her mother conceived naturally at the age of 40. Every cloud and all that.

RieRie, totally with you on that situation. Hate it & can't understand why people don't THINK. Particularly hate that feeling of knowing next time you see them you'll get that sympathetic look. Telling people sometimes seems like the right thing to do or a way to shut them up but I always feel afterwards slightly sick, as if I've gorged myself on a full box of after eights (only not as nice or minty).

Gorged on chocolate - brilliant description. I feel the same everytime I disclose, too. It's simultaneously good and bad.

Well, laydees, it's happened. TOM and I have broken up. Feeling numb and shaky. Weird combination. We just can't get it together. I am sad.

I blame the miscarriages.

Oh Laura I am so so sorry. Is it for definite?

It's definite.

What a head-fuck. I'll be 38 this month, I'm losing my partner, my step-child, my home and now having a baybee and becoming a mother seems impossible. Fuck fuck fuck. How did I end up here???

The most enormous hugs imaginable, laura. I'm so, so sorry. What an utterly horrible thing. How did it happen? Is it really definitely over?

I guess it might be too soon for you to know practicalities, and you are probably well provisioned with real life help, but if you get stuck with anything at all, then please please just ask here.

Thank you, Norf. I hope your day is better than yesterday - and that you had a lovely night in the new place. Big changes can be so emotionally draining, no?
Re: The Breakup. It's definite, it's permanent, I know this is what needs to happen for the both of us, but it feels horrible right now. I just want to go back in time, press the Delete button and get to do our whole relationship over. Thing is, I really do love him but neither of us is very happy. The whole relationship is so fraught and is soooooooo much work. Surely a healthy, loving relationship shouldn't be this exhausting?

LP I'm so sorry. I really don't know what to say other than huge (((hugs))) for you. We're all here to support you.

Oh Laura ((hugs))

I'm so sorry Laura. That's a stupid amount of stuff for anyone to have to deal with. Hope you have a good RL support network but we are always here.

Thanks for all the wonderful ESH support.

I suppose it's decent timing that I'm starting a PhD in 2 weeks. I'd originally thought committing to do this degree would be a Good Distraction from our not-ttc...now I guess it will also serve to be a Good Distraction from not-being-in-a-relationship and not-being-a-stepmum.

Fuck.

Any ESH in London up for a meet?

My closest UK-based RL friend gave birth last week, so am feeling a bit bereft. My other closest UK-based RL friend is TOM.

[lonely expat emoticon]

However, I REFUSE to sink in the mire of patheticness. I will just have to work a bit harder to feel like I have a life again.

Starting over. Again. Blah.

Oh Laura, I'm sorry to hear that. That really is a lot to deal with. Hopefully the PhD will give you a distraction and something all-consuming to focus on. I'm around in London next week for lunch most days or a drink Mon/Tues evenings. I'm happy to support you if I can.