O Little Town of BESHlehem: Population Waiting. We're no angels but we're being --really really-- mostly good...now give us what we want

[LauraPalmer]

Or we burn the place down!

I have been Away. I still am actually.
Penguins are the best creatures on earth. FACT.
SunnyD, my lovely mate. So sorry you're feeling shit. You're always so supportive and good humoured, I think sometimes we're guilty of forgetting that you're having a proper shit time of it. So have a massive slap in the face with a...a...a... great white shark

Feeling any better?

Lottie & Rie thank you from the bottom of my heart or the heart of my bottom (whichever takes your fancy). I really needed those messages this morning. Lottie I will probably take you up on your offer of more advice & PM you when I'm not sat at my desk wondering if me and the SSG will ever manage The Sechs again. We had More Words last night which resulted in More Tears. FFS I am not a crier.

Rie are you Away in the South pole?

Sunny I am not a crier either but have done so a few times through the ttc process. It is just such an enotional train wreck I think it is impossible not to. Mr euro doesn't have a clue what to do with me though as he is not used to seeing it! If I burst into tears at the drop of a hat like my SiL, maybe he would have got some practice in!

What lottie said. In the future [tm] sex will again become what we like to call "fun". One, or even the both of you - may enjoy it!

Huge distracting (yet soothing) gropes to sunny . I would be amazed if there is anyone who hasn't had horrendous sechs failure when they have been ttc for any length of time - there is just so much exhaustion and stress and pressure. We actually had a few sessions of turkey baster (oddly enough in the cycle I conceived) when it was all getting too much and it helped a lot to break the cycle of pressure. We could just be matey and supportive of each other's other worries, without having to do this bloody sex performance every day. Much easier to be suddenly handed a jar of spunk.

I am also in the club of woe and feeling very anxious and despairing about everything - work, money, ttc, weight. Gah. Penguin-snuggling would help. Though not my replacement activity, which is chocolate-penguin-guzzling. Well, it is sort of helping, but also making me fatter.

I've considered the turkey baster. There are times when neither of us is really in the mood but we have to make the effort.

I've just been for my second appointment at the gynae. As I thought from having a peek at the screen, the HSG was fine, TV ultrasound also fine, immune to rubella. Hubby's second SA was fine. My previous blood tests showed I was ovulating and hubby's first SA was fine too.

So I was expecting a chat about treatment, maybe some Clomid. He has referred me straight for IVF! And the waiting list is "only" about 4 months. I really wasn't expecting it. I didn't think there was funding in this area, but there is (for one round).

I am happy that we get a round and that the wait isn't long, but I am a bit daunted by IVF. Eek.

Well, we have another 5 or so cycles to manage it ourselves. Maybe by then my head will be in the right place for it.

I think a need a penguin to stroke to soothe me.

Seconded Northey - we've been there too a few times and now TBI gets quite anxious every time, leading to some very unsechy sechs: "quick, put it in before it's too late!". I try not to get emotional about it or take it personally but inevitably fail so we end up feeling awkward and horrible. I have joked about trying a turkey baster but I don't think TBI wants to go there... Yet.

Feel for you Sunny sending gropey BESH hugs.

Oh wow, eurochick! Congratulations! Would you have preferred Clomid, do you think? As a sort of gentle foreplay to get you in the mood for the main event?

Yup, blonderedhead, that awkward horribleness is just the killer. I absolutely recommend a baster - same practical result as sex, but without the need to put yourself through something you know (on this occasion) is going to be a source of stress to you both.

Northey, that's it. I feel like I need fertility treatment foreplay!

Wow euro that's progress. I s'pose at least you have some time to get your head round it. Hopefully you can both relax about the sechs in the mean time.
We've tried the turkey baster approach too. Not lately though, what with the swimmers going in circles I've encouraged a 'swi if we feel like it approach'. Can generally lure MSB into sechs when I'm fertile. Seems a waste of sperm somehow given the diagnosis to not have actual sechs with it. Only two weeks til he sees the specialist. Even though he Hates docs he mentioned it positively last night in a kind of at least things can move forward way.
I am trying hard with the weight.loss after last weeks back slide, about to eat a yogurt would really luff a big bar of chocolate though

That should tie you down to the fred for a bit my lovely. Spit Spot.

Lottie Am so glad to see your postings, I was woefully inadequate earlier and I do so want our Sunshinegirl to feel better.

All of your postings about the turkey baster have been a complete revelation. It's like all of a sudden I can actually consider it as an option, seriously.

Please can some brave person tell me exactly what I need to do? Is it really a turkey baster or does one have to purchase special equipment? I am being honest-to-God serious.

Afternoon all. Well, no Clomid side-effects to speak of at the moment, though I'm not sure I should really expect much after 1 tablet

I went to Boots and pur-chased some Conceive Plus during my lunch break. I had to , if they watch the CCTV back they'll probably think I was on the rob! I did the whole "casual walk past the item you want, pretending your looking for something else" bit a few times before moving on to "quick look both ways to make sure no one you know can see you" before grabbing said item and shoving it in the basket UNDERNEATH something very "normal"

I have to also add £15!!!!! for a tube of bloomin lube (poet)???!!! Sweet baybee Jeebus, it's a racket!

Anyway, must get back to work [strokes penguin in lap a la Blofeld]

Basters, you say, boo? Right. Practicalities first. What I used was this www.amazon.co.uk/Pre-Seed-Fertility-Friendly-Vaginal-Lubricant-Multi-Use/dp/B004382GWK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1320675868&sr=8-1 . Man spoffs in jam jar/Tupperware/granny?s favourite tea cup and hands it to you looking a bit shifty. You try not to giggle, squirt in a dollop of the sperm-friendly lube to give it a bit more bulk, swirl it around a bit and leave it for a few minutes to liquidise (makes it much easier to work with). Then lie back, suck it up in the syringe, swoosh it up yourself and either settle down for five minutes playing on your phone, or go the whole hog and have a wank for full on cervix-sucking effect.

The harder bit is getting your man to agree in the first place. I had to go to the effort of having an operation, so that he was in full on pandering to me mode afterwards. That enabled him to feel like he was just being gentlemanly and humouring me when I was worried about not shagging, but really not able to do it the old fashioned way. And once he?d done it a few times I think he saw the advantages for himself. Now we only resort to it once every couple of months but it is such a handy (oo err) option.

Is that helpful, boo? It was a bit of a babble but I'm happy to blab on in excrutiating detail if you want more.

Oh, and very important - leave him alone to do the actual spoffing. If he's stressed to the point that he can't shag, he's likely to have to resort to some deeply embarrassing fantasising of the sort you want to be nowhere near. It's just much better for you both if you don't see him gasping "Knightrider, oh Knightrider" or whatever.

Heh! There are some things that shouldn't ever be shared, even between husband and wife.

Hello all, have just caught up after missing a whole day's posts and may I say how delicious it is to see the BESH fred in full flow again.

I fear the old barn here may need a bit of a dust, cos I just got loads in my eye when I was reading my lovely SunnyD's posts (and mentally composing some touching yet lecherous words of comfort) and ThatthereLondon one came and was so luffley. sniff. Sorry to not have not seen til now, sorry you are sad, glad you had a good cry, can only be good for you, sorry that it's all such a pile of shittingfuckingwank, and come here and rest your head while I knock you up a virtual and non IVF preparation damaging tequila sunrise.

dollargirl a FC not fuckinguseless story? Bonus!

I was mizz today- got lynched by beeping cunttwatrobot despite the clearly obvious diffage signs of having a metallic taste in my mouth for one milisecond about two weeks ago, and once smelling a mysteriously invisible crumble. Was mostly sad as (warning may offend) it was my last chance to get diffed in order to not be home alone without purpose when molette goes to school next year,meaning I either have to start working rather more than I do, or just sit at home on my own. (I realise this is not a real problem, but it makes me sad)

Twas all perspectivised this am when my mum phoned to say that my wonderful amazing SIL who I've only met in person once cos she and my bro live in oz has had a 12 week scan (they hadn't announced her pg yet) and the baby hasn't grown, sad She's been sent home to wait for some blood tests -that they messed up- before they'll do a DandC, so is in limbo for a bit, which is even more rubbish. Am appalled and ashamed to admit my clearly evil nature though, as they already have an 11 month old, and when my mum said, 'Oh they weren't even really trying yet, it all happened alot sooner than they thought' I had Bad Thoughts, including thinking that they'd probably try again and get pg again in five minutes just like this time. I am suitably disgusted with self, but also really pissed off that this whole conceiving thing has turned me into such a bitter bitter bitch.

I luff this Fred. Mole is right, dusty in here, got some in my eye...

Euro we can be IVF twins and hold each others hands

I am amazed at the baster knowledge emerging. I am seriously considering it, need to pick my moment to bring to subject up. Think I'll leave it for a bit though. P'raps we could have a cluster diff of BESH basted baybee wins - can you imagine the Daily Mail outcry!!

Moley I too have had bad bitter horrid thoughts. Don't feel bad.

I have just got back from work. You ESH rock, I have got tears of mirth running down my face. This is BRILLIANT.

I have a question. You need to do it straight away don't you, or they all die?

I just asked him he would do it and he said No. So that's that then. I don't think I even got to finish the sentence.

I might get some pre seed anyway though.

Realised my baster technique was somewhat lacking! No sperm friendly lube to improve the quality, it went sodding everywhere first time we tried!
boo the sooner, the better really.
We had a sechs fail ourselves tonight. Seems it's contagious.