With angel babies in the sky, some of us expecting rainbow babies, others still ttc and definitely swi!!

[Bluetinkerbell]

started new thread! we do talk a lot, don't we?

cheese my gran taught me to knit but I cant remember it now, my mum taught me to crochet when I was 11 and Ive kind of taught myself from then on. I think you do need a helping hand first off, Im by no means good, I can make blankets and have just taught myself to make fingerless mitts. It is fun to crochet its fast too. Just waiting for my wool to arrive and then it wont take me too long to crochet a few squares and send them off.

Fx blue

Phew!!!
Blue so hope you get the house xx
Mel what you feel is totally normal & so what if you feel selfish!! Bugger it after what we ve experienced why shouldn t we be selfish. We have experienced one of the worst things EVER & that will change anyone. ( whispers ; FX for that line becoming darker) xxx
Big happy birthday Ciaran. All the angels are smiling on you & hopefully playing some naughty little games. Lovely gift from your grandparents xxx
Shakey great news on your scan. It is incredibly difficult to remain optimistic. Even now I still won t believe all is well till GILS is screaming her lungs off next week. ( then me & ant will be sectioned as we ll crack up) !!! I had a GTT test this time was fine.
Hi to all ; Green, Cheese, August , Jane & anyone I ve missed.xxxx
Had a good scan this am; GILS still measuring virtually off the graph!!! Everyone seems to focus on the fact that she is a big baby as I asked my consultant " to the point of thinking that there is a problem?" no , she's just a big baby!!! Ok
, stop going on about it then!!!!.
Scan good we saw her eyes, lips, bladder was full, stomach full. So, next time I see the consultant will be in theatre!! Eek.., !!!
Love to all xxxxc

Oh hi Too & razz xx

Glad your scan went well Angel

Feeling really wobbly all of a sudden, have to go out soon too, need to try and pull myself together.

Thanks cheese x

Hello everyone
I've missed you all (rubbish at keeping up with things these days) and just been reading back to catch up a bit.
Like angel and ciwi we've just had the 1st birthday to get through, on Sunday just gone, and the Friday before was 1 year from the scan that gave us the news. I've cried so much over the weekend, I miss her and the pain that she isn't here hasn't lessened, just become my new normal. I can't remember what it felt like to be genuinely happy without the ache and hurt that is always there now. ciwi I made a birthday cake too, and we had one candle on it. We took Bobbie some white roses and spent some time, the four of us, me, DH, Bobbie and Freya, sat at her grave. A family of 4, but some of us never got to meet each other.
Had shite dreams too over the weekend, just too much preying on my mind as I obsessively relived the days, the scan, the phonecalls, the waiting, the day in hospital. God the coming home afterwards, walking in to the house and thinking "it's all over" in a totally empty way. All the hope of the pregnancy, the anticipation, and it's all gone. I'll never see her again, and she isn't coming anymore and I have to go on.
I dreamt about Bobbie, about Freya, and about another child too who I don't know, and in my dream I couldm't keep any of them safe. I woke up sobbing, and exhausted too from the broken night with Freya. DH tried to take her away downstairs so I could sleep some more but I just howled and clung on to her and wouldn't let her out of the bed.

cheese I'm so sorry you had such an awful dream and were so scared about your baby. The dopplers are a mixed blessing aren't they.

too thinking of you - when is the amnio? Terrifying. I just couldn't contemplate it with Freya, but then I suppose being only 25 at the time I knew I was in the low risk group so it didn't feel worth it for me for the stress I would feel about losing the baby afterwards. Glad you're taking plenty of time to rest afterwards and be checked over.

ciwi and Angel happy birthdays to Ciaran and Georgie. I hope our babies know how loved they are, especially on these special days.

shakey fab for your scan

blue exciting times, I hope you can get this house and move in soon, and more importantly get your BFP! Mel, jane and green hope your BFPs are just around the corner.

Hello to anyone I've missed, can't scroll back too easily whilst BFing!

Love to all and huge good luck to Angel for Tuesday, can't wait to hear all about GILS xxx

Your scan sounds wonderful, Angel! Good that your GTT test was fine too.

Cheese, hope you feel better and less wobbly. How did DS2 get on at the fracture clinic?

Good luck with the house, Blue!

Hello Spilt, good to hear from you! Love to Bobbie and Freya. Happy Birthday, Bobbie! Bad dreams seem to be going around - last night I dreamt that I had had Bean (who was a girl called Kate even though I don't like the name Kate) and I was in the hospital with her and I took her down to the canteen in a Moses basket and put her on a chair. The next moment a midwife came over and started yelling at me saying I wasn't fit to be a mother and I'd let my baby get cold and I needed to hold her and warm her up. So I did, and I walked around the hospital holding her and warming her in my hands (she had shrunk somehow to the size of a mobile phone) and then suddenly these alarms started going off and security guards came running up to me saying I had over-heated her and she might be in a coma for 3 months and they took her away from me. It was horrible, I woke up with a jump and couldn't get back to sleep for ages.

The amnio is still booked for Monday - Mum hasn't got anywhere with her obstetrician friend. It is weird, because only a few people at work know why I'll be off next week and everyone else thinks I'm just going on holiday and saying things like 'lucky for some'!

Razz and Green, I am still eating like crap! My BMI was 27 or 28 pre-preg - God knows how much weight I've put on since then! I don't weigh myself at present. DH has put on a lot of weight too - his BMI is in the 30s, but he won't tell me exactly what he weighs. My boobs are 34F and I'm growing out of my bras, so probably even bigger than that, Green! I wore a maternity dress to work today belted under the bust and it really emphasised everything...DH was very pleased.

Sorry to hear about your colleague being awkward, Green. I hope she gets over it and talks to you properly soon.

Mel, looking forward to your update tomorrow! How are you feeling now?

Love to all!

Spilt, I only turned 28 on Friday! I shouldn't be in the high-risk category either.

Spilt Happy birthday to Bobbie, (hugs), what a difficult weekend to get through. I relive those days too, it's really draining emotionally isn't it. I hope you manage to find some more peaceful days soon xx

Too lots of seem to be having bad dreams lately, must mean we're all worried! Yours doesn't sound nice at all :( It's so horrible how real they feel. I feel a lot better now thanks, think I just had a moment earlier, it was really odd as I suddenly felt awful and started crying, typically just before we had to leave for hospital though! Ds2 had his cast off! No xray but they said it should be healed now, have to take it easy and he's hobbling on it but was putting more weight on it before bed so hopefully it's ok now :)

I'll be 33 in November so my age wouldn't have made me high risk but I've had PE in my first pregnancy, a few probs in second and then with ds2 my waters were leaking from about 22 weeks so I was already high risk with Scarlett. Didn't think anything like that would happen though. Now the GD puts me at a higher risk already even without all the past history and losing Scarlett.

OMG green that sounds awkward. I think you're right to want to just go up to her and congratulate her so she can start to realise how you actually feel and not just assume that it would be better not to tell you. A lady at the gym my ds2 goes to has a 9 week old baby boy and actually turned her back on me when I got upset at overhearing his name was Jake - I don't understand why she'd think I might not want to see him but perhaps I would be the same if the shoe were on the other foot...
On the other hand, my 2 old friends from school who have just had / might actually be having at this moment babies have been great. There's nothing awkward there, they're are genuinely devastated for me and yet know me well enough to know that I am genuinely happy, excited even, for them. Even though it's like a corkscrew to the heart to hear their news all I want to do is look at baby stuff and talk about babies and that's ok with them. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that there are friends and there are friends iyswim

Too your dream doesn't sound nice, as you probably know its just your anxieties coming out
Angel your scan sounds beautiful, can't wait to hear more about your baby

Hey green i'm crocheting squares too, helped with another project before. Feels like a nice thing to do and like to send wishes in the stitches!

Sorry too, didn't mean to imply you were aging

Tis ok, Spilt, am just a bit raw about the whole high-risk thing because I never thought for one minute I would be anything other than low-risk. It's like the universe looks for all these things I thought I was safe from and then goes boom! Deal with this! And this!

I would crochet squares if I knew how, August and Green - it's a lovely thing to do. Might ask my friend how to (she crochets and knits).

See you all later - hot choc is ready.

Thanks August xxxx
Hi Spilt a belated happy birthday to Bobbie. It's so awkward to know what to do for the best Isn t it? I hope having Freya has bought some joy back in to your life however , it will always be tinged slightly with sadness won t it? Like me you have had 2 girls & there should be 2 of them here but alas ..... Give Freya a big cuddle from me.
It seems that bad dreams are par for the course for most of us at the moment. Wishing everyone a dream / nightmare free night. Xxx
Oh & to make you all feel better I m 40!!! So , I guess officially I m defiantly high risk however, that's why both times we ve not had the nuchal test. But, I am focussing on
downs now. Think it's my latest worry I checked about the cord today ; that was fine so next worry; downs.
However, every scan has been fine and after 10 I hope , maybe, something would have been spotted if it was abnormal ie: big nose, lips, neck or heart problems.
Right, off to try & sleep.
Sleep well all xxxx

too I know what you mean about thinking you are safe. I am 29 (for another 5 weeks) and it was a hell of a shock when we found out Zoe had downs. I didn't have a nuchal scan with her as they didn't routinely offer them here, my blood work came back with a 1:750 chance. Nothing was picked up on the scans and it was only diagnosed through genetic testing during the pm. Zoe was perfectly healthy but just happened to have ds.

I am terrified that my next baby will have it too and I will have nuchal scan, blood tests and a cvs or amnio.

I reall am praying for you that bean is ok. xx

morning ladies! pfffffffffffff I just had enough of this ttc business for now. DH just doesn't seem interested in swi-ing :( I'm supposed to be in my fertile days now! Normally when we snuggle up in bed and I take initiative, he's very keen, but just not the last few days... so bloody annoying, I would just like to give up! :( Like this I'll never get my much wanted BFP. I don't know what to do...

spilt I hope you had a gentle day for Bobbie's birthday! so glad Freya is doing great!

angel just think if Gils would have Downs, you wouldn't love her any less for it! I know it won't be easy, and she might have other health problems because of it, but they can normally be managed pretty well! just take it one step at a time, just deal with getting her out safe and well first! we're here all the way to support you :) x

Blue we went through that but in reverse. I just couldn't be bothered. I think when you're in our position and you want something so badly it just feels like you're never going to get it. Try and get DH off guard later and jump him when he's not expecting it. I know that I felt like we should have tried some afternoon delights so that it didn't feel like it was all routine
Angel I am getting so excited for you. I know I've only shared a few months of this pregnancy with you but I can't wait until Georgie's wee sister is with us. I'm sure she'll be absolutely perfect in every way x
I did POAS this morning and the line is there and possibly a wee bit darker (omg omg omg!) although I wouldn't call it a 'B'FP it does look like a 'b'FP. Not using the posh tests til the weekend with DH. He's been laughing at me as I fessed up about testing. Everyone keep everything crossed!!
Hugs and the likes to everyone (can't really concentrate all that well just now, sorry) xx

Morning all, still feeling up and down today, it's been an odd time. Have parents' evening later for DD1 (who is off sick today) so hopefully I'll feel a bit more normal by then.

Mel ooh that's really great!! Sounds like what happened with me, line got darker over the course of a few days :) Will keep everything crossed for you.

Blue Maybe it's the stress of TTC, dh and I got a bit like that at points. It started to feel like we were only having sex to make a baby and it lost some of the fun. We talked about it and how we both felt and decided to concentrate on having sex when we felt like it rather than on specific days. Worked much better.

jane my cousin had a baby that had ds when she was about 22 I believe but she terminated about 24 weeks. Not something I could do but then I don't live her life so, not my decision. I hope your next baby will be just fine x

Angel not long to go now! I feel excited for you! x

Cheese hi.
Blue think we ve all experienced the pain of having to ttc. It really ruins your sex life I found sex became very mundane & no fun and that's without the pressure it puts on men to " perform". You have my sympathies it's incredibly difficult. Xxx
Mel yeh!!! Fab news. Thanks , I too can t wait to Tuesday is here. Literally counting the minutes now just wish it was Tuesday. So scared all will go wrong now at this late stage. In fact, this is the most scared I ve been so much more to loose now. If I could go & sit in hospital now to Tuesday I would.
Love to all xxxx

mel my fingers abd oes are firmly crossed for you- so exciting and scarey at the same time! xx

sorry tmi, but I have ewcm today but a negative ov test I'm a bit confuddled. DF will be home from Sheffield this afternoon so I will be jumping him!

cheese sorry you are feeling down just now, I had a bad week last week hugs to you.x

angel I honestly can't imagine how scared you must be feeling just now, sit tight and gils will be snuggling into you before you know it. xx

thanks ladies! feel a bit better now :)
I just remembered that I had a very strange dream last night.Here it goes: I was in hospital as I went for an early scan and they saw I was 6 weeks 3 days pregnant with twins, they saw a heartbeat in one of them, but none in the other :( and asked me to come back a week later to see what would happen... that's where it ended...

I always said I wouldn't like to be pregnant with twins, but dear God, if you do decide to give me twins, please let them both be alive... I couldn't survive another loss!

blue what a horrible dream! It seems like most of us are having terrible dreams just now. I have been struggling to sleep the past few weeks, everytime I close my eyes I keep getting flashbacks of leaving the hospital without Zoe and when the funeral car pulled up outside my house.

angel it is a nice thing to I agree and I cant wait till the wool gets here and I can crochet those squares.

Sometimes I think time is running out for having a baby which is ridiculous as Im only 30 (31 in jan) but I think it keeps coming to me because I tried for 18 months to get pg last time.
I keep having flashbacks too jane but mine are of when they couldnt find the heart beat, I went from being happy in labour thinking bubble (what we called the bump) is nearly here to, we can't find the heart beat, Im sorry and going into fall labour not 20 minutes later!