TTC for 10+ months, part 3

[joycep]

The other thread was just about to fill up and so here we are again with a slightly different name now as many of us have been trying for well over 12 cycles now. We had a few great successes on Part 2, with a couple of people getting bfp's on their 17th and 19th month of trying. So let's hope for more successes on Part 3. (Moaning, crying, sadness, anxiety & bitterness is certainly allowed on here!)

Sorry if my post sound selfish. I just want to scream and shout, impatience is getting the better of me. Test results take too long (7-10days for dh SA) and hospital appts take too long to arrive. I want to know whats wrong and I want to know now!
Got that out my system, i've always wanted a natural birth with as little assistance as I can cope with.

I was looking at the NHS page earlier and it mentioned cervix problems can play a part in difficulty ttc. I had loop diathermy treatment for repeated abnormal smears, not serious level just I say after 6 years they were bored of seeing me! The consultant said that can increase risk of mc, although they haven't yet proven if that risk was already there, but I wonder if it can have an impact on ttc depending on scar tissue. I didn't have a prob with a big area but just wonder if it would play a part?

Madness - goodness I'm sorry that they think you have endo. Hopefully though the Lap will help you conceive as well. But as you say, perhaps now they have found a reason then things can move forward. But still i'm sorry.

Wine - no wonder you have been feeling like sh**. Have you had it before? Often it can come back when you have been run down. Hopefully once you get rid of your sore throat , get rid of the GF then your immune system will be in really good condition. I had GF about 5 years ago and it was discovered because I couldn't get rid of tonsilitis and it took a good 3 months to get rid of my temperature. It can make you feel so low and tired that I remember wondering whether I would ever be well again. (I sound like a hyperchrondiac but I'm honestly not!). Anyway, the things I was told by the doctor were - drink echinacea. You can get various echinacea teas and I think there are pills. It's suppose to be great for the immune system. Also avoid yeasty foods especially things like marmite and definitely alcohol. Don't do too much. You have to get loads of sleep and eat well and hopefully you will shrug it off. But it's horrible. Big virtual hug to you.

Karbea - argc have the best results. That's the only reason i would go there. I know there was a Panorama expose on them several years ago but from what I gather it wasn't totally unfair on Taranassi. I have a feeling the wait is about 3 months. I think it's a bit like a production line and you don't get much support but if they can get the results. Anyway, I'm sure diet may have something to do with some cases of infertility and if definitely has sth to do with the lack of sperm in the world but we are all having babies much later now anyway. As the newspapers love to tell us, our prime is around the early to mid 20s.

Cakes -sorry you are having a rubbish time with waiting so long for results. It is infruriating.

I have always wanted a natural birth in hospital, no drugs, jsut bring it on for me. Don't quote me on this but I can't believe it's tougher than not being able to conceive just much more ouchy!

DH and I are friends again! I think I was feeling a bit too sensitive because I was upset for my brother and SIL, but also a very small part of me was thinking "oh shit, this means they are going to be ttc again and will get pregnant straight away and they already have 2 and I can't get pregnant with my first". I am really fed up of being surrounded by such fertile people. How odd it must be for people to get pregnant without really trying.

cakes I hate all the waiting too. I am not a patient person so this whole situation is awful for me because there is so much waiting involved.

thatway I know it might not feel like it at the moment but it is positive to have an answer. Sometimes they can zap endo away during a lap can't they? Do you mind me asking what your symptoms are? Will you be able to afford to go private if the IVF waiting list is too long?

wine I think it can take a while to fully recover from GF. So, make sure you are taking it easy and not trying to do too much.

joycep how is your 2ww going?

My boobs have deflated over night so I think AF will turn up tomorrow or Friday. I'm finding that the cycles seem to be flying by now, I can't believe that I will be on cycle 18. Is anyone else dreading Christmas? Last Christmas I was in the 2ww and had some (probably imaginary) symptoms and I was imagining what next christmas would be like with a baby. Now it's coming round and I know I'll be no further forward. Also, I think it will be hard to be around all my nephews and nieces and also family are bound to ask us if we're pregnant or trying because we're over 30 and have been married several years now. I plan on drinking copious amounts of alcohol to get through.

Madness I had a lap years ago and it was fine. I tried to do too much too quickly though. Make sure you rest for a week afterwards even if you don't feel too bad.

Wine no wonder you have felt so awful. I hope you will feel better soon.

There's definitely something f'd up about our fertility. Sperm counts have dropped massively since the 50s. The figures really are quite shocking. That can't be helping matters.

I'm just embarking on the 2ww I think. I'm pretty sure I oved yesterday but FF won't confirm it for another couple of days.

I turn into a bit of a hippy when I think about birth. I would like it to be as unmedicalised as possible. I hate hospitals and if everything is going ok would consider a homebirth (although this means a paediatrician friend of mine will probably never speak to me again). Apparently a lot of labours slow when women get to hospital and are surrounded by strangers and bright lights (and this leads to interventions). If you think about most animals, they tend to retreat off to a safe quiet nest far away from lights and bustle to give birth and I think our natural instinct is probably the same, and a hospital is the antithesis of that. After I heard about it from a friend I always thought I would give birth in the Tooting Birth Centre, but that closed this year. I need to have a look for other midwife-led units. Or do it at home. I really want water. The first thing I do when I feel mental or physical pain is want to get in the bath so I think a birth pool would be great. Having said all that, I suspect I will end up roaring for an epidural and having the most medicalised birth possible! Paed friend reckons it is always the ones who are most anti-section that end up with them.

I haven't thought much about giving birth, it seems such a long way off for me. Ideally, I would like as few interventions as possible but ultimately it's about making sure that both me and the baby are ok so I wouldn't rule anything out. I have a friend who is a midwife and she also said that it is often the people who are most against C-sections that end up with them. This is certainly the case for a few of my friends. One of them is very hippy like and while pregnant told everyone who would listen that she was excited about giving birth, that she thought it would be the most wonderful and empowering experience etc. She planned on having a water birth at home and had the pool delivered. But in the end she had to be induced at 42 weeks and then ended up with an emergency c-section. I always felt bad for her that she got the complete opposite of what she wanted and do think she thinks she failed. One of my friends who is pregnant at the moment has just been told that she will have to have a c-section because of a health issue she has, she is very upset because she really wanted a natural birth. Another of my friends who is 30 weeks pregnant told me that she hasn't even thought about the birth yet and that she thinks the best thing is to ignore that part completely or else she will end up worrying about it. She hasn't read anything at all about birth and changes the subject if anyone brings it up. I think this is probably a good idea but I do worry that her ignorance might mean she is in for a very big shock and will have no idea of what to expect. She had a very shocked expression when another friend told her that she was in labour for 3 days! I think she thinks it's all over within an hour.

wine I'm sorry you have GF, but Im glad you have an explanation for why you've been feeling so rotten. I had it as a teen, I remember feeling wiped out for quite some time. It's funny, I hadnt heard of anyone having it for years and now all of a sudden loads of people seem to be getting it - several people have had it in my office. I wonder if it's a new strain or something. Reckon I had a resurgence of it lately as I had the tell-tale sore throat that won't go away. Not pleasant - make sure you take good care of yourself and rest LOADS. xx

madness sorry to hear about the endo. How are you feeling about it all after a session with Dr Google? A colleague of mine's wife recently conceived despite having severe endo and being given a 1% chance by her doctor.

mrsd I would have reacted in exactly the same way to the news about your SIL. In fact I am really not coping very well with anybody who is vaguely fertile at the moment. And yes dreading Christmas and it is going to be a very boozy one to get through it, I was thinking about that this morning.

euro agree about not wanting birth to be in a hosspital with strangers. If you could do that, but at the same time have a friendly doctor stood nearby with a shedload of pain relief, that would probably be the best of both worlds.

Hello,

Just to let you know I have my ARGC Appointment on 21st Nov.

Hey everyone, well, I'm slightly stressed about the wedding now. My last day in work today, then just two days left to get everything done. My biggest worry is for the things I don't know I've got to do. I think everything is basically sorted out, we've got the ceremony and reception booked, photographer and wedding cars, food and drink - and guests.

Things left to do are the table decorations - I think the design is done, I just need to put them together, take photos, then pack them all up and make instructions for the reception people to know how to make them again. Then there's making favours - I've decided to make my own chocolates, I just need to look up a couple more recipes, then make 50 of each type. Oh, and buy some diabetic chocolate.. where can you get that from??

I've had a headache since last Friday, which has stubbornly refused to go away. Painkillers work for a couple of hours, but I don't like taking drugs, and 5 days of paracetamol every 2 hours isn't my cup of tea.

I'm really looking forward to childbirth. I know it doesn't always go as expected/hoped, but I just want to have had the experience. It's the only thing that holds me back from adopting (well, and my DP). I want to feel what it's like to have a life growing inside of me, and to bring it into this world. Maybe I'll adopt a couple more after having my own. We'll see..

Sorry I've not checked in with everyone. Hope people are doing well, that AF stays away for those on their 2ww, and that everyone else will have lots of luck with long lived swimmers and well timed SWI.

Stasi you can get diabetic chocolate in Boots and Holland & Barrett. Some large supermarkets too in the "free from" section probably.

Good luck!

Wow threads been busy again!

Glandular fever doesn't sound good, hope u recover soon.

Madness my friend is 20weeks pregnant with her first, she has bad endo and had a very surprise prefer as she was on ivf wait list. She had been ttc naturally for over 4 years! Natural bfp as well!

I'm ok, on cd 60 somethin now! I've been takin metformin for 10days, not at full dose yet as to build it up naturally to minimise side effects. Here's hoping it works!

I refuse to even think about birth. What's the expression - Every journey starts with a single step? Well I appear to be having quite a bit of trouble with that first step, no point worrying about the further on stages yet :(

Karbea 21st is not long at all - good luck when it comes :)

Don't be stressed about your wedding stasi - it'll be all your family and friends, and you are marrying the man you love. It'll be amazing for those reasons alone, whether or not the centrepieces are quite how you pictured them :) hopes that other MNers will give me the same advice nearer to my nuptials too

Who said that they don't feel like they are TTC any more? I am a bit like that now, I've kind of lost track of where we are in my cycle, and we're definitely just having sex when we feel like it. I think I am about 7DPO but that would make this quite a short cycle, so who knows

I too had GF as a teen and boy did it knock me for six. I was signed of Games for at least a term, if not 2. I had tonsilitis at the same time, I remember it well, I was off school for 3 weeks and could barely get out of bed for much of it. I hope once you recover you are back to your old self wine.

Lots of other things I've not responded to, so a general hello to everyone else :)

Stasi I hope your headache goes away soon and you get everything you need to done. I also hope you have a wonderful day. I was on the verge of a breakdown before my wedding but the day itself was just brilliant. Everyone there will be so happy for you and if you are anything like me you will be really touched by the ceremony itself and what it means for you and your OH. Best of luck. And yes nelly we will have calming words for you when it's your turn!

Karbea v excited for you about your argc appointment, that is very positive. I'd quite like to get going with private treatment myself, as I've a strong feeling that's where we are going to end up. However, we've agreed to go through the nhs process first. We're lucky enough to get one funded cycle of ivf, so I guess that's what we'll be aiming for next year. But the results for our nhs clinic are poor, which doesn't exactly fill me with confidence. The impatient side of me wants to stump up and go private. But then in the context of the stats we talked about before I guess there is a chance I could conceive before the two year mark so sticking it out for a few more months is probably sensible- even though I feel strongly in my heart that it won't happen. Am rambling-sorry-good luck with the appointment!

izzy good luck with the met, fingers crossed for you.

How is everyone else today? How's the 2ww going, joycep? x

Thanks Kitty, I have a feeling I'll need it :)

Izzy that must be ridiculously frustrating for you. It's hard enough to go through this when the ERTD (Evil Red Tide of Doom, my acronym of choice ) turns up every 26 days or so. I can only imagine how much harder it is in your shoes, I hope the Metformin works for you (although I don't really know what it does ).

I'm pretty sure I'm out for another month. Usually about mid-way through the 2WW I have a cranky day. I swear a lot, not that in itself unusual, but it gets a bit crass including regular whispering under my breath, mainly consisting of a word that rhymes with Hunt . Not something I say out loud very often, but it's usually a fair sign that the 2ww is over, even though I'm only a week into it.

We have so far been very lax about getting the investigations under way. But I now wonder if there is even any point going down the NHS route. In our area it appears you can't get IVF if you are 38. Well I will be next summer, so I would imagine the chances of getting an NHS cycle are slim so I should maybe just go straight to private. I had to have a mammogram earlier in the year (found a lump, but was all fine!) and I went private through my work policy, and had the whole thing done in one afternoon. Initial consultation, mammogram, ultrasound, back to consultant to discuss the findings. OK I know the same won't happen for IVF due to the fact you need to take the drugs etc, but I'm no spring chicken. The thing I realised the other day though is that I still can't quite accept that this is something I can't Get Done by myself. I am the type of person who copes and just does what needs to be done. But I can't do this, which makes me feel a bit useless :(

I clearly need another this morning, sorry for being a grump

Nelly I am a similar personality I think. It is very frustrating that I cannot make this work for me not matter what I do.

I am in a grump this morning too. I will go and shout at some people on AIBU and be back later when I will hopefully be in a better mood!

nelly I have a lovely mental image of you at your desk, repeatedly muttering the 'see you next tuesday' word under your breath :) v amusing!

Ps I think sometimes there is nothing like a good swear/rant/cry in the 2ww! I've decided to do an early response test on sat to get the bfn out of the way- I just can't face another few days of mentalling this month, don't think I've got the strength for it.

Best of luck for your wedding stasi. Do you think your headache is due to the stress of the preparations? I was so stressed the week before my wedding but then it all came right on the day. Nobody notices the little things, and you will be so happy that nothing else will matter.

nelly I feel the same. It's not fair that it is out of my control and I can't do anything to make it happen.

It will be interesting to see how many of us on this thread do end up going for IVF. We can support each other through it, I don't think I'll be starting until August or Sept so at least then I can say that I have given it plenty of time for a BFP and I cannot be accused of jumping into it needlessly. There seems to be a lot on this thread with unexplained, but the stats say only a third is unexplained. I wonder how many of you will get an answer once the investigations are completed?

Afternoon lovely ladies!

Nice to see some old faces, although :( that staying away from MN did not help as much as hoped.

Exciting about the appointment karbea! I am with mrsd very curious how many of us will end up going down that route. And I am holding out for a bit longer, to give it a good chance...

Have a great time at your wedding stasi and try to let go of the stress. It will be fab, I echo everyone who said the important stuff (you, your nearly DH, you friends and family) is sorted, the rest is so much less important and not worth your energy now. Have some relaxing massage or something. And Nelly of course we'll calm you down too, send you off on a horse somewhere, or something .

As to coping with not being able to do this yourself, euro and nelly. That sounds vv familiar. So I am not acknowledging that at the moment. Thinking about postponing treatment, because surely we can really do it (despite contrary evidence )

Sorry about you GF, wine. Although it does explain a lot. I hope all will clear up but take your time!! And sympathy for your news madness as well - although it is good to know what is wrong, and maybe the lap&dye will help, I would find endo difficult too. Weird about how heavy periods should be and how much pain is too much. I've always wondered about that too (because mine are quite heavy).

Generalise waves to all, and have some homemade cupcakes to cheer you all up, waiting and hoping! Here all is well-ish. On CD27 at the moment, so AF due tomorrow. Exactly two weeks ago my DH was away for three days, so I am not holding out much hope, but still symptom spotting... Stupid me. How is the for symptoms: I cried at the telly (not that sad, really) and my bowel is behaving "differently"... Stop it, right now, it is useless and this was our month off!

Haha Kitty that's about right! Usually I vent when I am driving - windows firmly wound up though. But some poor idiot tootling along at 50 in the outside lane would be a little alarmed if they knew .

Good idea about AIBU Euro - I may just pop along with some popcorn for a bit. I have just read (and unusually for me, posted in) the chat thread about memories of your Grandparents. As I said on there, my GM told me I could be anything I wanted, do anything I wanted. I've believed it all my life; worked hard, been successful. OH wants to know how I will cope with a baby and the horse - whereas I don't even see it as an issue, I just will. Bit it turns out, willpower and sheer bloody grit can't get you everything, after all :(.

MrsD I have a fair feeling that quite a lot of us will end up with IVF or at least some form of assistance. Though I heard great news the other day that a poster from another thread I was on, who had been trying for 22 months, just got a BFP. She had been on Clomid for 10 months, and was just about to go for IVF, and got her BFP. So there is hope yet :)

Afternoon!

Nelly DH and I had that very conversation. I'm 37 (38 in Dec), he is 38. It took 3 months for his NHS sperm test appointment to be booked, in the meantime he'd had one done privately. Initially he wanted to go through the NHS route, but all we would get done on the NHS is tests as we are too old for IVF in our area under the NHS. We had a real heart to heart one night and i said I just dont get why we would basically just waste more months. So we agreed to just go privately from the off, that way they will do all the tests they want, from the start rather than having to retest again a few months later if we did it all via NHS first.

ramble, ramble...

I still feel that I have some kind of blockage, but I have no reason to think this at all!

Stasi good luck with your wedding!

I think OH is beginning to get it now. I think if I say I want to go private he'll support that. Not sure how we'd pay for it, what with having just got engaged and having a wedding to plan; but I know we'd manage somehow.

In a way karbea it would be good if they did find a blockage, wouldn't it? Something that could be unblocked - and then hey presto, a BFP :)

joycep how long do you have to wait now? Who else is near the end of the 2ww - Kitty I think? (I was about to say "who else is near to testing", but I think most of us are beyond POAS from 8DPO

Stasi good luck with the wedding!

Nelly I take a similar view to how I am going to cope with a job that required me to fly off here and there at the drop of a hat and a baby. I just know I'll manage somehow.

I'm nearing the end of a 2ww. But you're right nelly, I think we've all left POAS a long time ago. I think AF is about to make an appearance. I have ewcm which I strangely get just before AF as well as before I ovulate. I feel quite down when I realise that I will be starting cycle 18. If I hear another person talk about it taking a long time when they have been trying for less than 6 months I will scream. Remember I told you that a friend is coming to stay this weekend and she started trying in August, well she rang yesterday to tell me her arrival time and I asked her straight out if she was pregnant because I really didn't want a big airport "surprise, I'm pregnant" thing. She said that she wasn't and that she is really fed up with how long it is taking. I am going to have to try very hard to be sympathetic when she is here if she talks about it. She must have only had about 2 or 3 AFs since starting. Sorry, I'm in a ranting mood. Must be PMT.

Nelly Yes all along i've hoped they'd find something simple to fix, they'd fix it and hey presto, BFP... I dunno, we can but hope! I really feel for people who are told it's unexplained, I really want to know WHY we can't do this.
We got married really cheaply as we wanted to move and have a baby all at the same time, I'm glad I didnt waste lots of money on a big do, I loved ours in a registry office, few close friends and reception at our friends gastro pub. perfect.

Funnily enough I changed the direction of my career as there was no way I could have done my old job and been a mummy, I was shipped off all over the place for weeks/months on end. Although my new job bores me, so i'm going to give up and be a fulltime mummy. Euro I guess people cope in all sorts of situations don't they, could they offer you a different sort of role?

MrsDen I think it's just wrong that some people can fall pregnant straight away, or on one night stands, or when they are 15 etc. Surely babies should only be given to a couple in a loving secure relationship, and who have proved they really want a baby. I know that over the last year it not happening for us has tested us, and has made us talk about lots of things to do with us, and us as a family. If we'd just got pregnant in month one maybe we wouldn't have had those chats, dunno. I'm not saying we want one more coz we've been trying longer, but maybe we know the value more, beacuse we've tried harder, I dunno.

Hi ladies.

Good luck with your wedding stasi - exciting stuff!

Well done at getting the argc appt karbea. Are you based in London or will you have to come down for it?

Mrsd - i@m pleased for you that your friend is not pregnant. Now you can let your hair down and now you don?t have to worry about a horrible announcement. I have a feeling I was getting a bit panicked and annoyed after 4 months of trying though but now it sounds like no time at all.

I?ve been fairly positive recently so much so I have been thinking I won?t need ivf. I?ve been saying to myself I just need to be patient. My ovaries aren?t in great nick but i?m not going to go through the menopause yet so I just need to ride this out. And I do have a feeling I will get a bfp when I?ve stopped trying to force it. (remind me of this , this time next year when I?ve gone through ivf). Anyway I put my positivity down to dh and i are concentrating on moving and getting out of the city and so that is something huge and exciting to think about. It would be inconvenient to get pregnant right now...hint hint to Mr Sod!

Having said that I can switch like a lightbulb and can go in to a trough at any moment. In fact I was annoyed that Hugh Grant had a ?fleeting affair? with some woman and got her pregnant...just another accident. Spit spit. Actually I do think I cause my own misery sometimes when I read those ?Anyone testing on 4th November threads? and there are always several who get their bfps and then there are others trying for dc3 or 4 and area annoyed they haven?t got their bfp after month2. How the other half live eh!