TTC for 10+ months, part 3

[joycep]

The other thread was just about to fill up and so here we are again with a slightly different name now as many of us have been trying for well over 12 cycles now. We had a few great successes on Part 2, with a couple of people getting bfp's on their 17th and 19th month of trying. So let's hope for more successes on Part 3. (Moaning, crying, sadness, anxiety & bitterness is certainly allowed on here!)

nelly couldn't resist dropping in to say yay for the co-ordinated conclusion... I have never experienced one of those myself...am v impressed! And wine am glad you are having a lovely time. nelly the hen do I'm going on is for a resolutely child-free wedding. I think they've had one couple who aren't coming because of not being able to bring their kids. Everyone else has worked round it and made lots of effort, so it can be done but you have to be really firm about it from the sounds of it! Right, back into hen do mode...

wine I am glad you managed to get away. Enjoy it!

I do think Mr euro is being too hard (fnar) on himself. Afterwards he said all despondently "I am getting old". But he made up for it last night!

Nelly we had a similar issue with most of our friends already having kids. We ended up welcoming kids and one or two with older kids did leave earlyish, but those with babies just stuck them in their prams at the side of the room. And the toddlers spent the night toddling around the dance floor having a great time (and making for lots of very cute photos!) and staying up way past their bedtime. So I am glad we went the way we did. I think a lot depends on the age of the kids and how relaxed the parents are (most of our friends are "older" parents and pretty relaxed about bed times, etc, which helped).

Fnar indeed Euro - glad things are back on track. I can only imagine how hard it can be for the men. I try to protect OH from thinking that sex is all about babies. Generally I give him a sort of heads-up (fnar again!) that shag week is broadly imminent, but then never mention it, other than a sort of "don't be too tired tonight, I have wicked plans" sort of way. So I guess he knows in theory that we are in the fertile zone, but we don't talk about anything baby related before/during/after sex. For instance after our surprisingly awesome shag the other night, I nearly said "oooh that's particularly good as it's better for baby making" but luckily stopped myself after "that was awesome" . It's hard enough expecting him to perform as it is, without him now thinking he's got to magic up a mutual climax every time we have sex. (Kitty don't worry, it's a sort of once every 2 years occasion, very lovely when it happens but not necessarily better than taking it in turns )

Still no further on with our wedding debate. In theory it should be something we can decide much later, but it might make a difference to where we decide to hold the wedding. Our friends kids are all sorts of ages, youngest is 8 weeks just now, up to about 7 or 8; the thing is that our friends with older kids would probably love the idea of a night away without their offspring; but some of our friends with younger ones are a bit precious about routine etc. Still I guess by the time we get to our wedding (date still TBC) they will all be a bit more chilled out hopefully.

Right, no more wedding chat from me I promise!

Hello lovelies!

Friday is nearly done, right? Although some are on their romantic - albeit dressing-gowned - weekend away . Have a great time wine! Congrats and enjoy yourself! A bit of relaxing sounded def overdue.

I am loving the wedding chat Nelly, it does not seem that long ago we had ours. We had a children are welcome policy, but then I have lots of nephews, so we are close to them. Also they were all home with babysitters at the party, except one who slept in a corner of the room, being very adorable. As to date setting, a couple in our circle of friends are having TTC stresses too, she is on clomid now, and they are getting married next July. And all I could think, when I hurt was, I so hope you have to cancel it, because of being the size of a house... So I would just look at places with excellent cancellation policies or keep your options open for now. And well done about that conclusion - it is fab :) let's hope it has done its magic.

Pleased he managed it again, euro. It must be so devastating for them. My DH generally knows when the right time it is, because (TMI alert) my CM is somewhat excessive and noticable. But it has not stopped him. In fact, after a few months of little success with the every-other-day regime, we are back on the whenever we fancy it regime, which is enjoyable even if unsuccessful so far.

hurt=heared and I am clearly ready for the weekend. Cheeky with lunch anyone?

The ones who want a night away from the kids can do that anyway - a couple of ours did, despite kids being welcome. I like a bit of wedding planning so as far as I am concerned, you are welcome to chat about it on here.

I do the same. I make some jokey reference to the monthly shagathon starting a few days when I am coming to the end of my period but otherwise don't mention it. I just try to subtly steer him into the positions that are supposed to be best for conception!

Evening All,
Been catching up on the last few days, haven't had internet.
Hope everyone had a good weekend, spent mine working with teenagers :)
I reckon the whenever you fancy regime is better, more relaxed for both.
Get my day 21 results tomorrow so see how I got on this time.
I'm told that pregnancy has a habit of turning up at the wrong time eg moving house, finances not being good enough etc, apparently because the focus is on something else, so anything is possible,,

I'm curious about something can genetics have an impact on pg success rate, cause my mum took 8 years to get pg with me and I wonder given gap between wedding and first child whether my nan had problems and then second child didn't come along as quickly as she had planned. Any thoughts?

Hi Cakes. Good luck with the test result tomorrow. I'm not sure about genetics. I was an accident whilst my mum was stoned, she was 30 and had no idea she was pregnant til nearly three months gone as she had irregular periods and put her morning sickness down to home sickness. I am a product of loved up travelling seventies parents! I know she had a mc fairly quickly after me, another accident (!) as she thought she'd ovulated the week before. It then took her a year to get pregnant with my brother due to having some blockage after the mc that a hsg dislodged. So I don't know with regards to me. Unlike my mum, my periods are like clockwork. I'm not sure it always follows at all? I really do think it is mostly down to luck and chance, but that is the mood I'm in!

My mum had a horrific birth with me that has affected her life ever since. I have a mahoosive fear of childbirth as a result (my mum has never made me feel guilty in anyway). I would def need some form of counselling regards a vaginal birth. I sometimes wonder if this is a block with me, or if that is just a bit woo. Any thoughts anyone?

Hello everyone else, hope you've had a good weekend.

But then, I guess with some things, like pcos maybe, it might be genetics?

Morning everyone,

I've been off doing wedding plans and shopping recently, so not really on MN so much. I've had a headache for 3 days now, which I think must be stress, although tbh I don't feel stressed at all. Mostly just happy and excited. Sleeping fine, eating fine...

We're trying to get a SA sample done this week, around SWI and wedding planning. Hoping it'll all turn out ok, and that I'm not giving the best batch away to some lab.

Kids at the wedding - we chose not to invite them (or extended family), because we wanted to keep the wedding small. However, my 2 yo nephew is coming along, but he's the only child in our family. I probably would have extended to children under 5, but there are no others.

Wine I hope you're feeling better, and had a nice relaxing weekend. I'm not worried about childbirth at all, but that's probably because the only one I've seen 'live' (my brother being born at home) was very stress free. My mum laughed through the whole thing! I think the key is to be as relaxed as possible, fear makes it more painful, at least according to my mum. If you can get some relaxation techniques I think it'll give you a much nicer experience for you. Maybe some meditation, or relaxing music. Also, skin to skin contact with your DP helps - generates hormones which speed up labour and reduce pain.

Cakes hope your results are good.

Nelly If I were you I'd chose a date and not worry about the maybe's around ttc. We briefly talked over pausing in our attempts to make sure I wouldn't be pg, but in the end decided no matter what, we'd make it work. Would it really ruin your day if you had a pg tummy, big or small? Might make dresses and dress fittings harder to organise, but I'm sure there are lovely seamstresses out there who'll make sure you look wonderful regardless. If the mother of all coincidences happened, and you had the baby that day? Well, at least it would be memorable for all concerned! :)

Cakes I think it's possible for genetics to have a say in most things, so it could be something which passes down the female line in your family. If it was though, it's probably still only a 50/50 chance of you getting the problem, so it could as easily be coincidence.

Hi ladies mind if i join in im 33 and ttc #1 we have been actively trying for 11 months now and are thinking a trip to gp is on the books im a 28-31 cd im 10 dpo and have horrid cramping sore boobies lol tmi im sure af is round the corner again after all mine and dh hard work this month lol lol . So a quick question with wayyyyy tmi - this month feels slightly different i dont know bout everyone else but i become obsessed with this who ttc and seem to know my body quite well im 10 dpo and my cervix is very high i cant reach it, its tht high and i have a thick white cm very wet any ideas or has anyone else ever experienced this i did a hpt early detection and of course got a bfn but im used to them sorry if thats all tmi but just looking for advice / previous experiences

cakes I have wondered about that. I seem to come from a very sub-fertile family!

I am an only (my parents had 3 miscarriages including one set of twins after me). And they apparently took a year to fall pregnant with me in their early 20s.
My Dad's an only.
My Mum has one brother with a 9 yr age gap between them.

It's not really any wonder that at 35 I haven't fallen pg instantly, but that doesn't stop it being frustrating!

Welcome Jazzy. I hope your symptoms are a good sign.

I am on CD14 now and will probably ovulate either today or Wednesday (the last few months have alternated between days 14 and 16 - I think one ovary is a bit lazier than the other!). I am actually dreading the 2ww. I'm just sick of it now.

Hello,

Sorry I've been AWOL lately. We've been busy moving.
I'm on day 23, no signs or anything apart from being really dry down there, which I don't think is a good sign.

There is an 8 year gap between my bro and I, and I believe my parents tried for that whole time. So maybe genetics do play a part

Just to add to my genetic info, my dad was one of 7,so maybe its a maternal genetics thing like stasi said lol.
Spoke to Drs receptionist today for test results, test shows I had ovulated! So I did test at 7dpo which coincidentally was day 21 and have now discovered based on last two months that I have an 11day luteal phase. Shame my body has been so mixed up I don't know when ovulation is going to be I haven't gone in for temping cause I can be a bit OCD and I don't want to drive myself or my dh any madder than we already are.
Also I'm not really sure what this means in the whole medical getting pg process. Going to see Dr once SA results are in.

I know of one family who has a girl the same age as me, tried years for no2, gave up and adopted a 3yr old and had a boy within 2 years of the adoption.

Hi jazzy I really hope this is it for you. I'm maybe not a lot of use because every tww is different for me, so 11 months in I have entirely given up reading into things. But if this is feeling all very unusual for you then keep every ounce of positive thinking going

Hurray that you ovulated cakes

I think I might be in a two week wait. We had an odd but nice early morning half asleep go somewhere in the middle of the month where condoms were forgotten. I don't think it would be at all good to conceive at a point where I'm so run down/on medication/eating poorly or remotely likely. So I'm ignoring the two week wait entirely.

for you all this Halloween x

hello,

how are we all this AM?

My mum was one of three, so I don't think it can be a maternal genetic thing... maybe we're just grasping at straws :S

I've sent my form in for an appointment at the ARGC Clinic in London, a friend used them (and another clinic) but thought these were best, they seem to get good results... She said there is a long wait list...

Oh and AF started this AM. I know this seems bizarre, but I sort of don't even feel like we are trying as I NEVER expect AF not to come iykwim.

Hi Karbea, sorry AF got you, but hopefully you'll get an appointment at the clinic soon and maybe get some answers.

Just wanted to say genetics isn't that simple, nor is it the same for everyone. I doubt there's a genetic link with my problems, as I'm one of 6 children, and my parents were one of 6 and 4 respectively, my grandparents on my dad's side were one of 13 and 11.

However, for those people who do appear to have a family history of problems, there could indeed be a genetic link. We understand very few genetic conditions in humans, and there are many things which appear to have a genetics link for which no responsible gene or genes have been found. People may be "clutching at straws", or they may just see strong evidence in their own situations to feel it's a possible cause.

For those people who do feel genetics could be playing a role - just remember you are here, therefore there is plenty of room to hope you will also overcome your problems and have a wonderful healthy child, just as your parents did.

Hello lovelies

Hope you all had a good weekend. 6 DPO here, and I have returned from probably the booziest hen do I've ever been on. If by some strange chance there is a baby in there, it's definitely pickled by now. Oops. Am really, really going to try and avoid going 2WW mental this time (I say this every month and have never succeeded).

wine I was interested to hear about your birth phobia, I can identify with that. Did you see in the news that there is a draft report out by NICE who are apparently recommending that women should be able to choose to have caesarian (sp?) birth if they want to. If I ever get upduffed and have the choice I know which one I'd go for.

karbea nice to have you back.

Sorry not to name check everyone, got to get back to work now, will catch up properly soon.

Hi everyone,

I've had a few days break from MN, trying to see if I can stop thinking about ttc. But I'm back now. karbea I think it's best to not think you're ttc, I feel better since we've known DH's results because I'm not spending the 2ww thinking I might be pregnant. I think it would take full on vomiting for me to take a symptom seriously anymore.

I am in the 2WW and pretty sure AF is round the corner. Mainly because I feel in a bad mood, just a bit snappy. I argued with DH last night and he went off to work this morning before I was up so not sure if we're speaking. I think I'll send him a nice text now because I'm feeling a little guilty. And I'll make him his favourite dinner. The argument was silly really and I think it all stems to me feeling that he hasn't quite grasped how serious our situation is with regards to ttc. My brother rang yesterday to say my SIL had had a mc. I didn't even know she was pregnant. She was 7 weeks, they already have 2 DCs and weren't trying apparently (one of those accidents that happens to other people). They are understandable very upset but were being philosophical about it, and my brother said he thought they would try for a third when SIL was feeling up to it again. When I told DH he said something along the lines of "see, there are other people worse off than us, at least we've never lost a baby". I know he was trying to say something useful but I totally lost it. I really don't think he understands how unlikely we are to get pregnant naturally and I also don't think he gets how difficult IVF is. When I try to tell him, he says I'm being pessimistic and that we should be more positive. But I know it's just that we cope in different ways.

Because our situation is male factor and due to an operation, genetics doesn't play a part. Although I have got pcos and I've read that often runs is families. But I'm one of 4 and my mum is one of 5. And all my siblings conceived with no problems. I'm sure genetics does play a part for some people though. I really feel that not enough research is done into causes of infertility, the money just seems to go into treatment with IVF.

joycep I have liked children far less since ttc. I think it's because they remind me that I haven't got any. I hate the way that every parent thinks their own child is the most beautiful, perfectly behaved child when really they are little monsters. I guess once you have your own you love it so much you become blind to everything. I know that one of my friends says that she thought every other baby was the ugliest, strangest looking thing and felt sorry for all the other mothers at her baby and toddler group because their babies weren't as gorgeous as hers .

kitty my friend did a test and it was negative so she drank silly amounts at my wedding and then later found out she was pregnant, i said maybe the egg need to be a little drunk to bounce into the wall and stick :)

Hi ladies, hope everyone is well. snap mrsD. I have been trying to log in less frequently to try and stop me thinking about things. Didn't last too long.
oh how i would like to be planning a wedding nelly - that would keep me very busy.
Not sure about the genetics thing. No one seems to have had an issue with conceiving in my immediate family. my aunt has 5 kids and her kids all have had 3 kids at least. So perhaps i'm the one in 6 !

karbea - I plan to use ARGC if we have to do ivf. What's the waiting list like - 3 months? What do you do at the first appt?

mrsd - sorry to hear of your powwow with DH. Sometimes it's best to have these things out. I would have completely flipped out at my dh if he had come out witha line like that especially as you know what you're going through with ivf potentially on the horizon and as much as an early m/c is sad, your brother does have two kids already. I know whose position I would rather be in.

I do wish they would do more research into infertility. There is a lot of money thrown at ivf and that side of things which is great. I think they are getting better at investigating recurrent m/c and quite a lot of development in to reproductive immunology and its role in recurrent m/c.
But what about people who just can't seem to conceive. There's a big % of infertility cases where no reason is discovered and people are just ushered towards ivf. There seems to be a real lack of support as well.

wine - how are you feeling? any better?

joycep I completely agree with that. I would love to see more research into the causes of infertility. The rough stats for infertility are 1/3 female factors, 1/3 male factors and 1/3 unexplained. When you think that 1 in 6 couples have trouble conceiving, that 1/3 unexplained affects a helluva lot of people.

Hello all,

I've also been trying to stay away from MN for a while. We had a lovely week away up north with lots of stress free and well-timed swi that unfortunately didn't do the trick.

Following on from the discussion about reasons for infertility, I might have gotten an answer to mine today. Had our first appointment at fertility clinic and they were really lovely. Did an exam and used the dildo-cam. DH was allowed to come in for the scan - I think that it's good for him to know what I'm doing rather than me doing all of that on my own. Consultant thinks that with my symptoms and the cyst that she saw on the ultrasound that I most likely have endometriosis. My periods have always been heavy and painful, but how do you judge what is unusually painful? I just always thought that that's what periods were like .

Anyway, she's filled in all the forms for me to go in and have a laparascopy done and the HSG at the same time. Will require a day in hospital and a general anaesthetic which is a bit scary as I've never had one before. They'll take some biopsies to confirm or rule out endo. If it is endo, depending on how bad it is, they may refer us immediately for IVF. Even if they do though, there's about a 2 year wait if we want it funded on the NHS.

Not really sure how I'm feeling tonight. Consultant also said that with endo success rates for IVF are slightly lower but that there really is nothing else that they can do.

I do appreciate that this is much better than being in the "unexplained" category and will now head off to start googling.....

Hello to all the newbies!!!

Hello peeps. Nice to see people checking in again. I don't feel like I'm ttc Karbea. It's like I did that and it failed and now it will take a little miracle of golden egg sperminess and that the chances of that happening each month are so little, that I'm best off not thinking about it. Like mrsden says, it would take in full on vomiting, huge purple nipples, varicose veins on my boobs and masses of cm for me to suspect there might be something going on!

joycep news from the doctor today is that I have recently had glandular fever. This explains my shocking levels of tiredness and apparently you can get a swollen spleen which explains my awful stomach pains, which have thankfully gone. My ibs is always worse when im poorly so i guess it all fits. I did have a sore throat bug in september that knocked me about for a few days, but nothing especially notable? The sore throat never went away but I have put it down to lecturing and being hoarse. The doc looked at it today and said it was a total mess. She gave me antibiotics in case it was a bacterial thing, but no thanks, they mess me right up. Not sure where that leaves me other than knackered and with odd fevers and a dodgy tummy. I think it can make you tired for ages? Am sure that it isn't very baby inducing though not that I could even cope with morning sickness right now! On a less selfish note, how are you and your helicoptered in sperm doing?

madness glad to hear you are getting somewhere. I'm also due a lap and dye so we can hold hands together.

mrsden hope you and hubby smoothed things over. I'm aware that my dh doesn't feel the fear like me either. He's so breezy that a baby is on the way! Sometimes this is frustrating but mostly I think it's a good thing, because if he was as worried and stressed out as me, the atmosphere in our house would be dark! I need no encouraging with worries. Sorry to hear about the news from your brother. I think I would find a similar situation with my own brother and sil very difficult to get my head round or know how to feel/react.

kitty I hope you have a little bean in there that the booze has schmoozed into place! My birth fear is Very Bad. My mum had to have a colostomy after me for a while and has a lot of ongoing complications down below. I have been reading the thread on c sections with interest. I feel ashamed that I will fight tooth and nail for a c section, even if I get offered counselling - I probably need it. Maybe I shouldn't feel ashamed though. It isn't a wholly irrational fear

Stasi how's the plans? Exciting!

joycep I don't know she didn't say, she just said it was a long waiting list , why have you chosen to go with them?

I wonder if they don't research infertility so much because they already know the answer, I wonder if it's all to do with the chemicals/pill etc I'm not trying to be racist in anyway but if you look at 3rd world countries where they eat of the land, don't use lots of cleaning products etc, they seem to still have large families even in famines etc.

thatway I think that sounds good, at least you know why, and now can start actions

Yes wine that's exactly how I feel, I feel like we've failed and so we now need to do something else, hence me trying to get an appointment with ARGC. DH and I have had a few arguments about it, as he thinks we should go to the GP have more tests on the NHS etc, but at very nearly 38 I just think we would be wasting time, clearly after all this time we can't get pregnant on our own and need some kind of help/investigation.

I agree with the thought of giving birth, i'd personally like a general anaesthetic and they can wake me up when the baby is all nice and clean