TTC for 10+ months, part 3

[joycep]

The other thread was just about to fill up and so here we are again with a slightly different name now as many of us have been trying for well over 12 cycles now. We had a few great successes on Part 2, with a couple of people getting bfp's on their 17th and 19th month of trying. So let's hope for more successes on Part 3. (Moaning, crying, sadness, anxiety & bitterness is certainly allowed on here!)

I have actually lost count of what cycle I'm on . It must be about 18 too - we've been trying for broadly 15 months and my cycles average less than a month. So perhaps not quite as many, but thereabouts. I've always enjoyed good health (GF in my teens is about the only illness I've had that wasn't alcohol related ) so I naively just assumed I'd get pregnant fairly quickly. Hence my username - I'm not a NervousNelly at all, but the first time we had sex officially without contraception I was a bit squirmy nervous, hence the name. It's due for an update, I feel. NeverupduffedNelly? NotAmusedNelly?

MrsDen I really hope that AF doesn't turn up. I know it's been said many times on here, but I wish I could fast forward a few years for a glimpse to tell everyone what happens. Good or bad, I think I'd rather know now! But the chances are, most of us will have a child - whether natural, IVF, adoption even. It's just a tougher journey for us. I agree with you Karbea that the whole thing has brought OH and I closer. We actually talk now, about real things - like feelings and all sorts of heavy shit . I think all the talk of our future may be what made him decide to finally propose too. I did say thanks to him for proposing before I got a BFP though. Clearly I had no qualms about being an unwed mum, but now that we ARE getting married, you can all bear witness to the fact our firstborn won't have to be called Shotgun

Karbea it's not really possible to do anything like my job without the travelling, and I love this area and wouldn't want a wholesale change. My trips tend to be short so I wouldn't be away for ages (the longest trips have been 2x2weeks in 9 years and most are just for a day or two) but it's the unpredictability that will make childcare tricky. But there are women who manage it so it's certainly possible.

Cross-post joycep. I love the positivity! I suppose, much as I love and need this thread, the downside is we are all going through a fair turmoil and it can become a fairly dark place sometimes. It's inevitable, and what we all need; but sometimes maybe we all need to remind ourselves that people DO get pregnant, even if they have been trying for some time. If I'm in the mood to feel positive, I read those threads in a "maybe the BFP's will rub off on me" kind of way; and if I'm feeling fragile I swear at them all (See you next Tuesday ) and give them a wide body swerve.

The move is very exciting for you! I love living in the country, despite the fact the farmer is in the adjoining field right now baling silage and making a right racket (let's ignore the fact most farmers make their silage in May - they are a bit useless). have you found your dream home? Will you move totally to the sticks, or a smaller town/village?

Hello all,

thanks to everyone for all of the supportive messages. It's taken me quite a while to catch up with the thread today because for some reason mn didn't want to work for me last night......

Mrsden my symptoms are as follows, apologies to anyone else if this is TMI:
-bleeding between periods
-heavy and very painful periods
-lower back pain
-bowel issues during periods

and now after the scan, she has seen a fluid-filled cyst on one ovary and some light patches that could be evidence of it. She also felt something strange when doing a pelvic exam which she thought could also be caused by endo. I may have the lap and it's something else altogether but this seems to fit in my head.

I think that we probably will pay for private ivf if it comes to that. They can laser off patches of endo but if the condition is severe then there is a risk of damage to organs and such so my feeling is that if we get a diagnosis then I want to start trying while I'm as young as possible. I'd be thinking about trying during the summer holidays if we haven't gotten our natural bfp before then. I am definitely not giving up hope!

Looking forward to hearing about lovely wedding-related things instead of TTC things soon!!!!!

Have a lovely evening everyone xx

Nelly - we would move to proper sticks land if we could. Unfortuatnely London is where work is and commuting will be hell and too pricey if we go too far out. We will be going rural but not proper rural!! Your area sounds exactly what I would want...you're in Scotland aren't you? I also keep umming and arghing in case we do have to do ivf as I would rather be close by and not to mention will need a huge well of money. But as I said earlier i'm sure we won't need that !

Ah joyce I've got it! What you need to do is go on Relocation Relocation, or Grand Designs or something. Without fail, a baby appears towards the end, as if Channel 4 had organised it thus .

Yes I'm in Scotland - which means at least living in the countryside and City commuting aren't impossible bedfellows.

Also - is 6.30 too early for wine? I worked from home today so am finished my horsey chores early, and am now ready for .

nelly I so prefer the ERTD as an acronymn to 'AF'! Your pal from the other thread who conceived whilst on Clomid - was she in the unexplained category? Just interested because there seems to be a lot of variation in whether people who are unexplained get Clomid or not. I asked about what would happen if our tests showed us to be unexplained, and Clomid was not mentioned at all - straight to IVF was the answer. Also I am having a little chuckle at your first child Shotgun by the way. How's your wedding planning going?

I think realistically that a few of us will be doing IVF in the not too distant. I'm really glad that we will be able to support each other through it, although I'm still convinced that there will be some natural BFPs on here soon. We've been unlucky not to get one for a while, surely our luck has to turn at some point.

lemons ta for the cupcakes, delish :)

mrsden people who complain about it 'taking too long' after two or three cycles need a slap in my opinion!

joycep yep the Hugh Grant story made me roll my eyeballs - like, OF COURSE it was an accident as a result of a fleeting affair! I am very, very glad to hear you are feeling positive. After a talk with DH the other night (who said it was a shame that our first year of being married had been sad, and that he was basically fed up with looking at my miserable face, although he put it more kindly than that) I am also trying to be more postive; if it takes us another year, or two years, or however long, it's probably best if I'm not a total maniac the whole time...

Am very envious of you current and soon-to-be country dwellers - am really hopeful that we will also move outside the city soon - joycep have you started looking at property yet or are you still scoping out areas? It's difficult to decide where to move isnt it - my DH worries about moving too far out because he works long hours anyway and he doesnt want too much extra in the way of commuting.

madness I am sorry you suffer so much with your periods. It's hard to know what's normal isnt it? I have heavy and painful periods, as they've always been that way I just assume it's just normal for me, but lots of my friends are amazed at how much they affect my life and how much pain relief I need etc. It sounds like your hospital is well on top of things though, which is really positive.

Hi to everyone else x

nelly x post - no, 6:30 definitely NOT too early for wine - and your tv idea is simply genius - why hadn't we thought of that before? And where is the phone number for Channel 4? :)

After all of us trying ttc for this long positivity is perhaps difficult to muster but I guess Positive Mental Attitude has its place. If I get negative my dh tells me I'm getting ahead of myself because we don't know anything yet.
I agree with you nelly everyone on this thread is so supportive and helpful, that at least we have somewhere to go when we need someone to talk to even if not all news is good news.

Good luck with your wedding Stasi It will all be fine. The important things for the day is you, your husband to be and the person who is conducting the service. Nothing else really matters. Just Enjoy!! :)
We got married in 2010, we had a small wedding in a hotel. MIL did the flowers and male buttonholes, florist did 2 bouquets and female buttonholes. Bought favours and we made everything else ourself. Afternoon Wedding and I was sorting table decs at 10am lol.

Evening all!

I too was very annoyed at Hugh Grant, how very dare them!

I also get annoyed with the people on the "buses" or the "lets all test on X day" how amazing would it have been to have been one of those ladies, and yes the ones with three or four annoyed at not failing easily for the next one... oh well. I never really look at those threads now. All the naivety and stupid questions drive me mad "can I get pregnant the day I ovulate!" grrrrr! Get in line we are first!
Joycep I know, im excited (sort of!), I'm in Buckinghamshire, so will commute in. Where are you moving to? I would have love to have move to the country, I used to live in London, and wanted to properly get out of London, commuter belt feels a bit not one thing or another. But it is nice here.

'can I get pregnant the day I ovulate' yes I saw that one too

I'm dying to respond to one of those threads with the truth.

"Nope. It's impossible to get pregnant. Ever. now fuck off "

Where is the Witch emoticon when you need it! I fear I need it.

My tolerance for those sort of threads is very low. I sometimes torture myself by reading them. I hate "am I pregnant?" and also the "we only had sex once while on my period and I'm on the pill and have a coil and was sterilised 2 years ago, but I think I'm pregnant" threads. I also hate the "I'm so fed up, it's been 3 months and I'm still not pregnant with DC7". And the buses upset me too because the vast majority of people seem to get their BFP straight away and with each bus there are so many people who get strong symptoms, poas and it's a BFP. And I'm still looking for symptoms 18 months in.

What's the story with Hugh Grant? I didn't realise he was a dad? Was it a one night stand and she got pregnant story? Did anyone read the story about Justin Bieber and the girl who claims he got her pregnant the night he lost his virginity? I hate those sort of celeb stories, celebs seem to exist in some parallel uber-fertile world where one sniff of a boy's crotch results in pregnancy.

I am loving your positivity joycep. To be fair, I know it probably doesn't seem like it but I haven't been too bad the last few months. I just have the odd day where it all gets too much. I am allowing myself a couple of self pity days because I'm waiting for AF and I blame my hormones. The witch is coming, I had a couple of spots this morning. On the up side, my cycles seem to be very regular now. I ovulate on day 14-16 and they are 28-30 days long which I think is good. And I'm sure I have been ovulating because of temp rise and also sore boobs. So at least my body is behaving even though I have PCOS. I wish DH would have a miraculous recovery and then we'd be sorted. My heart breaks sometimes when I think what a wonderful dad he would be and the unfairness that some botched operation when he was 3 did this to him. My colleague is a single mum, her ex walked out on her when her baby was 6 months old and she is having a terrible time trying to get him to pay maintenance. When he takes his daughter out for the day (which is very rare) he doesn't even buy her lunch and has never bought her a present or even a nappy! He is disputing the amount he has to pay each month even though it is a tiny amount of what a child costs. It seems so unfair that people like him can have children and they don't even want to be a part of their children's lives.

Morning lovely ladies!

It is all your fault I started my day with a cupcake breakfast, because you reminded me they were still there!!

Well done for the positiviy joycep. Having a big project, like moving house, sounds like a plan to keep your mind of TTC. The countryside sounds wonderful in theory and DH would love to move out of town. But I am a proper city girl, so it won't happen for us. And we've put house buying on the back burner whilst TTC, because of school catchment areas and stuff. We just don't want to be paying through our noses, if we have noone to put in the perfect school round the corner. And in town, it means you do pay for all these things (schools, gardens, views, location etc).

On big projects, Nelly you made me chuckle about Shotgun. And a wedding is something fab to keep you occupied. As long as you stay on the this is wonderful and the most important things (agree with cakes advice for stasi on that front).

Have fantastic wedding and honeymoon stasi!!

And mrsd we are cycle buddies, for once. AF is near, as my spotting started too. But mine are slightly shorter than yours (25-27 days) so it will be a brief cycling together time. It is good new your PCOS is not stopping you form ovulating again. So sorry about your DH though, so crap they botched his op And the low tolerance for those threads is shared here too.

Oh on low tolerance, my friend who struggled a lot delivered her healthy boy 10 days ago or so and I was discussing it with my sister and she insisted on pointing out that means there is always hope. Which didn't go down so well with the start of spotting this morning and the full 16 months of trying we've had. She also said the other day, why would you not look forward to treatment - and I was like: well multiple trips to the hospital, (waiting next pg ladies) for ultrasounds, injecting hormones and going to undignity so well described by joyceP here, what would I think of that. She's got three DC and "tried" a grand total of 4 months [envious].

On the genetic link, which you discussed the other week. Basically, my mum struggled LOADS (6 yrs), but all my siblings have managed to conceive in varying lengths of time (my sister being the other extreme). What worries me a little, is that DH has a huge number of childless aunts and uncles. Ah and bloody Hugh Grant but not all manage so quickly. We had a round up of struggling celebs on here before...

How are you feeling re: the possible endo madness? I am still very undecided whether I am happy we are unexplained (nothing to formally stop us from getting very lucky, even though the evidence is to the contrary) or cross (because clearly there is something wrong, because it has been SO long). I agree that we (as a group) are likely to end up having IVF or related things kitty not that I am looking forward to it.

Oh, I am sorry, I seem really grumpy today. It is all my sister's fault and the spotting, I suppose. I am still doing relatively well. Busy week with lots of evening activities, pictures, concerts, pub :) so that has been fab. And we are planning our escape over christmas. I really did not fancy sitting around eating too much, either with my detested in-laws or with my uber-fertile own family. So we are off for a good break! Right, I best get on with some work, now. Hoping to escape in time for yoga tonight!!

OMG monster-post. Sorry. I obviously miss you all :)

Moreover, the brain has not woken up. And half the sentences make no sense... :(

Oh and don't check the thread of high FSH, low something or other... I popped in there, because I know some people who went through early menopause and some still had a child to cheer the OP up. But for F**K SAKE, she is 44 and has 4 DC already. She is perimenopausal and asking us whether she is going to have another child. I was so tempted to say, no you won't have another child. Get over it already... If I was not spotting, I'd say I am having hormonal rages

madness sorry I missed your post. Thanks for listing your symptoms. A while back I thought that maybe I had endo because my periods suddenly became heavy and very painful, it was like that for a few months and stopped as suddenly as it started. I mentioned it to my gynae and she said that it might have been because of a cyst and that she didn't think it was endo because if it was then it wouldn't have gone away. I think it depends where the endo is at to whether it can be zapped successfully. I'm sure I've heard of people getting pregnant after they had a lap and it was treated. Anyway, I hope you get some answers.

lemon that we are cycle buddies. I think we're allowed to be grumpy on spotting days. That comment from your sister would have made me mad too. My sisters have all without exception conceived easily. I know because they brag about it. The longest it took was 4 months for one sister. I sometimes think about telling them but I think I would get very insensitive comments from them, I remember my eldest sister once speculating that her friend's husband was "firing blanks" because they were adopting a child. The way she said it was so looking down her nose, and thank god that's not me type of thing. So, I plan on keeping it from them for as long as I can.

I'm always surprised how many threads there are from people in their 40s who already have children, wondering why they can't get pregnant this time. I guess if you've previously conceived easily it must be a big shock when it doesn't happen even though they are in their mid 40s. I do think people underestimate how much fertility declines with age.

Morning!

I really had no real idea how much fertility drops as you get older (apart from what I read in the Daily Mail ha!). I guess if you look and feel young you sort of assume your insides reflect your outsides, iykwim!

I have quite a few single friends (late 30's) who really want children, I don't know if it's a good or bad thing that they know we've been trying for quite a while and one girl knows we are off to the fertility clinic... mind you they all seem to be mega fussy with what seem to be lovely men!

I can get quite angry with some of those people, but I guess if they've always fallen easy, it's probably a big wake up call that they are getting old or something? Whereas I don't really associate us not getting pregnant with being old (although probably is), more that something is wrong.

My cousin had a baby at 17 and then has just had another one at 45 (although he seems to have various things wrong with him - bless), which i don't know, i guess could be related to her age. Must have been like totally different experiences for her. I don't know if they tried long for the 2nd one, but she was only married to het new husband for what seemed like a short while...

sorry babbling on....

Hooray, it's Friday . And I got a lovely Apple tree in the post today that I got for free from an offer, which I had forgotten about. So that's lovely even though it looks dead

karbea we are very similar. I too was completely ignorant about the age thing. I mean, not completely ignorant, I knew it affected things, but assumed that just meant it took 6 months instead of 2 or 3 . I am irritated that OH and I never got round to discussing these things earlier in our relationship; but what's done is done and I won't dwell on it.

lemon despite your warning, I read the thread anyway. It's cheered me up because she had a baby when she was 5 years older than I am now . And a cupcake breakfast is a good breakfast!

madness I am sorry I have completely failed to acknowledge your Endo, hope that they can sort it all out for you, albeit I don't really know what the options are. When will you go back for treatment (apologies if you said already).

I'm not sure about the genetic thing - Mum had us all very easily. Whereas my sister had to have IVF for her boy, and I'm clearly not very fertile either; but then she had her first at 19 whereas I started trying about 17 years later than she was. So not exactly comparable!

Oh and whoever was asking about the girl on the other thread that just got her BFP from Clomid, after 22 months. She had PCOS, plus her OH had low sperm quality I think? She tried for a year; then 10 months of Clomid, and was literally going for IVF this month.

maybe I should have said apple tree, not Apple tree. It's not an itree

I love it when we get our real thoughts off our chest! Don't read the post where it says 'struggling after other easy conceptions' where the poster is trying for dc4 and is 6 months in...I know everything is relative and perhaps I would be asking the same questions if i was in the same position. However, I wish I didn't torture myself by reading them! In fact I wish they didn't sit alongside all the difficulty threads sometimes.

at karbea comment: "get in line, we're first!". Too damned right

Kitty - i didn't realise you had started trying straight after getting married. You can look at it both ways though. If you had waited a year like us and then fuond a problem you would have wasted a year. That's how I think. But perhaps it's quite nice that we didn't know - ignorance is bliss after all.
Yes we have started scouting areas to move. It's really good fun. We lined up some viewings and it felt all very grown up. Felt like i was on 'move to the country'. We don't want a place bigger than 3 beds as we don't want to live in an empty house full of sad empty rooms.

Sorry about all the insenstive comments coming from sisters. My brother asked me when he was going to be an uncle the other day and i said 'never'! He doesn't know we are trying. So I asked him when i would become an Aunt and he said he was working on it. His wife is 47 with no kids so I would be almighily surprised if something did happen. I wonder what he meant so i wonder whether they are going to adopt.

Ok I think I have seen the woman I will become if i don't have kids. I pass her everyday on my way to work. She is in her 60s and she is pushing a pram....with a dog in it. The dog is dressed up in a bonnet. . Seriously I worry that may be me one day - i could quite easily go made like this!

Uh oh, are we back to snakes in a pram???

ive just been reading some of the ARGC threads on fertilityfriends and I feel a bit sick. The girls on there seem to be talking in a totally different language and it all sounds so, i dunno, manufactured (does that make sense?). I'm really nervous about what they are going to do at the clinic. I'm not sure i'm ready for all this yet, gawd I wish i wasnt so old