TTC for 10+ months, part 3

[joycep]

The other thread was just about to fill up and so here we are again with a slightly different name now as many of us have been trying for well over 12 cycles now. We had a few great successes on Part 2, with a couple of people getting bfp's on their 17th and 19th month of trying. So let's hope for more successes on Part 3. (Moaning, crying, sadness, anxiety & bitterness is certainly allowed on here!)

Giant mega sperms would be quite scary though!

Joycep I am glad it all went well.

Hilli, I am sorry about your dog.

Sorry not to check in with everyone. I am supposed to be writing my schpeil for tomorrow's conference so I am keeping this brief. The only german man I have seen so far has been my taxi driver (ick no) as I have been stuck in my hotel room since I got here!

wine - am sorry about your predicament. It's so infuriating When you just want to take every opportunity. However I would say that you have plenty of good eggs so don't worry about that. Also my body has had some crazy months where I get ewcm super early and ovulate super early. It's just part of the head *k and after that odd cycle last month , it could be readjusting itself and getting back to what it was if your AF hadn't been delayed. My gynae mentioned this to me once before.

Mrsd - IuI is definitely worth trying. My pack I was given on IuI said minimum of 5million sperm. I don't comprehend why it can't be lower though. As you say if they are depositing that many so close to the egg and in a sterile environment, why do they need 5 million. I thought they needed just 15 to make their way up there. Surely 15 out of 5 million can get up there.

I think I am confused. I think I was just given total sperm count and there is no way that 158 million are perfect sperm. In fact she mentioned 6% normality so that figure sounds better than it was. Although they wash out the semen I don't think they could separate the abnormals out. So I presume 6% of 158 is the total.

euro - good luck with the presentation.

I hope these next 2 weeks fly by for you joycep. How does it feel knowing you have millions of sperm hanging out in your uterus? Do they put them in the uterus or in the tube? I'm surprised that IUI stats are low because the sperm get to bypass so many of the hazards and get put so close to an egg that you think it's impossible for them to miss. Of course then the egg has to implant and all that but still you'd think there would be a very good chance.

I'm 11dpo and feel PMTy. I snapped at DH yesterday for no reason and felt in a general bad mood. Today my skin is so oily and I've got a huge spot in the middle of my forehead and a big angry one brewing on my chin. It's so unfair because I haven't had any spots for ages and my skin had been looking so good and of course we're going to a wedding tomorrow. Not that anyone will be looking at me. Does anyone else sit through weddings now wondering how long it will be before the bride gets pregnant? I have a friend coming from the UK to stay next month. She got married in August and told me before the wedding that they wanted to ttc straight after the wedding. So there is a pretty good chance that she will be pregnant by the time she comes here and I have an awful feeling that she's going to do a big "I'm pregnant" thing at the airport. I need to prepare myself for it.

euro too bad you couldn't bag yourself a German. But it would be hard to explain to your DH when the baby is born speaking German so probably for the best. Good luck with the conference. Are you back home for SWI tonight?

Mrsd - I really hope that doesn't happen with your friend. Out of everyone, you really seem to have had the most people spring announcements on you and I can't believe with all the people you know who have got pregnant , none of them had issues. Mind you I don't know people with issues. And yes I feel lime that at weddings. Also the last wedding I cried at but it wasn't for the bride walking down the aisle , it was because it was a reminder that I still wasn't pregnant!

Just had my mother on the phone. Tried not to cry on the phone to her because I told her about IuI and she thinks we are wasting our money and that my gynae is taking me for a ride. She was sighing a lot and saying we would probably end up with 6 children by the end of this. She went on and on about Relaxing and asked if I had read the article in the newspaper the other day that relaxation and not thinking about it is the best thing for getting pregnant. I shouted down the phone saying, if there is something wrong , relaxation is not going to get me pregnant. Argh I could scream.

How the hell can we stop thinking about TTC??

sorry your mum was like that joycep. She sounds like my mum, and that is why I haven't told her any of this. I know she would use the relax line and something about it will happen when it happens. But no one in my family has ever had any problems getting pregnant and I think she would start telling me about a friend of a friend's cousin who tried for 3 years and then gave up trying and got pregnant and that sort of thing. She also has a pretty dim view of doctors and I suspect she would also say we are wasting money and also something about ivf being unnatural. I might be being totally unfair because I haven't told her so I don't really know but based on what I do know about her this is what I suspect. Anyway, joycep I know it's hard but the best thing to do is to ignore your mum. Mums have a habit of saying things that push our buttons.

I do feel that loads and loads of people have got pregnant since we started ttc. But I think that's not surprising considering that most of my friends are in the 30-35 age bracket and we have been ttc for 16 months. So people have had plenty of time to beat us. There have also been a lot of colleagues who have announced pregnancies in that time too but I do work in a large organisation so it's not really surprising. I know the stat is supposed to be 1 in 6 have problems but in my circle I'm pretty sure I'm the only one. Of course there are still lots of people I know who are single or not in serious relationships so maybe they might have problems later on, who knows? And of course it is likely that if there are people having problems they are probably keeping quiet like me. But I honestly don't know that many married people who are not pregnant or have a baby now.

Oh Joyce I really feel for you - Mothers can be insensitive sometimes can't they!

You are NOT wasting your money. Your Gynae is not some con artist who you took up with after she cold called you or something - she gets results and I have everything crossed she'l get a result for you too.

Apart from anything else, what a silly and pointless thing to say that she thinks she you are wasting your money after you've had the treatment. She should be offering you support (in my humble opinion) but if she can't / won't, you can rest assured that we will. We are rooting for you all the way here.

And as for the 'just relax' thing - gah! It is annoying when anyone says it but especially relatives etc. There is a time for 'relaxing' and seeing if it happens of its own accord and I think we all went past that time. Then there comes a time for action, and that's where (sadly) a lot of us have got to.

The thing is the chances are that they (our mothers) didn't have the issues we're going though (or have been through). I find it hard to come to terms with the fact that my mother isn't actually the oracle and doesn't necessarily know everything about everything (she thinks she does and had me fooled for many years)

It's only now that I am starting to realise that I am now older than she was when she had me and thus there is no reason why she should know anything more than me! I'm educated and experienced and am just beginning to be able to rely on making my own decisions. I find it a lot easier now to disregard some of the rubbish she spouts. Sure, she's useful sometimes but not all the time!

I hope you don't mind me butting in (I still feel very raw abut the whole ttc thing - so still lurk and read your thread as I relate to so much of what you're going through, but I worry that you don't want me to keep popping up )

xx

I don't know how we relax and forget about it. I think I could, if I was 5 years younger, at least have a few months off. But at 34 time all feels a bit precious. The stress is also seeping into other bits if my life, so lately I'm stressed about everything! Also two of my friends are hyper stressy and even tho they were trying for 6 and 3 months, they had the ttc bug and were even worse than me and managed it, so I'm not sure it's the case.

I'm sure I speak for all of us Biscuit when I say don't go anywhere! You're our little ray of hope, so please keep popping.

As for the 'just relax...' . I've not said anything to my mum either, though with me I think the concerns are more that she'd start to stresss over it too, & I do it quite enough already without her doing it too!

you are always welcome on this thread biscuits, you remind me that my turn will come.

The other thing about our mums is that they are of a generation where there weren't really many fertility treatment options so the only choice was to relax and hope that it would happen one day. And I don't suppose there were the range of tests available now so I bet women just got told to keep trying.

Biscuits I like you being here, x posted before. And I did mean to say joycep that you should try to not take much notice of the mum comments. Mine told me that I was prob just taking longer because I'm past my prime! She didn't mean it nastily, but still. She took one year to get pregnant with my bro after a mc. She got pregnant the month after her hsg, apparently they dislodged some gunk. And she said she was obsessed and still has the temp charts! So that helps me a bit. It must be a bit powerless too, seeing your daughter hurting and not being able to do anything. I sometimes think my clumsy mum comments stem from her own frustrations to be a granny, cos her other 2 grandkids are overseas. If iui was pointless then it wouldn't be offered. I think she sounds top notch, and I think I said before, a friend of friend got preg on first iui x

Thanks girlies. She really upset me. I think it's because she honestly believes that the only reason why this isn't happening is because I am stressing about it. Mrsd I think my mum was basically saying IuI is unnatural as well...she was like "for goodness sake". Imagine what she would be like with ivf!
biscuits - you're so welcome here breathing a bit of bfp air in to this thread. And you're right , I know my mother had no problem conceiving her 3 children. She didn't have any tests for downs or anything and just went with the flow. How easy!!
wine , my friend rang me up almost in tears on her 2nd month of trying saying this TTC malarky was awful And stressing her out. Well her period pains she was experiencing when she called were in fact implantation pains and she has now given birth. The stressing didn't effect her! Also that's quite comforting to hear that your mother had a stressy time too. Also hopefully her success after the hcg gives you hope thAt it will do the same for you!

Yes mothers have a habit of being very unhelpful. I will ignore her!

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

sorry to hear that your mum has been insensitive Joycep, like Mrsden I havn't told my mum about the TTCing as she would be exactly the same I'm sure, she had four kids in 5 years and then got sterilised at 30 as she was so super fertile so she has told me a few times (mostly as a cautionary tale when I was a teen, in a be carefull it'll run in the family! sort of way... huh, if only!) and is very much in favour of me 'putting my career first' and 'not having the hassle of starting all that baby stuff again' even though dh has no children and is the love of my life and all. I do wonder why she had so many of us sometimes with her attitude to having babies, but shes one of those people who is very much in favour of things as long as they only apply to other people and not her
very sorry to hear about your dog Hillbilly, I hope you are ok.
and Biscuits, wot everyone else said, dont go ANYWHERE we need your bump to rub for luck!
Euro giant mega sperms WOULD be scary, I am imagining them floating about like the ghosts in pacman chasing us all now!

Do you know what I think when my mum says silly stuff to me? 'Well there's a lesson I can learn for dealing with my own children'! Hope I can remember them all when the time comes.....

Oh and Joyce if your mum thinks you're wasting your money, put on here for a few minutes - we'll tell her how easy it is to chuck money at it. Good lord - I spent £500 on that duofertiltiy monitor and I'm not convinced that really helped much at all as it kept changing its mind as to when things happened. That must be nearly as much as IUI but I was so desperate! If only I'd come one here first and learned about fertility friend which does nigh on the same thing except you have to take your own temp.

Am I rambling? A little? OK

Flipping heck joycep that's a bit insensitive of your mum! I'm another who hasn't told her mum. In fact I've told no-one and I can't see that changing. My Mum did go through a phase of "and where are my grandchildren". But a) now she has one and b) she knows my sister went through IVF to have him, so I don't think she'll hassle me. But I find this a massively private issue and I can't bear the thought of her knowing .

The "relax" line, well that must be a crock of shit, we all know that! But on the other hand, I certainly find it useful to have other stuff to occupy my mind - work is mega busy, there is the sssh secret hobby, and holidays to look forward to. I have no idea if it will make any difference to TTC, but on the other hand it does make the 2ww go faster .

biscuits - enough of that "should I go talk"! . You're stuck with us now you know! See my above post about us all turning up in the delivery room - virtually or otherwise .

Pac-man sperm??? I Love this thread

Aw thank you all for being so lovely and, well, 'welcoming' isn't the right word.... Erm, anti-goodbye-ing???? I suspect there is actually a word already in the English language for this but you know what I mean!

And you're all more than welcome in the delivery room - I think after last time DH would gladly swap!

Hello all!

My German jaunt went well and I am home, tired but happy now. Mr euro got promoted yesterday so we cracked open one of our leftover bottles of wedding champagne. Why the hell not, eh?

My mum was oddly disapproving when I told her my closest friend (who she knows well) was having IVF. I wonder if she will be less disapproving if it ends up being the only way she can get grandkids (I'm an only so there are no other options!). I would have thought she would be more understanding - they tried for a year to have me, and then she miscarried three pregnancies (four kids) after me. I remember her being quite sad through a lot of my childhood although I had no idea why at the time. She's usually quite sane too. I'm not sure why she's odd about IVF. Maybe it's got something to do with it not being available to her.

joycep I have everything crossed for you.

Well done Mr. Euro!!!!!

To join the mother discussion.... mine is trying her best to be supportive. She too had a series of miscarriages (4 altogether) both before having me and after. It does make her more sensitive, but she never had problems getting pregnant, just staying that way. I have always worried about being like her and losing babies, not that I would have trouble with the conception bit.... I'm not even going to contemplate that it could be both .

Off to bed. Hope everyone has a lovely weekend!

Yay for Mr Euro. Champagne was the right choice .

I know I mentioned the mother thing yesterday too, but actually madness that's another reason not to tell her. She had her first when she was 19 . then me, then one mc then their 3rd. She was so young and clearly teenage-fertile that she wouldn't understand this bit at all. I suspect she would say something cringe-worthy like "well are you having plenty of sex" , and also eurgh and durrrr.

Same here Nelly on the fertile mother front - my mum decided she wanted me to be born between Sept and Dec (so that I would get the full first year at school - I kid you not! ) and I was born in Nov so must have taken her no more than 2 or 3 mths and my sister was an accident.

Plus she was only about 25 when she finished having kids so was way younger than me. Mind you DS is born in September - I bet she thinks we planned it for the school year too . I'm surprised she hasn't complained about the unwiseness (it is too early to think of the real word) of having a baby in March and the obvious impact it will have on their education and how I've already set them back by being so thoughtless..........

Hi everyone, hope you enjoyed the beautiful day today. I managed to drag DH out into the countryside for some fresh air, it was lovely.
joycep I am so glad it went well. It sounds really positive and I?m keeping everything crossed for you. Do you have any plans to make the 2ww go quicker? Eeek xx
Izzy hope all the SWI is going well
Hillbillie so so sorry about your dog, how are you getting on?
karbea how is your DH? Hope everything ok
nelly have you managed to get out doing your secret hobby today, such good weather for it
euro are you back from Germany, hope it went ok. Wonderful news about Mr Euro?s promotion. Mr Kitty (not sure if I should call him that TBH as it reminds me of Mr Pussy from Sex and the City) is currently going through a long and protracted process to get promoted and I am discreetly trying to encourage/nag him to ensure it happens so we get some extra cash
mrsd sorry about the PMT and the spots, that sounds exactly like my 2 ww. That thing about your friend visiting, I had a similar situation recently. Me and DH went on holiday last month with another couple who had got married in April and I was convinced there was going to be a preg announcement at the airport. I got myself really wound up about it. Anyway it was fine, they weren?t expecting and we all had a lovely boozy time. So I?ll keep my fingers crossed the same happens for you.
biscuits Hi! Please stay around, you are so our lucky charm, love hearing from you and love that you are still so sympathetic to the TTC cause instead of the ?ooh Im pregnant, plinky plonky la la la? like a lot of pregnant ladies seem to be. You give me hope xx
Hi pixie yes my mother is the same as yours, mega stressy and I?ve got enough stress for the both of us
skele LOL at the pacman sperms chasing us! hahahaha
It is difficult with the mothers isn?t it. They come from a time where people were more fertile and ttc issues were swept under the carpet. I heard something on the radio the other day about when IVF was first starting and how much opposition there was to it. Couples having IVF had to run the gauntlet of pro-lifers every time they went to the clinic. They were interviewing one of the women who was one of the first people to have successful treatment, and she was saying how grateful she was to the pioneers of IVF for being brave enough to give the treatment and give women like her a chance to have a family. It was really touching. Mine knows we are having issues but she can?t seem to get her head round it, I think she would really freak out if I told her we were having IVF.
Waves to madness and wine and anyone I?ve missed.
Oh my acu lady lent me the Zita West fertility meditation visualisation cd thingy last night, anyone got it? I will report on whether it is good or mega-cringy xx

Yes I was secret hobbying today. Nice day???? Not in Scotland! It was torrential rain! By the time I'd finished, I had to literally peel off my breeches as they were stuck to my skin. It hasn't stopped all day .

Oh well, I'm off on holiday on Tuesday, and my destination is currently 30 and sunny .

Too tired - it's been a very long day.

D'oh sorry nelly had no idea some places were getting bad weather! Hope you have a fantastic holiday.

It was soaking here too! Also in Scotland tho so that could be why!

I'm 2dpo today!! First time I've ovulated.since June so I'm a wee bit excited! Although as I don't temp I don't know for definate. Monitor didn't give me any highs so we only managed swi in the two peaks and the high after it, hope that's enough! AND I even lay with legs on the wall like I used to when ttc my daughter!! Lol what a sight!

Hurrah for ovulation izzy! I had a fair bit of rumblings in my tummy today, hoping that meant ovulation for me too :) We can go mental be in the 2ww together