TTC for 10+ months, part 3

[joycep]

The other thread was just about to fill up and so here we are again with a slightly different name now as many of us have been trying for well over 12 cycles now. We had a few great successes on Part 2, with a couple of people getting bfp's on their 17th and 19th month of trying. So let's hope for more successes on Part 3. (Moaning, crying, sadness, anxiety & bitterness is certainly allowed on here!)

I won't be, no owing!

Have lost typing skills.

wine I'm so so sorry. Really feel for you, especially combined with the pg announcement. I wonder what went on, it's so frustrating not knowing. I regularly have long LP's, up to 17 days before spotting starts, and although I know it's good in the sense that there is plenty of time for a bean to implant, I do find that it leads to major headfuckery because you feel like you are so close but so far away.

I wish there was something I could do to make us all pregnant. Last night I had this feeling like I was on the verge of teetering into blind panic, I could feel the months of hopeless ttc stretching ahead of me. I don't want tests and medical intervention but I know that I can't carry on just trying blindly with no understanding of why everyone around us is pregnant and we're not. :(

nelly I hope you feel better today. It can be hard with relatives. I totally know what you mean about the presumptuousness. I was out with various friends last week, all but one of whom were pg or have children. They were talking about their family plans and when they were having their next child, as if it was totally normal to just be able to choose the most convenient time to conceive :( made me feel very faulty.

I am trying to recover some optimism for this cycle. Recently I have been really feeling that it's never going to happen, and I think it's making me depressed. So this time I am going to allow myself some hope. Not sure it's wise, but being realistic and not expecting anything didn't work anyway.

Sorry for miserable post. Gets a bit much sometimes doesn't it. Love to all x

Oh Wine & Nelly, . Really sorry to hear about more disappointments, especially in the midst of the exciting, hopeful news that other friends & relatives have. Try to be nice to yourselves today.

I wish I could fast forward 5-10 years & have a peep. I'm sure that for all of us it would show us that we will get there. Fingers crossed it's soon!

Oops, cross post Popcorn. Hope you're OK too.

Oh bloody hell wine I am so gutted for you. What a complete head fuck, it sounded so positive. I think you have most certainly had a very early m/c I.e a chemical pregnancy. I don't understand evaporation lines... How can you get a second line without having hcg in your system? I can't believe you had to deal with a pregnancy announcement as well last night - what a f'ing crappy night. All I can say is, I think you should try and take some hope from what has happened and believe that you probably just conceived and forwhatever reason it didn't stick...sorry I don't want to sound insensitive but this is what I am trying to think this month that my body was doing something and gain some hope from that...I find there is so little hope every month that I will take any sign of positivity I can get.
I Know that's probably not what you are thinking right now because it's all so f'ing shit. So sorry for you , massive hugs your way.
Oh nelly and pop - peoples presumptiounrss pisses me off. I was never presumptuous even before we started trying. I would always talk about 'if we are lucky enough to have kids'. But it's so easy for the majority of people and that's what makes it so hard.
Hey to everyone else.

Where is Mrsd and pout - I miss your posts!

Oh wine that's really horrible :(
I need to run and have a shower as dh and I are modelling later ( hahaha) but will reply properly later.

Arch so af has loads of us at the mo??? Rubbish!!!

Damn AF! She is striking a lot of us out at the moment.

She hasn't got me yet but I am expecting her in a few days. I am 10 dpo today and my boobs are quite hurty but feel "different" to usual. I wanted to go out on a hard run this morning (with my heartrate way above the 140 that is the recommended max during pregnancy) so I did an early 10 mio sensitivity test. BFN. Meh. At least I got to run off my disappointment.

Hello all,

Apologies for my rather protracted absence from mn . I just haven't really had the energy for it this month. Trying to focus on other things, and thought I was doing really well, but AF has just finished and instead of feeling hopeless and optimistic about getting started this cycle I'm just feeling miserable. Had a huge argument with dh about absolutely nothing and am now back in bed with the laptop at half two in the afternoon. Talk about letting ttc ruin the long weekend :(

Have been doing a lot of babysitting recently and then spent last night out for dinner with a bunch of mums. My friend who organised it knows what dh and I are going through but obviously didn't notice that I had gone very quiet for quite a long time when she was going on about how much she just wanted to be able to sleep through the night and not have to worry about leaky boobs anymore (obviously she's breastfeeding). I know that I can't expect her not to talk about the most important thing in her life but I ended up feeling really trapped and unable to join in the conversation for a lot of the evening.

My thoughts are with you joycep and wine. I know too well the elation that you feel when you let yourself hope against hope, only to come crashing back down to earth. Really excited, though, to hear about how the IUI goes joycep. We are so desperately in need of a bfp!!!!!

Congrats biscuits! That's wonderful news about your scan. Someone will be joining you on the graduates thread soon.

Everyone seems so down-hearted today, that I am tempting you back with and homemade of course. I feel particularly for wine and joycep it is that much more difficult, if you have been hoping.

Sorry also for madness about the generalised misery and the pointless arguments with your OH. Pleased you are back, though, even if you are not happy! Really would like AF to let euro get away, esp with different boob-pains.

Who was it, that discussed the idea of being pregnant even though AF has been and gone? I am in a similar position. That is, my lovely niece gave me the most awful stinking cold and I feel really rough. Had to bail out of the wedding o Sat early (which was just as well, as my cousin had her pregnancy announced during the ceremony ) and collapse on the couch, which was my permanent residence yesterday as well. I am contemplating sudafed, but the packet says scary things about pregnancy... But of course, I am not (passing a clot the size of a tennis ball last week, about this time) but I am too paranoid to take any. Or should I just POAS and get a BFN, so that I can at least beat the cold into submission? What do you lovely ladies think?

What are you and your OH modelling karbea? This is nearly as fascinating as nelly's hobby! Oh and in agreement about annoying presumption of others nelly and popcorn! Agree with pixie that a fast foward button would come in handy sometimes, and this is one of those times! Although I could really have done with that one, when I was being broken hearted and left by my last bf before DH. I am sure most of us will get there in the end.

Aside from the cold, things have been okay here. I managed to finish the baby blanket over the weekend and have been so busy with work, course and family-germs-pickin up that I have not been too miserable in ages. And I found an acupuncturist, and will go to see her, at some stage, when I dare...

Okay - I am still ill and handing any course work in is not such a great idea with my current typing skills. Apologies...

Hi all. I wrote a long post yesterday but mumsnet crashed probably for the best as I'm having a miserable hormone slump. This has been a bad month and you're right lemon that raised hopes make it worse. I have poas a few times after my period so I don't think you're balmy! The annoying thing is, that it happens to people so you sit and wonder.

I want to thank everyone who has written nice things. Typing on phone when should be working so apologies for not name dropping but the support is lovely and does make a difference.

This month has been a real bummer but I'm hoping I will emerge out of the hole in a day or two as hormones pick up again. My period has been horribly heavy. Eugh.

I rang up to book the hycosy today but I think getting the apt at a good point in my cycle is not going to be easy, they are every other Thursday. This thurs I'll still have my period which takes me past ovulation. Which means No Trying this month. I'm resistant to this as it feels wasteful but maybe a month off will do me good?

Current worries are: I have a blocked tube near my messed up appendix scar where I have adhesions

I have immune probs.

If we adopt I'd have to get a reference from my ex. How mortifying, he was not a nice person.

Years of anorexia (now a long time behind me) have affected things. They always warned me!

Sorry to offload the worries but it is a good release. Feels like a lot of us are on a collective period/mood slump at the moment. Let's send each other hopeful reaffirming vibes!

Also - get better soon lemon!

Morning all.

Another one feeling blue here. AF is due Wednesday but I woke up this morning with a feeling that it is all over and my temp has dropped. Meh.

And a friend has just sent me a message this morning to say we have to meet up as they have news. It's either that they are emigrating or pregnant. I would put money on the latter.

Sorry to hear you are ill drizzle. It sounds pretty unlikely that you are pregnant if you passed a big clot, but if you are nervous just dose yourself up on paracetemol instead. I am so fed up with living as "prepregnant".

Sorry to hear about the temp drop euro! I guess that means it is over. I hate the we have news phone calls, msgs and emails. I am just not nice to everyone overtaking us. Would emigration be preferable?

Sorry to hear the misery is still with you wine! And your list of worries sounds serious. Hopefully you will get booked in for HyCoSy soon and get the tubes off the panic list! Immunes are scary things, I agree. Oh, and horrifying to have to get references from your ex. Just out of curiosity, how serious a relationship warrants an adoption reference? (Thankfully I never lived with anyone until DH, so I guess, I am in the clear there).

Big snotty and unMN hugs for the miserable bunch of lovely ladies. And home made goods to tempt pout back from the housemoving and I really hope mrsd is having a holiday and will come back with ironic BFP.

so sorry everyone is feel down in the dumps. Hopefully the month will bring happier things and vibes.

Euro - i hate those words..."i have news". Sorry youre feeling Meh.

wine - i hope you feel better in a couple of days when you've got the last head f* out of your system.
lemons - i think i mentioned about being pregnant after AF. i agree with euro about the clot thing though.

I spent last night in floods of tears as I spent over an hour trying to inject myself. I didn't realise i am taking ivf drugs and i hate the thought of pumping this stuff in to me when seemingly my ovaries work every month. Anyway, i was fine when i first got the stuff out of the fridge. I tried counting to 10 about 100 times. Then had one stab at my stomach but it really hurt and it started bleeding and i just couldn't bring myself to push all the way through. I felt so pathetic. I tried to get a grip but couldn't stop crying which turned in to self pity crying of 'why is it so easy for most people' and 'this will never work because it's me' blah blah blah. Finally swallowed my shame and found DH where I balled for another half hour and crying like a little girl that I didn't want to do it. Anyway, finally he just injected me...and of course it didn't hurt. I hope this won't happen every night for the next two weeks. Will try again tonight!

Waves to others

Loves -dh and I were modelling clothes for our friends shop, it's basically for a competition on Facebook, so the couple who get the most likes get £500 to spend in the shop, I will give you all the link so you can like us when I get it!

Wine - my friends sister had anorexia and attempted to commit suicide, she was told she would never have children, she has 5 now.

Joy - can't you just get your dh to inject you every time?

I Temp'd this am and set up my ov monitor, I actually can't be ars*d why am I feeling like this? I just can't see us getting pregnant :(

Joycep I was talking about the injections with a friend who is just waiting to start them for IVF now. I am just not sure I would be able to do it myself. I am not particularly squeamish and might be able to cope if I could do it somewhere other than my stomach but doing it there seems horrible. I grew up with a diabetic friend and she was fine injecting herself in her bum and thighs but also hated doing it in her belly. there's just something about that area that makes a lot of people feel funny about it. If we get to that stage, Mr euro is just going to have to step up and help me out with the injections like your husband!

karbea I have the same feeling that it is all pointless. I am sure we are not going to get pg without help.

euro a friend has texted me the exact same thing today! Pah. I was just scouring photos of her at a wedding on facebook this weekend to see if I could see her with a glass of booze. I couldn't. I made dh look at her because I swear I can see a bump. I think he thinks I've gone loopy. sorry about the temp drop. Temps can be like bfns I think.

joycep you poor thing. I would have to make dh do it as I am the most squeamish person there ever was. I hope this is the only time you need to do this.

Oh and lemon if you lived together for 18 months or more. The thought fills me with cold dread! I don't want him knowing anything about me. And I was quite ill when we were together, a big cause of that was how verbally abusive he was about how I looked! Shudder.

Wine I've been thinking the same thing about adoption, my ex h was lovely but I don't really want that box opened again we've not spoken in years, and I think the thought of me having children with another man might upset him. Dh is very anti his ex wife I think if he knew she had to be contacted it might turn him off the whole idea, she was a real dragon apparently.

Yes karbea it's a really unsettling thought. I hate to think of my ex knowing I'd struggled to get pregnant, he would see that as a real failing (bastard). But, as each month goes by, I realise that whilst I used to think I couldn't do anything like ivf/adoption - I realise that I probably will, because I want us to be a family so very much.

Also, I left my ex after 10 years for another man (not dh) much to his shock. So all in all, pretty disastrous!

Wine I left my ex h for another man as well (not my dh either).

I really wanted to do it myself in case DH is away one night and I didn't have a problem when I was first told i would have to do it. But the actual doing it is really hard. And it's not like the needles are huge, they are like acupuncture needles and 2cm long. I think it is the stomach thing and the thought of squirting this stuff in there freaks me out. Also I cant watch when they put needles in me at the doctor and actually i can't watch needles going in on films or tv programmes so I guess i was always going to have a problem!

Oh wine , karbea - i cna't believe they expect to have a reference from an ex down the adoption route. (You won't need to go down this route anyway..positive thoughts now)Anyway, The adoption route sounds so unbelievably tough. I have read a few articles in newspapers where people just dropped out of the process because it was made so difficult by the ineptness of the people they were dealing with . Lost paperwork, dealing with very young social workers etc and I understand the need for proper check ups but why does it take years? Also, if you husband smokes one cigarette in a year, you wouldn't be allowed to adopt. That is ridiculous surely...