TTC for 10+ months, part 3

[joycep]

The other thread was just about to fill up and so here we are again with a slightly different name now as many of us have been trying for well over 12 cycles now. We had a few great successes on Part 2, with a couple of people getting bfp's on their 17th and 19th month of trying. So let's hope for more successes on Part 3. (Moaning, crying, sadness, anxiety & bitterness is certainly allowed on here!)

euro (this will probably out me but I'm pretty sure no-one here knows me IRL) I am technically a doctor but I jumped almost straight into an academic route due to my own health problems - a junior Dr with a suppressed immune system is more a hindrance than a help, even though they mean well (I was once made to stand in a cupboard for an hour when a patient with bad infection refused to be contained). So I don't feel remotely qualified to give real advice on anything other than my academic speciality, but sometimes it is hard not to "play House" especially as I teach on some of the courses now.

The link with circulation, migraines, Alzheimer's and Raynuads is calcium based, I know that some of the genetic variants involved in calcium channels are associated with all of them and made the (perhaps tenuous) leap to shared drug targets. The Alzheimer's/genes is my field at least but that might mean I see it where it isn't IYSWIM. However, anecdotally, a friend of mine who went on to work as a Dr has Reynaud's and is planning to TTC early next year. She has had her implant out and gone back on her Raynaud's medication, which she only normally needs mid-winter, to try and avoid clotting when her periods start up. When you mentioned clots, it just seemed so similar to the conversation I had with her a week or so earlier I thought I should mention it. I seem to be lucky to have friends with no shame about all things medical (although when I took a while falling pregnant I could almost see the cogs turning in a more academic than sympathetic way and some drawing bad conclusions)! I hope Wed passes with no AF for you though!

I'm so sad to see how down everybody here is just now, especially with wine and joyce getting so close. I wish I could rub off my good luck or offer some secret hints, or at least cakes, but you have all overtaken me on the knowledgeable front. Needing medical help isn't a weakness (it sounds like a few of us wouldn't be here without some sort of health interventions, I would have died at 20), IVF shouldn't feel any different, it isn't really. Good luck everyone!

Oh dear ladies... What's happening??!
(Whispering in case boss hears me typing excitedly and wonders what my next prodigy will be)
That is one dreadful process!! Who on earth invented that??! Obviously a man... Who would want their ex to know their new struggle, especially when we all so tirelessly go to extremes to appear beautiful and content when we next bump into them - Shocking! All I can say, 'Ergh!!' to that wine
Although, I would be more than happy to help you write a letter to him

So it appears that AF has got most this month... I wish I could kick her so hard that she is beaten into submission and HAS TO take a 9mth break!! Now that would be ace... But in the meantime, whilst I just figure out how I go about that, I am sending you all lost of hugs, chocolate, cuddles, laughs, and most importantly projections into your future when you and your dh's are playing with your ds/dd in the garden as the toddle their little nappy tooshies around.... [love]
Now, that was to create smiles and not tears, so apologies if I drew out the latter.

Thank you all for your welcomes, it was nice to read...

Conscious I don't want to do a mammoth post, so I shall write another with my updates... thankfully it's promising and I hope you'll think so too.

Much love ladies xx

Hi ladies,

Sorry so many of us are down in the dumps. Seems to have been a really crappy month with mother nature playing tricks and then particularly nasty AFs and ridiculous pregnancy announcements thrown in too. I think between us we've all been tested to the limit.

joycep - Sorry you had such a horrid time with the injection. I'm pretty sure I would never be able to inject myself. I can't even look at the needle when someone else is doing it. Enlisting the help of DH every night sounds like a good plan.

wine - your evening sounded like a nightmare, I hope you're feeling a bit better. Why is it always the friends you think you're safe with you end up pulling the rug from under you?

lemon - hope you are feeling better too. I have often convinced myself after one period I've been pregnant for a whole month until I get my next period, not crazy at all!

A few people have mentioned they think they might have problems with their tubes. After this morning's appt, I'm convinced that's going to be the case for me.

DH's second SA showed improvements in volume and movement, still lower than it should be but better than they were, but the morphology is still rubbish. It is still good news though.

The consultant said we should put the sperm issues on the back burner and concentrate on sorting out my weird cycles (late OV, spotting for a week before period). So, HSG is the next step for me and, depending on the result of that, either sorting out any problems with tubes or straight onto Clomid for six months. After that it would be IVF ICSI (because of the sperm issues).

I'm really struggling now because going into today, I thought we were just dealing with DH's low sperm count but now the tables have turned and it's all on me for the next six months or so.

Before today, I would have said that I'd feel better if we were doing something more proactive but I'm now scared stiff of the road we're about to start going down and I'm really questioning what I think about medical intervention.

A lot to digest and now I need to get back to work...

I must post more often as they always turn into such monster essays and I end up missing loads!

Hello to everyone I've missed

My update?

Had all the tests and (after 3xSA) were fine. Acupuncture fairly regularly since Jan and my 29, 30, 29 , 30 cycle regulated to 28 immediately .
This month, although didn't use opk, I had cramps around cd13 & cd14. We bd'd on cd3, 5, 7, 9, 10 & 11, but then dh went away with work and didn't come back until cd20.
I have been having very mild (and not characteristically af) cramps since cd17 (3dpo) until present? as well as very slight dizziness (but I have low blood pressure which can sometimes creates this).
(sorry if TMI). cd17, 18, & 19 I had very thick (spongy jelly-like not ewm) cm, ranging from watery white to thick white
Cd22 I had a very unusual white, thick, spongy jelly-like cm with a purple streak through it??
Also, cd22, 23, & 24 I have been nauseous heading towards lunch, and as soon as I eat is disappears, as well as very slight tender breasts, when last month I had much worse from cd18.

What are your thoughts?

Morning all,

Will try to inject some more positive thoughts to the thread today. DH has gone back to work this morning so sod's law has it that I'm feeling much calmer and less inclined to fly off the handle .

Lemon, while it is a ridiculous thing to do, I would be POAS so that I could ingest significant amounts of cold medication if I were you. Despite having had my period I wouldn't be certain otherwise .

Joycep the injecting thing will get easier I'm sure, although miserable for you just now. My friend found out she has diabetes not long ago and she injected herself in the stomach just under the table on a night out despite having been terrified of the whole thing when she first got her diagnosis.

Karbea and Wine you ladies sound like you have had much more exciting love lives than I have!! Have only had two serious relationships ever and only ever lived with my dh. Any children that I have will refuse to take any of my advice seriously I'm sure since I appear to have lived a very sheltered life! That said, I would try not to worry about references too much. My friends who are adopting just now have found the whole process quite drawn out, but if you're open and honest with the social workers (and you get a good one) it doesn't have to be a horrible experience. But that is, of course, only plan B and we will all continue with the excessive SWI policy in the meantime :)

Thanks lemon and joycep for reminding me that adoption is a long long way off yet, I always fast forward things too far. I have had a very rocky love life yes! I was attracted to arrogant s*s until I met my dh and realised how much nicer life could be. At least we are all in a position to try . Some of my single friends are equally broody which must be hard.

angel that was a nice picture to paint. Funny, when I imagine babies, they're always in the garden! Your symptoms sound promising. All the luck to you, the waiting is so hard!

Ladygee - I think it's only natural to feel and scared at medical intervention. I'm having a hard time of it and I feel like a juggernaut is coming towards me...i.e. ivf. I find it scary, I don't know whether it will work and I don't know what it is doing to me in the long/short run. I also thought I would feel positive about doing something proactive but I don't. It just is a wake up call that something is wrong. I would say just take it as it comes. The clomid may just be what you need to sort out your cycle - it is for thousands of women. And if things aren't working naturally, doing something different has got to be a good thing. But it is a bugger because afterall , all we want to do is have swi and bang 9 months later give birth.

Angel - what cd are you on now? symptoms do sound good though and really best of luck.!!

Madness - you're right. I just need to be able to do it once and then twice and it will become easier.

hope you're feeling better wine

Apologies, I always seem to post at the same time as someone else. I am not ignoring you... promise x ladygee, TWML

wine I succumb and POAS, why? Who knows? I haven't done it since May, when AF played a cruel game with me and I got a faint line then she turned up
However, it was of course a bfn, as I am still 4 days until AF due date - but then First Response 'claim' to detect upto 6 days before - nah... don't believe it!

How was everyone's day?

joycep I did it to you too... I am on CD25 today and a BFN

so sorry to hear that everyone is down at the moment, I think we are all in the af depression phase at the same time, sorry to hear about your hopes being dashed wine and the bfn Euro I dont know how everyone copes so well with the preg anouncement and preg friends, I am absolutely rubbish at it, and am really getting into not bothering to go out at the weekend and socialise, recently i have been having a few issues with the group of friends who are my oldest and I thought closest, too long and boring to go into but theres a bit of me that cant be bothered making the effort with them (which is the issue really me making all the effort to arrange meeting up, traveling over to see them, but them not being arsed to come and see me even when in the area for other things...anyway) as I cant face feeling they cant be bothered with me AND then having to deal with preg anouncements ect ect. Ah well. I also very much understand the reluctance for wanting exes contacted for the adoption process that people have mentioned, the last person i would go to for a recomendation is my ex, he'd hardly give me a glowing review, and he really was horrible when we lived together.
I am still in the game here, AF due today, am 12DPOish according to CBmonitor cervical mucus is still cream not brown, no spotting and no pmt or other af'y feelings, have done two cheapy tests which have looked both very faintly positive and then negitive, have given up with the bloody things, they are the cheap one step early detection ones that you can but in bulk from amazon, I have looked at the reviews of them tonight and they have many bad reviews slating them for BOTH false negs when other brands detected pregnancy OR false positives due to the way the dye moves up the stick. So am in limbo really. dh working away this week so cant involve him in the madness!

skeleton I agree the cheapie tests are a bit pants ( i thought i saw a line once but it was just the dye travelling up the stick I think - is the line staying?) but hey - this is sounding all very positive! You have probably heightened your chances tenfold by just starting a pgce!! Do keep us posted and I hope the am I/ aren't I thing gets resolved soon. Luck luck luck! also, I could have written your post about friends, I'm having similar feelings about mine.

joycep hope the jabbing is a little easier tonight. Was just thinking of you and hoping it was all going ok.

angel it is still early, we do put ourselves through roller coasters with the testing don't we! I try really hard not to test now til fertility friend tells me. This time is the first time it has ever done that! Boo.

ladygee it is scary wondering what is ahead of us. Glad to hear that the SA results have improved. I presume you've thrown vits into the mix. Pine bark is supposed to be very good too? The tube worry is bad isn't it? Ive scared myself half to death at looking at the Internet over the last few days, especially with the appendix issues I've had. I will be glad to get over that hurdle. Fingers crossed for us. I think clomid will be our next option if the tubes are ok. Dont fancy it much! I want to wait til spring for that tho.

Hello everyone else! I'm already feeling better in myself but totally fckd off with being prepregnant, excellent word euro*.

Surely the 2 pre's cancel themselves out and we are just Gnant.

thanks wine the friends stuff doesn't get any easier when you are a grown up does it, these are people I have known since senior school and the dynamic hasnt changed really. I think TTC stuff makes every little disapointment or drama seem worse too.
Joycep the injecting yourself in the tummy sould like a right trauma, I would find that verry difficult to do, hope it went better today.

liked your positive baby mental imaging Angel! I have been trying to do a bit of that this month, every time i go to bed I have been visualising the egg traveling down, and burrowing in and being very firmly in place.

as for the POAS debarkle, the first one stayed but was so miniscule and faint you had to hold it up to the light to see it (which i know is a big no no, i only did that after seeing people saying on the reviews that was the only way to see it on these type of tests) the second one had a pinker line which was more visible but disapeared, which could well mean it was the dye traveling up the test. Anyway I am done with the bloody things, and its proper tests or nowt from now on, am not planning to test again unless I get to friday without AF (AF could also just be late arriving as I've only just stated using the monitor and have no idea if day 20 is my normal OV day or a really late one which would mean a late period). I'm also dreading getting PMT while at uni with new people on such a talky course IYSWIM I cant just bury meself in a computer and not talk to people with is usually my PMT default when I can feel AF building up!

Ha ha.. Skele you made me chuckle
When is your AF due, Friday? If so, same day as me...

Night Projection Sunday morning, lying in bed, hand on your tummy as you sense your (BFP) little bean nestled snuggingly (yes, that's a ttc word) into your warm and comfy lining. It's umbilical cord strong and healthy, passing all the ingredients to make it a secure 8 coming wks

Hi,

Just popping in to say we have the referral to fertility clinic. Appt is on 21st Oct which isn't too far away :) only problem is that dh doesn't think he can get time off work but referral clearly states we both need to attend!!! Argh!!

Skeleton - I can't believe you have done two tests and seen 2 lines on each. You sound so calm, I would be beside myself. I think waiting to see if AF comes is the best option though as it such early days. Although i would have painted the nursery by now if I was you. Crossed fingers for you- best of luck!

Also suffering with the anti social problem thing too. Hate meeting people because I am scared they will drop the pregnant thing on me.

Couldn't inject myself again last night. Luckily Dh wasnt there as I started crying again. So I waited for him to come home and he did it. I am such a baby - really not sure if I can do it myself!

joycep - I'm so sorry you had a hard time again last night, I really hope it gets easier for you. Your description of ivf and medical intervention as a juggernaut is just so right. Very confused at the moment but I think the one step at a time approach is best, as soon as I start to think beyond the next thing I get into a bit of a state about it all.

wine - thanks, yes - we've done all the 'right things' (cut down on caffeine/alcohol/eating more healthily) and DH has been taking a Men's A-Z, although I'm not convinced he remembers to take them every day! The internet did not help yesterday with my thoughts about tube issues. I can't remember, are you due to have HSG soon? For the first time in a very long time, I really want AF to hurry up so that I can book my appt and find out one way or another. In the meantime, I need to find a way of blocking Google from my computer!

skeleton - it all sounds very positive to me, I'd be beside myself if I got to 12DPO without spotting... fingers crossed

izzy - glad you don't have to wait too long for your appointment and that your DH can sort out work. I had a similar issue with DH taking time off but being there really helped change his perspective on things, before then I'd felt like it was just me being slightly neurotic!

Forgot to say hi to angel last time too - loving your positive visualisations.

Ooh and hear, hear on the fed up of being pre-pregnant or indeed gnant!!

Morning everyone!

I got back from holiday on saturday and I've been meaning to catch up on here since then but real life keeps getting in the way. So, I haven't read what I've missed. Have there been any BFPs?

I'd love to say I came back with one but sadly not. We had a brilliant holiday though and I was quite successful in putting ttc to the back of my mind. I do feel quite relaxed but I don't know how long that will last. Work was manic yesterday but of course the first thing I found out when I got in the office is that a colleague is pregnant with her second baby. And then another one said that she has started trying for her third and that she will drive us to the xmas party because she expects to be pregnant by then and not drinking. Why can't I decide I want a baby and then get pregnant straight away?

There were babies and pregnant women everywhere on holiday but it didn't bother me too much. I think because I was feeling so relaxed and I was enjoying drinking, eating and doing what we liked without having to worry about a baby. We really should make the most of that.

AF turned up early on the second day of my holiday which is so typical. It was a strange one. Very heavy but no pain at all and it finished after 3 days. And it was sort of watery with no clots so I got thinking that maybe I was pregnant despite all the blood loss. But I'm not just my body and mind playing tricks. Because it turned up at the start of the holiday it means that I haven't been able to book in for the HSG so that will be another month before we start IUI. But I suppose it gives us another month to get a natural BFP.

joycep sorry to read you are having trouble injecting. Is this for the IUI? I'm sure it will get easier. I think I'll be the same as you if I get to IVF, I've already told DH he will have to inject me. My sister is diabetic and she injects twice a day without a thought so it must get easier and I know she says it doesn't hurt.

Hello to everyone else. I will slowly catch up on what I've missed.

Here is my little story.

Me 30, DH 31. TTC for 16 months. DH told he has very low sperm count and poor morphology as result of op he had when he was a small child. Then I got told that I have PCOS even though my periods are quite regular. I think I do ovulate most but not all cycles. We are saving up for IVF ICSI because we've been told that although a natural BFP is not impossible, ICSI would be our best chance. In the meantime we are going to try IUI but I need to have a HSG first so waiting for the start of the next cycle to book in.

Hi Mrsd - welcome back!! I'm glad you had a good holiday and you didn't have to think about ttc. I've noticed AF's becoming very strange these days. Sorry you're faced with a pregnant lady in the office though and other presumptious people. not what you want when you get back.
You haven't missed any bfps. I thought i was close and wine was close but hopes were dashed Anyway, i hope you manage to stay being relaxed for as long as possible.

Thanks runner. And you are right about not seeing interventions as a failure. It's just difficult to face when everyone around you seems to be managing it without having a medical team rooting around their fanjos!

Hi to everyone else. Welcome back mrsd.

Just a quick hi and welcome back MrsD. glad you had a nice team .

I'll well and truly out. After v early sporting, everything disappeared and like a mug I got my hopes up. They were dashed good and proper last night . I think like some others my bleeding seems different this month (sorry for TMI) but once again I haven't got even close to PIAR. A 25 day cycle this month, with some spotting on 11DPO. I think that's too short?

Oh well, back to dangerous sports for the time being .

Team??? I don't know if you have a nice team but hope you had a nice time anyway

Oh FFS. Also spotting not sporting. iPhone fail

Nelly, I don't think that's really that short. It is only 3 days less than the supposed average of 28 days.

Sposed to ring for hycosy at 3. I feel scared to! I am a massive wimp. Also feel sad to have to Not Try this month. But maybe the rest will do us good. Maybe the condoms have perished!! Sorry nelly about af. But it is the luteal phase that's the thing isn't it? Is it over 10 days? I posted in preg forum yest to ask about spotters and heard some good news there. This time I had a fairly heavy cd1 and then just spotting. I wish I had a textbook period and cycle.