Sixth Form Common Room part IV - ttc and pregnancy post mc

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Roll up, roll up...

This is the place to be if you are ttc post mc / pregnancy loss and need a little spot to call home.

MummyA wow, how utterly terrible for everyone concerned! Glad to hear your friend's DS is okay, but I can't imagine how awful it must have been to have to restrain him while painful things were done to him. I hope he and all the adults feel better soon.

(((hugs))) to mouse and Tina, CD1 sucks.

Dachs glad to hear all is well.

to everyone else

Not much new from me. I've got a couple of weeks left at my old job, I have pretty much no pg symptoms so it looks like I don't have to worry about being updiffed at the start of my new gig, and now I'm wondering if we should refrain from TTC for another cycle or two as well. I know I'm not getting any younger and I might hate myself for such a decision later on, so I'm dithering a bit.

Hope you're all having lovely bank holiday Mondays! We went to a local farm/zoo/fairground/play area place, dd is shattered! Now on the way home

Still waiting for af to kick in properly, it's always so frustrating, I mean, why can't it just get itself going and then over with, why all this faffing about?!

mummya, what an awful day, hope all's ok now.

How are you today mouse?

tigger glad the expressing is getting a bit easier, still hoping you're all home soon x

Absolutely shattered but successfully pulled off two birthday parties, VAT return and setting budget for 2012 - I have a vague memory that weekends used to be about rolling around in bed reading Sunday papers - maybe I made that up.

LadyB What about something like BeeZee (busy huh huh did you get it!!) Although I like your Lady title as well - I always see you as a very elegant sort - strange with names as 'MissTinaTeaspoon' puts me in mind of a very cool coffee shop in Hackney called Tina we Salute you where there is a photo of a lady with a spiral hairdo - whereas 'Melliesmum' was all about homebaking and aprons?!!? I still find it hard to reconcile the two images Tina Sorry you are feeling down - we have all been there at one point or another. The due dates are rubbish but I feel like I have settled in for the long haul and have finally managed to grieve a bit only just recently (one year on from the first mc). There are definitely some faces missing from our little crew. I worry about the age gap as well but my dsis and I are 6 years apart and best friends - so possibly it doesn't really matter that much - it is more about having someone to share your parents foibles with! I also have a strong sense that things tend to happen for me when the timing is right, no matter how much I want it now and right this minute - I have been fighting this concept for a bit but seem to be finally giving in to it. As mystic meg says 'Do the best you can in the hour you are in!?'

Hi Tigger sounds like you are in the thick of things - I know so many people with wee ones ending up back in hospital to top them up - hopefully T1 gets the hang of it soon.

MummyA what a nightmare - I am so rubbish at paying attention to where our medical stuff is and it happens so easily.

We had the classic lost child incident today. The DHs took 6 of the children off to climb the Treetop walkway at Kew today and managed to lose a four year old. It was such a horrible moment until she was found cool as a cucumber - what a relief - it is such a big place. I think I want to chip and pin my two dds and their favourite toys - I wonder if there is an app for that?!

Right a new week begins ... big waves to all.

Tomboy just wanted to give your hand a squeeze - I completely get the whole do I hold off but if I hold off then I will that much older and so on the wrong side of 35 ... If I was being sensible I should rightfully stop trying for the next 6 months until our house is well underway and I won't be moving in with a small baby to live in a tent on a building site!! I just can't bring myself to actively not conceive - so I am leaving it up to the whims of fate!

I think I've thought of one but need to check whether it's been used

Speaking of names, AandRmum I've always read the AandR bit as in A&R, Artists and Repertoire in a record company, very rock chick. When you first joined I think you did something like go to work with icing sugar on you and I was going to make a joke about the industry being used to white powder and then thought better of it. Seeing we were strangers n'all

Lily are you still lurking? you asked ages ago about CB ovulation kit or monitor? I don't think I replied but I use the fertility monitor, although go through phases of not. I normally start it up after a miscarriage (how horrible to use the word 'usually' and 'miscarriage' in the same sentence), as I want to know whether my cycles are back to normal or not in the early months. Once things settle down or I get bored/annoyed/too skint I stop but that's because once I'm in a pattern I tend to stick in it and be quite regular. I like it because you use FMU and it gives you 'High' and 'Peak' readings, high is when you're likely to be in fertile phase and Peak is the LH surge, i.e. ovulation is imminent. Means you can time things quite well if that's problem with DH (as it was for us) and gives you a bit of warning.

MummyA that must have been harrowing - gosh, I hope the little boy comes through it all unscathed. We've been very careful with meds/vitamins etc ever a friend had a similar episode with a tablet her DH takes at every meal. They didn't know how much (if any) their child had taken but it was very worrying.

Tigger lovely to see you and congratulations on the birth of your twins. It must be very hard to have them back in the hospital, do make sure you're taking care of yourself while caring for them as well, being overtired and anxious will make expressing even harder than it already is. Have you looked into hospital-grade pumps already? I always found hand expressing quite hard, although in the very early days I had to because DS seemed completely at a loss about what to do (so much for 'it's natural'..and he was huge!) Good luck and do keep posting here. I like that we have people at lots of different stages. Helps remind us that it does work sometimes

Mouse and Tina sorry that this cycle didn't work out. The age gap worries me too, as me and my siblings are all very close in age. But my DH has 7 years between him and his brother and it seems fine. I feel extremely lucky that DS has never ever asked me about a brother or sister or a baby. Even when his CM was pregnant it didn't seem to occur to him that it was something that might happen in our family. He's been to scans where we've had the bad news as well but seemed satisfied with the explanation that mummy was very sad, we've never gone into more detail than that. It must be very hard dealing with those questions and giving the kind, sensible, answers when inside you're asking the exact same ones 'When will there be a baby in my tummy'?

I am feeling very strange about this pg. I'm going through the motions. I think that's the best way to describe it. I've called the recurrent pregnancy loss clinic here to ask about my referral, I've made an appointment with the GP, I'm taking my aspirin and injecting my heparin and gagging on the enormous prenatal vitamin. And I'm reading my Professor Regan's Miscarriage book and trying to reassure myself but really, my odds aren't great so it feels a bit pointless and most of the time I feel a bit numb. So...day by day I guess.

Oooo I like being a rock chick LadyB Sounds like you are - very understandably - protecting yourself. Complete denial sounds like the right option for the moment as you can't do anything more than you are doing - and we most certainly can't call ourselves strangers anymore - you all know more about my inner life than anyone in RL methinks!!

AandR I'm more of a cakes and aprons girl than trendy cafe but I like the connection! (and the cafe name)

ladybee when will you feel a bit more confident about your pregnancy? I know that none of us will totally believe it till we're holding a baby (and that's when a whole new kind of worry starts!) but when are your milestones? I know that we're all encouraging this one to stick.

Well today's dd. I can't say that I slept well last night. Added to that my colleague had a little boy yesterday and af and her cramps are with me properly so not a good day! I might take 5 minutes out from the packing/laundry/house sorting to visit my little one's shrub (which flowered weeks earlier than it was meant to)

Tina and mouse sorry to hear about your disappointment this month. Hopefully next cycle will be the time! I have a good feeling about my next cycle, so maybe we'll all get there together Strange really considering ov for this cycle isn't until the weekend, but it's just a feeling I have - that it won't be this time.
Tina , ((hugs)) today, 5 mins to yourself sounds lovely, I hope you get to do it and it helps you a bit.

MummyA that sounds awful! You poor things, hope everyone involved is feeling better soon, and the little boy makes a full recovery.

I have to agree with everyone who said about enjoying time as a family of 3, but having the feeling that something's missing. My dd wouldn't have been until November, but it seems everywhere I go I'm seeing pg bumps and newborns and sometimes it's so hard. The wife of a family member is due in a couple of weeks' time, then a friend of a friend a couple of weeks after that, I think I'll find them difficult, especially since neither were planned . The family member's wife in fact didn't even want any more It's totally irrational, but I sometimes think, why should she get a baby when I was the one who really wanted one?? God, I feel so selfish!

Anyway, hi to everyone (sorry if I've missed anyone out, my memory is awful so I've probably forgotten half of what I read before posting!)

Hello ladies, today I am exhausted after yesterday's Thomas party triumph. I made a 3D Thomas cake, courgette muffins, beetroot brownies, mini cupcakes, train shaped sandwiches, train shaped biscuits. We had a bbq for the adults and my mum cooked some more lovely food. The house was decorated with some Thomas wall stickers, Thomas balloons, blue streamers and some Thomas face masks. DS had a whale of a time, eating mainly cake the whole day and passed out half an hour after everyone left and that was him done for the day!

I think I wanted to prove to everyone what can be achieved when you're a family of three - great big OTT birthday parties for your precious only child.

I was 7 weeks yesterday. Feeling a bit more symptomy than I have done before, which is temporarily reassuring, but only makes me freak out when they disappear.

Ladybee Big squeeze for you. Denial is how I dealt with it for the first few weeks, but I'm finding the last few days it's been quite difficult to stop thinking about it. Hope you get a similar few weeks respite before the proper mentalling starts.

mouse my last cycle was 50 days long. This one would have been around 46/47 days. I really do recommend acupuncture if you've not tried it.

Tina hugs for you on your due date too . I have never been pg on a DD either, but I find once it's passed I can start looking forward again.

tigger lovely to hear from you, hope the little fella's feeding picks up soon.

mummya that stomach pumping episode sounds like a nightmare, glad the little boy was ok in the end...I have so many pills lying around the house (pregnacare, steroids, metformin, aspirin, vit d, progesterone), DS knows they're 'mummy's medicine' and has stopped asking to try them - but I do worry that he might get curious again. He's entirely capable of getting a chair and climbing up into whatever cupboard he wants to if he's really determined. Makes me think we need a lockable medicine cabinet.

Right, just working up the courage to tell my boss today. I have a shoot the day after my scan and I really need to be prepared to hand that over if it's bad news.

When is your scan Digi?

Scan is next Wednesday, I normally opt for a Friday but St Marys only run the clinic on Weds. Otherwise it's my local epu and I'm hoping to avoid going there this time.

Told boss - he's a new boss so had to say why I was telling him ie history of mc, might need two weeks off etc. He was lovely. Feel a bit sick now.

Good luck digi.

I hope you get to next stage of st marys as I thought post natal had really improved since I had ds.

What do you think? It's a little tiny bit optimistic but remains true to my roots

Tina big huge squeeze from me for the passing of your due date. I hope you spent some time marking it in some way and allowing yourself to grieve for the hopes and dreams you lost along with the pregnancy.

EdCullOW that's very odd having such strong feelings before you've ovulated. I can't remember being convinced beforehand, just afterward. Anyway, I hope you're wrong but if you're right maybe it won't sting so much. Fingers crossed for both things.

Digi sounds like an amazing party, well done! And thank goodness for DMs huh? I don't think I would have survived my DS's party in April before we left, if my DM hadn't been lurking in the background pulling all the loose ends together, replenishing food, herding children, setting up cupcakes. I feel absolutely sure that you'll will eventually be throwing OTT parties twice a year , and why not? When they get to the age when they actually know what a party is, it's such a huge thrill!

I go through phases each day of obsessing and then pushing myself to get up and get on. But I think that's ok. I'm not worrying too much about worrying IYSWIM. And I feel happier with my decision to keep the news to myself now.
I'm sure it'll get harder as it goes on though, there's more at stake as you get closer to the 'safe' zone. Where is it for you?

I hadn't really thought about my milestones, but I think the big one is probably 8-9 weeks with a positive scan at that point. I've lost at 5 1/2 weeks previously, but the others I've seen HBs at 6-7 weeks but stopped developing after that at about 8 weeks - and either miscarried naturally (9 1/2 wks) or had ERPC.

I have had some positive news though. On Monday I called the Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Clinic that I'd been referred to see what was going on with the referral and spoke to a nurse there to let her know that I was pg, my history etc. She spoke to the consultant and called me back the next day to let me know they were happy to care for me. She outlined the care, basically they want me to have serial HCG tests to check the levels are increasing and then if everything looks good they'll get me in for a scan at 5-6 weeks. After that they run a weekly scanning clinic, on Thursdays, and it's basically up to me whether I go every week or fortnightly. I have to say, I've been extremely impressed with how efficient and kind they seem. There was no losing my referral, no dithering about the lack of testing on their terms, she faxed a test request directly to the bloodtesting centre (which is separate from the hospital, there are centres in most suburbs, I went to the one opposite my local library). When i got to the centre they had the test form and gave me a repeat card so I can go in again easily. It does take away a lot of stress and bother when the system seems to work smoothly.
Anyway, I've had the results of the tests I requested myself on Saturday, and the nurse called me today (called me!) with yesterday's results. And as far as I can see everything looks fine, I'll have another test tomorrow:

Saturday test: 3+6

Progesterone: 68.9 nmol/L
HCG: 450 IU/L

Tuesday test: 4+2
HCG: 1600 IU/L

I'm very relieved about the progesterone result, I think I'll monitor that one myself. My worry is that because I have PCOS, my corpus luteum might not work as well as it should and might give up the ghost before the placenta kicks in properly. I've always felt my symptoms lessen before the MC is found and my luteal phase was on the short side. It's a theory, at least, but as I've only got 35 days of progesterone supplements and no guarantee of convincing a GP to prescribe more, I'd rather not take them unless I see the level stop tracking normal levels. MummyA you're always very good at researching/assessing information - what do you think about this strategy?

LadyMaybe you look lovely in your new name Those HCG levels look great! I plugged them in here www.babymed.com/tools/hcg-calculator (guessing that 3+6 is about 15 DPO?) and you have a lovely chart with the best word ever: "normal"

I am so pleased you are getting such good care, I found the repeat HCG a real help anxiety wise, and because I knew that mc-baby was small for dates, seeing one that was growing "normally" made all the difference to my hope levels. So if I have understood right, they will keep monitoring HCG but not progesterone levels? If this is a concern to you, then I would push them to monitor it, that way if it drops and you want to supplement, you will have less stress about getting them to agree treatment because it will be based on their results. Might as well put all those "fight the system" skills that you learned in the UK to good use and push for a bit more than you are currently getting. I think at this stage after so many mc's, you probably know a lot more than most of the nurses/doctors you will be dealing with. I have some more info, will PM you in a minute.

digi party sounds fab, well done you!! xxx

Tina hugs from me for you dd, its a very sad time but as ladyMaybe says its a time to reflect and remember, dont be afraid to have a good cry and let some of the grief out. xxx

ladymaybe like it! very enigmatic!
The RMC situation there sounds amazing. So well organised, helpful and considerate. So unlike how it is here.

I'm taking progesterone anyway. I have no idea whether my progesterone was low in the first place, but it's a standard part of Mr S's treatment. The only thing I've noticed that's different this time is that my boobs are heavier, but I'm not lactating (my milk always came in within days of a bfp last time). However a couple of other ladies on the pred thread said that they didn't get heavy boobs on the progesterone and they went onto miscarry. So I'm hoping that actually my body is doing what it's supposed to do and the progesterone is just giving it a little boost rather than masking something horribly wrong. Maybe it's worth asking the RMC if they will prescribe it for you seeing as you have a prescription for it from your previous doctor.

In terms of milestones I can't really think beyond the scan next week, I'll be 8+2 which is when I started bleeding last time, baby measured 8+1. I'd had headaches for two days, and a hot burning feeling in my womb but had no idea what that meant just thought it was a 'symptom'.

I'm not sure how reassured I'll feel if the scan is ok. I think it's because I can't imagine it being ok. I want it to be ok though. I've continued making plans as though it's going to be ok. My boss asked if I wanted to hand the shoot over anyway, regardless of the scan outcome. I'm not sure what to do. It's not that physical, there'll be a lot of standing around and it will be mentally taxing, but there's no walking for miles or going on rollercoasters like my last shoot.

Hello from France...mil has taken dd for a walk so I'm making the most of the peace!

Loving the new name ladybee, it's great that the rm treatment over there is so good, I hope that you are feeling a bit more reassured.

That party sounds lovely digital, what a lovely thing to do for your ds. He's a very lucky little boy. Your new boss sounds fabulous too, one less thing to worry about is definitely a good thing.

I had a good cry yesterday and spent some time thinking about things in the few quiet moments I had before leaving for the ferry. It certainly helped. I've decided to try to chill out a bit this month...I've stopped taking the pre conception vits and wont be buying any guaiphenesin or opk sticks, I am carrying on with the charting though because I like to know where I am but at least it's free

Hello all.

ladymaybe love the new name. I too have liked the lady bit, so pleased to hear that you are sticking with it. Glad to hear that the service over there seems first class. Always a relief not to have to fight for what you want. In terms of progesterone, is it different to the cream and stuff you get off Amazon? Would that work too?

digi your party sounds fab, and I must have the beetroot brownies recipe, 'tis such a bizarre but scrummy combination! Glad ds had a good day, it sounds like a lovely time was had. It does sound like the progesterone is helping too. I don't know what bbb's experiences of it and pg were, but it sounds promising, you could always ask her on Bookface though if you have concerns?

tina sorry that this wasn't your month. I hope that the idea of relaxing helps you get through this next one. It was certainly in the 3 months after I chilled out a lot that I got pg this time.

mouse sorry that this wasn't your month either. DS will be 5 when this baby comes along. It's bigger gap than I had ever hoped, but I can see that it's not the end of the world now, a protective older brother, a mummy helper, no childcare costs for ds, quality time with baby when ds at school, and so on. Silver linings, I suppose.

ma that sounds like a horrible ordeal for the poor mite, and indeed all concerned.

Back to the hosp for the heart scan tomorrow. A fraction anxious, but mainly hopeful. I can feel the little monkey wriggling, which is reassuring. been so busy with mini-dissertation uni thing, but the end is in sight- mid October!

Waves to all, hope everyone well. izz are you still away?

Hi All - ladymmm lovely new name - if I had bought the skirt I wanted to buy from Monsoon it would be a proper twirl - I have decided that a bfn this month = purchase of new clothing - the autumn colours almost make the shorter days worthwhile!!

This is a wholly me post - apologies in advance. Have had a run in with Kingston Hospital today - I am just so sick of having to fight on all sides - I am still waiting for final clearance on my thyroid - after botching the first effort, I was then unable to change the next appointment due to a board meeting to determine whether I was to have my contract extended. Now 8 months later radiology has lost my referral and I have start all over again as they consider I was a no show despite phoning them three times desperate to change the slot. I have also heard nothing from the rmc doctor about next steps and at work I am being given the cold shoulder by the client because I protested during a meeting when a male colleague said 'The girls have over complicated things - don't worry I will sort them out' to cover the fact that the client didn't understand net present value. Supposedly it is easier to have 'the girls' (the other girl being 50 years old) take the hit than try to explain the data and me protesting was disrespectful to the elderly male !?!..... Why am I wasting my intellect and passion to help some egotistical male move up some mythical ladder ... Is the world truly this banal - I just want to be at home with my beautiful dds who just say it as it is and love me just as I am. Why can't doing the most important role in the world pay the bills?!

For yrmotb Hugh's beetroot brownies. I put more beetroot in and it takes another 3-4 mins longer.

AandR grrrrr on your behalf, shocking sexual discrimination. You could totally have that guy disciplined if you could be bothered. But you have enough on your plate with battling the nhs. Btw, another lady on one of my threads has thyroid probs and it seems to be connected to high nk cells - both auto-immune issues. Have you looked into it?

Tina a break from the pills and poasing sounds like a good idea. Another thing you could try is banning yourself from looking at your chart more than once a week - takes the stress out of temping if you're not scrutinising everyday. I did this when temping during my non ttc cycle and it helped me forget about it.

I'm back and trying to catch up!! Best of luck today - I'll be thinking of you xxx

Still keeping everything crossed for a smooth ride through those stressful early days for digi dachs and ladym - hope you're all managing to stay sane and that we have some more bfps to join you soon!

Am struggling to get back into work mode after nearly 3 weeks off but I guess I'd better get up and get dressed or it's just not going to happen

I've fallen off the thread so helloooo

Will catch up properly when I'm not on my phone but hope everyone is feeling less sad/mental if that's possible.

mouse when are you back at work. I don't want to go back tomorrow!!

lady love the new name

Im not sure how I feel about beetroot brownies! I want to try them but don't want to make a whole batch in case I hate them!

I'm back on Monday velvet but the kids aren't in till Wednesday. I'm dreading it. Don't know if my boss is going to continue to be psycho bitch or be normal again! In a way it's probably a good thing I'm not going back pg again!

In other news...I went to a hospital appointment today for a joint problem I have and the consultant (different to my usual one) was fab. She asked about joints etc and other things that could be linked and if I'd had any recent surgery etc so I told her about all the erpcs I'd had and she's testing me for the sticky blood thing as it could be linked! I can't believe the gynae people didn't run the bloods but my knee doctor will. I felt like crying with gratitude!

Phew! Feels good to get that off my chest!

mouse Yay! for bloods looks like the universe it working with you for once to help you out. xxx

Good luck today velvet