Shh! Don't tell anyone, but the whisky-sodden, foulmouthed, Silk Cut smoking, 30 something etc TTCers are hiding from babydust under a mound of wine bottles - come & join us!

[openerofjars]

And there we go...

Shiny, winy (but never whiny) new thread!

Come on in then, settle down and pass the gin. No baby dust, no huns and no fecking glue, just lethal combinations of dodgy duty free and the confidence to use the word PERIOD required.

Hey jewels I'm good ta. I have done exactly the same as you and convinced myself that my PMS was in fact me definitely up the stick. I kept peeing on sticks and also couldn't work out why they kept saying negative. Of course as it turns out them 3 little sticks for a quid knew a whole lot more than me.
I don't know what to say about your friends, maybe they were scared to acknowledge what you've gone through, didn't want to upset you further.

jewels, I'll put an arm round you instead. It was a bit insensitive of them, I think. They could just as easily have kept quiet about it, at least in your hearing.

Hello socks BTW - sorry I didn't say hi earlier.

How are ya fish?
I'm drinking cider and watching the football. Way too blokey for my liking (well the football-am rather enjoying the cider). I may as well, I'm defo not updiffed-I'm on my period.

ah piss jewels that was bloody insensitive of them, you are being very ok about it. People don't think sometimes, why did they have to discuss it in front of you?

I hear you re PMS - every month my boobs hurt like hell and every month I think ohhhh, maybe just maybe..... even though every month I know why they hurt, I just like to kid myself (and then POS like a women possessed)

I even like to think that the sticks are broken some days, that it might be a dud one.... not sure why (apart from the fact I'm a nob)

hello all sorry I've not really been around much, been too busy at work :(

The whole not monitoring thing is really weird, I have no idea what day I'm on for the first time in over a year so feeling a bit odd. I think I feel better for it, not obsessing about whether to jump mrwino, or whether to leave it another day to increase the spermage....

Have had to 'hide' two girlies on my facebook due to ever increasing pregnancy status updates 'oh I hate this pregnancy, wish I could have wine, wish I wasn't so fat, I'm only 15 weeks and fed up already, when will this baby turn up, it's late I feel awful blah blah blah.... hags!

correction, fat sober hags :)

Thanks you lot

To be honest I feel like a bit of a tosser for putting them up for a slagging for insensitivity because I did actively ask to see my mate's scan photo/instigate that convo. I don't want her pregnancy joy to be inexpressible because I'm sad, but I don't want my sad to be ignored because of her joy (you get me?) I just wanted to be able to celebrate that at the same time/in the same moment. But maybe that came over like I was too ok about it all and threw them off the sensitvity scent. Oh well.

Feel better today, much less PMSy. So that's enough malingering from me. I'm buying you all a drink. What you having?

I hear ya jewels. I've got the same ishoo with my preggers mates; I'm happy for them and I want to know how they're getting on, and I don't want them to tiptoe around me, but equally I'd like them to acknowledge that I'm still a bit pissed off about it all! wino, good call on the Facebook. I don't rock that particular social network so I manage to avoid it. Thank fuck for small mercies.

And I've been depressing myself by reading about how at my reproductively ancient age, the few eggs I've got left will be all addled, with only a 77% chance of getting pregnant within 3 years (assuming I shag every 3 days, which seems more tricky than climbing Kilimanjaro in a diving suit), and the chances of problems also being increased by Dr F&J's age (44). It's enough to drive a lass to drink. So thanks, mine's a pint. Of Calvados.

wino, I applaud your not monitoring. My new rules are that I won't POAS until I am at least a week overdue on the ol' period, and other than keeping tabs on the length of my cycle and working out roughly when I might ovulate, I'm not going to do any measuring of any sort. Otherwise I just know I'll get a bit OCD about it all.

O/T, are any of you lot on Twitter? I'm @fishandjam (of course).

jewels you're not a tosser, sometimes you're allowed to be annoyed/bit miffed/pissed off just well, because you feel like it without having to justify yourself to anyone let alone us bunch of freaks so can you kindly let yourself off the hook please?

fish don't read anymore about addling, there is nowt you can do about your age so don't stress about what you can't control. I know it ended sadly but you recently had a BFP so they're not that addled?

NB - If there IS something you could do about your age we could make some serious fucking cash and just buy babies...

I do have a twitter account that I opened a few years ago in my maiden name but I couldn't work out how the feck it worked so have given up using it!

Nearly Friday, whoop! Have no plans for the next two weekends and am so chuffed as we've been mental the last few months!

The following weekend is our first wedding anni and mrwino is taking me away somewhere and I still have no idea where! Therefore am hoping the 2WW will go quickly this month as am focusing on different stuff. Any ingenious ideas for a first wedding anni present? Paper is a toughie?

wino, how about a book? Not v imaginative I know, but at least they're easy to get hold of!

Or - being imaginative - write a poem to your dearest (or find one wot someone else has written) and find someone who can do really good origami, and get them to make it into a swan or something.

Or perhaps tickets to something you both would really like to do? They're paper.

ta fish - have got my thinking cap on

The hospital have sent me through all the dates they would like to play with my Vajayjay so that's good - w/c 26th September the party in my pants starts with a pre op assessment then two days later a dildocam soiree and finally an op on 5th October so will be all done by then.

Hope you all have winefun filled weekends my lovelies

chink!

Yy, Bit late but I second the origami poem swan idea. Have a lovely anniversary, now.

All those delightful appointments sound tres genteel. wino I do hope you've thought about what all the best dressed fanjos will be wearing this season?

In my genital related news, I am having the mother of all periods (mark 2) & have bought me a piss computer. So that's a guaranteed june baby for me, which providing it comes on time will squeak in just before I hit older first mother status. And if it comes a bit late I will be an older mother it will be the third generation born on 16th june and I will be able to sell my story to take a break magazine for £50.

fish I'm not a tweeter but mr j&b is and I looked at yr profile [stalker] and I'm one of them too. Shit job jinx! And Kilimanjaro isn't even that high. Fact.

Right, am off to do some weekending -

Laters lovelies.

Jewels, ALL the best people have "elderly primigravida" written on their pregnancy notes. Jo Brand, Mariella Frostrup, me...

I had the opposite. My notes with my first clearly said too young and stupid to have a baby written on them!

Hehe socks. Mine probably said too old and stupid!!

jewels, re Twitter, I'm not sure why you needed to whisper about being one of them. Being a cat owner is nothing to be ashamed of, you know.

Laters dudes - I've got a work offsite to go to today. Let joy be unconfined.

ok, I'm just going to say it....

If one more FUCKING person on facebook posts that stupid 'I'm 8 weeks and craving pickles' or whatever I am going to lose it.

How the fuck does that raise awareness about cancer? It is total utter bollocks and it is making me unusually tearful.

sorry, had to get that out!

and had to give my seat up for a smiley 'baby on board' badge wearing hoebag today :(

Time to de-lurk and beg the blessings of the nicotine stained, gin sodden, gentle folk.

I'm just scraping the whole "thirty something" side of it but am more than willing to ply such a tasteful lot as yourselves with alcohol, fags and any amount of cake should you see fit to accept me.

(I also apparently have an overwhelming bounty of FSH which am more than happy to pass along in the spirit of generosity. Don't say I didn't offer.)

Realise there is a strict requirement to fill in the questionnaire and will get right on that if my generous offerings are to be accepted.

filly you are most welcome (the booze and cake combo helps)

here, have a welcome tequila slammer

Now, I need to issue you with your standard issue glass for booze consumption within these walls

may it never be empty....

Welcome filly. Finished your tequila slammer? Want another one? Good. Here you go.

My grouchbag state today was intially deepened by meeting a new work colleague who is UTD with twins. But I felt deeply ashamed of being such a miserable old scrote when I found out that this is after 5 failed rounds of IVF and a total of 9 miscarriages. Puts my minor mishap in perspective.

Thank you muchly for the welcome and my bucket is a thing of beauty. Are we calling it a "slammer" when it's delivered via bucket??
I'm thinking "hammer" may be the better description.

I'm going to have to excuse myself for this evening now. I've managed to google myself to the point of nausea and must step away from the computer slowly and calmly.

FISH I hereby absolve you of the guilt of grouchbag in my capacity of new bird. A tequila hammer is your penance, with a quick gin chaser of course.

Hello filly.
I'm afraid I'm sticking to cider tonight, but I'll have one of your cigs

No grouchbag state here today, I'm brimming with positiveness which quite frankly is sickening, but hey ho-I'll ride with it for a bit.

Oh go on icook, sure it'd be rude not to join you in a fag, please take a few.
Brim away with the positivity and maybe it'll rub out some of the nasty lies truth that google has drilled into me .

No longer brimming with positiveness. I have D&V

Alright gang, I'm still here just been doing me some seriously silly hours at the cattery. No time for nuffink. Welcome filly make yourself at home, feel better socks

Oh & you too wino - don't think you get away with it

Don't let the hoebags get you down.

Alright lovelies!

Good weekends all?

Not got much to say, coming to the end of the 2WW, CD26 and have the sorest bouzzwammers in the world and 2 BFNs. Bummer!

Oh well, off to Edinburgh for a dirty weekend to celebrate first wedding anni so would have been gutted to miss all the champers and cocktails mrwino has planned!

Up yours womb!!! See, I don't even care that much this month! So nerrrr

here, I made some mojitos

Good morning Mumsnetters!

Reasonable weekend for me, thanks (today's my Monday, due to my part-time worker status). Ate lots of cake and drank too much. Still awaiting the reappearance of periods post-hoovering, but I'm now 4 weeks post-op so with any luck they'll be here soon. At least I feel physically better - felt like puppy shite for ages.... Meantime, I'm going back onto the austerity measures as I appear to have gained 8 lbs in the last few months, which is not to be tolerated. So wine's off, neat spirits are on.

wino, I hope you get roundly spoiled in Edinburgh. Happy anniversary! Myself and Dr F&J gave up celebrating anniversaries years ago - now we just do a takeaway and a bottle of fizzy wine - so it's nice to hear someone who still does the romantic thing.