Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

Tooimmature2bemum at Georgies follow up appointment my lovely consultant discussed options if/ when I became pregnant again she offered a section at 37 weeks. I had no qualm having a section I delivered Georgie vaginally and I just want the least stressful way of delivery. When we saw our consultant this week she again offered me either way to deliver at just over 37 weeks but seeing as 2 of my HVS ( high vaginal swabs) have been group B strep + I m having IV antibiotics pre section and there's no way I m risking transferring GBS via vaginal delivery, I ll worry about future babies post this one and see what happens then . Take care xxx I ve also had luteal support, as I did with Georgie, early scabs from 6 weeks every 2 weeks scans at 12 weeks, 16 weeks. Then 4 weekly scans from 24 weeks and as I work on the same trust I can " pop" in to see my consultant when ever I want, also seeing my MW every 2 weeks. I think it s vitally important to have a supportive care package in place when you ve experienced a stillbirth. I also re- referred myself back to my counsellor , although not managed to actually see her yet for a variety of reasons!!!( culminating in having to leave work today to attend the vets as our darling, beautiful cat had to ve put to sleep) it never rains but pours.
Take care xxxx

Hi again, at our Sands we just talk about how we've been feeling and how things are when things have came up such as any results etc. It's mostly a pretty positive place to be and like someone said it's the one place where you can be your baby's mum or dad and say your child's name. I'm so glad I've found this thread, it's good to know I'm not alone. I'm also glad that some of you are pregnant also, it gives me hope for the future. xx

HoresygirL hope is all we have left in the end. I , too, found when reading other' s stories about subsequent pregnancies gave me hope there was some tiny sliver of light at the end of the very dark tunnel.
Xxxxx

Hope, i live for hope. All i think about is being pregnant again, bringing home a living baby, being a family. But my life so far has been shit. It is so ironic how things panned out. My mum did giving birth to me, my daughter died inside me. I failed them both.

jane ~((((((hugs)))))) life is shit sometimes, I often have moments like this too, everything my Dh and I seam to touch goes wrong, even when we do everything right. We seam to have really bad luck.

We didnt fail though jane, you didnt fail.

Oh Jane, I just want to give you a big hug! You sound like you've had a tough journey. But you didn't fail Zoe and you didn't fail your mum either. Green, I spend all my life trying to reassure DH that everything he touches doesn't go to shit. I still believe that, most of the time, despite evidence to the contrary. I have faith that we will have more babies, all of us. Now I just have to talk DH out of the 17 that he wants...

Angel, your poor cat! Thanks for the info about birth options, and you too, Cheese. I lay awake for hours last night worrying about the next baby during labour - I may be jumping the gun here ever so slightly!

Oh im so sorry about your cat angel i was a bit self obsessive there, oops sorry girls. I don't often rant, must be the hormones.

I am going to be at a loose end for the next 7 weeks, the schools break up today for summer and i have no kids ( im a childminder) until the new term. I only do after school care at the min as i dont think i can cope with babies/toddlers just now. Ah well no excuses for me, i had better start planning my wedding with less that 5 months to go ............

You can do it Janedoe! 5 months is loads of time. xx

jane congrats on getting married! Yay. You planning a big one?

We went to finland to get married in a ice chapel, just the two of us, it was very special. How many people can say they toobogened for their honeymoon.

Told my DH last night about your experiences spilt he was a bit concerned for us as we havnt had the post mortem results but then we discussed it and thought theres nothing we can do now except wait to see if we have BFP this month. Weve had enough of what ifs, for the past so what iff- ing for the future is not going to help either. Take it as it comes is my moto at the moment.

jane ranting is allowed here Hope the wedding planning goes well. I went to get a wedding dress about 3 months before my wedding and every place I went laughed at me. As if I was completely deluded that I could get a dress with only 3 months to go! I'm not sure how you're supposed to get one a year before and not change shape at all in the intervening period, so I thought I was being sensible. Good luck

angel sorry about your cat. :( I had a bad pet year last year - we have two dogs and two cats and we thought we were going to lose both dogs last year - one had a back problem and it looked like she was going to be paralysed in her back legs and the other one had a random disease that the vets couldn't diagnose and lost so much weight that he was just skin and bone and very ill. Luckily both of them are ok now.

I went to see my lovely obstetrician yesterday for a post-birth check up. When we said we were going to have another go at IVF and we wanted him to be our doctor again he teared up. If we ever manage to get pg again he's going to put in a stitch at about 14 weeks and give me a scan every week. I got a bit emotional myself and said that I felt like it was never going to happen and that everything always goes wrong (honeymoon - broke arm badly and needed two operations to fix it and nerve damage that meant I couldn't feel it or move it for nearly a year. replacement honeymoon - broke ankle on first day. tried to get pg for 7 years, eventually managed it and had mmc at 8 weeks, then unsuccessful IVF, then successful IVF where I lost the twins at 20 weeks). So although I'm trying to be positive, I'm feeling a bit depressed and hopeless really. Although I'm trying to hold on to the fact that IVF was successful once so it can be again. And my body must be a lot healthier now than when I had the successful IVF as I haven't had any alcohol or any chocolate or caffeine for over 6 months and I've lost a lot of weight since I had the twins, but it's hard.

Sorry - got lost in rant of my own there.

determined its so hard to stay positive isn't it? We lost our little boy at 24 weeks due to pre eclapmsia. it can happen again but its less likely to happen as early next time. I also had a mmc after we lost our little boy and I often have days where i just cant see me having a baby to keep.
I have heard that the stitch thing is really effective so fx everything will be fine for you next time. When will you be trying again?

The plan is to try again when my next cycle starts, so late July probably. :)

determined big hugs to you too.

I think everyone has a wronged list, I do
Nearly didnt get married as the worst snow to hit england in in a century fell the night we were to leave! Nearly didnt get a flight the next day either but the lady at the desk felt sorry for me as I sobbed and wailed in front of her.
We tried to get pregnant for 18 months, during this time I found a lump on my cervix, went to the doctor she said it was ok nothing to worry about. Then my periods went crazy ended up having one for 41 days, (bleeding for 41 days isnt nice!) So went to the docs again where I had loads of hormone tests etc, then she decided to send me for an ultrasound, where I found out I had several fibroids in my uterus wall. Turns out the lump I found on my cervix was a fibroid but the other doc didnt think it was enough to tell me.
So thought we would find it even harder to conceive as a wobbly uterine wall is hard for a feotus to attach it self to. But then we fell pregnant! To loose her at 36 weeks, I was in labour went to hospital and was told she was dead, didnt have time to think as labour lasted 2 and half hours.
And now we are living with my parents while we wait for our new build flat to be finished, this keeps being pushed back every month! Its driving me and my husband crazy. Weve been living here for the past 9 months only supposed to be house sitting for 5 while parenst were away.

But hey youve got the keep smiling coz otherwise your go insane!
Got a docs appointment on wednesday, Im going to make them give me an ultrasound, I need to know if my fibroids are still there (as the can disappear after pregnancy) or if they are bigger or smaller than previous.

So Ive got so much on my mind, so my boss trying to get me to go back to work isnt helping!

oh forgot to say i fell down the stairs two weeks and still in agony! Hope this didnt muck up my cycle

Jane, congratulations on the wedding!

Green, ouch, falling down the stairs! Hope you feel better soon. I went back to work 3 weeks ago but have actually spent most of this week off again after that disastrous counselling session. I was going to go to work the day after it and we were sitting eating breakfast and I suddenly burst into tears and couldn't stop, so DH told me to stay home.

Determined and ciwi, it will happen! FX for this cycle for us all.

Oh, looks like it's about to rain, better go grab the washing before it gets soaked!

Thanks for the congratulations! We got engaged last July and were going to wait until Zoe was about 2 to get married, as you know that will never happen. So we decided just to go for it, it's a medium sized wedding with 80 guests. I am in a dilemma about the dress, i am hoping to be pregnant so not sure what style to go for and sizes etc.

We will all go on to have precious babies, fingers corssed it will be sooner that later. x

Hi ladies
green you have had a rough time of things lately, fx everything starts looking up for you very soon, you tell those docs what you want need and don't take no for an answer!
determined July isn't long to wait fx for you
Jane how about empire line floaty thing? Congrats btw, hope you have a major dilemma on what to wear because you have a lovely big bump x
Well I will try and contradict the bad luck stories with my good luck one. On my recent hols I went to Rome and saw the Pope! then a bird did a massive c**p on me in the vatican city - thats got to mean some good luck is on its way!
Here's to positive thinking

haha Ciwi your bird story made me it must have been a sign from above

ciwi sorry but

Never quite believed that getting crapped on from a great height is good luck...but will gladly take the !

jane - echoing ciwi on the dress/bump dilemma! Wouldn't that be a lovely problem to have!

dachs - good that your dogs are okay now! My dog tried to kill himself last August by headbutting a gate instead of jumping over it - damaged his spinal cord, was paralysed in all 4 limbs for about 10 days and in vet hospital, not looking good, and then suddenly one day was up on his feet again and has never looked back! Limps a bit but can still race around and chase balls. All I can say is thank goodness for pet insurance.

I may be clutching at straws too but you have to take the positive out of every situation and as it was a holy bird (Vatican city resident) i think it counts all the more. Will let you all know if I get my BFP this month!
jane and blue it was quite funny and I have been telling the tale as if it was some kind of devine moment - lol.
My little dog also ended up in the vets last year as she ate some neurofen which gave her some slight liver damage that she has thankfully gotten over now. Not proud of having a pill popping pooch, she has rehabilitated now but probably only becasue we keep all tablets well away from her. She trots into the vets like they are all her best mates too, not phased at all by her near death experience!

for the bird story - I hope the holy bird does indeed bring you luck. FX for a BFP for you!

Looks like we've all had pet crises recently. Pet insurance is a wonderful thing. Glad most of the pooches seem to be recovered now. Let's hope they don't give us any more trouble - this trying to get pg malarkey is hard enough without pet problems being thrown into the mix as well!

I'm off to Venice next week - I wonder whether there will be any holy birds that fly up from the Vatican City to crap on me from on high...

It being a Friday I think we should all grab one of ciwi's (although I had two glasses of wine yesterday and have had a hangover all day so maybe it's not such a good idea to have another one! ) Not sure why I had a hangover - it's not like I had that much to drink - I guess not having any for 6 months has seriously damaged my ability to quaff like I used to!

at holy birds!

Yes, the is calling to me too...and it might be my last chance for 9 months and beyond (no when breastfeeding, you know!). Here's hoping, anyway. Diet? What diet?

oohh, im going to join you all with the , im on holiday for 2 weeks ah, can you here the peace and quiet?

Im going to visit our friends tonight and their new baby, i will be ok (repeats to self)!

I'll have a j20 instead been teetotal for the past two years when trying to get pregnant and being pregnant so seams strange to start drinking again.

Dachs you lucky thing going to Venice, it is beautiful. I loved it there, and theres plenty of holy places there too so maybe a crap from on high from one of the st marco squares famous flapping residents could be lucky too! Do see if you can take a gonala ride, they are expensive but you can get them cheap if you go on a tour. They are cheeky chappies, and you might get one that sings!

Our poor pets have had it rough, my little hamster died a few weeks ago, bless her she was all tucked up in her bed. I did cry. Wish I had a dog my DH doesnt like them! (woes of being a postie!)