Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

It is so frustrating isn't it cheese. I am sick of waiting for my bleeding to start!

angel did you recognise anyone? I met someone from the SANDS forum. Ha ha my DF also wondered if i would meet anyone from MN! We went to the SANDS balloon release in Glasgow a few weeks ago and i met a few ladies from another forum, it was so strange because i felt like had known them forever!

Hi everyone,
cheese know what you mean about the squinting at lines hence my plan this month to use ic's and check with a cb digi when i think i am. the original plan was to not use ov sticks at all but that went out of the window straight away. can see myself going back to the cbfm next month if i don't get my bfp this month. am so impatient x
I have heard about the stones in the sands garden, it's meant to be lovely. Bit far for me though but I will have to go one day, maybe for my little boy's birthday. Right - need to work now, and not spend the day mooching on here, feel like i have zero concentration in work as it is without distracting myself on purpose!

SANDS are brilliant - not so keen on the forum these days as it is just a little bit too sad :-( That said sometimes that is exactly what you need at times. Joined MN as it is a bit more hopeful if that makes sense. I liked the SANDS meetings also but sometimes when everyone else (at the group I attend) seems to have at least one child - it can be a bit lonely also. I'll always be grateful for SANDS and in truth I don't think I'd be here without them.

horsey what happens at the meetings? I would like to attend but im a bit scared to. I don't go on the SANDS forum much now i like you find it too sad to read about everyones sad stories. In the early days of grief i would torture myself reading them.

day 24 of the cycle (sounds like big brother maybe should do this in a geordie accent) Still not sure if I have ovulated yet so sticking to the tests a least for a few more days.

Cant help with the symptom spotting (need to slap myself really) feeling a bit dizzy not focussed. Felt like this when I was last pg. But trying not to get my hopes up. If I am on track then I should have my period on day 31/32 so just over a week to find out. If I do then as least I know Im getting back to normal and I should be able to count my cycle days better, which is a plus.

God why do we put ourselves through this, why cant there be an easier way like animals, they know when they are on heat. We have no bloody clue have to rely on pee! Just so civilised, peeing on sticks for ovulation, peeing on sticks to see bfn/bfp. And then when we do get a BFP we have to spend the next nine months peeing into small containers, carrying them around with us and handing them to strangers!

How is everyone this morning anyway?

Morning all :) How is everyone today?

I'm having a really strange cycle - TMI alert:

Positive on OPK on Saturday. Red bleeding today. Too early for implantation or AF, so what is it? Anyone got any ideas? It's freaking me out a bit.

morning.

determined i am not sure what that is but after my late mc in march my cycles were alot shorter than previous and also alot shorter

didnt sleep very well at all last night, my DH thinks i am worrying too much. went to the drs and they are refering me to the midwife with recommendations of scans at 12 wk, 16wk, 18 wk, 20 wk, 24 wk and 34wk and asprin from 12 weeks so it will be a bit of a wait now till that first scan as i think i have found out really early and only around 3-4wks at the moment.

well i now have the horrendous task of sorting my daghters clothes out (she has 3 times the amount of clothes i have)

Morning guys!

I haven't been to SANDS yet, but after my disastrous session with the bereavement counsellor on Tuesday I thought perhaps they would be better.

Oh, while I remember, did any of you sign this petition: www.gopetition.com/petitions/stop-the-stillbirth-scandal-join-grazia-and-sands-cam.html ? I have just found and signed it while Googling SANDS, but other people had already mentioned it to me.

Don't have any helpful ideas, Dachs, but hopefully all will become clear to you soon!

Shakey - virtual hand holding for you! I think if when I get my BFP I will be a nervous wreck. Question: I thought BFP could only happen a maximum of 4 days before your period was due? Does that mean you could be further along than you think? The consultant at my review session said that if I was really nervous or really thought it might be twins, given my family history, she would arrange an 8 week scan for me. Maybe yours could do the same.

Green - laughing at your Big Brother Geordie accent comment!

i dont think i am further along, since my mc my cycle has been around 28days when prev was around 34days, i only took the test as i had a wierd feeling (not sure how to describe it as not sickness or sore boobs or usual symtoms - i just felt pregnant) . i used a first responce test which apparantly according to the box can be used 6 days before period due, however when i get to see my MW in a couple of weeks will mention fact that my cycle has been very wierd and see if they will do a dating scan at 8 wks. or maybe will try one of those CB tests that give the dates

Hi all!
I'm marking my spot for later on
wishing you all good luck in conceiving a pretty rainbow baby!

Just want a little rant about the midwife who visited us on Tuesday... Day after giving birth to our angel baby Sterre.
She was replacing my community midwife and she just said some strange things. Luckily I talked it through with my DH afterwards and feel better about it now.
First strange thing she said was that she would be worried if I wasn't crying. Thought that was a bit silly. I mean there are moments I don't cry, like when my friends where around. I can be strong...
Second thing she said after I ask how long it would take to have my normal periods back was that I shouldn't start trying for at least 3 months! She meant it as in emotional I won't be ready for it! Bloody hell woman (I thought) how can you know how I feel...

My DH and I agreed we will start trying as soon as my body has recovered... please let it be soon, so I can join you all here!

Love to all of you x

blue midwives never know what to say, mine didnt, though she was nice. They will each tell you different things on when to get pregnant again, and your deff right to wait till your ready. And they dont know that.

I knew as soon as I had my period that I was ready, I had been doing my exercises for after brith and taking vitamins so I feel fine bodily. I am a little fragile mentally but I dont think this will ever go away, of course the next pregnancy is going to be hard and stress but sometimes you have to be practical and a little determined to get through it. (Im having a really strong day to day!) Maybe I should wait for a little while longer but I dont think I can. So you do what you and your DH think is best, take what the doctors say in good faith but way it all up and decide yourself.

join us anyway as a waiting for ttc! (if you feel ready of course)

determined can your bleeding be ovulation bleeding? Have I heard right that this can happen?

Morning everyone, hope it's ok to drop in and say hello. I know most of you from other threads, but those I haven't spoken to I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful babies.

My DD, Bobbie, was born sleeping at 20 weeks in October last year. She was my first child. I'm now nearly 32 weeks with her little sister and still terrified/in denial/refusing to count chickens etc. It's such a different pregnancy and really draining emotionally.

shakey massive congratulations on your BFP! Lovely news, everything crossed for you.

AngelGeorgie I like your new name . I stalked you a bit a couple of days ago to see how you were getting on - so so chuffed to see you've had a good 20 week scan and congratulations on GILS! When's she due?

Dachs after Bobbie was born my first cycle was a bit bonkers. I bled for nearly 2 weeks post delivery and then I ovulated on about day 30 after her birth which is very late for me (usually a CD12-14 person). But then my period turned up about 6-7 days after ovulation. I spoke to a couple of MNers who had similar cycles after losses - late ov, very short LP. After AF I then had some random spotting through the follicular phase of the next cycle and looked it up in Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which suggested that the spotting is often a sign of an inadequate luteal phase in the previous cycle (all added up!). So basically I think it was a haywire hormone thing. I did then conceive on the next cycle so it doesn't necessarily take ages for your hormones to get back into sync.

Very best of luck to you all x

Wow spilt 32 weeks! Where has the time went?

AF is in the building, im glad as at least i know now that i am not pg! It is only my second AF since giving birth so i am not surprised it has been funny. Roll on the next cycle!

Fingers crossed for you all x

Hi all,
On my lunch break now so I can sneak on here again.
horsey I am with you on the sands forum, my OH banned me from it as i just found it too sad but couldn't help going on there. I am glad i have found this thread because I don't feel like the mc threads are for me but the sands forum is often very negative and i need to be around more positive, forward thinking people atm (hope that doesnt offend anyone)
too and jane I go to local sands meetings and its just really a group of women like us talking about general stuff and giving support. ours isnt sad at all (although we do sometimes cry) we mostly talk about day to day things and how we feel but in a general conversation and not too deep. I like it because I can say how i feel without worrying if people will take it the wrong way or think i am being mean iykwim?
green would be nice if concieving was easier, i often think it would be nice if we could just lay eggs or something and then go and pick our babies up when they are ready to hatch!
blue don't get me started on midwives, I will take up the whole page. Try again when you are ready, only you will know when that is x
shakey can't wait to join you with a bfp but i don't envy the worry it brings. Glad your doc is willing to be supportive and request extra scans x
Well, back to work I go. Off for acupuncture later which usually wipes me out, but hopefully it will help x

Blue, so many different doctors or midwives have said different things to me about trying again! The doctors seem to fall into the category of 'not yet, you aren't emotionally ready yet', whereas the midwives have generally been a bit better (for me) and said it is entirely up to me, whenever I feel ready, although it is advised to wait for your period first. If the doctors knew how much the whole TTC thing spins around in my head I think they might change their minds. Anyway, I am a strong subscriber to the 'only you can know when you're ready' theory. I know having a new baby won't be all jam - for one thing, not having had a (live) baby before, it will only be then that I really start to realise what I missed with Thea. But there's no way around that - I could wait 5 years and still be sad when I did give birth again. And I can't wait 5 years. I don't even want to wait one cycle (please please please let it be this one!), although I am trying my hardest to be sensible about that.

Okay, rant over! Sorry people.

Hi Spilt! Wow, 32 weeks! I am so pleased for you (and a little bit !)

TooImm you rant away. This is where we can do that.

Im so happy for you Spilt not long to wait at all really but then again the waiting is the worst! Can i ask a question? Did you fall pregnant pretty much straight away, sorry Im really crap at math!

blue everyone feels different - some want to take a break and can't face a pregnancy yet and some are desperate to be pregnant again. If doctors/midwives are trying to push one way of thinking on you then that's not right, you will know what is right for you. The only thing I would say is you might want to consider whether you go for it immediately or whether you wait until any results are back from Sterre's birth.

Hope it's ok to share my experience of this:
We waited until I got my first period and then ttc on the next cycle. Had a couple of days of SWI, then had the consultant appointment to go over the results from Bobbie's birth. They found she had probably died because I had a raging toxoplasmosis infection. Because of this we were strongly advised to wait 6 months before ttc to ensure the active infection was gone and to allow me to develop immunity. So we agreed and went home and had no more sex. I ovulated a couple of days later and conceived anyway. I was flabbergasted, certainly didn't expect it. Consequently we had lots of scary talks with doctors about the effects of toxoplasmosis on babies - possible growth restriction, possible brain damage, possible eye damage, possible miscarriage. Bloody scary. Touch wood, we have been lucky and this baby is ok - I've had lots of scans, 2 with the fetal medicine consultant and they can't see any problems yet, but we'll be getting a final check with a paed once she's born.

Had we waited then we wouldn't have had any of that to worry about. But, had we waited, we wouldn't be having this baby, and we certainly wouldn't wish her away, whatever the worry she has given us.

Only you can know what's right for you, and you have to weigh up the likelihood of there being any reason why it would be medically advisable to wait. Good luck deciding. Just don't let any MW tell you how you should feel about trying again! The "it's too soon emotionally" always struck me as a bit odd, as I knew I wouldn't feel less devastated about losing Bobbie in 3 months time. I just felt like I was treading water waiting to get pregnant again and get off the "starting line" if that makes sense. At least once I was pregnant there was a timescale in my head of when I might hopefully get to have another baby, until then it was all a bit "how long is a piece of string" and I found that really hard.

(So yes, green in answer to your q, I got pregnant the cycle after my first period, so Bobbie was born 9th Oct, I conceived 28th Nov and got my BFP in early December)

Hi Spilt so glad you re " getting through" your pregnancy I certainly feel that's all I can do this time, yes 20 week scan good and Georgie' s having a sister!!! Next scan in 3 weeks then 4 weekly scans, section at 37 weeks with IV antibiotics as had Group B strep in this pregnancy, lovely to hear from you take care xxx
Jane didn t recognise anyone bur I ce never attended a SANDS meeting, we went to a local support group established by a community midwife in November and it was
Crap more like a coffee morning!!!!

Love to all xxxxx

spilt wow you have been through it. I wish you all the luck I can muster in the final weeks of your pregnancy. Thank you for sharing your story.

Congrats angelgeorgie a little girl. Im getting so excited for everyone.

Getting so frustrated and fed up. Checked my cervix and it feels like I've not ovulated as it's going hard, or maybe I did and the tests missed it?

Trying to keep up here, so exhausted.

Thanks greenzebra many hugs to you xx

How do you check your cervix, Cheese?

Spilt and Angel, what have you decided on/been offered re birth? My consultant said I would be induced at 38 weeks the next time unless I request a C section on emotional grounds. I'm not sure I could take the suspense of labour again, but at the same time I don't want only one baby and so I'm not keen on multiple C sections (imagine what my tummy muscles would wind up like!).

TooImmature infertility.about.com/od/tryingtoconceive101/ht/cervixovulation.htm this explains it quite well. You get to know what your cervix is doing throughout the month in relation to fertility. Does take some getting used to though and I'd definitely always check it in the same position as it can feel different if you're in a different one.

I've already been told what would happen next time by my consultant at the appointment to talk about the PM results. They want me referred to hospital as soon as I get pregnant and then hospital care from then on wth regular scans and monitoring and early gestational diabetes tests. She said I'd be induced between 37 and 39 weeks but we lost Scarlett at 37 weeks which scares me. She said seeing as I've had vaginal births so far that they wouldn't want to give me a c-section but I suppose I could ask for one if I wanted one. I'm quite worried about either option to be honest. I just want a live baby at the end of it. All this assuming I get pregnant again of course.