Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

It is a pest to be put back, Cheese, but never mind. You know where you are now, anyway! Do you have to wait for a 13 week scan now? Unless you get the private scan in the meantime. That's great news about your clotting bloods!

That's the spirit, Ciwi! Good luck for the presentation.

Am swithering again now. My boobs feel fuller and I've been very tired but not sleeping very well. A BFN would cast me right back into the depths of despair, though...but a BFP would be so marvellous! I don't know what to do. DH is in a day-long seminar so I can't call him no matter what the news is. It's only 4 days since I last tested, though. Help!

too its so hard isn't it? I know I am awful at resisting temptation. Do you know when you ov'd? Are you likely to get an accurate result today?
Hi shakey glad you finally have an appointment, how far along are you?

too i hated that wait time - wanting to do test but scared of bfn, i hope your dh can get out of his seminar early!

ciwi from my dates i should be about 10 weeks (but my cycles werent back to what they normally were from having grace in march so may be less/more hope the mw can arrange a scan earlier for me.

No idea when I ov'd. I'm on CD34 and my cycles used to be 35-37 days. My last cycle was 56 days, though, so I could still be wildly out. I've got a FR test that's supposed to be accurate 6 days before your missed period. I am trying to rationalise in my head so that if it is negative then I won't be horribly disappointed!

Well if you are getting symptoms maybe its round about the right time? Then again i have kidded myself into having symptoms before now! Maybe if you are strong enough you could wait and see if your symptoms get any more obvious?

Shakey, I hope the due date goes okay. Plan to do something nice so that at least you are kept busy and don't just sit and brood, maybe. If you decide to spread Grace's ashes then I hope it's a lovely day for you.

Right, am off to have a shower and pack for the weekend, all the time resisting the urge to POAS!

ciwi I'm just worried that it's not developing as it should. My first 2 tests were very faint yes and then a stronger line but all on the first response tests so I guess that could also explain it. When is your scan?

shakey I'm seeing a different consultant to last time so I don't know how to contact her, I'm seeing her on Thursday though (or a minion, don't know yet) but I'll ask then about another scan. Always waiting for evrything, what is your appointment for next Friday? Will you spread Grace's ashes on her due date? I'm hoping to have Scarlett's headstone in place before her first birthday in December, really need to get a move on with choosing one and the words.

TooImm I wish I did! At the moment I feel like I have no idea if this pregnancy will even continue, when I miscarried at 8 weeks they only saw a 5 week sac so I'm terrified of that happening again, I was bleeding then though so a little different. With my other miscarriages I didn't have scans as I just couldn't do it anymore and I've had 6 now so I'm not overly optimistic.

I was awful with testing and did another on Monday just gone, the ditial ones...If it helps then I'd test. I did get lots of BFN before a positive this time, really convinced myself that I was just waiting for AF but that turned into a positive. I use the FR ones too.

tooimm maybe see if you can hold out till monday, fx.

It was 12 weeks yesterday that we had Ophelia, and still no sign of these Post mortem results. I said to DH yesterday that he will have to ring up otheriwse Heads will be rolling, not sure if I could contain my anger on the phone! Hes going to ring today, and hopefully get some answers. Its like we have been forgotten, not a single letter to explain whats going on or the procedure, we dont even know who to ring. Its ridiculous.

CD23 today, so still early. Do feel tired but I think thats coz Im not at work and not really doing anything during the day except watch movies and search the net for nice things for our new flat.
Last AF started on CD29 but I think I should hold out till aleast 33 as that was a usual AF start for me. Ive been good havnt bought any sticks, told DH he can buy them on the 33 day if no AF and then we can see. To be honest Im more concerned about the post mortem results, its a big black cloud hanging over me, I need to know, and then I can get on.

green same here about results! It hasn't been that long though, but I should get an appointment through for my 6 week check up! I rang the bereavement MW last week to ask some things, went straight to voicemail so left a message and haven't heard anything back since then! Surely if you go on holiday somebody should cover or you should be able to ring another number. With regards to postmortem I also wouldn't know who to phone to ask about it.

green the same happened to us but I think it was after 6 weeks that I asked my mum to call for me. She spoke to the bereavement counsellor, who's number we were given when we left the hospital, and although that wasn't her job she did find out for us and we then got in touch with the consultant's secretary. We'd been "lost in the system" and so we were made an appointment the following week to go in a discuss the results. I barely remember anything from that day though, I just sat there visibly shaking and trying not to faint.

We received a letter about a week or two after that appointment with all the details. It did present more worries as it was extremely detailed but I wanted to be able to research for myself too. It was definitely difficult read.

Fingers crossed for you. I always tell myself that I'll wait to test but as the time gets closer and closer I give in, I'm terrible with waiting!

next friday is just a booking appointment where they take all prev pregnancy history again and then just talk about how to manage this pregnancy. this will be my 7th pg so will take ages. then probably bloods will be taken ewwww - i am a bit of a wimp when it comes to needles and doesnt help that my viens litterally move out the way of the needles errgh.

i am also working on Grace's due date which really is depressing and there is no hol availability either. i only work 5 hr evening so hopefully can get someone kind to swop with me.

we didnt have a post mortem on Grace but sometimes i wish we did - it may have given us some reason why, i hope that you green and blue get some reasons why and the waiting must be awful for you

well we have a date to talk over the post mortem results, 10th August, so more waiting to do. DH rung them and they said 'Oh we were just about to ring you' yeah ok, dont believe you. We are seeing the same consultant that I was suppose to see during my pregnancy due to fibroids but of course you never see your consultant you always see a registrar, so annoying. But from what I have heard a registrar maybe better, this guy apparently does not have a good manner. If he pisses me off too much I will demand a different consultant. Though I really doubt I will be seeing him. Cant beleieve I have to wait another three weeks! Im very annoyed to be honest. If it wasnt for the lovely midwives at the NHS I would seriously consider going private, I feel like a mushroom.

cheese I am not surprised that you are worried, I am terrified! I don't feel as sickly today as I have felt so that is the cause of my worries today, if it wasn't that I am sure it would be something else. It is highly likely that you are just 5 weeks along but I don't blame you for wanting another scan to make sure that things are progressing nicely. Do you know your consultants name? perhaps you could just ring his/her secretary to see if they would see you sooner.
green glad you got your appointment date but its a shame you have to wait so long. blue I hope you get yours soon.
shakey I had my booking appointment yesterday, it's pregnancy number 3 for me, I hate the booking in appointment, makes me feel like a failure as I am now on 3rd pregnancy but still have no living children. They only went through the last pregnancy with me as they said my other details will be on there already. Better get off here now because i have my meeting soon!

green i hope the next 3 weeks fly past and you and dh get some answers. I will be here for you if you need to talk. x

ciwi you are not a failure! for you too. x

green it's so hard waiting. Just want to second jane, I hope the time passes quickly and they can tell you more about what happened to Ophelia.

cheese when are you planning to get the private scan done? Worth checking whether the appointment next week is still there - you could phone the hospital and just pretend you've forgotten the time and ask them to look it up for you?

thanks guys means alot.

shakey oh you have my sympathies with the blood tests, I hate needles too. My veins are very small apparently so either they faff about for ages and can't get any or end up using the ones for children! My veins also collapse when they see a needle coming too. Most people struggle to get blood from me. This is my 11th pregnancy, they always sound so shocked to hear that but most were miscarriages. (hugs) . I hope your appointment goes well and that the bloods are over as fast as possible though. I hope you get someone to swap shifts, thinking of you.

green that seems like an age away, I think sometimes people don't realise how long even a day feels. I saw my actual consultant for the PM results, would be surprised if you didn't. I saw registras during pregnancy too but she was there when I gave birth to Scarlett too. I hope it goes ok

ciwi I have her name on one of the letters, I don't think they'll be able to see me before next week though as that was the first appointment they had when I called. I will ask about scans when I'm there though. I don't want to get into the situation of having to explain everything every single time though to a million different people. I hope you're right about just being earlier on that I thought, fingers crossed! Good luck!

spilt That thought had crossed my mind but it's likely to be the same staff and sonographer there! Worried as they'll probably remember me after last time! I booked a private scan for next Friday in London but the hospital one should have been next Wednesday, I just turned up a whole wweek early. I honestly thought it was this week. I could call and speak to them and if my appointment is still booked ask if I could keep it? Have to see I think as it was in the early pregnancy unit and not the usual scan department and is a lot smaller.

I think when this happens we should be kept more informed. When we leave the hospital without our baby we should be given more than a leaflet on bereavment. We should be given a pack of who to call, councelling services, etc. Or we should be written a letter explaining how eveything goes from here, like the post mortem can take up to 12 weeks, if you havnt heard form us in 12 weeks then please ring this number. Some kind of contact or procedure acknowledgment would be a lot more helpful than what I have just had to go through. Makes me cross that there are parents out there now going through this with this level of service. I might write a letter to the hospital explaining all this and how I think they can improve it.

Sorry for the rant, needed to get it out.

shakey hope someone is kind to you and swaps your days.

Green sorry you re having a hard time. Our hospital were excellent we were given a pack explaining follow up , post Morton results etc.... Though the bereavement midwife and support group was a whole big fat waste of time!!
Ciwi you re not a failure your baby died that's not a sign of failure. I ve been pg 6 x with no living children also. X
Blue. hugs for the approaching funeral.
Cheese can you arrange another scan via EPU?? Maybe a little White lie??? Some bleeding maybe???? Xx
Hi everyone else hope stuff starts to improve soon all be it slowly xxx
Hi Spilt not long now?? Yeh xxx

green I totally agree, there should definitely be a set procedure and everything should be written down for us.

Angel I'll see how things go, I'm so worried I feel sick so I might just call them next week and see what they have to say.

Morning (just), I've been getting myself organised for the scan this afternoon. My sister had me already armed to insist on getting a 12 week one assuming all is ok. I'm hoping the hospital are going to be good and really do think after a few calls to the specialist midwife, that they're going to do everything in their power to make sure we're happy. Hope I'm not disappointed. I'll post later to let you all know how we got on x

FX for you mel

Good luck for your scan this afternoon Mel. I'm not impressed so far with the care I've had, the midwives were nice enough but nothing followed up at all just told to book a 12 week scan...It's so frustrating and I'm quite annoyed at it.

thanks all for remembering it's Sterre's funeral tomorrow, still need to photocopy the order of service... wish I could just skip tomorrow.
Also found out today that we got an appointment with my consultant next Wednesday... think we got lost in the system as according to his secretary the appointment was booked beginning of the month but we haven't had a letter through. I'm so nervous about it!

blue Will be thinking of you tomorrow xxx I'm glad you've got an appointment with the consultant sorted out - hope it goes ok.

cheese That's a bit crap! I'd be having words with someone if i were in your position.