Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

cheese and Mel good luck for your scans. I know exactley how you feel after Georgie always thought I wouldn t physically ve able to go for another scan
( after 1 Mmc and 1 Mc also.) but I did and still do every 4 weeks, never enjoy the scans they are a means to an end but all throughout I ve been able to rationalise to a certain degree that NOTHING will ever ve as bad as being scanned and told Georgie had died at 41 weeks. Only saying in my experience we re all very strong and a lot stronger than we Otho ally give ourselves credit for. Best of luck xxxx
Sorry about the up coming funeral Blue it is a horrible time of feeling in limbo hopefully it will help in a small way, I don t remember much of what was said at Georgies service but I was pleased with the big turn out and the way it went. Much love xxx
Sorry Jane, Shakey . and anyone else having a wobbly time it truly sucks.
Hi everyone else hope you all get your BFPS soon we so deserve it xxxx

Well, ate a bag of Cadbury caramel nibbles and felt bad, so enticed DH out for a run (Couch 2 5k, week 1!). My good sports bra is in the wash so I wore a pre-pregnancy one that's a bit small, so if my boobs are sore tonight I won't know if it was the bra or potential pregnancy causing it!

I'd like to test, but with my 2 pregnancies, I always had BFN to start with. With DD I never did a positive test myself, as in Belgium I went to gp and she did a blood test which showed I was pregnant. With Sterre'spregnancy, I had done 2 cheapo Tesco test, both negative, managed to wait 2 more weeks before caving in and buying a Clearblue test, which then said PREGNANT... I almost couldn't believe it when I saw it on the test! Feel so :( thinking back of that moment, I was so happy then! I still have another Clearblue test as I had bought a 2-pack not really believing I was pregnant. When I found out, I thought what a waste of the other test as it expires January 2012... let's hope it will give me a BFP before then!
But I think I might test with one of the cheapo test first.
I just know that it would probably be too early now.
Felt very tired all day, very hungry all the time as well and have the feeling my smell is enhancing too! but it could also be all in my head! so frustrating!
DH's cousin announced her pregnancy on FB today...

Urh.... Facebook what a way to do it???! Some people feel the need to share every detail of their lives on FB odd????
Blue xxx

angel i feel ya! When Zoe died, my ds and sil felt the need to plaster it all over fb, i was so (still am) angry!

Hope everyone is ok today x

too how was the run? hope you don't have black eyes

blue

Hmm FB for me is a way of sharing things with my family and friends as lots of them live in Belgium and I have good friends spread out over the world.
So yeah I had also shared Sterre's pregnancy with everyone after the 'crucial' 3 months! 2 days before my 20 week scan I had asked everyone whether they thought boy or girl, so I couldn't not let everyone know what happened as I would have got questions that would have probably hurt me more.
With me next pregnancy I will try and keep it secret as long as possible for everyone, way past 20 weeks...

I had more symptom spotting this morning... had to get up during the night to go to the toilet! Aaaaaah my body is driving me crazy! DH says it's probably premenstrual syndrome.

Hi Blue, we were the same as you when we found out about being pregnant with Ruby. Told our closest family and friends in person, and then text the next closest and then put an announcement on FB ( after we'd had the 12 week scan and thought everything was going to be fine!) I know that some people can put too much on though, one of my friends announced her pregnancy about a year ago ( or that's how it feels) and she gives hourly updates about the bump and how she's feeling! Way too much, I actually deleted her after having Ruby as I couldn't stand reading the updates. She's now back on as my friend and appears to be due any day now. Still giving hourly update though! Some people def do post too much.
We posted a birth announcement for Ruby on FB a few days after it all happened as I guess I thought that I could bump into one of my FB friends and they hadn't heard and might ask about her. We actually took a lot of comfort from the messages we got from contacts and friends. I guess there is a fine line between simple info and way too much! Hope your symptoms are all the pg ones xx

I just noticed that over the last few days I keep mixing up me and my or their and there and they're in my posts I'm normally very good at spelling... would that be a sign of pregnancy brain?

I'll keep my FX it's a sign of pg brain for you!

I cracked and did a test, BFN of course, should have known it's way too early

Is being seriously pissed of at nothing a sign of pregnancy brain?

Just been to view our flat. Its very nice but got pissed off with DH for no reason, dont really know why he was annoying me.

cheese and mel wishing you both lots of luck for your scans. Everything crossed for good news for you.

green definitely a sign - i spent the first two months of both my pregnancies being really pissed off with DH all the time

(I think he'd be a little bit happier with that if we had anything to show for either of them)

at Jane! Run was good but still don't fit into dress for wedding this weekend. One half hour run is not going to take an inch off my waist and hips! (It is so annoying, because the dress does up with much swearing and sucking in and looks great, but I can't breathe, eat or dance, which might be a problem.) Have cracked and bought new dress - v nice but not as flattering as the other one would be if it only fit!

Blue, I have been missing out syllables when talking, or whole words out of phrases - it is weird! I fall over my words and then go back and correct myself. Maybe it's baby brain!

May test again tomorrow morning before I go up North for the wedding (does it count as 'oop North' when it is North (East) Scotland, rather than North England?). I don't want to in case it is negative again! AF is probably due on Saturday but I'm really only guessing. Even if it is negative I shouldn't really drink in case it's just too early to tell. So I wouldn't be gaining anything by testing early...

Too get a pair of spanx for under the dress!

Hi everyone,
too I have everything crossed for you for the morning if you decide to poas!
blue sorry about your bfn, sounds like it was too early for you though fx and good luck to anyone else in the 2ww.
I have been to the hospital today for a consultant appointment but he wasn't in so saw one of his minions instead. she was quite nice though. They left me in the waiting room for 45 minutes though with a constant video playing with newborns on, adverts for prams etc, etc it was like torture and by the time they called me in I was in tears. That place just has so many horrible memories for me it is just so hard to go back there. Have a scan booked for a week monday (7 weeks) providing everything is ok between now and then.
Am also mega stressed out about a meeting in work tommorrow that I have to present at. I havent done it since we lost our baby and I have just lost so much confidence since then i have not idea how i will get on. Cant wait to get it over with.
Hope eveyone is ok xxx

Ciwi try and not stress about work. You've obviously been successful within the workplace and your work have confidence in you for a reason. You will be fine and you can do it. I've been told by people I've met at Sands, that if you feel uncomfortable in any waiting area, you can ask for them to seat you in another area if one is available. Apparently they all have some sort of quiet room area. Don't know if this makes things more difficult explaining or gives less pressure. Good luck today anyway.
And good luck to all you ladies waiting to test ( or retest). Fx'd for everyone x

ciwi im sure you will be fine with the presentation. How awful for you sat in the waiting room! I have everything crossed for you.x

cheese how was your scan? i have been thinking about you x

ciwi I hope the presentation goes well. Try not to stress! :). Good luck with the scan . I'm sure everything will be ok.

cheese how did it go?

Ciwi, how did you use to feel about giving presentations? Can you try to channel some of that earlier confidence? One thing I find with presentations is that if I know exactly what I have to get across to my audience then it really does help - you can't get too stuck, then. Maybe do some rehearsing with a sympathetic colleague? Hope everything goes well. I don't know if it would help, but if I have something difficult to do now I tell myself that nothing can be worse than Thea dying, so this should be a breeze. It helps me, anyway! Your appt sounds awful! And why wasn't your consultant available? He should be bending over backwards for you, not fobbing you off with some minion!

Mel, Spanx were the original plan but I somehow got sidetracked by the new dress instead...

Cheese, how did the scan go? Hope all is well!

Have wussed out - too scared to pee on the stick! Am going to wait until Monday, which should be relatively easy because I am going away tonight and won't be home until Sunday afternoon. If I leave the stick behind, I will have no choice! Dad lives in the back of beyond and his local shop won't have pee sticks, and with three small over-excited half-siblings to play with then I won't have time to fret. (small siblings are 9, 7 and 4 and every time I go home we spend the first hour chasing each other and growling and tickling.)

Morning all.

Well, had my scan yesterday, after lots of waiting! Turns out I had the wrong day, got my dates mixed up and should have been next week! Luckily they fit me in but had to hang around for hours. It was good but a little disappointing as we don't really know what will happen still. There was a gestational sac and yolk sac but nothing else could be seen yet. They dated me at about 5 weeks when by dates I should be 7, I was expecting a maybe 6 week because I know I ovulate late but not 5. I did a pregnancy test 2 weeks ago as well so I feel like I'm in limbo at the moment.

No more scans booked either, consultant next Thursday. Think I'll pay for a private one next week as I can't just wait. Blood test results came back and were all fine, no clotting issues, so I feel very relieved about that.

cheese its a bummer being put back on your dates isn't it? You could have ovulated later than you thought and your first test was faint wasn't it? So it sounds like you may well only be about 5 weeks. I am 5+3 today and I am pretty sure when I ovulated and I think we both found out about the same time. Still it's more weeks of waiting isnt it? Can't believe they didnt offer you another scan.
too fx for monday, enjoy your weekend. Don't blame you for wimping out the fear of a bfn can take over sometimes x
Woke up this morning not really giving a rats ass about the presentation, like you said it can't be worse than what I have been through before and I am too busy worrying about my little bean today.
mel thanks for the waiting room tip, I have often thought to ask as I get very distressed in the waiting room but I never seem to have the energy when I get there x

cheese i cant believe they didnt offer you a further scan, its not right that you either have to wait or pay for a private scan, i would call your consultant.

ciwi good luck for your presentation i am sure you will do fine.

too fx for monday :-)

i finally got in touch with my midwife yesterday to be told the dr hadnt sent any referal to her for me! so i have an appt now for next friday.

its fast approaching graces due date now (1st aug) and at the moment i dont know how i am going to cope, we still have her ashes in her memory box and tink it may be time to spread them at the baby garden.