Mourning our angel babies but still hoping for the future: let the swi commence!

[TooImmature2BMum]

This is a thread for those of us on the bereaved mother's thread who want a place to moan about the perils of ttc without upsetting anyone over there. We've gone through at least one pregnancy, and we know what it is to hold a baby whose eyes will never open, or to have lost a baby after a few days, weeks or years. We know the fear, but we're going to go ahead and do it anyway. And then do it again, especially in the middle of the month!

Newcomers will be welcomed with all the hand-holding and wisdom we can summon up - and that's a lot! Come in and join us: the door is always open.

dachs is it whirlpool?

I have located it! It's Parker Games...

never heard of it. Well done on finding it. Did you do an internet search?

I did but I couldn't find it, so then I googled logo quizzes and found in on one of them, but there were no answers, so I had to send the spreadsheet I found to DH, who hacked it to find the answers!

dachs hope you win!

Evening. Quick hello, I'm exhausted! Been away to Devon to see Dh's family this weekend 10 hours drive in total! Didn't get home until gone 10pm last night but had a lovely time. Was his sister's birthday on Sunday. Just got back from ds1's first football practice too which he loved. Hope everyone is well and will catch up tomorrow :)

ciwi I worked my normal shift pattern throughout the pregnancy and never complained but was very tired and I don't think it helped my blood pressure. We have no idea if there was a direct link but in my head it didn't help so we're not taking any chances. I'm sure work will be fine, they find non shift work roles for other pregnant women in the organisation so I'm sure they'll sort something out.

right so a few days ago I thought my AF would be coming, slight cramps, brown discharge, and nothing! This morning I threw up whilst in the shower...
I feel very tired all the time, but that might also be with the stress that comes with having Sterre's funeral this Saturday. It's probably all in my head. I am actually enormously scared to be seeing a BFP...

blue hun, big hugs. I suppose your discharge could be ovulation bleeding, maybe if its first AF after Sterre then it might not be noraml to you. Maybe do a test and just see. I know it s scary, it is the same for us all, but maybe knowing by doing a test is better than the thought of a BFP, and if its a BFN then you can concentrate on the funeral.

blue it could have been ovulation or implantation, I suppose there is no way of knowing unless you test. The only other option would be to just see how things go but I know I wouldn't be able to do that. I suppose at least if you test you will know one way or the other. It could also be just one of those weird post pregnancy cycle things and stress can do some strange things to you. It must be really difficult for you with the funeral coming up especially, take care xxx

Blue we'll all be thinking about you and hope that whatever you do with the testing gives you some peace of mind.

blue i will be here holding your hand. xx

Blue thinking of you, are you going to test or wait until after Saturday?

Hope everyone is ok. Have a scan tomorrow morning and scared that we won't see a baby :(

cheese what a scary time, fx everything is fine. How many weeks is it?

Cheese this sounds stupid but I'm glad you feel like that as that's exactly how I'm feeling about Friday. I guess that means it's a "normal" feeling!

cheese and mel how many weeks will you both be for your scans? I am seeing the consultant tommorrow but won't get a scan as I am only 5+2. Not sure if I should ask if i can have a 6 week one or just wait till 8. I always worry that they won't see anything and just think I am mad! It's definately normal to feel that way x
blue good luck whatever you decide to do x

Ciwi I'll be 8 + 1 according to our calculations and the midwife I spoke to said they really don't like doing the scans earlier than 7 weeks as sometimes all you can see is the sac which then freaks the parents out as there is no heartbeat. I think everything will be ok but there is just this underlying thought that things will go wrong again. I truly believe that positivity is a big factor in this and I'm doing my best to let this lead (just sometimes the bad stuff all comes to the front).

I know what you mean about being positive, I am really trying to feel like that too. It's really difficult sometimes though. I am feeling quite sickly so that helps me think that things are ok as I never really got sickly with my mmc. 8 weeks is a good time for a first scan I think, good luck, you will be fine and so will the bean :)

Good luck with your scans :) I have everything crossed for all of you.

I had a strange dream last night - I dreamt I went to see my obstetrician and that I was pg. When he was writing the notes he started putting 'conceived with IVF' and I corrected him and said 'actually this one was natural' I know it's only wishful thinking, but it would be great if that was an omen and that I am currently fertilising an egg! I would really love to be pg again before the twins' due date in September. I know it's silly to be hopeful and that there is only a teeny tiny possibility of getting pg naturally anyway, but it's hard not to hope.

morning girls, sorry i dont post as often as i really should, still had nothing from my midwifes, called the dr's who said call the midwife, called the midwife but get no answer, went to the dr's yesterday as been having really bad headaches and she just told me to wait till next tuesday when the midwife is in the surgery to chase if i havent heard anything (oh headaches btw must be stress or something as bp normal and no pressure on the eyes - tbh i saw a different gp than usual and she didnt seem all that interested)

i just want to know this pg is going ok but also have the fear of getting to see the midwife and her telling me its all in my head and i am not pregnant at all or having the scan and having nothing there.

from my own calculations i should be around 9+ weeks now and feeling quite sick (although not actually being sick) and definatley already have a small little bump.

Mel I know what you mean, it's scary. I also believe that being positive does help and I've been trying but underneath there is always that dark cloud.

I'll be 7 weeks tomorrow going on my dates, she said on the phone when I called that they like to do the scans between 7 and 8 weeks for the early ones.

shakey I always get headaches in early pregnancy, even single time and it really throbs. I find drinking lots of water and liquids really does help but it's not just that as I'm constantly weeing through all the water I drink and I still get the headaches.

I feel a little sick now and again but nothing much at all. I've been told I'm showing already too! I do stick out a little, usually quite slim (size 8) so it shows a fair bit and my trousers are tight.

Roll on tomorrow morning. I'm quite nervous about going back to the hospital again too, we went to the epu with Scarlett as well so I have lots of memories associated with it all.

Good luck to those of you who have scans soon, hope everything is ok x

Well AF is defo here now, im gutted. I keep thinking that its never going to happen and that Zow was our only chance of being parents. I know we have only been ttc for 3 months but it feels like an eternity, especially since we conceived Zoe on the the first month.

Know that feeling too. I often wonder if the boys were our only chance. Maybe we were given two that time because that was going to be it. We fell pregnant after only trying for 4 months last year. We've been trying for 4 cycles now and still no joy. But, I know it doesn't matter how long it takes as long as we get there. It's so hard being patient though x

Jane - big hugs. I'm fairly sure I'll be joining you in a week or so - don't feel pregnant one little bit! AF due on Saturday, or possibly Monday, or I might be having another 7 or 8 week cycle and not come on for another fortnight or more! I haven't tested again after the BFN on Sunday - don't think there's much point as I haven't any symptoms.

Blue - I'd be keeping my fingers crossed for you to get your BFP, but not if it would cause you more upset and stress and heartache! Hope everything goes well for you (and Sterre) on Saturday.

I just feel miserable all the time - it's been a horrible week!

Jane (hugs). It's been 7 months for us since Scarlett was born and that's felt like forever. All in all it was 2 years trying, taking into account my miscarriage before her and her pregnancy and birth. Fingers crossed for next month.

Horsey (hugs) too, I really hope that next month you get pregnant.

TooImm I really felt the same this month, I didn't think it had happened at all. The week before I started to feel tired and sleeping more but I had a few negative tests so really thought that it hadn't happened. I was really shocked to find out that I was pregnant so you never know yet! Hope you feel better soon :( xx