Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

[Ariesgirl]

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

too sorry. Have had a decaff latte which is essentially a large cup of hot milk. now very sleepy and grammar has gone out the window.

Yeh but pols you did take photos of your boobs to compare - not in any way menkul at all - oh nooooo!

owlbooty/brownB Yes, The Sechs did become very regulated TTC. :( It's so nice once you are diffed/have given birth to be able to have sex for The Fun! A serious revelation! I got a minor horn very early this month - could have OV'd early?

Dor Which sticks are you using? How are your boobs? Any strange midriff pains? Crying at the ridiculous? How do you feel about kittens? Any weird discharge? Spots? Poo? Do you temp?

I'm never going to be allowed to forget that am I?

We also had v dull ttc sechs. For two years. We still haven't done it since BB was born and I'm in now rush yet.

now no. Twatfingers.

Have used Boots tests which were reduced but in date... I am so tight!!!

I have low abdo cramp. - like I usually get when I am due on - and I am pretty tired and emotional. No weird discharge. I do temp... Had a mahoosive temp drop and then it went back up again and now it is coming down slowly. I would link to my chart but can't as I am on my phone. It's in the Charters Anonymous thread.

Bollix. I just wish the droid would get on with it if it is coming!!

door I got a BFP with Boots and terrible cramps the night before - berated myself for wasting money on a stick due to cramps. When I woke up without the evidence of the chainsaw massacre I poas'd. How are you doing now? How's the cigaring going?

cakesandcava When you're ready you can graduate to PESH (Pregnant Evil Selfish Hag) over in ante-natal.

Nice horn Brown I approve.

hello Polly This nork-photo saga might just make you my favourite person evah. That's hardcore!

Doris I had a look at your chart
Looks to me like it's still up in the air and could go either way! Helpful I know... Will chant some droid-repellent spells for you.

If cigaring was an Olympic Sport I would be a gold medallist!

Still nothing. Other than I feel like shite.

FUCKING FUCKING DROID WANK COCKS ARSE CUNT SHIT BUGGER BASTARD.

And I don't even feel better after that :(.

Where are you all

You've all gone and got diffed and left me haven't you?

I was watching a very bad programme about breastfeeding darling, then I was looking to see what everyone on here thought about it (most of them agree), then I was posting on a new weightlosing fred that Bloofer has started.

I haz seen that thread. Is it weird to lurk on it because I find it entertaining and everybody so nice and funny?

Fanks luvver

Nar, not at all. You can hand out the virtual stickers ( I was thinking links to sechsy man like our boy who sadly fell off a roof) to the slimmer of the week if you like? Night night Petal.

Cuntsticks to the droid Rie

We have not had the sechs at the right time again as MS has to abstain for JIAP on Friday. Oh well. I am hoping when we go to the FC they will say 'Here sunny take this baby, it's yours for keeping' cos that's what happens non?

Aries Obviously it would be greatly appreciated if you could come over and say something like. "OMG I'm enormous, look at me." Then you pinch an imaginary inch and say "loooooook, my size 6 bikini is getting a big big." and "OMG I would KILL myself if I ever got to a size 14". This sort of motivation really helps and we are all in it together whether you've got 10 stone to lose or 10oz. We understand.

sunny Well first you'll have to be patronised by a gynaecologist young enough to be your child if you'd been the slutty one at school. Do you put the winky in your vagina? Does your husband ejaculate? That sort of thing. Just when you're ready to punch the aforementioned patroniser they'll say something like "Relax and it'll happen"! n.b., always, always, always check for dog-hair under the foreskin before attending the FC.

big big = bit small. I've got big on the brain y'see.

Was 100% convinced the droid's visitation last night but still nothing. BUT I feel just like I do when I am due on so not holding out any hope. Suspect my body is playing tricks with me.

FFS. KICK THE BITCH IN THE KIDNEYS!

You know you wouldn't be the first BESH to sail on The Nile. Dear VAG got a BFP and went out to get shitfaced to commiserate because she couldn't believe it. I think she only started believing it during the birth!

come on dor poafs!!

Bollocks to bleeping metal fucker rie sending vodka your way along with special r2d2 voodoo toy.

Dog hair???!! How? Why? The mind boggles.

The FDH regularly gets my hair wound around under his. He says it is a truly unpleasant sensation to get free.

Hair strokes to rierie How are you feeling this morning? Did the brownie help? It's a shame you aren't the virgin Mary though - I think that shade blue would really suit you

Oh dor please don't make me kick you in the kidneys, I may well get stuck in that position (deeply unbendy, class dunce in yoga) and that would be mean.

Ah I thought you meant actual dog hair! A serious pet moulting issue, possibly caused by a ttc on the sofa sesh after dog has been there? Silly me, it's still too early in the morning.

I think alps did mean a dog hair, those blighters do get everywhere! I have just removed a cat hair from my bra. At least I hope it was cat hair otherwise I am growing tabby nip hair!