Come into the BESHt youth club in town, all you sad and bitter crones.

[Ariesgirl]

Enter the darkened youth club, where desperate 30-somethings who have been TTC since the eighties determinedly try to recapture their teenage years: their snogs with Darren from maths in the corner of the disco, the waft of Impulse, the slow dances at the end of the night, table tennis tournaments and the queue at the tuck shop for black jacks, Panda cola, fruit salads and Wham bars. Bop to Ride on Time, Love Shack and Vogue with Madonna and we'll see if all those sweaty hormones and pheromones can do the trick.

ps - CakesC - I have a drawer full of Marks and Sparks. But have been looking through the window like a kid at a candy store for too long...

Boo that looked like ze French horn to me, ooh la la. MrBoo will have to put on a stripey Tshirt and turn up on a bicycle

Good luck Sunny :)

I've gotta warn you lot; when the diffment happens the fancy pants you bought for all the obligatory scheduled Sechs will no longer fit and will look utterly ridiculous in them when you try them on. However, you will not give a rat's ass as you will have settled into Debenhams finest granny pants with alarming ease. Mmm, comfort.

Granny pants? I went out and bought those lycra boxer shorts number in XXL so that the waistband would go up to my bra - that's true. I couldn't bear anything resting on my abdomen even at just a few weeks and all pants had to be hoisted up to my tits. It's a glamorous business.

Should I be mortified or pleased that I am still wearing the same pants I always have?

Oooh get her - thinks she's Heidi Klum! "Ja, I am vearing zer string an zer balcony ja."

I think its more that all my pants were already big and sensible alps But yeah me and Heidi, are like peas in a pod.

Bras on the other hand: have given up and am wearing the night time feeding bra tops I bought because the other ones I got are now too tight and ouchy round my rib cage and i can't be bothered/am too tight to go and buy anymore. This probably means I will have a rack like an african tribes woman post birth but I am beyond caring.

Sets out 20:20 shots and throws ping pong bat at alps

"Varicose veined vulva swinging either side of string". Alps you have gone too far

I am calling the whole TTC thing off because of that comment.

I think I just pulled a stomach muscle. Pone I don't know whether to snort or boak. Or weep.

I too am fully expecting my tits to end up somewhere around my kneecaps. That happens to everyone, right?

for the record i am actually wearing a pair very similar to these Pretty much my standard since about 1999, I've never got on with thongs. And I dont have varicose veins ANYWhere let alone on my flange. But still I imagine the piles would not be pretty if I did choose to wear a thong.

I was aghast when I was jeans shopping the other week and saw the back of legs for the first time in years a long time. There were small purple thread like veins on the back on my knees. I nearly threw myself to the floor and had a massive tantrum. That's my shorts days over :(

Or maybe some good fake tan will do something to help. I have the typical ginge's skin - normal hue is blueish, which graduates to the colour of very weak milky tea after several months of sunny weather i.e. hardly ever.

Same here rie common nick names at school were "milk bottles" and "persil" (whiter than white, geddit?) I have also got the thread veins on my legs, but i am beyond caring now. I use that Johnsons summer skin or whatever its called as fake tan. Normal fake tan is too dark for me and looks ridiculous/orange/streaky.

And I like the pants Salad. I always think those shorts-pants look really cool and sexy, but unfortunately my arse cheeks hang out the back unattractively and they go up my bum. NICE. I need some nice firm elastic under the buttocks.

Something more like these

For a skinny person, I don't half have a saggy bum!

Thats funny because all other types of pants go up my bum. I have a very flat arse though, all my sagging it in the belly area (and THATS not likely to improve now, is it?). Arse cheeks hanging out the back is exactly what you WANT imo, but if they are not comfy then theres no point. Pants criteria, comfort first, looks second.

My arse cheeks actually flap

Flapping arse cheeks & swinging vulvas

I wear boy pants (note I said boy pants not boys pants). I can't get on with strings or thongs. They disappear into my muffin top. I'm with Rocket on the comfort first theory.

I got a new job! Hurrah.

Three words Riebie:

We. Need. Video.

My arse doesn't flap it kind of bounces.

I am also of the comfort over style camp I am afraid. Can't bear knickers that I have to keep pulling out of my bouncing arse.

On another subject... sore nips and cramps. I expect the droid is about to make an appearance. :(

Great news Sunny! Well done you.

And as for the arse flaps and swinging vulvas..
AuntieD - sore nips are normal for you? Or can we help you menkul a bit here?

I am wasted, wasted I tells thee? Why am I talking in Middle English?
As for the video evidence, cass, not on your life, I'm afraid. You will just have to take my workd for it.

Word. Word.

Ladeeez, ladeeez, ladeeeez - there is nothing you can tell me about arse cheeks - big ones I mean. Mine are like basketballs. I have to buy my jeans from american "urbanwear" shops.

As for pants - now, and this is a cruel trick - I cannot wear control pants because my tummy is flat and control pants tend to hold in the tummy so the elastic is around the front. If they fit my front they cut my bum cheeks in to 4 (Nice!) and if they fit my arse then there's room in the front for me to carry my baybeee marsupial-stylee.

I wear thongs, boy shorts, old-fashioned pants depending on activities to be performed that day and risk of VPL - this combined with ability to "care" about appearance given people I am likely to be in contact with. 'Tis quite a complicated formula - but you don't want to be wearing a thong when horseriding and nobody likes the whale-tail at the gym. I might just burn them.

owlbooty I gave up on the cellulite/wobble bad feelings 20+ years ago. Yes, fo shiz. I was sat in the art room one lunchtime (i.e., hiding from bullies etc.) when the school x-country race went past the building. C, the school x-country champ crossed the line first of course - she was very slim (as you need to be!) and I noticed that her thighs wobbled and the boys were pointing and laughing. She would've been 15 at the time. I realised that if C had cellulite there was simply no hope for those of us who spent our lunchtimes sat next to an easel - or FF 10 years, sat in a bar with a fag & G&T. Guilt off. Did you also know that in Australia an advertiser got done for using a 12 year old's arse in an anti-cellulite cream promotion? Yes, a 12 year old arse of a BOY! A girl's bum wasn't good enough - and yet that is what women feel men want.

rocket I didn't get varicose-vag either but apparently it does happen. How scary is that? There was a woman posted on mn the other day actually that she'd been referred for a cs because her undercarriage was "the worst ever seen"!

Aries clearly we are the same colour then. I make people gasp in shock when my legs are bare. :( I went a bit sunbed mad about 10 years ago - I thought I looked stunning - the odd photo reveals an oompa loompa. Gold is the best I'll ever achieve - but a farmer's tan is the usual.

I occasionally have sore nips... but more so than usual this month. Mind you, I have had the biggest temp drop this morning so I expect the droid is making an appearance.

Bollox.

Anyway, off out for a nice Falconry day with my husband today :)

I am in awe of ponee's arse!
Mine too is of the flappy/saggy variety -wish you could get push-up panties for your backside similar to what you can get for the boobs...

sunshine hurrah for new job!! :) Extra ££ sounds pretty good -next gin is on you!

Hope you are having fun with the birds AuntieD. And as for the temp drop. We could still assist with the menkul as the metal bastard is not yet with you..!

Alps - I like your complicated formula for deciding on underwear. I believe we all have a similar system in place... As for cellulite and body worries. The killer for me is that I didn't have cellulite until a few years ago. I now have it everywhere.. This is my first (I fear not my last) sojourn into the realm of control pants (or "shapewear" as the lady called it..!) When I was a teenager my problem was that I was just so much bigger than everyone else. I felt like a freak and walked around with a bowed back. If I'd realised that I could legitimately aspire to looking like Lynda Carter or Lucy Lawless then I might not have worried about my thunder thighs. Who am I kidding. Being a teenager is about angst - no? Having discovered 50's underwear, I now realise that this is has always been the style that would suit me. Though I'm not quite at the point of giving up all my M&S boy pants yet.

I have freckles and pale skin too. Thought I'm not quite as pale as a pure-blood redhead. My freckles might all pop out this weekend!!

Rie - HOW'S THE HEAD?!?!?! Have you returned from middle England?

I might trim the hedge today. Oh er!