Freak out room for those newly updiffed after MC to hold hands and support each other... Part III

[YourFriendBrian]

Hello!

Newly updiffed and freaking out about spotting, cramping, the wait until your first scan and each little twinge? Settle in for lots of hand holding and supprt until you're ready to move to grads.

Lots of love
Brian x

Hi all, your messages keep me sane. The bleeding is no better but no worse. Did another test today, and the line came up quickly and was much darker than the control line.

Spoke to the clinic where I had treatment, they have told me to retest in a week, and try not to worry. Easier said than done.

Hugs to all.

Goah Delilah that's a long and anxious wait for you. Good though that the test is still showing a strong positive at this stage. I'm keeping the hope for you and I hope the bleeding settles down today.

Waves to Daisy - I love the idea of out-eating the farmer I'm going to try and make my epic food consumption a bit heathier today. Started okay with Weetabix with banana, slipped up slightly on the journey to work with a hot chocolate (but I figure the milk is one of my portions of calcuim...) and now on the carrot and orange juice with an apple, grapes and a mini baby bell to tide me through until lunch!

Knitter fab birth story - and well done you!!! I'm still so uncertain I'll get that far that my head hasn't even registered the prosepct of the delivery bit of pregnancy yet!

6 days until my next scan!!!

wombat 23 hrs to my scan....

Knitter

Questions for you all: what are people's thoughts on the risks of ultrasounds? Am having a worry about the number I've had. Wondering about cancelling the next one...

Quickie: wombie I don't think there's any danger. A guy at my old work was obsessed that they're dangerous so had none at all and then his wife almost died in labour due to low lying plancenta..... He had some research showing prevalence of autism over time and prevalence of ultrasound, and they had assumed they're linked. They may both have risen at the same time but I can't believe there's no other factors causing it....

Delilah great news on test, fingers crossed for you!!

morning all, well no blood with fmu this morning or any after. touch wood that maybe it.

wombat i think if there were any worries about too many they wouldn't let you do it.

Thanks both. I'm in a total state about it (mother induced - surprise surprise) and worried I've done irreperable harm.

delilah thats good news with the test. I know the next week will be very hard for you but try and stay positive. There are a lot of good vibes coming out to you from all of us on here

With regard to the scans - I asked this question last year when I had 19 scans in about 8 weeks! TOTALLY SAFE is what I was informed by the radiographers. Hope this helps

Thanks Mattsmama. I'm really worried. I'm normally such a rational person and I just can't get a handle on this sudden terror. Sitting at my desk in floods and wondering whether to terminate this pregnacy. Feel like I don't deserve to be a mother. Logically I know this is all crazy but I can't seem to find the off switch for this awful panic. No doubt I'll get a grip in a few hours and look back on this and think 'what was I thinking?!' but at the moment I just feel scared.

wombat do you take any medication at all? check the side effects - some have stress induced panic as a side effect - happened to a friend of mine. Had been taking tablets for ages (pg safe) but when she got pg she had all sorts of issues with the side effects and they'd never bothered her before...

cep good news on lack of blood this morning :)

Also re ultrasound this is from Wikipedia:
Obstetric ultrasound can be used to identify many conditions that would be harmful to the mother and the baby. Many health care professionals consider the risk of leaving these conditions undiagnosed to be much greater than the very small risk, if any, associated with undergoing an ultrasound scan.

WOMBAT I know what you mean about rational - when hormones start flying around and lets face it there's plenty of them at the moment rational seems to go out of the window. Try not to let your hormones get the better of you. Scans are totally safe - thousands of women have them done every day. They just wouldn't do them if they weren't. I know it's easier said than done saying don't panic about certain things like bleeding and pain but with the scan thing you really are getting yourself worked up needlessly. Don't let unnecessary worry spoil such a precious moment in your life - get yourself a cup of tea and a biscuit and RELAX

wombie you poor thing. CEP is right, if they were dangerous they wouldn't let you have them. For example, x rays are dangerous and you can't get one without a referral-they'd do the same with ultrasound if there was any risk at all.

I reckon you should go to the loos or somewhere quiet, take some deep breaths and do some affirmations about feeling calm and confident with your pregnancy, or that your baby is safe and well or
something like that. This is what I do when I have a random freak out.
HUGE hugs, I know how scary it is when you get caught up in one of these anxiety attacks xx

Wombat you are up the duff, you have to just accept that rational behaviour and thinking is not going to happen right now.

I've had a fair few of the panic attacks and I know exactly how you feel - I had counselling about them a few years back. Panic doesn't really come with an off switch but it definitely has a volume dial you can turn down slowly.

Just remind yourself gently that these feelings WILL pass, and in a short while it WILL be okay again, and above all, you are doing, and have done, the absolute best for MiniWombat from the word go - you have absolutely nothing to feel bad about.

Breathe in through nose; out through mouth, go for a little walk around if you can. Sounds crap but I usually find it helps a bit.

Thank you all so much. Sorry for being a bit of a nightmare and dumping on you all - you're fab! No medications to blame - just pregnancy hormones and apparently an over-active anxious streak! Had been thinking I'd done quite well on avoiding random pregnancy crying. That will teach me for being smug!

I think I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed by the pressure I feel under to get it all right. Early onset of maternal guilt perhaps Just really not helped by my mother's comments like: "I'm being very careful not to stress you out so I'm not raising my concerns with you but I'm sure you've looked into all the risks really, really carefully and if you've concluded that it's safe then I will have to trust your view."

The irony is I'm sure she truly thinks that is being really supportive. And I suspect it is taking a lot of effort on her part to restrain herself to saying that instead of just raising her concerns and seeking to have me reassure her. So I can't get cross with her. It's just in my hormonal state it feels like more pressure and calling my judgment into question. What I really want is for her to reassure me that everything is going to be okay [feeble smile]

Greetings again

I'm bumbling along okay - had plenty of work to do to take my mind off things... trying to be zen but failing. And I have a scan date - 30th March, so not too long to wait.

A&R so so sorry to hear your news, and I hope you are continuing to be looked after.
Wiggle if you're lurking, sorry this is happening to you again. Thanks for the bump admiration - but I'm ashamed to report mine is 90% pre-existing adiposity, 10% tooty-frooties.

Hugs to all the spotters and bleeders (I think you are too many to list...). Special hello to Delilah (whom I have not yet met), and sorry you are still in limbo, but the positive line sounds promising. Cep - glad things settled down - try to keep positive, and remember that 7 weeks is perhaps a better time for scannage as you are more likely to get a result that means something, whereas we've had a fair few earlier scans that caused even more angst.

Congrats Owl, Tigger, Dachs, Tunnocks, MummyA on your happy scan news. Lovely to see some good news from you Tunnocks at long last. Sorry if I've missed any scanpeeps, I'm just skimming the thread.
Good luck to all with scans later this week - Knitter, Velvet and Pink I think it was. Velvet - did you come to any conclusions about your Japan visit?

Mamap - deep breaths!

Dachs - well done on booking in... does seem surreal doesn't it? Your MW sounds shite a bit rubbish. Hooray for the wriggly scan!

MummyA - thanks for the animation. I am definitely feeling fat, but trying to avoid buying any maternity clothes until after next scan.

Wombat, Owl, Cep - you made me laugh with your food stories, esp the falling on the iced buns with mouths open! I had 2 breakfasts and 2 lunches yesterday.

Knitter - your shoe/fridge story also made me snort!

Wombat - I know of no evidence that US is harmful. As pink says, even if things are "associated", there's often a big confounding factor, e.g. stork population decline associated temporally with decreasing birth rate in eastern Europe. Confounder - economic development. Sending hugs - try to distract yourself for a few hours, and hopefully the panic will pass. Very unhelpful comment from your mother.

I have a bit of advice to ask - have been invited on a hen weekend spa day when I'll be 22ish weeks if I make it that far. I would love to go, but I don't want to feel left out or cramp others' style if I'm not allowed in certain bits (thinking hot tubs, steam rooms, etc.) I don't actually know what the rules are about spa-type stuff - does anyone know what I can or cannot do? Are hot tubs a risk infection-wise or temperature-wise? I'd risk a quick dip if it was just temp-related.

Thursday's list

Nickster 19+4 EDD 7/8/11 next scan 21/3/11
Orange 15+4 EDD 4/9/11 next scan 20/4
Wombat33 14+5 EDD 10/09/11 next scan 23/3/11
Daisybell 13+6 EDD 14/09/11
Pinkfondantfancy 12+3 EDD 24/09/11 next scan 18/3/11
Tiggersreturn (TTT) 12+2 EDD 26/09/11 next scan 10/5/11
mamapower 11+2 EDD 4/10/11 next scan 24/3/11
DoubleDiffedDachs 10+6 EDD 7/10/11
Emoo 10+6 EDD 7/10/11 next scan 30/3/11
Lovemysleep 10+2 EDD 11/10/11
KnitterNotTwitter 8+6 EDD 21/10/11 next scan 18/3/11 and 5/4/11
Onions 8+0 EDD 27/10/11
Tunnocksteacake 8+0 EDD 27/10/11
Velvetcu 7+6 EDD 30/10/11 next scan 18/3
IreneHeron 7+3 EDD 26/10/11
MummyAbroad 6+6 EDD 4/11/11 first scan 16/3
Hils74 6+1 EDD 8/11/11
Katherine2008 6+0 EDD 9/11/11 first scan 31/3
Haffertee 5+3 EDD 14/11/11
delilahbelle 5+0 EDD 22/11/11 next scan 4/4

Thinking of.... hairy; ladybee; digi; A&R

emoo nice to see you :) re: spas I think it'd be a waste of money to be honest. You can't go in anything hot like saunas, can't have treatments and can't go in anything with bubbles.... Is there an evening bit of the hen do you could go to and miss the daytime?

Hi emoo. Knitter is right - nothing hot or bubbly for you - but a lot of these places do have Mother To Be treatments and you can have a nice swim...! Worth checking out? I am off to Centerparcs for the weekend tomorrow and have booked to have my feet nibbled by fish. I am ridiculously overexcited. Not especially about the fish, but just getting away!

Moo you work in medical research or statistics, don't you?

Spendid use of the word adiposity btw.

Tis quite true; scans have become more common and so have diagnoses of autism. However, this is because people are actually recognising autism now like they are recognising dyslexia as opposed to just assuming all kids with problems are being daft. And scans are only more common because they're now the standard of care - the generation before us didn't get them at all unless there was a definitely problem as far as I know, it's a relatively recent thing and as with all NHS screening type things, it's only there because the benefits are outweighing the risks.

delilah hope you're doing okay today. Being in limbo is v.shit, glad the bleeding has eased.

Also; going back to lovely spa treatments, I had head and neck massage the other day - twas utterly blissful. I recommend it. You could also go for manicures, pedicures etc.

owl true - I was thinking of treatments where you'd have to lie on your back/front

Hi wombat I really want to share my ultrasound experience with you:

For DS I had zillions, because for most of my pregnancy I was in Costa Rica where all doctors are scan mad - he turned out fine (and was born 9 pounds)

Last year when I was pregnant again I chose to go see an independent midwife (a german lady living in Costa Rica with 30 years experience) She told me US were dangerous and gave me lots of literature. I found more articles online which were very convincing - the main arguement is that there has never been a test to "prove" they are safe and pregnant women were x rayed for 50 years before people knew it caused childhood cancer. Anyway, I became convinced and even announced on my facebook status I wasnt scanning until 20 weeks and added the links (still feel mortified remembering this) At 14 weeks I had brown spotting, went straight for an xray and discovered the dead baby only measured 9 and half weeks. I had an awful time expelling the "products" - it took 2 and half months, 7 rounds of pessaries and an ERPC and ended in Ashermans. IF I HAD GOT SCANNED I WOULD HAVE KNOWN EARLIER AND WOULD HAVE BEEN TREATED BETTER.

I have since totally changed my mind about the "risks" and want as many scans as possible - not just to check for medical anomolies. I have read a lot of literature about recurrent miscarriage and there are lots of studies that repeatedly show that just with extra care and monitoring alone womens chance of mc reduces. I think all of us have been through a traumatic experience and getting reassurance during pregnany has now become a necessity not a luxury. If it calms you down and reassures you then its definitely a good thing. The link between us and autism hasnt been conclusively proved, its just a theory. I for one, am going to ignore it, and think about the risks associated with NOT having a scan.

For what its worth I have also had that "should I terminate?" thought, quickly followed by "WTF was that thought?" I totally underestimated how scared I was going to feel in this pregnancy (of having it, not of losing it) I thought I would be constantly overjoyed that I have made it this far - but actually I feel the same as I did in my last two pregnancies - bricking it and thinking "what have I done?" "How will I cope?" etc. I think (hope!) its a normal response to the feeling of being overwhelmed by having another person borrowing your body, and all the added responsibilities that having a baby brings. I am just going to try to acknowledge those feelings and then put them away in a box somewhere, I know from experience that having a baby is never something you regret - especially when its a baby that is very much wanted and planned.

emoo love "adiposity" too - but had to look it up first

cep not sure when to book the next scan for either 8 or 9 weeks I think. Will see how long the reasurance from this one lasts!

just room left for a little wave to everyone else - have written far too much today!

Ooh - I quite fancy the idea of having my feet nibbled by fish! Enjoy Katherine!

Emoo, Owl thank you for adding your wise words on the US issue. I am taking deep breaths and feeling slightly more sane about everything.
Pink I think some positive affirmations are just what I need. Am going to try that this afternoon. Am also going to try to avoid talking about the pg with my mother :)

Glad my eating habits entertained :) For all that, I got on the scales this morning and they told me I was a pound lighter than yesterday. Think my rounded belly might be fluctuating bloat rather than baby!

x-posts with Mummya. You are totally right (as usual ) The scans were the right thing for me at the time, each time I had them, which is why I did it. I just have to put the worries in a box. Nothing in life is without risk, we can only do our best and hope it all turns out okay.

I think for the scan next week I will go, talk about my fears with the consultant and prob have the scan but ask for it to be quite a quick one.

Thank you for posting about your experience. And making me feel like I'm not a total loon for having a freak out! xxx

Just checking in to say hello to everyone, with extra big hugs to delilah, aandr and big waves to mummya

I had my second reassurance scan this morning and we saw our little one and the heartbeat flickering away. Everything measured just fine. I was so overwhelmed and wept tears of joy/relief. I will only be 8 weeks tomorrow so still a very long way to go and still anxious and paranoid that something could go wrong, but definitely encouraged and feeling more positive that maybe, just maybe, this little bean will make it. Have arranged another scan for 31 March, when I'll be 10 weeks, and booking appointment on 30 March.

Much love to all.... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Could really murder some fish and chips right now! Mmmmmmmm.!