Roll up, roll up for the BESH fun fair in the land (30s)

[Truffkin]

Oh yes, this place is filled with your finest hormonal roller coasters, dodgems (mainly enjoyed by the spermz) and the finest side shows you'll find anywhere. Come and squeeze our buzzwams to check for imaginary aches & pains, play 'guess when I'm ovulating' (made all the harder when you're as wizened and decrepit as we are) and indulge in a little light WOOFLing if you're feeling up to the challenge. There's are even droid shies for taking out your pain on the beeping little fecker when he comes along to rain on your parade.

So, if you've been TTC since the chairoplanes were the latest attraction, let's hear about it.

Ah Boo hope you are looking after yourself my love? Hope everything is ok. Blokes are such wusses (sp?) when it comes to any sickness. MS runs a lot and is always complaining about injuries, sore throats, feeling run down (stop running 40 miles a week then?!!)

I have my spread sheet at the ready & am highlighting Kat & Alps in red.

Rie 'tis Mums way to make us do jobs. Mine usually suggests we 'get out in the garden...' translates as "goodness Sunny your garden looks like the wilderness".

Barbs tell us about your injections - do you have to shoot up every day?

I have no chance even less chance of a miracle diff this month. The sechs did not happen at the right time as MS & I were not in the same country. I am using this opportunity to drink like a fish for the next 3 weekends.

Sunny One of my mates conceived on day 5 of her cycle. She'd only just finished her period, and even though she was longing for a baybee she thought there'd be no chance. So there. What day did you do it then?

I am looking after myself - it's not all doom and gloom and despite this constant exhaustion I got out on my bike today with miniboo in a bikeseat on the back. It was ace, it was like summer out there today.

Tomorrow I am going to dig up some dandelions and plant some grass seed - after all my Mum is coming :o.

Really We did the sechs early & then after when I think I usually ov. Saying that I'm not charting or nuffink at the mo (as it's making me feel like I am obsessing less) so I don't know. I have womble ache today.

It was lovely & sunny here today. I left work at a reasonable time & came home & opened the windows which made me happy!

Mark that on your spreadsheet then Bitey

We're going to need a bigger pen. Fucking droidy droid mcdroiderson. Fucking fuckety danielle lloyd/mel B fucking fuckery twats.

I know how Danielle Lloyd got pregnant though - she seems to barely spend any time with her baybee because she's always in Dubai getting pumped.

It was a whole lot easier finding the time/energy for the sechs before actually being a WOHM!

Anyway, my own fault last month, I know it only takes one swimmer but we didn't have enough of the sechs and like boo's friend, I think I'm one of those who needs the swimmers released in to the wild at around CD5.

Tell us about your injections barbie - do you ever pretend you're a hot, sexy junkie? Or do you black up your eyes, backcomb your hair and do Kate Moss in a pair of pants on the sofa mario testino sexy shots?

Roight then, who's next up on the spreadsheet sunshine?

What's happened to our brownb? Btw, according to the tabloids, one of the easiest ways to get pregnant is by being a woman in a position of authority accidentally falling on the winky of a prisoner. Have you tried that brownb? Apparently you don't even need a long, drawn out session - just a 30 second pump in a cell will do the trick.

Alpine does "getting pumped" = shagging? You see "to pump" means farting in this house, so I am having visions of a 30 second guff resulting in baby. Maybe that is where we have all been going wrong? .

Thanks for asking about the 'jections. It was just shameless attention seeking and they are actually fine. I do two a day, usually wearing my giant slippers in front of the fire while my cat looks bemused. Procedure is to grab a good handfull of belly flab try to find somewhere in my washboard like six pack to inject, and fire away. But if it helps to think of me shooting up with smudged black eyeliner and sexily ruffled hair, please be my guest. And I live in a pair of gold hotpants hugging my sylph like mini-hips of course.

Boo sorry for the continued illness. Hope the Dr's get to the bottom of it and sort you out.

Now I think we have been lacking in violence recently so allow me to give you all a massive wedgie, and then tip this bag of jellyfish down the front of your pants.

See, BB , I thought you were talking about Teh Sechs when you mentioned 'jabbing' a few pages back. Could you perhaps go for a representation of some constellations on your middle? Orion? Plough? I seem to have started bleeding madly all over the place every time anyone sticks a needle in me at the moment. I've ruined two long sleeved Tshirts and freaked out everyone at work so far. Tis a good thing I'm not bothered by blood and gore and stuff.

Pone at the idea of backcombing hair. Don't you know that's terribly dangerous and wrecks it. Pffft. Now, back to the needles.

Boo sorry you're feeling so craptaculous. At least the medics are on the case. Do not fret overly about the liver function test - we do those on people all the time where I work and they often come back above the upper limit of normal as it is called for all sorts of reasons - exercise, boozy night out, medications, viruses, etc. Perhaps you have a virus that is laying you low. Would a go on Mitchell cheer your spirits or would you prefer Cap'n Jack? I think he has just about recovered from the Pirate thread now.

Oh thanks for that Booty I have had swollen glands/ tonsilitis pretty much constantly since the end of January so that would make mucho sense. I am on a mega health kick now and am determined to get well and lose weight, the sunshine helps (but miniboo waking up at quarter past 6 and emanding me to be equal to him in energy doesn't ).

Nicebeaverthanksi'vejusthaditstuffed that's how I did my insulin when I had GD - just grabbed a handful of flab taut belly. Not very rock chick, but I'm gonna think of you a la Kate Moss anyway.

ooh Alps hope bear is feeling ok today? Sorry bout droidacus. I've banged it up in jail, what would you like me to do with it.

boo Go easy on it - for the first few hours you're allowed to pretend it's not droid and it's just actually implantation. Aren't you? Anyone? Bueller?

I'm on a health kick too, am for absolutely no reason whatsoever finding the weight currently decreasing rapidly - shall not knock it although am between sizes in jeans in what I have in my wardrobe iykwim.

barbie Yes, getting pumped is Glaswegian. It's lovely isn't it? Melodical. That's how I gave myself injections too (anti-coagulants post-op (sechs change)).

Bueller? Bueller? Bueller? Fry? Fry? Fry? Thank you Simone.

I am still ill and still barren and still husbandless. Jobs today will include ironing and planting seed potatoes and sweet peas. It's so unfair! Here I am spending a week with my parents, eating their food, drinking their wine, using their hot water, computer and laundry facilites and they expect me to be nice and chatty and help occasionally.

MrA gets back on CD 15. Do you think shagging him immediately will be a bit much? Seeing as he will have terrible jet lag and everything? Or shall I go out and hook up with an old school friend of the male variety and look astonished when I give birth to a black haired, brown eyed baby?

Bloody Hell Aries If you weren't over 18 I'd be straight on the phone to children's services

Oh, and yeah. Jump him. Then, and only then, will he be allowed to crash.

Where the hell do your parents get off RieBus? What are you, like their SLAVE or something? They are like, totally disrespecting you, and fucking your life up. Can't you like, get the cops on them or something? Can you slam the door and stamp upstairs shouting "I hate you! You've ruined my life"! I think it's only fair. PS. I think you should lie naked at the bottom of the aeroplane boarding steps with legs akimbo and arrows drawn on your inner thighs saying "Insert cock here". Should do the trick. PPS. Be a man! Take some pepto bismol and get your ass over here (continuing Ferris Theme).

Owl sechs you say? That is so 2000andLate. We only has shagging for fun nowadays, it's insemination all the way here. So much more methodical and clean.

So much injecting on here! Perhaps our next thread could be a Trainspotting type one, with dirty mattresses thrown in the corner and so on. I'll have a go on RentBoy first.

BeeBee, you do made me laff. A lot. I feel it only proper that we should meet for a drink this weekend .

I think a Trainspotting theme is just the bizniz.

Trainspotting theme you say? With Ewan McGregor in the pit? I'm fine with that as long as there's not freaky baybees crawling over the ceiling, just someone getting one in their womble would be great.

Oh and droid is definitely on it's way here. Mumsnet is making me paranoid, ranty, jealous and tearful (depending on where I am) and I only get like this when it's due. :(

Afternoon Beshes...

'Fraid to write this but I tested this morning and got and ever so faint BFP. Tested this afternoon and it's stronger (but still quite faint). After having had two MCs am terrified to move in case it doesn't stick.. GAH...

Been lying on sofa all day watching crappy US TV pretending to be working from home. Thinking I need to call in sick tomorrow and chill all weekend lest anything happens.

Sods law this happened right after I laid out thousands on a new car to spoil myself as I knew I hadn't diffed...

Very, very, very scared to move, breathe or feel any emotions that might cause this to stop before it's even started....

Congrats Lara! I believe baybees can go into new cars? As long as you are taking your folic acid and not doing crack then there isn't much else you can do, and just going about your business as usual won't harm baybee. But I know the feeling, I would be the same, so just rest as much as you can and look after yourself, and remember the odds are in your favour that all will be ok.

Boo stay in the pit and off other freds, this is your safe place.

RiesWitherspoon will ring you if opportunity arises I promise. Have not decided about surfing yet - I will definitely go in a couple of times but probably won't go in every day.

Wise words Barbie..... Thank you....

Ooooh splendid work LaraMi :) Do not panic. Well, try not to panic, I know all too well how panic-inducing it is when you have mc before. But DO use it as a really good excuse to put your feet up and eat chocolate all weekend which your DP should ideally bring you on a silver tray. Oh yes indeed :)

(I should add that I am still waiting for the chocolate/silver tray combo to happen. Mr Boots has not obliged)

Ohh a win!! Congrats Lara :) Do try not to panic, I'm sure it's easier said than done. Even if resting is not medically proven to decrease risks, it sounds like a most excellent idea to put up your feet!

I was tidying a drawer and guess what i found? A stick I didn't know I had hidden there. Poundland, not posh test. My ridiculous early testing has not yielded results, but I reckon wasting another 50p won't hurt. Perhaps tomorrow.

Started to hear back from agencies already so hopefully I won't be unemployed for long at all!

Congrats, Lara, sending sticky vibes (though not as sticky as mine is being)

Gentle congrats Lara, that hazz made me smile. Won't start nekkid dancing till you give us the go ahead, promise.

Wise words Barbie. Who am I kidding? I'm like that with everyone today, not just mumsnet I have behaved like the aforementioned stroppy teenager with my marvellous Mum all day. And MrBoo, but he can take it. And he's such a kissarse when she's around :o
Are you on your hollibobs or do you just live near that lovely Rie?

Kat I'm due Sunday, not Monday. Might join you and piss on a cheapie just for kicks tomorrow, so I can pretend I'm in the running. But I am being such a bitch/attention seeking child that it's a foregone conclusion methinks.

Just trying out new name. High Priestess was a bit woo even for me.