Roll up, roll up for the BESH fun fair in the land (30s)

[Truffkin]

Oh yes, this place is filled with your finest hormonal roller coasters, dodgems (mainly enjoyed by the spermz) and the finest side shows you'll find anywhere. Come and squeeze our buzzwams to check for imaginary aches & pains, play 'guess when I'm ovulating' (made all the harder when you're as wizened and decrepit as we are) and indulge in a little light WOOFLing if you're feeling up to the challenge. There's are even droid shies for taking out your pain on the beeping little fecker when he comes along to rain on your parade.

So, if you've been TTC since the chairoplanes were the latest attraction, let's hear about it.

I am an idiot. Droid a day late obv. I woke up this morning with vague cramps which have come to represent Progesterone Poo and yet still I POAS! Of course the cheeky little scamp cried naaaay. I am expecting the bleepy metal fucker imminently. I have secretly been thinking I am going through the menopause and JB on his way to work remarked "it's because you're ancient isn't it?" - not realising my menopause fears. Well that's one way to have me wailing all day cunt.

Please someone to win?

We (me & jb) have to make an effort to have sex this month, what with me being a yid and all can't pray to the baybee jeebus so it's going to have to be sex. :(

F is indeed forevah - just because we've bred doesn't make us any less selfish or evil. c.f., career women, drinking, horseriding, skiing, formula feeding, non-mandarin lesson going muvvas.

Sunny rubs the lotion in her skin, else she gets the hose again.

Brownie is everyone accounted for now that you know? How bloody horrible and exhausting.

SkiingHorse yes we are surely due a win soon? The Deli will be empty at this rate.

I heard from my FC Nurse this week, it seems likely I will be put onto a recurrent miscarriage protocol next time which I think involves more injections. Oh well, if it stops the Teflon womb tis ok by me.

Look! The sun is out!

Where? I can't even see the end of my garden!

Barbie glad to hear that the fc are being pro-active for you

ski it ain't over till the red fecker spoils your undies! And for what it's worth, Ay will be taking junior to cantonese classes and have in fact started the hot housing now. by eating huge amounts of chinese takeaways

WTf is hot-housing?

Turning on all the radiators to high?

You mean you don't know?????

Brownie I've just caught up here & see you're from NZ & have loved ones caught up in the horrific scenes there. Is it too late to add another un-BESHly hug to the bundle? Hope you hear from everyone soon.

Ski I had the menopause fear too. That's what sent me scurrying to the GP & leaving with a referral to the FC! It was not what I was expecting

Fish-slaps to everyone else!

Good news about the injections, Beeb. Well, that they're being proactive at least.

I think joking about the menopause by a young twenty something deserves a kick in the nads, Ski. I'm perpetually impressed by the fact that you are thinking about it again so soon, especially seeing as Bear is still keeping you up etc. Have a manly arm punch.

Ah yes, the menopause

Again pony I am advocating injecting some mild S&M into your sechs life. Once you have him tied up inflict some real pain, the cheeky twat :o two birds etc. Boo to impending droid (although stick saying fuck off aint conclusive until the knicker smears appear right?)

BB you can come here for love, affection and black eyes any day. Its encouraging that the FC are offering you some treatment. A very very good friend of mine is currently diffed after 3 mcs (4 if you include the one prior to her DD) after finally getting to the bottom of her problems and getting some treatment. So we are just on tender hooks right now as she is in her 'danger zone' of 7 weeks but she is feeling very hopeful about it all. So any stray anti teflon vibes anyone fancies sending out to her would be gratefully received.

You know when the last thing you want to see on arsecrack is photos of new born twins Don't even know them for fucks sake.
Would like to order a hefty slap and some round house kicks for teetering on the bring of gloomery today. Can't get motivated, keep thinking about due date in 2 weeks, and how convenient it would have been to have baybee now- from gap/job/future/age pov- it was almost instadiff timing...trying to do the stern talking to self, particularly regarding wolrd events and shiz which makes me ashamed of slefishness (and selfishness) but could do with some BESHly violence to knock it out of me.Ta.

I believe hot housing comes form the practice of putting new sprouted seeds in greenhouse to make them grow faster and better. I liked your metaphor muchly biteme
Someone I know had menopause at 26- a propos not much at all. She then got diffed at 29, with what they think could have been her last egg, as scans had shown not much there before that. A proper miracle baybee (now obnoxious 9 year old, but still...)
salad sending weetabix (have you tried cleaning it off things? Nothing's gonna move that fucker) vibes to your friend-another reason for me to HTFU and count my blessings. (She's currently playing the keyboard with her feet - I do appreciate how fortunate I am, honest)
If purpose of palais is to make this whole malarky less black and turgid, just by having somewhere to come and vent this morning I feel better already, so thank you all.
I would like to present this gratuitous eye candyas a token of my esteem

Alps I'd have inflicted some serious pain at the utterance at that comment, congratulations on not committing GBH

BB good to hear that you will get more looking after next time you iz diffed. I'm pleased for pro-activeness from your FC.

Moley pliz to come here for luffly fluffy cuddles? That enough violence for you?

If we're sharing inspirational stories re: diffage, one of my bestest friends had 6 miscarriages and had given up being a Mom, booked a long carribean holiday and whaddayaknow? Thought she'd caught a sicnkess bug on the cruide ship and turns out she waz diffed. Went on to have another as well and they are both great kids, although it doesn't cancel out all the crap that came before fo sho.

I am feeling optimistic this month (I have no idea why and it's decidedly ill-advised I know*) as TGB has been on the wellman conception tabs for enough time for the goodness to have caused his swimmers to HTFU and he is massively up for the challenge that is ahead of him. He originally thought 5 days in a row might be too much of a challenge so we agreed Thursday - Sunday would suffice (well, I grumpily agreed to compromise) but I am clearly irresistible and we went back to plan A with the shagfest starting last night.

I do however wonder how it is that my Mom has had 7 kids with no problemos, my sister conceived on the second cycle after stopping the pill and 2 of my brothers have managed to diff up their biatches without so much as a whiff of pre-seed. Did I skip the reproduction gene? I wonder what I got instead? I'm rambling, I know.

• I am fully aware that this high will more than likely be followed by a deep low when the droid comes to visit. I am refusing to acknowledge this now and as we will be spending the weekend in a luxury hotel courtesy of my recent work prize, I have a droid-beating plan to eat food prepared by a 2 michelin starred kitchen, enjoy treatments that are obscenely priced in the beautiful spa and drink bucket loads of stupidly expensive to temper my disappointment.

*the utterance of

Truffs, is MrT taking Wellman because he has had less than glowing JIAP results or is it just a precaution? Cos if so you probably want to stick to every other day. Takes 2 days for the little fellas to develop fully so if you do it every day you will be getting lower grade white goods (after the first time) than you would if you dd it every other day. Just a thought.

moley this is a fucking shit time for you and no mistake, here have this large slushie laced with gin and sit yourself down here in this nice booth

I am fecking FURIOUS. Sister problems rearing their ugly head again. Please to direct me to the coconut shy so I can vent my fury...

here you go lovely, have a good throw then tell us all about it.

Hello (again) long time no moan.

Firstly pologies for abandonment, had to go into hiding and HTFU after DH declined NHS IVF. But mission accomplished so back on the BESH>

Was wondering if anyone has a clue WTF is going on with my first clomid cycle. 100m tablets, 3 10mm follies day 9, an 18mm and a 14m on day 13, a 19m and a squooshed one on day 17, and now two days bleeding day 20/21 (red stuff not nice brown implantation spotting).

Normal cycle 26 days, Progesterone test results due monday.

Can still only get BFP by drawing the magic line on with a felt tip pen.

Hey boo wanna get smashed together in the corner? sorry bout the sisshiz (where did I even learn the word shiz? I absolutely never ever use it in real life-it's like a dirty BESH secret) I am looking to be suitably sozzled (ta, tesco-points-that-I'd-forgot-about-when-I-went-to-get-the-milk) this eve after ridiculously self indulgent day of woefulness, so will not feel much and willingly prostrate myself for all manner of violence.

moo am sorry can't help at all ref clomid- I think there's poss a clomid type assited conception thread, it might be worth asking there? Sorry it's not straightforward but fingers and earlobes crossed for prog. results. We need a BFP on here, and would willingly accept you despite absence.

(warning:more self pity) I've just bothered to charge my phone, which died this morning, and have three messages asking if I'm going?/when am I getting to?/where the fuck am I? at the playgroup party I signed up for this afternoon. (at self) (that molette's been bit bored today amd I've been crap) This is not going to help me with resisting two for one offers.

Oh Mole pliz not to be so hard on yourself? I know that's easier said than done (and sorry for my annoying ray of sunshine post earlier, I don't know what got into me!) but should help so you've got a head start there. Hair strokes and chinese burns for you in equal measure.

Salade the spermz were found to be below par initially but after some TLC showed great improvement. The vits have continued as I figure ever little helps (thanks Tesco). So for now we've got the green light for doing more of teh sechs. We're back to see FC in 2 months if pee sticks continue to say no so will revisit then for peace of mind.

Apologies for lack of clomid knowledge but second the AC thread advice.

truff don't ever apologise for being a ray of sunshine you goon Optimism is v good. It won us wars Am feeling better know after reading the 'what makes you cry' thread, and watching the soldier reunions, v cathartic! Also rable on about the inequalities of family breeding- it's not like you can sit around at christmas and moan, so we'll always listen. We shall all be cheering you and TGB on over the next few days, though like salad says, if you only do it every two 'in theory' you've as much chance (don't tell him that ) perhaps night then the morning of day after is a good compromise? Shall I come round and do a little schedule, and then cheer you on from the corner?

How's everyone else on this fine threatening to be almost spring like day?(appreciate its now evening, so acually just run of the mill dark)

now

ramble

actually

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Truffers, we too are SWI at the moment. Team spirit and all that.

Yes pleeeeease, I'd love a cheerleading chant to accompany our SWI thanks CelestialVag. Maybe we can get Rie round and you can run from room to room encouraging a new BESH BFP?

Bitey that pic is a bit creepy. The man's face is all smushy, like on scariest film ever The Ring

Hello Moo brill news about convincing your DH - am hoping one of the PESHes will be more helpful on the Clomid front but welcome back.

Am also loving celestialvag (and must confess to being quite conscious of the cunt in my name. It's v weird- a bit like going out in public with your nose pierced for the first time, but more so) ( not in here, but am ashamed to say I wrote post for other Fred (yes ok, it was the crying one. wanna make something of it?) and didn't post it cos was shy Think I need to read your cunting link again boo .)Ol