Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

FarmeretteGiles I'm really sorry for the less than rosey fertility news, but as babs said it's not conclusively all bad.

Lovely to see you pop up SindysSnatch I've been fretting over you a little bit. Loads of luck with the AC to the both of you.

Now I really am going to bugger of out of this thread that I really have no business being in!

Saw this in Active Convos and PMSL at the thread title. I have no intention of TTC for at least a year, but this is the thread I'll join when I do.

PS DS was conceived the month after a week long bender comprising epic proportions of booze and fags. No clean living for me.

Was v attracted to your title so had to pop in to see what was going down!
I'm glad to hear MissMarjor that there can be success after excess! Cos that'll be on the cards if the RT drops by this weekend...no dry xmas for me!

Good morning, you old lags! It's snowing again - you know what that means - mulled wine, with a little shot of grand marnier to zhuzh it up.

+++++

Aeriesgirl - I probably wouldn't be popular with the fertiles for saying this, but I doubt your cousin's story. Ok - I'm going to say it - I think she's lying. Maybe she had the pack of pills in her bedside drawer or medicine cabinet, but I'll wager she wasn't taking them or at least not as directed. And after it happening once for it to happen again...she knows how things work by then..

I have a friend who had a baby at 17, then got married and had two more babies within twelve months. She thinks every time you have sex, you get pg.

If only. We dtd all the bloody time - I should be rights have reared an army of orks by now.

Well exactly, SweetSherry. "Not as directed". Just because someone makes a mistake, doesn't mean they realise at the time they were making a mistake, or even afterwards! Doesn't stop it being a surprise, or stop them being very fertile, does it? She's not the lying sort. Dim maybe, but not a liar.

I'm just bitter. So many people getting pg while 'taking the pill', when it's as good as 100% effective 'if taken as directed'...

I guess I'm just not very fertile - I took the pill for about 12 years on and off and was quite sloppy about it, but not the faintest hint of a false alarm.

Oh well - testing in 4 days..

Good luck!

Ah you gotta love the 'getting pg by accident' roll of bad luck. No less than 4 people close to me - 4!- have had 'surprise' pregnancies in the last 3 months!!

The only bloody surprise around here would be a packet of tampons in my shopping basket, never mind a flippin' egg appearing at some stage.

Bah. Chocolate or wine? It's only Tuesday...

Or both?

Both.

Now.

And send me some too while you're about it. Especially if it's Artisan chocolates and truffles. Or a flake, I'm not really that choosy.

Ok ladies - I have tonight some chocolate brownies (still gooey and warm in the middle) and have decided to mull the wine as it is fricking freezing.

Do you know, I haven't had a flake in years. If I were not already in my leeeesure wear pyjamas I would go to the shop and buy one now!

Actually might get DH to buy one on the way home hmmmmmmmmm.

I am allowed as I have an internal scan thing tomorrow - the joys!! It will be the first time ma fangine has seen a condom since about 1997

Ah. Dildocam.

lol yup. Reality TV sinks lower still.

at 'reality TV' Voicilaplumedematante

Well, dildo cam was fun! AIBU to object to any use of the term 'sheath'?
(urgh, I can't even say it without shuddering)

I have lurked here.

Tonight, I left work to buy Evening Primrose Oil and Vitamin B6.

I washed down the first just now with a bottle of beer. Then thought to myself, I think I can actually join that gawdessdamn thread now.

So here I am.

You can object, nay you must.

"Sheath"?

Was it ribbed?

For once I'd like to see a range of comedy sheaths on the dildocam. Like the ones you get out of pub machines with a rabbit on the end.

Hey ladies

Am I allowed to join your very fun and hilarious thread? There are some major contra-incidations such as use of a fertility monitor, but i have had some pretty seriously grim luck on my journey thus far and I need the support to be quite honest.

On the plus side i still have a life despite my frustrations, am a just about reformed smoker (occasional lapses), wash down my plethera of vitamins and minerals with a large glass of wine and generally keep going until i run out or fall over.

Hi Folic acid and ILKE - hello! Sorry the TTC business is proving challenging.

Babies everywhere at the mo.

I punched one pram-faced heavily pregnant fagchuffer today. She was asking for it.

Ok, I didn't really punch her, I just pushed her down the escalator.

++++++++

Anyway - CD1 for me, the Clomid's worked a treat..!

Escalator pushing mandatory, or at least advisable.

I hope to be pushed down one virtually any day now...

Glad the Clomid is working.

How is everyone tonight?

Ny neightbour announced her third (in 4 years) pg on Facebook yesterday.

I hate her.

I have (metaphorically) started drinking supermarket cider (tramp juice) already...

+++++++++++

Folic acid - I was joking about the Clomid it doesn't work for me I'm afraid. I have a few months left to go though, so maybe, maybe.

Next OV date is 26 Dec I reckon - that'll be fun, at my MIL's house..!

Have a good day.

Oo will watch clomid developments with interest, think I may be promoted through the ranks to that next!

Unfortunately the 'sheath' (shudder) was not ribbed, but I would have been very amused if it had been a pub novelty one. I remember a friend of mine telling me about pulling this girl, it all got a bit lucky, and he had to leg it to nearest pub loos for condoms.

Only available type: larger and lime flavoured. LAGER AND LIME!

I told him I would forever be in awe of his seduction technique, because if you can get a girl to sleep with you when you race back in and produce that...urgh