Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

Loopy - I'm angry for you! What is it with these people? Fertility-flaunting has become a new national sport it seems.

I know a woman who's a friend of a friend who is pg - I had been staring at her stomach for a while I must admit, wondering is it was pg or chubby. She's 5 months pg.

Thing is, she has a 22 month old and a 9 month old!

That's just greedy!

+++++++++

I've been of the phone to the FS again, asking if there are ANY tubal patency tests they'll do. It seems pointless knocking back Clomid month after month if my tubes are gummed up.

I've to give it another 2 cycles (currently CD12)then make an appointment to see her again.

Then I'm going to ask for IUI as a private patient.

Even though that'll prob be a waste of money, I feel I have to at least try..

++++++++

Folic - GP finally found a working test?

Right, whadd'I miss?

Okay, first of all a big shout out to Phoebe's follicles! Well done, that ovary. Yay!

Welcome lurkers, of which I am almost one after the last week or so. Pull up a chair & open a bottle. Pass the ashtray. Hope you brought Haribo.

Wedding stuff, ooh, exciting! We got married nearly 5 years ago and the photos are one of the best things we have, as everything else (apart from the actual marriage, rings etc) is so ephemeral. We asked a friend to do ours as a wedding present for costs only: DON'T! They are ace but we are no longer on speaking terms because she had a hissy fit and demanded payment of a misunderstanding over money.

My dress was under £200 from House of Fraser (I think it was Kaliko) and the cake was chocolate orange flavour from a cake shop and cost about £300 and bridesmaids' dresses were £35 each from Monsoon in the sale.

We didn't have:
favours
small horrible children as bridesmaids, flower girls or page boys
cars (we had the wedding at the reception venue & stayed over the night before as well - it was ace as loads of people came over and we had a great night of it, like a sort of Wedding Eve)
free booze - we had wine at the meal, & bucks fizz just after the ceremony, but made people pay for their own pissup
pudding - we had wedding cake for that [cheapskates]

We did have a gorgeous venue and the sun shone, which was the best thing ever.

Loopyla, your boss sucks. Goats.

Got to go as my boss is stalking the corridors, looking for trouble.

ok, ok.

So there I was bumming around on the laptop minding my own business (oh, and all your businesses too, as befits a lurker) and what do I see but an innocuous little trail of treats just asking to be anonymously snaffled up...

...oh bother.

Well. Now I'm here, I'd love to hang out a bit if that's ok. (I come bearing tangfastics and a red that I have definitely not just bought at the costcutter.) I don't have wedding-knowledge skillz to bring to the party but I DO have what I increasingly suspect to be a flaky womb.

I have been meaning to venture in for ages, actually, but it took a day's sickie for me to do it. I've not posted before at all, but it would nice to have somewhere to come without having to get into dust and whatnot. I'm trying to stay cool in RL, but...

It's meant to be Day 1 of this month's getting deliberately jiggy. Seeing as I've been in bed all day (save for repeated trips to kitchen for strength-giving sandwiches) I am now a) sickly b) unshowered and c) one part woman to two parts bread and peanut butter. I'm not sure even I'd do me.

Anyway people. A pleasure stalking you and good to finally say hi.

Yay! Come join the party Jewels and with those tangfastics, you are more than welcome :)

Welcome Jewels - have faith in your womb! How long you been trying?

Hi jewels!

I have decided that I am going to go on the piss in RL this weekend as it is St Patrick's day tomorrow and I am not pregnant again!

Evry cloud has a silver lining and I am going to drink mine from the minute work finishes on Friday until the fear and deprssion hangover on Sunday - hurrah!

I mean fuck it!

I have so many rattling vitamins and homepoathic remedies in my cupboard I could foil a whole bus load of burglars, 'Home Alone' stylee, if I scattered them on the floor.

I have enough ebay pg tests to build a smoking shelter outside in our yard garden.

I have had so many pins stuck in me that when I do drink wine, I am surprised it doesn't all pour out of me like a water feature from my varius meridian lines.

My temp chart looks like someone being pounded with a defibrillator (sp?)

So I may as well take this weekend off, get royally 'Look at us, we ain't got no kids OR responsibilities!' shite faced . Then I am going to put my photos up on FB and make my life seem totally cool and unattainable to all those peoplewho have their scan pic as their profile pic!

Altogether now! 'You've got to aaaahhhhhcent-choo-ate the pos-i-tive, eeeeeeee-lim-i-nate the neg-a tive'

(actually sound a bit pissed in the last post, am not!)

And have sticky keyboard keys so letters keep skipping

Loving your work Tante

Things not going entirely according to plan here. CD16 and still no LH surge, now peeing on ovulation sticks twice daily so as not to miss it. (Oh the joy of sneaking to the loo at work with my pee stick hidden about my person and hanging about for three whole minutes waiting to see if I get a smiley face)

Meanwhile, MrC has a stinking cold and is not really so much in the mood for a good shag.

Oh, and I'm on-call and stuck at the hospital.

Fuck it.

We really really don't have a lot of luck with this whole baby making thing.

In other news, I've official signed up for my half marathon and started the first stage of my training programme. Hurrah for distraction and becoming a sleek, gorgeous running goddess.

Welcome Jewels make yourself at home. So, what makes you think you're womb is flaky?

Tante, and fecking love your idea!

Sherry any luck with the FS?

Phoebe I'm in total awe of your half marathon plan, good luck & let us know how you get on? And bad luck with crappy timing :(

Also Jars, would be some pretty amazing fucking karma if boss's wife actually gave birth to twin GOATS! How'd he explain that one?!?

Have a bottle of wine on me Tante! Brilliant attitude, make hay while the sun shines!

+++++

Midland Fertility Services have said they'll do the tubal patency test for a mere £325, so if this month's a wash out, that's the first phone call I'll be making.

Phoebe - I hope your ovaries get what they're craving..

helllllllllllllo people...

Sherry go for it is you need it, sure it's only a couple of Jo Malone candles on a monthly haul?

Just catching up, any smiley face yet Phoebe? Tante your weekend sounds like it's going to be a corker me dear. Laughed socks off at home alone exploits with pills. I recogise that. Goats, loopy ha, think of that every time he mentions it and say things like hmmmm double trouble mwahhahahaha.

Disclaimer: I am about to talk about pregnancy, don't read if not in the mood

Well, me... it's been a bit of a week. Ends well though. Get that bit in first.

Didn't ever get anything back from the doctors(not too impressed by this new doctors), however, member I said I was having some spotting? well it continued, and I had a bit of pain on side so this week got whipped in by the hospital for an early scan. Cue lots of freaking out about ectopic pregnancy. They literally said we've booked you in at 2pm, please organise to leave work now. This was at 9am. All very dramatic.

Anyway, long story short, got dildo cam (after two attempts to do do a normal scan whilst we sweated that nothing was coming up on the screen)and there is something there and it's growing in the right place and was twinkling with a heart beat. The relief. I couldn't speak really, I was so relieved. No reason for the spotting they said, could just be one of those things.

So that's my week. Feels very real now though. Got dates for scan and midwife appointment so now just waiting. It's like the longest 2WW, with the same amount of knicker checking, if not more.

Okay that's the pregnancy chat over...

What happened to Jewels and Horsey did we scare them away alread? and what about Jars and The Wedding?

Dildo scan I mean, not cam!

Shit Folic sounds like a helluva week! Thank God you had all the necessary checks & everything is OK, must have been a relief :)

Hello all. Thanks for the welcomes! I've not been scared off - I just had a lot to catch up on yesterday having dossed off on Weds.

Great news, Folic. I remember reading your preggers post and feeling oddly, genuinely moved for you, random stranger. Peculiar thing this internet.

In answer to Qs just wanted to say at outset that I'm early days and didn't mean to overdramatise, particularly in present company.

There is a fair chance I slag my womb unfairly (not least because I have lazy tendency to use 'womb' as inclusive noun for all parts that may have any relevance, however remote). I'm indulging a niggling fear that I'm not really voicing elsewhere. I just phrased it clumsily.

My backstory is I've been working on this demanding, traumatic case for ages (years, literally) and just assumed that my periods were all over the shop because I was stressed. So when I finally got hopefully final chapter of that out of the way last year (mid Nov) I thought it would fall into place.

So its early days, I am new to this, and you would probably be well within your rights to tell me to stfu, but its not that I'm not immediately, conveniently, naively pregnant within months that's starting to worry me. Its that since I have known what ought to be happening, and started monitoring for it (special-pant-snot and LH surges in partic) I haven't seen it, any of it. So actually, and insofar as I have any basis to slag my organs, its the ovaries I've got my eye on really.

But enough me. Onwards, comrades.

Folic I'm so glad everything is ok. And you saw a heartbeat, that's wonderful. I can't imagine how you must've felt.

Jewels don't worry, you can stay. You're right, it hasn't been long, if i'm reading your post right and it's since November, but those early months are stressful, particularly if you have a hunch something's not quite right. In some ways I found the 6-12 month stage harder than what we're going through now, it's emotional quite overwhelming when you realise it's not going to happen immediately.
You're doing the right thing by keeping and eye on your cycles and ovulation testing, plus bonking a lot, obviously. How old are you? If you're over 30 and have irregular cycles, it's reasonable to see your GP after 6 months, if you want to. Having that date in mind might give you more of a sense of control.

Anyway, one thing you'll learn really quickly is that everyone has advice and it's mostly rubbish, so I'll stop.

Well, I finally got my smiley face yesterday morning (CD17) and MrC with a nothing short of herculean effort, managed to stop coughing and sneezing long enough for a shag, so we're still in the race. Well, as much as we ever are.

Have a good weekend all.

Ah good news phoebs - keep at it! BOMBARD the egg!

Morning all!

I've been laughing my competitively-priced socks off at your image of Phoebe's egg.

Folic, that's so great that you saw a heartbeat! What a worrying week, though.

I have a funny pg test result...

...it is a Sainsbo's one with a cross for positive instead of the normal 2 lines. I POAS last night and sort of thought I saw something, but this morning it is definitely a cross.

It is a bit early (due on Wed but 15dpo today) so it's prob evaporation, but I am going to test again tomorrow and see what the blue lines say

Also, DH and I have not been getting on at all well this last week and I only feel like telling him about it if he stops being vile.

morning all,

I feel like a total shit for telling you guys about the heartbeat. I should have censored myself a bit. Phoebe your can't imagine what that feels like slayed me. I feel like a dick, and I'm sorry.

Jars ooooh you are being very low key me lady. Do you have a clearblue on ice for this very occasion that you could split open? I started with a squint and you'll miss it line.

Oh, no, no, no!

Folic don't be ridiculous! I said that entirely without thinking and certainly not to make you feel bad. I'm happy for you. Really, really, properly happy. Not gritted teeth pretend happy and I'm glad you can still share what you're experiencing with us.

Stop fretting. You're being perfectly sensitive.

Jars that sounds really promising... Good for you if you can wait 'til tomorrow, I'd be stocking up on various brands and deliberately not drinking to get a good concenrated wee.

I will be on the edge of my seat until tomorrow morning...

Sorry, me me me me me post: so I did 2nd test, vfp (squinting).

Showed it to DH, who said, and I quote, "How have you managed to get pregnant? We haven't had sex in ages."

Then he said, "Well, I guess that's an end to having all that baby-making sex, then".

And then he got mad at me for "taking his comments the wrong way" and being oversensitive.

He is a twat. He basically just managed to call me a frigid slut. Why am I trying to get this man to breed with me? How did I let him touch me with those hands?

Or indeed

which is more along the lines of what I meant.

Ummm, congratulations Jars ?!?

He's apologised. So I spared his life.

Thanks, Loopy, that's about where I am right now, with a bit of thrown in.

Right, will stfu about it now.

How's everyone else's weekend going? Tante, babes, have you surfaced?

Jars - congratulations!!! I'm away only for a week and stuff happens! (Maybe I should discppear more often?)

Have been super busy with a milion of things (wedding, house refurbishment, training for a new job...), really enjoying not thinking about OPKs and stuff-in-knickers.

But after reading your posts I started wondering whether I could fit a bumb under my dress and maybe we shouldn't stop trying after all...

Breathe...

Phoebe - fingers crossed! Let the 2WW begin!

Welcome Jeweles!!