Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

Thumbs up.

Phoebe Congrats on period coming, although pity it wasn't that miracle pregnancy 'just when we stopped IVF, oh my'. it's a good sign that it came bang on time surely. Can't believe you missed Bloofer, if only we'd known all that had to be done was one of us getting uo the duff eh.

Loops you in a job funk or a TTC funk? either or, have a glass of wine this ought to get you tipsy....

Evening all!
Watching Jamie's dream school in a state of high amusement. What bollocks!

Ugh have just cme in from work myself - bloody hell, am knackered!

At times like these I really wish I were not ttc, because I would be in bed in about 3 minutes with my chicklit book and asleep in 15.

But, of course, as we are indeed ttc, I have to wait til DH gets in, wait with him whilst he eats dinner, then shag him.

Soooo not in the mood either

Ah well, better try!

I hear ya. Sitting on the sofa, watching Bones, eating cake... It's not really looking like shag night here.

I might have to try harder to drum up some enthusiasm later on or we'll be HBTC* rather than TTC.

• Hardly Bothering To Conceive.

Good luck!

Sorry to disappoint you ladies - no igloo. Just a boring pig in an even more boring gravy (buth with barley). And lots of vodka - the Easter European kind of dining :-) (hence the alcoholic tendencies - we're a good AA kind of bunch here!)

Chocs well now you've recently had your turn could be a good time to bow out gracefully and find a book club that you can actually enjoy. Or just ditch book club altogether. 2WW is hellish. Watch out for a jaggy fanny

Tante and Jars good on ya- whoa whoa whoa (a la Julia Roberts, Pretty Woman at the races)

Where's sherry these days?

I'm working away for next three days, (hmmm yeah can't wait), so toodlepip til then.

Folic in a job funk deffo, can't really TTC until I start ovulating....I work for a well known retailer, on the website & have been in the business over 7.5 years and NEVER had a promotion, just feel like a failure & that it never gives me a chance to prove how fucking fabulous I really am. Have massively low self -esteem/confidence now too after cocking up 3 interviews in a year so don't hold much hope for this recent one - which I sould now found out at 12pm today - get the ready for commiseration party!!!

Jars - HBTC - sounds like a bank !!!

Sherrrrrrrrrrrrrry!!!! Where are youuuuuuuuuuuu?

Yeah so I heard earlier about my interview & wasn't successful.

I'm angry, ashamed, feel like I have nothing to be proud of, wasted years of my life, worried about facing everyone in the office next week, don't actually want to go back into work - especially as everyone else in my office was SUCCESSFUL in their job applications...what a great fat fucking slap in the face

And thinking about next steps. Wished recruitment agencies/consultants had open forums to discuss job options and stuff. Any ideas ladies - sorry for hijacking this TTC thread with my work stuff but I don't know what to do...it hurts too much to discuss this with people close to me (i.e. friends & family), strange I guess :(

Hi - sorry I slipped out of circulation there, I was in a bad place for a while. I went on a three-day bender and ended up shooting crack down a back alley.

(Sorry that's a slight lie, I've been busy watching The Shield of an evening and drinking untold quantities of Earl Grey. And sulking. About being infertile. It's fine, I'm over it. Had another BFN shopping spree again though...

Oh my holy hell, what have I done this time?

1 Dinny Hall silver Lotus leaf pendant

1 White Company Merino wool charcoal cardigan

2 yummie tummie vests (to make me look thinner

It's not even officially 'over' for me this month, but it's CD28, BFN, and cramping a go-go.

So I thought I'd get the shopping in early.

++++++++++

There - is that enough about ME, ME, ME?!!!

How are you lovely, fragrant tea-sipping, scone-shoe wearing ladies?

Oh no - I can see things have gone downhill, you're slinging back the fine wines like there's no tomorrow. Go easy, that stuff costs a bomb. Someone round here's got to start thinking of economising.

On the other hand - Loopy deserves some of the good stuff after her crappy news. Have a large one on me.

Loopy, shit news, babe. Dunno what to say but I really, really wish it had gone otherwise. What a fucker.

Sherry, bloody hellfire, girl. That is a good shopping trip. But fine wines? Nah, the bottle I'm drinking has three two words on it. Cheap Spanish. White (It was a Christmas present, okay?).

In other news, my journalist DSis is in Libya, and I have thrush again. So tonight I am mostly worried and itchy. And a bit squiffy.

Loopy that's shit, poor you

Did you get any feedback? I would make sure to ask them to go through it with you and maybe ask them where they see you heading in terms of promotion?

Making it an opportunity for constructive criticism and a 'dialogue' with your employers [wanky business speak emoticon] could help you feel more in control?

I only say this because a colleague of mine kept going for a certain type of promotion and kept getting knocked back. She thought feedback was 'you did a good interview and it was a hard decision but...' but actually it's not! So she made an appt with the line manager to talk through why she didn't get it and it transpired that she was applying for the wrong type of job (they saw her in a different role, but no-one thought to tell her!) and there was a gap on her CV which she has now filled with one training course.

Guess who got a promotion? Just remember they have a responsibility to allow for the professional development of their staff - find out why they aren't giving it to you, and fix it! Go on, we're right behind you!

Jaysus sherry, have you read the Shopaholic books? That's how I imagine you now...think Isla Fisher played you in the movie?

jars HBTC - absolutely this week! Both had marathon working weeks - deadlines, crazy hours, etc.

We had booked in Thursday night for some SWI and I actually sighed when getting up off the sofa thinkng 'Better go instigate, we'll both pretend that suddenly, despite the severe exhaustion, the fact that we have just had a curry because we couldn't even muster the energy to cook, AND that DH's greeting to me was 'Jesus, you look like shit - hard day?', suddenly the sight of him scraping the remains of dinner into the bin in his pjs has TURNED ME AWWWWWN!'

He will reciprocate by pretending that the sight of me, in pjs bottoms and a hoodie, with my glasses on and a mug of tea in hand is just tooooooo damned sexy to turn down

Ah, ttc. The games we play!

Well, tis the weekend now - hurrah!

Any news on your Dsis, though, jars? That's pretty scary. Hope yo are in contact with her and that eveything is alright.

folic what is 'jaggy fanny'? MIssedthat, I think?

So onto the 100mg Clomid.

I'm convinced my tubes are gummed up - I'm going to call the FS tomorrow to ask for an HSG. Not sure if she'll do it on the NHS, but surely as a private patient..?

PMSL Tante!!!!!

Thanks girls, I was in a verrrrrrry bad place on Friday night but some good chats with hubby (and some rather great sex too!), I'm feeling a bit better and NOT LETTING THE BASTARDS GET ME DOWN, no sirrreeee. In fact Tante might use your banner for that to walk into work tomorrow morning

*disclaimer: great sex = non perfunctory sex, as that's what we usually do at the week-end, lol

And I will ask for feedback when I'm in a slightly stronger emotional state because at the moment I just feel like getting into a ruck with my boss & punch him out HA HA!

Sherry missed ya girl! Your shopping trip sounds marvellous, especially the pendant - may I ask where from?

Jars honestly thank you for straight talking, no sympathy stuff. Can't fucking stand it when people are "think positive" "onwarsd & upwards" and bla, bla, bla when it's too late, the interviews done & dusted now - just bugger off with your PMA!

Phoebe how are you doing?

Last but not least Folic How's the pg symptoms & how are you feeling?

Sherry sorry love, forgot to ask (I'm not very au fait with the acronyms)
What's FS & HSG?

I'm whizzing on for a moment before work, ended up working all weekend and in bed by 9ish most nights- a big day ahead today. ARGH!

Be back on to have a proper read and catch up.

Monday morning, eh?

Deperately trying to leae the house, but seem to be dicking around on here with a cup of tea

Cannot be arsed with work today, which is quite unusual - all I can think about is going on holidays in 5 weeks. Only 5 more weeks!!! Am soooo tired!

Glad you're feeling better, loopy, andgood luck with the clomid sherry

Just got a message from DSis: she has just interviewed...

...wait for it...

Muammar Ghaddafi.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

V proud but also...

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

Phone dying, back later with more relevant but less interesting news.

Wow Jars! That's a pretty cool sis!

+++++++++

Loopy - sorry, FS is Fertility Specialist and HSG is Hysterosalpinogram (x-ray of your fakkopian tubes.)

I've been doing this for a while, can you tell?

Anyway - HSG denied. FS said no, not even as a private patient, no clinical need. So I threw a brick through her window.

+++++

My pendant hasn't arrived yet - I'm starting to fret..

Wow jars!
How amazing! He looks CRAZY, was she not parping it?
Hope she stays safe!

I cannot be arsed doing anything and I have SOOO much to do! On the up side, I think my period is coming

Ok, so this should be shit news, but at least it means that something is working! I am convinced that the more periods I have, the more chance I have of getting duffed up

Wooo!

Hellllo folks,

I'm in pyjambols- oh yes. There's always one in the pub, a rough type with the pyjamas on. Now tis me

Loads to catch up on, sherry phew what a sess that was, I googled the dinny hall pendant, very clarrssssy lady.

Jars errrr, hello, what a fantastically exciting bloomin job your Dsis has got. The kind I dreamed of as a child...any insights from her?

loopy shit about the job, the fuckers. has anyone spoken to you abou it yet? I thought Tante had some great advice about feedback etc. if you can bear to.

Speaking of Tante happy bleeding! you asked about my jaggy fanny? I had jaggy pains and was trying to convince self it was implantation, then decided a day or so later it must have been jeans digging into me. But looking back I may well have been right in my thinking!
Where are you going on hols? are you telling?

Phoebe, Chocs what's new?

All fine with me. Not doing the right thing when it comes to work, as have had lots to do, but been getting to bed mega early, embarrassingly so actually. Pensioner-like almost. Will book in some holidays soon to chill out a bit though.

I am in the old pjs as well, and no excuse!

Jaggy fanny, eh? You know that I will now be interpreting every twinge below the neck as 'potential jaggy fanny'

Am off to Dubai on my hols, totally copped out of any culture/trekking/immerse myself in the history holiday and have booked a feck-off hotel instead so that we can sleep, eat, shag and sunbathe for a week. I cannot WAIT.

Tbh, it is the only thing getting me out of bed in the mornings at the moment - I am exhausted! (And again, not even for an exciting reason!). I just want to turn my mind off for a week.......bliss.

DH is away working this week and I am missing him, which is strange! (not that it should be, but we are used to the working away thing without ever batting an eyelid). Think this ttc malarkey has made me very needy of him

So am now taking a mug of tea and some chocolate to bed - it's not even 9, what a lazy mare!

Night all!

A lying around holiday sounds lovely Tante, never been to dubai (apart from for a few hours as a stopver) have you?

Well...

I've received a letter from docs to say they want to retest me for pregnancy in a week. It was a urine test and I did it last tuesday. (was a bit taken aback that they had to post it away to local hospital- they don't do it at the surgery). So it feels as though that's not great news. BUT, I did another clearblue last thursday and it had moved on to 2-3 weeks.

So not sure what to think. I'm already starting to think of excuses as to why the test may not have been very strong 1. I peed for the cup very early in the morning, like 5.20am, and it was a long pee from during the night so not concentrated 2. I had drank about 2-3 litres of fluids the day before and the pee was almost clear. 3. It was only two days after period was due

Clutching at straws perhaps. What are your thoughts guys?

If your home tests are still saying positive don't give it a second thought.
There's nothing special about doctors' urine test and a weak or old sample might have given a false negative or weak positive.

Will be back to comment on all the rest (so much going on) later, but wanted to reassure.

Ta Phoebe, I may have to go and buy another clearblue and do it before picking up another sample pot from the docs. I'd rather see for myself, than receive another letter.

Folic - don't fret. Either someone stuffed up or it's just that the GP's tests are usually cheap and less sensitive than home ones - you are pg, the home tests don't lie!

+++++++

CD4 - Clomid 100mg is not having any side effects except turning me into an emotional wreck. I have heard drinking lots of water helps, so that's my new plan for this week.

++++++++

One of my 'friends' has just had a baby - Mimi. My first thought was 'that's appropriate', because she's v. self-absorbed. She knows about my infertility but still insisted on moaning about her swollen ankles and tiredness throughout her pgnancy and rubbing her bump in my face. Oh well - at least that's one less pregnant person I now know!