Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

At work, can't stop thinking about you Folic. You and your little secret(must be quite difficult to concentrate at work!)
Ladies-I think I may be getting dangerously close to babydusting zone-somebody slap me please!!

Is that better???

Although, to be fair, I think this is a fairly momentous occasion (similar to the Oscars, indeed) so think we should be allowed some "girly" emotion...if you reach for the babydust (or, dare I suggest it "babyglue"!!!) though there may be trouble...

Now then, that kind of behaviour leads to glittery tickers. A manly punch on the arm, and maybe some high-pitched shrieking and cackling over our voddy tonics, but no glue or dust.

Guess what? In an effort to fool attract potential buyers of our slum house, I wallpapered my attic staircase this morning in 2 hours flat. Okay, it looks a bit wobbly, but its better than the ancient plaster that was there and, more to the point, I plan on being pregnant this summer so won't be able to do any DIY then.

Still grinning at Folic's news!

"ALL Hail Queen Jars"!

I'm the same Jars, sorry Queen Jars. I told my husband if he wants to decorate the living room, we either need to do it ASAP or do it himself as, if one is in a delicate condition soon, one doesn't want to be near poisonous paint fumes.

(PS - super impressed with your decorating skills too!!! Wonders if we could also use wallpaper to hide the great big damp patches make the bedroom look fabulous)

One thinks if one continues to speak like this then one could qualify to be Queen Jars lady-in-waiting????

Hello
I gather congratulations are in order, Folic? Lovely news. I will pass on your dedication to Bloofer who after starting this fine thread, went all mental and AWOL. But she will be very pleased to hear of your win. All the best for a boring and event-free nine months

Hello to the rest of you too :)

If any of you dare to baby-glue me, I will projectile vomit then never come back ye hear

...Work was pretty fuckin brilliant today though

Ariesgirl why thank you, one is most pleased

DIY is one of those things that theoretically I love, but actually makes me want to stick pins in my eyes after the fun bit.

I think I confuse it with 60 minute makeover or those scenes in films where the woman is in a pair of little shorts and her husband's white shirt, showing off her perfect pins up a ladder with her tousled hair pinned up and a dab of paint attractively smeared on her dazzling face.

Then her gorgeous DH sits on a tea chest (where do you even get those?) with a bottle of champagne and they lark about, admiring their huge and spacious new home.

NOT trying once again to do DIY damp proofing fro under £50 in trackie bottoms and an ugly T-shirt in an attempt to sell your shitty house in a recession

Hi ariesgirl, long time, no temp taking!

Perhaps we should bring ourselves back from teetering on the edge of baby dusting with a cyberspace pubcrawl!

Speaking of vomiting, folic, any symptoms?

Folic "period drama" ?!! Was that an intentional pun??

Welcome Aries Girl, come join the party! What's your poison? We are all well happy on here at the moment, basking in the glory of Folics fertility & pg skills (like we had aaaaaaaanything to do with it!)

Oh I'm just a lurker nowadays.

Still not temp taking Tante! I wake up three times a night so there's no point. And am pathologically disorganised. So is Folic's the first win of the fred?

Hello Bloofer! (legendary Bloofer!)
Hello silent Ariesgirl!

OK, I probably have a problem. It's only Monday (not evem 20.00!) and I'm slightly pissed tipsy.
But as I am, obviously, getting pg this month I thought I have to use my last 6 days of freedom efficiently!)
And what's more, much more disturbing in my world - I'm cooking (I never, ever cook!)
And what the f* is baby-glue??

oh and yeah I always thought decorating in your home would be one big long beautiful sex filled Dulux ad.

oh yeah and another thing...I'm not ignoring your post Tante. I did read it, just didn't want to reply. I just don't really feel good about talking symptoms or whatever. This place need to stay as a haven away from all the bastards pregnant people and their incessant pregnancy chat in our worlds

I am one of those bastards, but I'm your bastard so I intend not to bang on.

Hail, Blooferlady, to whom we owe so much. Pass us a fag.

Silent and lurky waving to Ariesgirl, from one to another (this being the only thread where I am regularly visible).

I just found a small piece of the old wallpaper on the back of my head.

So today I showed 3 people around my home, chatted with FIL at length (he was helping with the DIY in a very paternal way), went to the shops, ate dinner with DH and during all that time no-one thought to mention it. I asked DH and he said it was only a small bit and it was a bit endearingly scruffy.

Folic, see how sexy DIY is? You were right all along.

Speaking of sexy, DH & I actually managed a non-perfunctory shag last night. Mojo rediscovered, phew. It was beginning to feel like going to the dentist (open wide, this may sting a bit, now spit etc) but feel a bit more back on track.

Ok, phone about to

No longer in your world Folic - see, this is what happens to bad girls who have sex - they don\t get to get drunk anymore
But, being a good friend, I volunteer to drink your share :)

The cookig is because I'm hosting a book club tomorrow. I don't even like book clubs (which I discovered after joining this one) but as we are supposed to take turns to cook I can't get out of it without doing my ideal hostess bit.
And I thought that if I get drunk it will hurt less.
Normally Mr Chocs cooks (I'm a lucky lazy bitch!) so I'm feeling a bit like a virgin, touched for the very first time.
The good news is that I'm cooking our national equivalent of sunday roast so even if it comes out completely shit and tough as rubber nobody will know (and will not say anything to avoid hurting my national feelings :))

Choc, please can I have some wine? I have been gagging for a glass or 5 all day.

Be my guest! (and you don't even have to try my food!)

PMSL at choc - what is your national dish?

My friend and I set up a book group once. We were to meet in a pub every Tuesday and discuss the book (so far, so good).

The first one was so shit and I hadn't read the book that we drank too much and then I was really embarassed the next week (as obviously showed myself us as blagger to good, wholesome bookworms) so tried to be all overly-intellectual and talked strident bollocks about that week's one. Drank too much as well, so then the serious bookies got a bit sniffy with us.

So the next week my friend and I had to meet an hour earlier to bitch about how shirty they were last time, sunk a bottle of and then made an impulsive, yet wise, decision to leg it before they came. (literally out the back door, grabbing coats and bgs as I saw one at the front door)

We then met every Tuesday night at the same time in the pub next door and talked about celebrities and other such high brow subject matter, whilst drinking away til we got all passionate about whatever crap we were talking, sans judgement.

For all I know, they are still sitting there, sipping a lime and lemonade, diligently deconstructing some Kate Mosse tripe (whilst we were more likely to be discussing the coke scandal of the other Kate Moss).

Ah, good times.

Can't get on with the whole temp takng thing myself, ariesgirl - think I broke my thermometer as it was 96.7 for about 5 days running. I mean, I know I'm hot, but...[shit joke emoticon]

I'm not on for one evening and we're on the second page, pfffft.

I'm in a book club too; but it's more the kind that Tante would like, we spend(t) more time boozing than talking about the book, and always have a good scran.

I second Chocs in an igloo!

Blimey!
I know what you mean Folic. A couple of days busy in real life and I miss a visit from BlooferLady herself.

Note to self: can't italicise and bold the same word for emphasis.

Hang on. How about this BlooferLady

Did it work?

Nope. It's bold or italics, isn't it?

Oh, forgot to say, I've signed up for a half mararthon in October. It's on the weekend I would have been due if the IVF had worked, which probably sounds crazy, but I needed a focus and challenge. Never mind that I can only run 3 miles at the moment, there's plenty of time, isn't there?

Afternoon ladieeeeees....

I've been keeping to myself a bit as been feeling gloomy & in a dark, depressive fog. Trying to wrench myself out of it today though. My job is sooooooo getting on my nerves

Probably hear about my interview tomorrow - God, I hope it's good news

Anyway, Phoebe definitely good to have a focus of some variety - I'm pretty impressed at a half marathon and you've got 7 months to train. There's bound to be some training strategy or other on Google somewhere which could help I would have thought?

And Folic I second what Phoebe says re:symptoms/pregancy.