Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

Thanks, Folic.

Things are a bit better this morning: I slept in my own bed rather than the spare one, and we did have a quickie this morning. You're right about the male idea of feeling like a sperm donor: I feel like a fucking incubator, waiting for an egg. I guess I need to say to him that we can't do this without each other (unless he wants me to start coming on to the postman, or waving a turkey bastard and a yoghurt pot at him).

Meanwhile, I have done Highly Effective organisational things today to try & sell the house: I have booked a carpet fitting estimate, researched joiners and arranged a viewing.

And it was a great job of trying to reassure, BTW.

I love your "signs of TTC insanity" thread - you made Most Active & someone's asked HQ to put it into Classics. Get you!

just home form long day at work...starving. Is it wrong that I logged on straight after poutting the oven on to heat? MMMMM.

jars, qui[ie] work me girl, good that things are back on an evenish keel. Loving turkey bastard. That's what I cooked at Christmas. It was a bastard to cook.

As an aside, Mr F and I also Did The Deed this morning- I wonder if at the same time? Syncronised Shagging no less. ,writes note to self to remember to buy a flowery cap and nose clip> Anyone else shagging this morning? hmm? eh?

Cannot believe made discussion of the day . It wasn't me though, I just started it, but the posts are absolutely hilarious. My faves are baby spell from ebay purchase and a shag on Day * to flush out the old swimmers. mwhahahaha. Brilliant.

Evening all.

Jars, sorry, I'm a bit late to add my sympathies and reassurance (and alcoholic beverage of choice)but glad to hear things are a bit better. I honestly don't think any couple could go through this and not end up fighting at some point. It's so understandable and so normal. I know that doesn't make it any easier, but I do know how you feel.

Also, I wanted to say don't take to heart the things he says when he's angry. It's a massive generalisation, obviously, but I think men, generally, are quicker to jump to name-calling when they're angry or frustrated and attach much less significance to the words than we do.

Anyway, it sounds like things a bit better now, I certainly hope so.

As for me. It's my birthday today. My 37th. And I have to admit I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself despite a lovely weekend away and MrC doing everything he can to cheer me up.

Oh well.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVELY PHOEBE!

Sorry you are mizz on your birthday, but understandable.

...do you want to talk about it Phoebe? you can be mizz with us and have a wail if it makes you feel any better?

Hi Phoebe, & thanks. I have to say that birthdays bite arse: I'm going to tolerate mine this year and celebrate it on an entirely different day (in my mind).

Hope Mr C bust a gut trying to make it the best bloody birthday ever.

I am fucking gagging for a fag.

Ah chicas, it's hard, isn't it?

And it is true, jars, I feel like a fucking incubator at times, too. In fact am starting to have massive sympathy for poor old Dolly the sheep, having all sorts of scientists poking and prodding at her in her weird and short life, because quite frankly, I couldn't show my vagina to more people if I went to work in a Thai ping pong bar. (You know the type)

It's all very well saying it is hard on the man, but it is easy to forget that the onus is on you to 'produce'!

Anyway, I think having a row about it is normal, it's a testing time (excuse all puns!). Tomorrow is a new day and all the rest.

In another vein, get all you with your morning sex! Am soooo shit at having sex in the morning unless it is part of a very long lie in. Caffeine necessary.

Happy birthday Phoebe! Ah, sure you are only a wee young thing

Gis a glass of that champers, jars and let's slip out the back door for a fag when no-one's watching. I have mints and some Febreze up the arm of my jumper, we'll fool them all

Oh and HOW could I forget to say get you to folic! Discussion of the day, in classics, bloody hell, you'll be the new cod or whatever she's called before you know it

Pissed myself !

Thanks, girls.

I'm ok now it's over. Funny (not really funny, but you know) thing is, I used to quite like birthdays before I started ttc. Now they're just markers of another year older and less likely to ever get there.

Thanks for the offer of a listening ear, Folic (and everyone) but there's just not that much to say. We've got a consultant appointment next week to talk about what happens next, but I don't expect any good news.

Sorry to be such a downer. How are you all doing?

Morning!

I am so pissed off I may actually go & buy fags and then smoke them. Hah. But before I do, I have a question for Tante: girl, have you been hanging out with Winona Ryder? And PMSL re poor old Dolly.

DH is still resentful about me only wanting sex when I want a child. I told him I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I come on to him and I'm only after one thing. I don't, and I get told I'm ignoring his needs. I will admit that my record on sex is not good but I am bored of telling him "Not tonight, dear, I've been in more or less constant abdominal pain since DS was born". Oh, and it seems I can forget foreplay if it's just sperm I'm after. Nice.

AIBU to tell him to get over himself? I dunt fink so.

I'm seriously considering giving up trying. DH maintains that we should just stop thinking about it and let it happen. This is all very well and good, bu

Well, probably just as well my phone did something weird then. I could have ranted for pages and pages.

's prolly someone else's turn now.

okaaaay my turn then...

I'm disliking this month in that I'm being so apologetic about sex. We had so little in WFW last month, that this month I've been all gung ho (literally) about it. So I'm doing things like lots of instigation but apologising at same time. That makes me feel as though the baby is just what I want- when actually in the beginning he was more keen than me

On the other hand though I have this ridiculous feeling that I'm going to be pregnant this month. I know that sounds insane as nothing new but I feel we will do it this month.

Errrr hello, foreplay is so not off the menu when trying to make a baby. Give him a skelp with one of your jars

And another thing...

I don't believe any more that is 'just does happen'. I mean I know it can, if you are shagging every second day throughout the whole of the month just naturally and always do that. But if you don't then it is possible to keep missing the extra wet fertile days of your WFW due to work, stress, illness, or either of you just plain not being in the mood, and hence it never happen.

Sorry for all the gloom..relationship are strained by TTC, it's so unfair when other people don't have to go through it.

++++++++

My shopping spree:

Cashmere coat
Squashy grey leather handbag (both jigsaw)

Big bag of clothes (Monsoon)

Hammered silver necklace (Pia)

Armfuls of make up from Estee Lauder

Perfume from Space NK.

I'm done.

++++++++++

As well as shopping on the high street, I went shopping at my GPs - good old GP signed off on the old Valium/Xenical combo! (well, seeing the nurse tomorrow for the Xenical.

If I can't be pg, I might as well be thin. And sedated.

++++++++

Good lass! That is a haul.

Okay, so tonight do I:

a) give up & Mumsnet all evening?

b) make with the nicey-nice, put on lippy, perfume, nice pants & a slightly less frumpy top & seduce DH?

c) kill him and eat his remains?

Having A Talk not an option as he stated last night that he doesn't want to talk about it (but will let me know when he does).

It's enough to put anyone off, isn't it?

Ooooft Sherry it is indeed a haul. Good on you! I must remember to go into Monsoon and ask to buy a Big Bag of Clothes please. Burilliant. As is if can't be pregnant, be thin and sedated.

Jars, jeez, he's touchy eh, he doesn't want to talk, he doesn't want to do foreplay...he on his period or summan?

I'd go for B if you're fertile myrtle this week (whoever the fuck she was/ is) and A if not.

Just checking in quickly to say Jars, I'm sorry you're still having such a shit time. I know it's hard (and to be honest I think he's being a bit of a baby) but if he's said he'll tell you when he's ready to talk, at least he's acknowledged that talking is needed, and maybe it's best to give him some time. If you do end up not trying for a bit, it's not the end of the world. I know it feels like every single cycle is vital, but I'm sure it would be ok to let it go for one or two to take the pressure off you both. Or maybe the quickie the other morning will've done the trick - the one time I did get pregnant (mmc at 7 weeks in 2008) it was after really half-hearted neither-of-us-want-to-but-it's-the-right-day sex.

Folic, if you've got the feeling this is the month, you go with it. What harm can it do? If you're right you can be really smug and tell everyone you just knew. And if you're wrong, at least it'll give you a couple of weeks of feeling a bit better.

As for me, well, I'm going a bit mad again. I felt a bit sick on and off yesterday and by the time I got in from work it took all my will power not to run to the shop for more tests. You know, in case the three negative tests and period were wrong somehow.

Sherry, Yoowsers! That's some shopping.

Oh, and I agree it's a real shame the OP has gone. I'm really grateful to her for this thread.

Platitudes about it will take time etc. have no place here so I won't do them Phoebe. You'll be feeling shit and even shitter with things like feeling sick. I'm really sorry.

This is not on or fair you hear...

Fertile Myrtle is the TTC girl ghost who lives in the loos in an alternative universe Harry Potter: she's in there peeing on sticks for all eternity after an unfortunate drowning incident when she was trying to read the outcome on a First Response. [logic]

Thanks again, I am clinging onto my sanity (no, really, see above. I'm sane alright), and had a lovely but chaste evening with DH, watching shit telly, chatting about nothing much and cuddling up together. I did all the house stuff and totally mollycoddled him, which is a bad precedent, but if it makes it a bit nicer at home I'll give it a go for a few days. I'm giving up on this month, like a reverse version of Folic deciding that this is a good month to be pg, and actually, as the window closes, the pressure is off a bit and I do feel better.

I had nasty abdominal pains last night and feel quite dizzy today, so would be getting a little hopeful if a) it was possible to get pg without sex, b) it was more than 1 or 2 DPO and c) DH didn't have the same symptoms. I think it's a bug.

Phoebe, what Folic said: unfair. Deeply, deeply unfair. My heart really goes out to you. When is the consultant appointment?

Please remind me not to engage my pg colleague in pregnancy conversations. She is only 9 weeks and it will drive me mental at this rate.

Thanks, girls.

Feeling sick again this evening. Obviously, I know it's down to too much lunch and too many cups of tea (teaching on a course with meals included last two days) but it doesn't stop me getting a terrible case of the what ifs.

Consultant appointment is next wednesday. I'm determined not to give in to the mad and start pointlessly POAS

On a separate subject, I don't want to sound like a total stalker or anything, but I noticed the OP has posted on another thread today.

Come back BlooferLady. We feel like squatters on your excellent thread!

Phoebe, good on you for not POAS. It must be hard not to.

Hi, BlooferLady . Thanks for the lovely thread. We fed the semi-feral cats that keep sneaking in, replenished the gin and put the post in a tidy pile on the hall table.

Hey all!
Glad you are feeling a bit better jars, hang on in there!

Hope everyone keeps their chins up, I am off for a few days sans internet so will be looking forward to hearing all your news - and obviously about your BFP, folic - when I get back.

I have just done a mad thing. I have bought 2 pg tests. Haven't done one in about 4 months or more (because no fucking point, tbh) but a mad urge came over me in Tescos and the next thing you know, crazy lady moi is at the till clutching a test!

There is nothing to suggest I am pregnant, but I just want to make sure!

Think I am slowly tipping over the edge

Ah well.

Or maybe not...

Damn it!

OK, I'm feeling a bit weird.
When you said Folic that it feelis like your month I realised that February last year was when I got pregnany. But obviously it didn't last... And now I keep having these thoughts that it will happen again. And that I will loose it again. BTW - im not really superstitious at all!

Damn it! More wine needed...

OK, I love you all!

I'm up stressing about work. And then I wonder why I can't conceive?