Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

DH this morning: "What happened last night, then?"

Funny man.

sherry, step away from the test sticks... Fingers crossed, eh?

ANOTHER friend is pg - I'm getting announcements at a rate of one a week at the moment!

cd28. bfn. Yes, I know I shouldn't but I literally can't help it..

Hello ladies
Thanks for the nice welcome. sherry your life sounds like mine, just when you get your groove on, a boss goes and puts a spanner in the works by deciding its' time for a site meeting in some far-flung Eastern bloc state. And trying to explain why flying out 3 days earlier would be oh so helpful just ain't really on.

I don't think I can go to the docs too much before a year, as I've just realised she prescribed me anti-malarials about this time last year, so she'll know I'm lying. Thought I might just try one more month...

The other thing is I haven't been doing temping or OPKs because I know myself and that way madness lies but I think it might help with feeling like we're making progress. Anyone got any advice on what they feel is most useful and least obsessional?

I'm still lurking, just not sure I really fit in on a ttc thread anymore.

Definitely not ready for the chat room on "More To Life - the organisation for the involuntarily childless" though, so I'll just sit quietly and listen.

Phoebe I can see why being on a TTC thread would be tough if not impossible, but it would be awful if we weren't able to help you through this, if we can that is. Even if it's only with stupidity and virtual drinks? How is your OH too? We could always - shock horror?- talk about other things too. You lurk away and chip in at any time.

Merkin I'm not an expert but I do think doing any OPK or temping does get obsessional. The whole act of doing something every single day (temping) or for a period of teh mnth (OPK) does make for sharpening your thinking on making babies in a frightening way.

BUT I like being a bit in control and feeling like I am getting to know my body. Did I actually just say that? Yes I did, but I'll carry on. So really, it's up to you. Also I think if you are in yourn thirties you don't have to wait a year?

Oh and sherry I don't blame you! Any sign of period?

Hi Phoebe . Glad you're still there, now get yourself round this huge bucket of parnsip fizz.

Sherry, any news? Fecking tests, fecking periods.

Folic, you have clearly been reading the packaging on the OPKs! I have to say, though, that getting your head round your cyles should get you a GCSE in conception science at the very least.

Ladies, I was just wondering how we are going to manage "graduations"? Because we are a no-bullshit zone, and we will probably be at once utterly delighted for the lucky cow person and also a bit crushed (and then feeling shit and guilty and mean). I don't want to piss all over people's bonfires, at all, just acknowledging that one person's conception is another's .

Can we have a graduation spin-off thread, first person to get upduffed starts it? That way we're still there but not causing those of us left behind to bite through our keyboards, or making those who are pg feel like they can't talk about it. Whaddaya think?

I have to say that I'm a bit emotionally raw today and am feeling like a nasty jealous loser because I went to see my pg friend and did not do "excited about pregnancy and babies" at all well. I have just texted my friend to apologise for being a grumpy cow. I might leave bloody Facebook, though. I don't think I want to hear how knackered and bored my pg SIL is, or that another friend has just felt the first kick.

C'n I have some of that brownie, please? Before anyone else announces the pitter patter of tiny unplanned feet?

Jars Has the friend texted back yet? You can?t be bloomin perfect and have the best and most positive responses to every pregnancy. Does this friend know you are TTC? it is gin o?clock ain?t it?

Well done for grabbing bull by horns on the whole what are we going to do if when one of us gets up the pole conversation. I suppose we don?t want preggers people feeling like tense cheerleaders and the rest feeling like they are failing on the pitch. BUT, I?m not too sure about how best to solve it as people disappearing off to another thread feels like, a bit, well I dunno, like not getting picked for P.E or country dancing (in the winter) . And what about the last poor soul echoing round the thread by themselves?

I can?t help but feel it makes it into a competition somehow, but I don?t know a better solution. Can we not all just get pregnant this cycle and be done with it?

Then again maybe it?ll be fun like two rooms in the same party, the TTC standing in the kitchen getting drunk and the preggers ones in the livingrooms on the comfy chairs.

I fear I am over thinking it. Prevaricating before a meeting tis all.

Hey Folic, thanks!

No no, not overthinking at all. I like the idea of the two threads running: maybe we could raid other threads if numbers are getting a bit low here? [hopeful] I wasn't trying to make it a competition but I do see what you mean. This is why I'm not allowed to organise birthday parties any more.

My friend is a mner so I can't really go into detail here, but I am obviously a nutter a bit oversensitive and she has a baby due soon (and is understandably both in some discomfort and excited about the baby) and, as both she and my DH have said, we haven't been trying for years yet, so bloody calm down, woman, all is not yet lost. However, my internal voice is saying that these abdominal pains (wot I is under investigation for) are not good news and I am now pushing 34, scream scream.

I think that's enough wibbling to ensure that I lose face spectactularly if I conceive this cycle? I actually live in some dread of coming on and posting joyous news as I will be a wanky TTC tourist .

Right , overthink them apples! Hope it's a good meeting.

It's not just me that's ready to be taken off by Nurse Ratchett then,that's good.

It's a lonely business - it's all about the pregnant folk, never about the infertile ones.

Seems so unfair - they get to be pg AND get loads of attention, seats on trains, time off work, no dieting, and flowers and pressies when bratlings arrive.

What about us!!

No AF yet - I'm in a void..!

I'm CD 28 as well, welcome to the madness!

Good to see you Phoebe, really! Stay here ok? (well, as long as you can stand us talking ovarian bollocks).

Merkin - I actually find OPKs quite helpful ? without them I obsess that we haven?t been having sex around the right time or get my hopes up if my period is late.

Jars - thanks for bringing the graduation thing up ? I had been thinking about that myself (but just kept quiet, conveniently waiting for others to solve difficult problems. I don?t treat this place as a random internet site where I can go on about the topic of my current obsession; rather as a place where I meet people I actually really like (and can say fuck, rather than ?f-word?). And I don?t want you to simply disappear from here! That may be a bit naive but at the moment I feel I?d be actually v happy if any of you got knocked up (at least won?t have to pat your bellies in RL ) . RL seems to be the main problem ? at least here we know our journeys and how difficult it is to be on a TTC bus. < blushes and makes a stupid joke to cover up the fact that she?s been to emotionally revealing>

Phew that was close. We were a ball hair away from a baby dusting there ladies, but I think it's under control now though.

You are of course right Chocs, we know what madness has got us here, we don't actually have to see each other and at least none of us will say ooops, it was a happy accident

Ooh and good luck Day 28ers!

Morning all.

Just wanted to say hello and thanks for letting me stay.

I'm pretty much doing ok (by which I mean mostly putting a brave face on it and behaving normally in public, but occasionally loosing it completely in private. Poor MrC is an angel)

I never really had a chance to say thanks for keeping me sane and busy during the waiting, you're all ace.

And because you're all ace, I will be fucking delighted when any or all of you get pregnant. The reason I chose this thread rather than one on IVF or assisted conception, is because there's actually so much hope for all of you. The long term forums and threads can get a bit desperate, but here I fully expect you all to end up announcing positives in the next few months. And, obviously, you have to say "front door" in thoses places, instead of vagina or fanny, which is ridiculous.

It's completely different to RL and it's completely different to endless friends insensitively announcing fast easy pregnancies.

On that score, I think I have a winner. On Sunday monring, I had a text from a friend to say his partner had gone into labour literally minutes after I'd got back into bed and told MrC it was negative.

I find what makes the difference for me is how much I like them, how sensitive they are in telling me and how normally they behave afterwards. People who spend their whole time worrying about how to treat me, so I end up looking after their feelings (I have one of these at the moment, she's 14 weeks "It's been awful. I've been so sick. I'm so thin. Oh, no that sounds ungrateful doesn't it?" Ummm yes)

I have also stopped reading all the threads where people have been trying 2 months and are sooooo saaaaad and don't even get me started on contemplating IVF to get a girl.... Ggggrrrrr.

Glad to see you back Phoebe. The timing of that text couldn't have been worse. We're in labour texts really should be banned no?

I'm feeling positive for Sherry and Chocs. Keep us posted!

Hey, Phoebe, nice to see you. "I'm in labour" texts ought to be banned full stop, they help no-one.

Sherry, Chocs, you in there? All bits crossed again, okay?

I haven't had a reply from my friend, so I'm guessing she is really fucked off with me. Nowt I can do about that, really. I am having a shit week in terms of mood and can only feel that she's better off not having me as a friend anyway if I'm being an arse. [unattractive self-pity emoticon]

Oh well, onwards and upwards. I'm going to get some work done i.e. address some real problems rather than adding mezzanine levels to molehills.

Jars - she'll get over it..next time you see her/talk to her just explain how the green-eyed monster gets you from time to time. People don't mind that. I had a sulky day the other day with one pg friend and I said something a bit sarcastic when she was complaining about her latest pg-related woes and that took her aback. I said later not to mind me when I get weird like that, it's the Clomid messing with my mind.

Insanity is much more socially acceptable these days I find...

+++++

I like this thread because it's easy to feel completely alone in RL, when everyone's popping 'em out whenever they feel like it.

+++++++

CD29, BFN. It's cool, I'm relaxed. Honest(ly not...)

Good luck CMH..

Phoebe - glad you're getting through it, it must be tough.

Hey, Sherry, that sucks. What test are you using?

Friend got back to me, all fine & she said if it was the other way round she'd be just as bad. Phew.

I am going to take a positive step and remove Friend Stream from my phone, so I can't see my SIL's never-ending litany of "oh, being accidentally pg again is soooooooooo shit" (unplanned, my big fat bottom), and go & bang DH's brains out. I doubt I've ovulated yet, but we could probably use the practice.

Or I could sit on the sofa, eat chocolate & watch Lee Mack. Hmm.

Phoebe - we don't have let you stay - you are part of the gang!
I hope muffins, tissues and MrC are all doing a good job there.
'Front door?' Hadn't heard that one before - creative!

I agree with you - pregnant complaints can get annoying. Working with a pregnant person in the same room, EVERY DAY of the week, I sometimes consider myself a martyr of TTC (and plot bringing looots of very smelly food and eating it at my desk :))

What else? Drinking red wine and bleeding. Well, it always happens next month, doesn't it? :)

Well, Lee Mack won hands down. Is it just me, or is he quite attractive? However, distracting DH with chocolate and TV while I went off to pull Lee was not on the list of available options last night. But a girl can dream.

Choc, commiserations, chum. I think saying 'cunt' is probably a highly appropriate reaction. Go for it. Red wine is allowed (and probably nicer than the shit Pino Grigio I ended up on last night).

My boss has just announced she is pregnant! Actually glad for her, though, as she has been through the mill a bit recently and had to have surgery for something mysterious last year, so bless her and am glad she is okay. So my plan now is to apply to cover her maternity leave (which will make me look keen and committed as well as better off if I get it) and bow out of that in some embarassment should sperm meet egg chez jars. Plus, we only work 2 days per week in common, so is not as annoying. [saintly pleased for other people emoticon]

Okay - test your and [insanity] quotient quiz time:

When you see happy little spring lambs gambolling in the field, the first thought (be honest) that crosses your mind is:

a) Oh, how cute - squee! Look at their little wobbly legs. Awwwww.
b) Mm, I've got a Nigle Slater recipe for that . Where's that lemon zester?
c) Oh, FFS - even the bloody sheep have got babies. Unfair!

Answers:
a) You are far too well-adjusted to be on a TTC board. Go babydust yourself.
b) Can I have some?
c) I'm not judging you. Have some wine.

Another pregnancy announcement today )and she is actually nice; how does she dare to be nice and pregnent??)

It's definitely c0 Jars
I'm going to have that wine...

c) I meant... (haven't started drinking yet!)

So I decided to watch a silly, funny, light film, just to take my mind off my uterus and mushrooming bellies around me.

Got Shrek the third from TV on demand. And guess what? Even the f ogre is pregnant!!

EVERYONE is pregnant, mate. Have some more .

Apart from Jennifer Aniston.

I just signed up for the Race for Life in July. That ought to do it.