Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

Thanks, Jars!

But when I read is back I thought it did sound reeeeeaaally preachy.

Sorry, Chocolate, you should, of course, seek treatment wherever you choose and feel comfortable.

Phoebe - well done on your restraint. I'd have tested.

Didn't know you were a doctor - hmm, maybe that'll improve my fertility..white coat syndrome..

Phoebe - 14DPO and no POAS?? You are amazing woman! I never managed beyond 13 12 11! I'll join Jars in crossing my limbs and whatever else lends itself to crossing for you(can safely do it at 7DPO :))
BTW - you didn't sound preachy at all! Thanks for taking time to reply and explain this to me from your unique insider perspective (BTW Jars is right - we'll be coming to you for medical advice now :))
As you may have guessed from my lousy grammar and even worse spelling Obviously it will come as a surprise but I'm not English - have been in the country for less than five years and my knowledge of the health care system here is very limited. Back at home it's all organised in a very different way. And I'm not saying it's better! It's just different and I guess that different system shaped my expectations (plus we have a few doctors among our family friends so I'm used to free private consultations :)) I don't mind the hospital sorroundings at all! I just want to talk to somebody a bit more experienced who knows what they are doing (the last one couldn't even tell me how I should calculate first day of my cycle!) And it's good to know that I can request to see a consultant for my second visit - I had no idea I could do that so thanks!

Jars - I like your shopping/TTC strategy. And when you get pregnant you can always wear the coat unbuttoned, displaying your bump :)
Until a couple of months ago I had been putting off buying any new bras for the "it-won't-fit-my-pregnant-boobs" reason. I ended up with something so worn out and offputting that it almost jeopardised my chances to get my partner anywhere near the damn garment (and thus it's contents) :)

Yeah, I've got pants like that. But then so does OH, no double standards here, oh no.

I might go and buy a bottle of amaretto on the same basis, actually...

I tried the same approach as you Jars (no OPKs, shag every couple of days) a few months ago but found it even more stressful. My period was late that month and I had no way of telling whether it was because there is something implanting/growing inside or because I ovulated late. Plus we actually ended up having sex more (as couldn't time it around ovulation) which was a bit exhausting and didn't really add to the spontaneous/romantic illusion story.

So then we decided that I will test and then "seduce" him when the time is right, so that he doesn't feel like a sperm producing machine. Funny enough - once I stopped telling him he suddenly really wanted to know!

I really hope I don't drive us both mad we manage to stay sane through all this. Recently I even managed a few more successful attempts at a conversation that didn't involve ovulation, implantation or peeing on something. That's what I meant Phoebe when I said I really admire your approach to TTC. I think it's quite easy for it (TTC, not your approach :)to dominate people's life and slowly errode the relationships...

I'm a calm zen soul, witnessing and accepting... I'm not even going to think whether tender boobs at 7DPO mean something...

Do tender boobs at 7 DPO mean something??

F*

Not capable of much in the way of chat, but just wanted to drop in and say I still haven't cracked...

Day 15 and no POAS!

Counting down in hours now. Absolutely no idea what the result will be...

Thanks for all the lovely thoughts and crossed bits.

Good luck. It's all crossed. You are so patient!

I just came here to see how you are doing. Good luck!

Listen up, Phoebes biology, we are all crossing everything for you. You can do it!

It's negative.

Thanks for all the thoughts, though.

Might pop back for a chat later.

Phoebe - I'm not sure what to say that would help or make you feel better in this moment so I'll just shut up (but will continue sending lots of warm thoughts your way)

Phoebe Fucking fucker, so sorry. Like Chocs says, there's not much I can say to make you feel better, but I hope you're okay. And OH too.

Thanks.

I'm doing ok. Bit tearful, but actually ok. Or at least I know I will be ok at some point down the line.

Folic, how are you? Did your period make its mind up and start or not?

Chocolate, thanks for all your kind words and I've been meaning to say, it never occured to me from your posts that you weren't english. You grammar and spelling are better than mine!

Hope you all have the positives you're waiting for really soon.

o

Not sure where the random o came from. Fiddly phone typing!

Heya Phoebe, no wonder you are a bit tearful though understandable. What are you doign today? How is Mr P? My period came the next day, Friday, and so the cycle begins...

Chocs would never have thought you not English as first language me dear. (I'm assuming that you don't mean you are Scottish or Welsh!)

Hi Phoebe, thinking of you and so sorry. So very, very unfair on both of you. What a fucker.

Folicacid, mine does that tease thing as well. Just as I'm convinced it's implantation bleeding, it goes and starts for real. Ha ha, nice joke, period. It was even funnier last month. Grr.

Chocs, nope, you had us all fooled!

We went out yesterday for lunch and had A Talk. It is so much easier when out of teh house to do that sort of thing I find. Not instigated by me at all but here is the plan:

have sex every day in teh fertile window. We have been letting work get in the way. I perceived this as his work stress but he pointed out a few facts about my work habits and stress that made me see clearly I am just as much to blame and therefore need to take just as much responsibility. So that's good. I will not work long hours this month, but will instead see getting pregnant as my job. We are also going to the doctors.

I have bought three sets of new underwear which has helped no end already. I have also lost half a stone this month, which has helped my confidence too, and makes me feel llike I am preparing well IYKWIM? I am going to drink less if at all possible as it is helping my mental health no end.

So all in all I am going to grab Februiary by the balls and go for it.

Please remind me of this in a week or so when I am stressing ;)

Another post has also reminded me that I'm going to look into acupuncture and or reiki.

Any of you gone down this route?

Hi ladies!!
Am back (all that enticing bottle-waving lured me in!)

Actually in RL I just had another arrival of AF (good and bad at the same time) and just needed a little break from the ttc boards as I felt myself teeterng at edge of the 'mad obssessive bitch' cliff and starting to check in work and everything

Although good timing with your question folic, I am trying out acupuncture for the first time this week! I have decided that this is the answer

Well, if nothng else, at least it will be nice and relaxing and it does mean I can talk at length about ttc to someone (apart from poor DH) in RL. Quite self-indulgent, but sod it.

Am still waiting on a gynae appt, and am away with work for a lot of this month, so don't think the BFP is going to be appearing any time soon...ah well.

Going to go back and read all your posts that I have skimmed through so I am not so self-obsessed and know what you are all up to!

Nice to be back Cin cin!

Tante!

We missed you, welcome back. It's tough out there IRL, get back indoors.

No +ves here, just an illegal whisky still out in the back yard and a general air of grim determination to Get The Job Done.

Am at the end of my period here and in some abdominal pain, which ain't boding well, I feel. Never mind, I shall do my conjugal duty nonetheless.

Ah thanks, jars, feel like the prodigal daughter

Have just been reading through the other posts - man, we have all had a shit January, eh? Hope everyone is ok. If not, I can easily knock up some cocktails that should take the edge off things...

Although did actually nearly piss myself laughing at some - I think we should make 'Wet Fanny Week' an annual celebration for ttc-ers, where everyone who is having problems can join a big carnival of women in their best underwear, shaking folic acid containers like maracas, blowing whistles shaped like thermometers

Am enjoying a mental image of all the floats passing in a parade through city centres, music blaring (what song would you have on yours? I am thinking my dancers would be grinding away to 'And I just wanna make...luuuuurve to you' whilst cycling their legs in the air for maximum jizz/gravity results), crowds cheering. Perhaps a bank holiday would be a good idea, too.

And no need to steal the shiraz jars, I bought one of those wine boxes that are so good for camping. £10 from Asda - I obviously did not make my millions in my brief absence...

and a huge feast filled with all the goodies that are off limits for preggersness. Stilton, prawns, brie, pate, rare beef and lashing and lashing of cheesecake. Wine will flow. (but no Auntie).

I'll get up and give us all a stonking rendition of I'm Feeling Good with a crown made of pregnancy tests. Tante you can come prouding displaying acupuncture needles still in like a giant fertile hedgehog.

Maybe Liz will give us a public holiday for this? middle of the week so it can be Wet Fanny Wednesday...

...and we we can rerecord Kriss Kross's ninties classic so we can all 'Bump Bump'...

nineties obviously.

Bad news Phoebe, that sucks, sorry.

Have a drink (a real one) I guess and look after yourself.

I'm trying to divert myself - just booked a holiday to Spain! Something else to think about..and motivation to lose a few pounds too, hopefully!