Morning all.
Day 14 post egg collection (so, equivalent to 14dpo) I'm now quite mad, but just about managing to cover it up, very grumpy and completely fed up with the whole thing. Symptom-wise I'm peeing a lot and I'm a bit bloated and constipated (but that could be the evil progesterone pessaries.)
But the good news is, I have held firm and I have not tested.
It's driving me mad. MrC has been very strict (and he's right. ) but then yesterday started using reverse psychology and telling me I could test tomorrow it I really wanted to, making me admit that it was better to wait the extra day until I'm supposed to do it.
Damn him and his rightness.
Chocolate, it's tempting to think about going private, just for one consultation, but I would be cautious. You will tell yourself you're only going to go once to have a good talk through it all, but the chances are the consultant will suggest some further investigation and costs will soon start to add up. You pay for everything if you go privately and costs quoted, on websites and so on, often only cover the consultation itself and not any tests at all. And after one consultation, if you'd really taken to the clinic or the consultant, you might find it even harder then to go back to your NHS clinic and find yourself left struggling/borrowing/begging for the money to carry on privately, which could be a slippery slope.
As for whether you would actually receive better care, I think it's debatable. There's no question you'd get more consultant time in better surroundings (although our NHS ACU has just been refurbished and is very nice)but I'm not sure there's that much difference in the actual quality of care you receive. It is fruastrating, sometimes, to see a registrar particularly as some centres have general O&G registrars who just do some fertility clinics or spend a few months in ACU(we're lucky, our ACU only has specific reproductive medicine sub-specialty registrars and they're very good)but you can alway request a consultant at your next appointment.
The bottom line, though, is that often the answers will be vague, however good the doctor, because there are very few certainties in fertility. Without wanting to sound patronising at all, things can seem very simple when you research them on the internet, but most websites have an agenda of some kind and may only be presenting the data that supports their point of view. As a general rule, if there is good evidence for a treatment or test, the NHS will offer it. Tests that you have to go private for are usually ones that are newer, less well understood or of uncertain significance.
So, my view is that private care would be more patient-centred (if you want something done, they'll do it) but probably not better.
I should probably confess, to put my advice in context, that I'm a doctor.
Sorry, I know that a bit makes me the enemy, but I'm a hospital consultant, not a GP, and I'm nothing whatsoever to do with gynaecology or fertility.
Folic, moved on from spotting at all? How are you doing?
On the man question, MrC is really supportive and we're lucky in that we have the same feelings about the process and how far we're willing to go for a child (neither of us interested in donors or adoption, for example). It did take him longer to want it as much as I did and it took a while for him to understand how hard the montly hope/disappointment is and how much of your mind it dominates. Not because he's insensitive, but just because it hadn't occured to him. And of course we went through the whole thing of not really feeling like sex when we were supposed to and feeling under pressure that everyone does.
My advice would be to have a frank conversation about it, but to pick your time really carefully. It should be sometime when you both feel comfortable, have plenty of time, are sober, are reasonably calm and not when you want or need to have sex. Try and explain as calmly and clearly as you can how you feel and see how he responds. If you're heading down the referral and investigation route, I also think it's really important to have a conversation about how you both feel about assisted conception and so on.
I really hope it doesn't come to that for either of you, and there's no reason to think it will, but if it does it's a whole lot easier if you've thought about it in advance. If the two of you disagree fundamentally about any part of it, it's much better to know that.
Now that was a long one,but, I hope, not too preachy. Sorry if it was.