Feisty, Fabulous Forty somethings

[galwaygal]

This is a continuation of the "More ongoing and continuing conceptions and follicling ahead of Feisty, Fabulous Forty somethings"

I thought I would keep the title short as there are so many long ones out there.

I thought I would start the new thread so that you don't forget me

louisesh - no it is not fair that you have to deal with everything that you have this year. And sorry to hear that af arrived, this is yet another kick in the teeth for you. I wish there was someway of helping, but I hope that you just having somewhere here to post your feelings helps?

louise so sorry, honey. getting AF is so disheatening when you've tried your hardest. You do not deserve this life at all.

beattie I remember that you were preggers at the same time and so of course this time of year is horrid for you too. It was so odd going to the works do last night and thinking - last year i got preggers this very week-end. And how odd that I'm ov'ing at the same time again.

I also don't like the idea that HQ are reading all our stuff. Maybe they just deleted tanks without reading all our personal stuff

What we need is a new lady on this thread

GG Yes it must be hard to write a review of the year and not include 4 pregnancies lost. Maybe don't go back on the pill until you are sure. Hard decision isn't it.

Hippy - I am sure, it is my dh who is not! As for you, hope that the action you got in this week, will result in a works-do conception that sticks like it should!

Gum - we had so much negativity with all my pregnancies that after my last son, we decided not to tell any of his family (despite his parents living 500m away), I had planned on waiting for them to say something. I could not take the negativity again. (they were negative on the first pregnancy so was not just about numbers, think it was precious only son bit!). I think keeping your pregnancy quiet for a while would be a good idea, for your peace of mind.

40some - glad to hear that ov finally decided to arrive, hope that the troops are in place and ready for action. Mind you with all the drama you mention, perhaps para-troopers are needed. What happened with the crashed cars?

BB - sorry to hear about the cancelled weekend plans, I hope that your dh makes up for it with some extra "fun" time with you, despite not going away.

Italian - well done on avoiding the cake, I have totally blown my diet this weekend, but think I will give myself a kick and get going on it again..... tomorrow

Big wave to everyone else, I am going to try to get back to sleep in a minute (on steroids and not sleeping well as a consequence). And will check on you all again soon.

What a strange month....I posted on here Nov 18th that although it was day 21 of my cycle my clearblue monitor hadn't showed a peak. I got reassurance form you lot and from gp, but guess what?! Day 38 is here and I still have no AF!!! Have done two pregnancy tests (one at GP's, one at home) but I'm not pregnant
I have alway been so totally regular; I hope this isn't anything sinister. GP is doing bloodtests, not sure which ones so might get results next WEdnesday.
I'm 43 BTW. One DS age 5, one MC last year in Oct.
The thing is for three/four days (around day 33 of cycle) I was convinced I WAS pregnant (b4 doing test), so am now kind of sad and a bit down and also puzzled.

are you talking about tankgirrl Lunatic? I was in touch a couple of days ago, but couldn't get any information from MNHQ. Has anything happened since?

Hello to all, we managed to get away for a little while, which was very nice . now back to chaos. but still worth it.

louisesh you poor lamb - nothing i can say can make this any better i know but just to say this is so so hard and seems so unfair. ....

I hope you had a lovely time - you will be exhausted. Your period is shite too xx

My temporary crown just got yanked out by me manic flossing-- dropped out so that should be even more time strapped in the dentists chair this week.

Three children have vomited this weekend so not sure if i am to escape with a bit of queasiness or not...eek!

I have no idea why tank was deleted in the first instance earlier in year - does anyone know?

feeling a bit glum but hey ho things could be worse - much worse

40some - in answer to your question about tank being deleted - it is a long running episode, there were threads of comments on it. Basically from what I understand. MNHQ believe that tank was previously a poster called "wash-with care" who apparently caused a huge about of problems, instigating threads to wind people up and hurt vunerable people. A nasty troll, who was banned from MN, it was before my time here so know nothing more about it. Somehow (and for security reasons they won't say how), they "know" it is tank (as we now know her). There was a gap between WWC being nasty and then tank coming here, but somehow the two have been linked.

As you know tank very sadly lost her daughter to a virus. Then earlier in the year there was a thread about a mum asking whether she should take her daughter out and about while she has chickenpox. The thread got very heated, with some people saying, of cause no problem, don't worry about infecting others, and then there were others (including tank) who were warning of the dangers of chickenpox to other vulnerable people. Having lost her own daughter to a virus tank knows well the dangers, and in her grief was a little less than sensitive to others (which I can fully understand, who wouldn't). Tank got angry with one (silly in my opinion) poster who was belittling the risks totally, and made a comment along the lines of "I wish you knew what it it like to loose a child", I don't know the actual words she used, but it was taken as a death-wish on the posters children and was reported. Tank was then banned and that post removed, and later all her posts removed. MNHQ later (felt like much much later), came back to say that they had realised that she was WWC and that she had to be banned to protect everyone.

Other threads appeared with people from the bereavement section coming to say that they had been hurt by MNHQ's actions, since a wonderful thread for bereaved mothers had been destroyed by the removal of tanks posts. Yet more people were saying that tank had made up a story about the death of a daughter, and that she was still a dangerous troll. But MNHQ, have insisted that since WWC was so nasty that they could not let tank back, whether or not she has or had not lost a daughter. How they found out tank was on our thread I don't know, and clearly none of us does.

I am sorry tank for dragging it all up here, but it is so unfair that you are being punished yet again for what could be a stupid mistake (assuming that MNHQ are using )

From what I can tell their last post on the matter was:

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 04-Oct-10 20:47:30
Hello again all
Just to say firstly thanks for the kind words about my pg, and also for the virtual chocolate wine and gin.

And also to remind people that while we understand your need to talk about this, speculating on the thread really does not help at all.

We have been working round the clock on this, but there is other business in the inbox too and we can't ignore everybody as we're sure you'll understand.

However if you have any thoughts or queries about the situation PLEASE email us directly and we can see what's what properly and ensure that we are getting back to everyone as best we can.

Thanks
MNHQ

Previous comments from MNHQ on the same thread:
JustineMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 03-Oct-10 15:51:48

fizzledrizzle

Justine - can I ask why all her posts were deleted?

Is this usual practice?

Thanks

Yes if we think someone is a serious troll - ie they maybe trying to do real damage.

JustineMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 03-Oct-10 15:46:23

zeno

Justine, I'd like to press you on one point.

I think it's wrong to have said that it's highly unlikely Susan's bereavement is true. There was no need to say that. A "treat with caution" warning would have sufficed. You don't know whether it's true or not - you were speculating.

Why, if you had one grain of doubt that maybe Sassy had in fact lost her little girl, would you set off that witch hunt. Why risk being wrong on that point when you've plenty of other ground to be sure on?

In layman's terms, and what's really in my head - how do you dare to accuse someone of inventing the death of their child when for all you know it may well be true, and when you have NO evidence to suggest that this particular aspect of their story is untrue.

That's the bit that bothers me. That's the bit that causes me pain as a bereaved parent. The thought that you could do that to someone without knowing for sure.

I think that's fair enough, Zeno. We probably did jump in a bit fast and assumed SassySusan was trolling based on past behaviour. And no we don't know for sure about her story and the more people post, the more it seems likely it might be true - although it is always very hard to be really certain. Those who've made the analogy with the boy who cries Wolf are probably right.

When you see persistent trolls in action from our standpoint and the distress and damage they cause, it does I'm sure cloud your ability to believe anything they say.

So I accept your point and we'll have a think about it, but I hope you also understand why we came to the conclusion we did.

JustineMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 03-Oct-10 14:39:14

slimmingworldmum

if she is a troll and mnhq banned her 4 times why didn't they ban her as soon as she signed up this last time?

Because she hadn't crossed our radar till she wrote that nasty blog post about another mnetter last night and folk reported her. We don't pre-screen everyone.

SS must be feeling.

Add message | Report | Message poster JustineMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 03-Oct-10 14:28:48
I'm not sure what answers you need Dee - we have been very clear, I think. But I'll say it again:

SassySusan is a troll we've banned at least four times over the last year or so. One of her memorable previous identities was WashWithCare. All of them have caused trouble and stirred to a lesser or greater extent (one not so much because we banned very swiftly).

We are not going to tell you how we know this, for obvious reasons but we do. And I'm afraid you'll just have to trust us that we do.

It is, as I've said, possible that SassySusan's sad story is true. We can't know but we think it was important to adhere to our policy and ban her because if she is a troll the damage she could cause would be considerable. I'm afraid given her history we didn't feel able to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I think that continuing to pick over what's happened is doing no-one any good. If Susan's story is true - it's the last thing she's going to want to hear about. If it's not, she's getting exactly the attention she's after. Either way it serves no purpose.

We will reinstate the first post of the bereavement thread as soon as we can because we appreciate that if you have you have pagination switched on, not having an OP makes a mess of that thread - apologies for that.

I'd also like to say that the support bereaved Mumsnetters give eachother on a daily basis is wonderful and we are extremely proud that Mumsnet is a place that enables this kind of support - it's exactly what we are here for. We know this episode hasn't been easy but we do hope that it doesn't effect what you do here, because it's a tremendous thing.

Now at this point I want to say sorry again to tank for putting this here. It is clear that MNHQ are determined that you are a danger to us, and I am sorry that I have not helped.

Hi all, been lurking but not posting but thought I'd pop by. Hugs to Louise hope todays a good day for you.
I've lurked throughout the Tank saga and also feel it is very unfair. We should all name change to tank related names to confuse mnhq (and probably ourselves)
GG you are a whiz with the vest/slanket list how do you keep track.
Well done to all of you on diets, i'm trying my hardest to be good and resist very hard when dh fries bacon, eats cake and biscuits all the time Mmmmm what's for lunch crackers again
Love to everyone
Spotty

Hi all. Mmmm..... This whole " tank" business all very intriguing. I feel very confused by it all but just looking in from the outside.

Thanks 40somemum and spottysox not too bad today yesterday was bad just felt numb and unable to speak. Was 8 weeks yesterday since Georgie was born laid some flowers at out " special" spot.

Annoyed today saw my Gp got another sick note for 6 weeks but he was funny about me seeing his wife last week. Basically his wife is a practice nurse ( I also know her from the gym) and I saw her for my postnatal check. I think I told you all and if I did I apologise for repeating myself : but she lost a baby to strep b 28 years ago at 3 weeks old. We had a really good chat about loss etc..... And at the time she got quite upset , crying. She invited me back for a chat in a couple of weeks. Soo went to see her husband today ( our Gp) and he duly informed me that his wife had been upset since she d seen me and " we didn t want to re- open old wounds and I couldn t lean pm his wife for support"

Soo I informed him I had only seen his wife for a postnatal check and that it was his wife who had instigated the conversation and none of what was discussed was meant to upset her. He ended up the conversation with a " have a nice Xmas!!"

Soo I feel like he s not been able to deal with his wife being upset and remembering her daughter, which I m sure she does quite often without my help anyway. I felt like he was saying to me " move on , far on with life " etc..... Thus I won't be seeing his wife again , unless I bump in to her at the gym if she asks I ll just apologise for " upsetting" her last time. What is it with these people? And they call theirselves " professionals" !!!

Ok as you were rant over!!!

Oh for goodness sake that's all you need Louise I'm sure your gp's wife would be a tad annoyed with her husband wading in like that too...shame that you won't perhaps meet to chat with the nurse again, as I remember thunking how much brighter you seemed after chatting to her.
Agree the whole Tank business seems not only odd but a bit self-defeating really. What exactly is banning her again achieving? Who's releived and a happier mumsnetter because of it?
I have been lurking but again struggling to keep up, so please don't take my non-name checking personally I'll be better when the term ends I promise! (2 weeks and counting )
My cycle this month is making me chuckle - temps are so funny, zig-zagging up and down all over the place . To be expected after a mc I suppose but I take comfort from the fact that my body doesn't know its arse from its elbow this month and I know about it courtesy of my thermometer
LOve to all - hope you're ok Tank - you'll always be a snug-ee you know xxx

I am fucking livid with your GP louise. What an utter bastard. His wife CHOSE to talk to you about the whole subject and, yes, it may have inadvetantly made her feel sad or a bit morose but that is the nature of grief. It does rear it's head, sometimes years later. What the heck is wrong with the man?

I agree, if you see her at the gym, do apologise for possibly upsetting her and I'll bet you she says it's fine - it's good to remember her daughter. I'll bet she'd be pissed off at her dear old hubbie for being such an insensitive twat too. How could he finsih with have a nice xmas???? How the hell did you manage not to deck him. Right Hippy rant over with.....

I messaged HQ and said that whilst I admit that possibly sassy/tank had caused some upset in the past - it's clear now that as tank she has only been on our thread etc and asked why they kept erasing her if she wasn't going on any other threads. No answer yet.

diege LOL at your body not knowing it's arse from it's elbow.

I think I am now slipping in to my slanket until xmas.

Sorry not to name check everyone.

Spotty - good to see you back. Hope all is ok with you.

louise I think of you often and send you much love. XXX

Bloody Hell it's like being on 'Big Brother' !!!
Next thing you know TANK will be accused of being a Russian Spy !!! Ridiculaaaaarrrssseeee....

Anyway Hi all..... another month over and ZILCH !!! Gggrrhhh..... Oh well I sit in 'baggy pant' stage and cheer on the 'Bench girls'

LOU Sorry to hear ya doc reacted like that ...the twit....

DIEGE Zig zaggy temps is ya hormones settling back down are you still on the Vitex this month ?

SPOTTY If I'm out and about and spot your OV/AF I will give them a piece of my mind, followed by a kick up the arse.....

Been reading my other forum (Fertility Friend) the american one and there's talk over there of
Melatonin and Inosital being used for improving egg quality ???? Its only in the early stages (the thread on that forum) so I hope to hear good things and am thinking whether to give it whirl too (kind of like a last ditch attempt) also quite a bit of folic acid daily aswell not just the 400mg we are told but probably 4 times that amount......

The thing is though Im not sure how my body/head will react to the melatonin as this is used to induce sleep and can give you weird dreams. I remember using it before (you use to be only able to get it in USA and I used on my return flight from there and then again several times when i had trouble sleeping and it always made me really fuzzyheaded and weird feeling.....

The inosital is completely safe to take and I think is a form of protein ??? But the 2 must be taken together to get the magic cocktail......... Must be taken for at least 3 months (time it takes for the egg 2 develop)

By the way there are currently three 44yr olds pregnant and one 45 yr old...... so it can happen..... it's just if you can handle the stress/time/mcs to find that golden egg because that's all it takes is finding the one Good Egg......

Love to all

xxxxx

Bloody hell just read back and meant to write the 'kick up the arse' post to PORTH not SPOTTY sorry spotty I won't say a thing to your OV/AF........Ggggrhh can't even blame it on Pregnancy brain .......

xxx

Crossed posts there HIPPY you go girl !!!!!

Let's hope you hear back from MN Hippy, it's about some someone got a reply
So is it slanket all the way till xmas for you, or will the sexy knicks drawer have to open before then? (that's if you don't get a bfp of course ) My thrush is getting worse I swear...so no dtd whatever time of the month for me!!
Interesting muchlove about the supplements. I currently take double the 400 of folic acid, but have been toying with increasing to 1200mg...what's the recommneded amount on ff for old birds? Oh and no, haven't taken agnus castus this month, though am planning on doing so for next cycle. Thought I'd let me body settle down and find its own pattern after mc - obviously it has other ideas . So sounds like zig-zags are normal then post mc?

Louise sorry your GP was very unkind; I think it was most thoughtless of him and I am guessing he did not know the full facts. The fact that his wife can get so upset over it after all these years shows it is something serious but perhaps in her case she never really grieved at the time, maybe she felt she had to move on too fast. Although we all want to say what a bastard he is etc can I just say that I think he was misguidedly looking out for his wife, and the problem is that you were meeting his wife in a professional and personal capacity and him in a professional one which is why there is that strained sense about the relationship. I mean if she were just your friend and her husband said that the talk were upsetting her, you may take it better but because he is also your GP it probably came out wrong. Also, his wishing you a happy Christmas was (I feel sure) just a slip of the tongue. I once asked a relative if they had had a nice time at my grandmother's funeral. People do make mistakes. Please don't let it make your feelings any worse. He is stupid for not being more sensitive but I don't feel it was meant as malice for you. Maybe he has had years of this and his wife working as nurse has brought it back (and him as a doctor) so please do not take this personally.

Tank or whatever you are called these days, dear lady is you are looking on us, I am so sorry all this mumsnet stuff keeps rearing its very ugly head and I am still reading your blog and appreciating the good things I have because you have made me more aware, and I hope, most sincerely for good things for you too!

My old man's dinner is calling me so no time to name check but I love you all* you mad old bunch!

Kiss Kiss God Bless

PS Louise I meant to make you feel better not worse so if I have made you feel worse, please IGNORE me.

and sorry...

Thanks all for your support. I don t feel angry just numb today . Think I m finally mentally and physically drained. Just totally worn out. Can t be bothered getting mad about my Gp just think " boll*s" to him. One thing Georgie has installed in me is to not get wound up or stressed over little petty things. Dh said I should put a complaint in but I really can t be arsed!!!!!

diege sorry your cycle is problematic!!! Quite often wonder what's happening with our bodies?

Italian you could never upset me. X

Hi to all; 40somemum, spottysox

hippy thanks for your rant LOVE IT !!!

Think I feel a bit positive today as now on cd 3 so will be swi again very soon and positive that this month will be theonth ( that's what I m telling myself anyway) HATE cd 1 ad always depressing ..

Thanks again you lovely ladies for knowing " you ve got my back!!"

hi all, louise I'm sorry your gp was so unkind. I wonder if his wife even knows he is saying anything and whether she agrees with him (I'm sure not).

spotty hope your af turns up soon.

diege I have a zig zaggy pattern every month really! I was surprised last month that your temps stayed so stable. having said that, I feel quite at sea now I'm not tempping. Have no idea where I am in my cycle at all. have abandoned all supplements, acupuncture etc etc. I don't like it. But on the plus side, it's definitely taken the pressure of dh - no performance issues at all which have afflicted us in the past . On the downside it will proably take me about 3 years to get pg at this rate as there is no targeted swi at all.

hello to everyone else! Just listening on youtube to the Today Programme c*nt-gate. Hilarious!

Hippy I ate chocolate Yule log and I don't even like it that much! I think that song should be changed to ...'tis the season to be greedy...follalollala la la la!!!
Louise thanks, I feel pleased you are feeling better today. Hope you have some support in real life from people who know how to help, if there anyone trained who can really assist, like a bereavement counsellor?
BB did you hear the Star the week programme where the hapless presenter repeated the guff again on air having said that they were not to repeat it!
Muchlove fascinated by all the 44/45 that you have read about who are pregers, where is the link, please?

Spotty I would be greytank or Italintank which all sounds a bit too really war like. Can I be pinkandfluffytank!
Gum hope all is going OK.
Thinking of you all. Not much to report. In fact nothing to report, Except going for internal scan next week to see why periods have just stopped. Finally posting off my immunology results to the clinic. Almost can't face idea that would need extra treatment, costs, time, etc. Almost wishing I was adopting but I am currently, just, waiting! Roll on March or May. Must get fit!!!

You guys and the assisted conception crew keep me going. And God, mustn't forget I am feeling uplifted, not because life is great exactly, but because I feel a real warmth in life at the moment and I feel a peace. It is hard to explain. I just hope you lovely ladies can feel some of that at this time of year too. I know that some of you will be spending Christmas not wanting to know about it. I know it is hard if this has been a hard time but I just hope some of it, some of the hope of this time of year will filter through. I always think of those soldiers stopping fighting on the front in world war one. Of course if they has been women they would have carried on nattering and not got back to fighting but there you go!

here

Yay for girl-power support.

Love to all, sorry not to name check more, I must do washing up! Such a fun life I lead!

hugs

hello - just popping in to say hello and it's all happening here...

Louise your GP sounds awful, I'm really on your behalf. I remember after my miscarriage wanting to talk and talk and talk about it, the only way to start to come to terms with what happened, yet the generally accepted way to deal with it is to keep schtum, and not upset anyone else, or to start talking but be given platitudes. Not acknowledge it in all its painfulness. Why else are we all supposed to keep pregnancy news to ourselves till after 12 week scans? So I can't begin to imagine how you feel, but I'm quite sure you need to talk about it even more, and no doubt your poor friend/nurse needs to too -- yet a GP who should know better seems to think it's best not to talk about it??? Stiff upper lips can have their place in some circumstances, but it's generally a lot healthier to deal with things, talk them through, as much as needed, and not feel so restricted...

Can you find another GP who's more sympathetic? Such a shame you don't live near Hippy -- I want her GP, she's so kind.

I had no idea that stillbirth is tragically not that unusual till I saw it happen on the August antenatal thread, then for you Louise, then the December thread... if we're all supposed to keep quiet about it, not shout it from the rooftops, does it not mean fewer resources are directed to finding causes and doing something about prevention?

Anyway -- I typed this hours ago and just back to it, you've probably all moved on and I'm way off topic now...

Tank, I hope you're still feeling nauseous and tired. I really don't understand the whole saga, but you've always been lovely here...

everyone else, big waves, sorry for still hanging around... hope no-one minds... but I'd miss you all if all I could do was lurk (so I'm feeling for Tank...).

Crossing my fingers still for lots of xmas bfps and another big hug for Louise

Big hello to alba. Blimey I can't believe you are due next month. It seems like only yesterday you were trying to type in the car and getting car sick and then you clicked - ahh haa I'm preggers. I can't wait to hear your big news next month.

Yes, my GP is lovely. Have I mentioned that before . I hope she wont mind when i tell her she and her whole family are moving to IOW .

Fabulous Corrie tonight. Watched it with DS1 (ten years old and I've got him hooked on Corrie). It's on all week - whoop whoop.