TTC after MC, ERPC anyone want to join me??

[nurse47]

Hi ive been posting on the miscarrage forum but now feel ready to start all over again!
My story, Had my first MMC in nov 2007, followed by an erpc (worst moment of my life) this was my first pregnancy and i felt robbed. Waited for two periods and got pg with my little DD in feb 2008, i had a great pg and birth but was on constant knicker alert. We decided when she was two we would like another baby to add to the familiy, we decided to try in sept this year and got pg first time! (very shocked) I was so hoping this would be my time to have a stress free pg and actually enjoy the experience! How wrong i was, i started to spot at six weeks had a scan which showed a sac but no baby, i then enjoured the worst two week of my life by having scan and blood tests. I was told on the 8th on nov the pregnany was not going to continue and i had a blighted ovum, and on the 9th i had a erpc. I have recovered well and stopped bleeding the day after the procedure. I went to see my doc last week who told me i could start ttc asap as long as i feel up to it?? anyone else ttc straight away, last time i was told to wait and i did but this time i have read that there is no lit to say wait apart from to date the pg?? Im hoping there are some people who can share there experiences and someone who wants to join me!

star I think flat days are to be expected, all part of the healing process. In some ways the whole thing seems like a dream, something in the distant past but for me it was only last week so I am expecting more blips to come. I guess we just carry on on day at a time and see how we go.

This week I've been more or less on holiday and so has DP so I am a little nervous about facing the real world again.

It is a big comfort for me to have you ladies to talk to.

Off to bed now, still feeling so tired. Although also pleased that I made it to the gym today!

Yes, i suddenly felt real tired last night. Went up at 9 which is unheard of!!!! Even DH commented!!
I've cancelled my DW membership as there is another gym much nearer to where we've just moved. Need to get down and join really but waiting on my bleeding to stop. i'm only wearing a pantyliner but am still bleeding lightly. Gone a bit more brown last few days. Does this all sound normal?

Morning everyone.

Yellowtom - well done on the gym. I made it there too yesterday (despite hangover) and felt heaps better after a 7k run on the treadmill.

star - sorry to hear you've been feeling a bit flat - I know what you mean.

I'm back at work today after the week off (2 days for post ERPC recovery and then it was a public hol here for the rest of the week) and no-one here knows other than one female colleague and I'm finding it v hard to field all the "did you have a lovely holiday" questions - grrr...... in some ways I feel like wearing a placard with "I've just had an MC" on it - I can't work out if I do want people's sympathy or not. I think my brain is not functioning well at the moment though - I was awake from 3am today with my mind whirring and so consequently functioning in something of a haze today....

Sorry for the rather glum post. On a more positive note, I've just received a letter from HMRC advising that I overpaid tax in 2005/2005 by 1187 quid and I should expect this rebate shortly - wonder what I can spend it on!

sparkly, rach, brought, nurse and others I may have missed (sorry!) - how are you all today?

Morning, well went out last night had a brilliant night out with some close friends. We got talking at the end of the night and my close friend let slip she is pg, but also we had the same due date! I haven't stopped crying since we got home last night. I told her I was really pleased for her and all that, and I am but I'm devastated for my self. All I can think is scan dates due date, how am I going to feel when she has the baby? I can't stopped crying I look a wreck! DH is trying to help but I feel he doesn't understand how I feel! I feel so robbed of mt baby, and why me again! Its so not fair! I'm still in bed, I don't want to get up or see anyone. I was doing so well and now I feel I'm back to square one! Sorry for rant just feel like s**t!

Morning, well went out last night had a brilliant night out with some close friends. We got talking at the end of the night and my close friend let slip she is pg, but also we had the same due date! I haven't stopped crying since we got home last night. I told her I was really pleased for her and all that, and I am but I'm devastated for my self. All I can think is scan dates due date, how am I going to feel when she has the baby? I can't stopped crying I look a wreck! DH is trying to help but I feel he doesn't understand how I feel! I feel so robbed of mt baby, and why me again! Its so not fair! I'm still in bed, I don't want to get up or see anyone. I was doing so well and now I feel I'm back to square one! Sorry for rant just feel like s**t!

Why the hell does my phone post two replies! I can't do anything right!

Why the hell does my phone post two replies! I can't do anything right!

Oh nurse I'm so sorry that you're feeling so upset. Not sure if it helps but after my first mc i found out that my business partner had got pregnant 3 weeks after me so had to go through her whole pregnancy thinking that should be me plus 3 weeks. It wasn't easy and it isn't now seeing her with her 6 month baby but somehow I've found a way to cope with it.
I really understand the 'it's not fair' and 'where's my baby' feeling. Everytime there is an announcement or baby pics etc i feel the same. I am happy for them but I do wonder when/if it'll be my turn.
It will be tough seeing her pregnancy and baby but you will manage, it is a cliche but time does make things hurt a little less. it doesn't go away but you learn to cope with it a little better. Please know that we are here for you and feel free to rant and rage as it will hopefully help you a little to get it out.

wonnay hurrah re the tax, so much fun to work out what to do with unexpected money. The plans you can make are almost more fun than the actual spending.
And I totally emphasise with the not being sure if I want sympathy or not. Part of me almost feels like telling people in the street/supermarket etc 'be nice to me, have you any idea what I've been through' In the same way I'm doing psychotherapy training and we role play but with our real issues but I've so far not mentioned this. It'd be such a bombshell and wouldn't want to be 'known' for this for the rest of the course. But at the same time when people are talking about the hard week they have I do feel like blurting 'but what about me, I've had a mc and ERPC and it's my second' That would at least cause a big reaction and bit of a drama and lots of sympathy but at the same time I'm not sure if I want that. it is a funny feeling and I guess I feel reassured that you feel the same way!
My brain is also not working properly. I am sleeping well but very very tired still. And i feel like I just can't concentrate on anything and keep forgetting things...it is even a bit of challenge to follow a recipe for example, never mind anything more challenging.

Star re bleeding mine went brown for a couple of days before stopping, so sound perfectly normal to me.

You know I think we are all going to have our little set backs and our down days as we venture out into the world again. i feel mainly ok but haven't really been anywhere, done anything or seen anyone except DP. It feels really safe but I think I am still feeling vulnerable so could easily take a 'knock' in the real world with something that wouldn't normally bother me iykwim

Big hugs to everyone, hope you're doing ok.

Oh nurse -that's really tough and you have my sympathies. Well done for being such a nice friend and telling her you are pleased for her. Your reaction is completely understandable and we will have knocks like that and we will just have to wait for time to do its healing. Sending lots of thoughts to you x

Yellowtomato - I'm exactly the same about wanting to tell random people and blurting it out to those I know as well (v reassuring to know it's not just me). I did end up telling another female colleague today who was just lovely and I'm glad I did. Interesting re: your psychotherapy training - I can understand you not wanting it to be known for the rest of the course. I hope you are enjoying the course anyway.

RE: bleeding - one week on I am still bleeding like a light-ish period but I think that it's been that way since I stopped taking the methergine. I think it's a question of everyone's different and what's normal will vary quite a lot. I do think I have a case of oral thrush from the antibiotics though - nice!

Hope the rest of you are having nice Sundays.

hi ladies, just got back from my pamper weekend with the girls it was fab and i feel fab!! The first time since my mmc i actally feel relaxed and in control, im just hoping its a perminant thing and not just temp. Anyway feel great right now and can really start putting my head back into ttc again next month.

Hope you ladies have had a fab weekend, sorry havent had chance to read all the weekend posts, on my phone today.
X

Oh nurse , so sorry you had to go through that last night, I'm sure you will be lucky soon and carrying one of your own. Then you will be so focused on the one you have in your tum and not give the one you didn't . Incedently, when I had my dd, I was pregnant at the same time as my sister in law, and found we were both comparing what our babies were doing and when so much so that I have to say it caused some resentment and un-necessary worry. It will happen for you nurse xxxx

wonnay good for you being back in the gym, and back up to 7k already! I don't go to the gym but road run instead, and managed 6k today but it was VERY slow and nearly killed me! And some little chav on a bike nearly hit me whilst he was riding on the path past me doing a roar in my ear as he went by. Next time he's getting shoved off.

Hope you are feeling a bit brighter today star

waves>> to everyone else :).

Thanks for the support, I've been crying now all day! Everything seems to have got to me today! I just know the next couple of months are going to be hard, the fact she's pg doesn't bother me I just can't believe we had the same due date that's what's going to break my heart, in six months how can I hold her baby and not be upset??? I don't think I can! Its made me question as well should we ttc as I don't think I'm strong enough to cope if I mc again, I really couldn't handle it! God I feel so low, and just don't know how to pull myself out of it.
I'm back in work tomorrow too I'm not looking forward to that think I'm going to cry a lot. I'm off to bed for an early night had a bad headache and haven't eaten a thing all day. Again sorry for negative rant x

Thanks for the support, I've been crying now all day! Everything seems to have got to me today! I just know the next couple of months are going to be hard, the fact she's pg doesn't bother me I just can't believe we had the same due date that's what's going to break my heart, in six months how can I hold her baby and not be upset??? I don't think I can! Its made me question as well should we ttc as I don't think I'm strong enough to cope if I mc again, I really couldn't handle it! God I feel so low, and just don't know how to pull myself out of it.
I'm back in work tomorrow too I'm not looking forward to that think I'm going to cry a lot. I'm off to bed for an early night had a bad headache and haven't eaten a thing all day. Again sorry for negative rant x

I'm so sorry to hear you've had such a bad day nurse Maybe it will have helped to get it out of your system a bit today and things might seem brighter tomorrow?
I really feel for you and wish I could do more to make you feel better. Maybe try to eat something because maybe low blood sugar/lack of food could be making you feel even more down? Hope you sleep well tonight, let us know how you're getting on tomorrow.

Yellow thanks it helps just chatting on here and be able to be honest about my feelings and not be judged. It makes me feel better too to know that what I'm feeling is normal and I'm not being selfish.x

Yellow thanks it helps just chatting on here and be able to be honest about my feelings and not be judged. It makes me feel better too to know that what I'm feeling is normal and I'm not being selfish.x

hi nurse, your not being selfish, your grieving.
You will get through this, it DOES get easier. Im 8 weeks on now as feel alot better about things, can look back now and realise at times i was compleatly ingrossed in grief.
A mile stone for me was last week i had a pampers email to say i would of been 21 weeks, i didnt even realise?? Such a big milestone to miss, but kinda made me realise id come along way!
My SIL is pregnant, and three weeks infront of where i would of been, im not going to lie, its hard seeing her pg progress and them get excited.
Ice had to start to plan my future, as two months ago my future was planning for my baby, for me thats the hardest thing.
Take care of yourself,get plenty of rest and yes please eat something, even if its just toast, it will help you feel less tired and down.
So sorry your going through this, i feel your pain. X

nurse please chat away, that's what we're here for. It is totally normal and you are not selfish at all. Please be gentle and kind to yourself and as rach says, start with eating. It sounds silly but if you look after your body it will help your mind too.

Nurse sorry you're having a bad day :( Don't be too harsh on yourself - this is the place to let those feelings out so don't feel about them! You're not selfish - just perfectly normal!

If it makes you feel better I can confess some weird feeling too - my brother in law got married a few months ago and I would be rally upset if I found out that they are pregnant in the near future -- I know I am a silly stupid cow and I absolutely don't wish them badly at all it's just human nature!!!!!

I think this is why a forum like this is important - no one judges you and everyone has gone through pretty much the same emotional roller coaster and sometimes you have to talk about your feelings to someone other than partner/family/friends so please rant all you want!

As for me - was an OK day, didn't do much really in fact I think I might go for a walk just to get a breath of fresh air, other than a gym session I spent most of today vegging on the sofa :(

Hope you feel better nurse and yes, pls eat something :) and hope you all have a good evening! xx

rach that must have been difficult :( on the day of my ERPC I got a confirmation email from the NCT classes I signed up for that I have a place :(
Now I'm trying to get in touch with them to cancel/refund them and will have to explain everything :(

Nurse, i have a good friend that is a couple of weeks ahead of what i would have been, so again i understand the torment. What i've found worse is i saw her yesterday and she wasn't quite her normal self around me so i know she's feeling aware of this. She's ust so lovely that she'll be feeling like she doesn't want to flaunt it in my face. She was still chatty but definately felt she kept a little distance (we were in a big group situation).

Wonnay and Beesok, you are both making me feel soooo lazy!! I think my aim for this week is sign up to the new gyjm where i live now.

Wonnay and Yellowtomato, i empathise with the random blurting out. I've had quite a few people ask since we found out if we are having any more. I got asked yesterday actually. I managed to mutter, yes we would but came across really awkward so she probably thinks i'm up the duff or at least trying. The first time i was asked i ended up telling them as i hadn't prepared myself with an answer so was caught off guard. I'm a terrible lier (even if it's just witholding information) which is why i look awkward.

I've gone to a pale brownish bleed now. Not a great deal. Bought a few preg tests today also. Did one earlier to check if the hormone has gone yet and my body still thinks i'm pregnant :(. Will leave another week and re test.
How long after an ERPC can it take to get out of our system?
Also, a little personal, but has anyone had sex yet? I'm a little worried in case it will hurt and DH has admitted he feels a bit funny about it. I'm only a week post op so need to wait another week before we can even think about it anyway but wondered what your thought were, esp those who have had the op before.

i spotted for the 20 days after my mmc, but yes we did have sex around 10days after, it felt very raw physically and mentally but i needed someone to be close to...
After four weeks everything felt quite normal for me, but i suppose e eryone is different.
Ive booked in for my first pilates class on tuesday as ive been left with abit of a tum post mc, which again is a constant reminder....

Morning all.

Nurse - how are you feeling today? I do hope you managed a good night's sleep and will be ok at work today. As star mentioned, sometimes it's good to have some sort of stock answer prepared. Up to you really. Thinking of you x

I have much admiraion for those of you who have done the PG tests - I just don't think I could face seeing the positive come up.... I think it can take 3-4 weeks for the levels to get to a level where they wouldn't show on an HPT. I have read somewhere that HCG levels in your blood need to be less than 5 in order to start ttc....

Re: sex - I read somewhere (can you tell I've done a lot of reading on this...?!) that you should wait til the bleeding stops (I think in case of infection) but other than that there shouldn't be anything stopping you physically. I was a bit worried last night as bleeding suddely seemed much heavier but I blame it on the rather punishing road run I did. I'm desperate for it to go before Thursday when we're off on our luxury weekend..... rach - glad to hear your pampering weekend was such a success - good for you.

beesok - I winced when I saw your post re: NCT classes - seems so unfair. I hope telling them won't be too difficult.

brought - very at the chav on a bike for you - people are so bloomin thoughtless sometimes...

yellowtomato, sparkly and others - hope you all have a good Monday

Hello

may I join you lovely ladies?

Lots of names I recognise from Jue in June and the mc thread and some new names too. I'm so sorry we're all here but thank you nurse47 for starting this thread. I too looked on the other ttc after mc thread, it seems like it's full of lots of lovely ladies but right now I think I need the comfort of names already familiar to me, plus so many of us are at exactly the same point since our mcs.

I guess I don't really belong here as I ended up going natural (not through choice) instead of ERPC but I hope you'll still allow me to be here. For those who I didn't know before I'll keep it brief but I had a mmc, at around 10 weeks (after having seen the heartbeat a couple of weeks earlier) finally completed last Sat after knowing it was over and being in limbo for over a week. I was hoping for the op but my body eventually got going, altho it got stuck so I did end up having it removed but didn't need an op.

I'm only bleeding a tiny bit now. I had to go back for a scan on Friday to see if I was all clear but there's still some tissue remaining. I'm really fed up about this as it's exactly why I wanted the op instead of going natural. They also took bloods and I've just heard that my hcg levels are still "highish" so they've got to keep monitoring me. I asked what would happen if they did't go down but they said they'd talk about that if it happened. Does anyone know? I guess they're trying to put me off asking "what ifs?" but I like to be fully informed! Could it mean that I'll still need an op?

As far as ttc goes, I range from feeling too frightened to even contemplate to having overwhelming feelings of wanting to be pg like yesterday. I want to wait for at least 1 af - if my body still thinks it's pg, that could well be a way off.

Forgot to add, i'm 33, this was my first pg.

I have something awful to admit to, I still keep reading Jue in June, I can't help it but I'm sure it's not helping me emotionally. I feel envious of everyone on there then just feel so awful when anyone else has to leave. Is anyone else still reading it or am I just a bit messed up? Should I stop? Don't be polite!

Hi Meltobe , welcome, of course you belong here! I don't think you're messed up at all to still be reading Jue in June, I've weaned myself away from the sadder threads to a certain extent, but it is comforting to see familiar names. You'll probably find in time that you hang out here more, when you're ready to move on. At the moment it's very raw for you. I don't know about the hcg I'm afraid, they took my bloods but no idea what they did with it and I never got any feedback. I'm hopeless at asking the right questions I think.
Nurse, I'm so sorry you had a bad weekend, I feel awful for not being around. I'd be the same as you I think, we're meant to be meeting up with one of DH's best friends on Thursday and his wife is pregnant. I think she's a couple of weeks behind where I would have been, but I am dreading seeing her and her little bump, and having to look really pleased for her when I'm crumbling inside. If she's due around the same date I'll find it hard to keep it together. I hope things look a bit brighter for you today.
Re the sex, I don't know if I'm a bit weird now but we didn't really let events alter our dullroutine passionate desire. I was probably secretly hoping to conceive again straight away initially, but that's not the focus any more. In fact I'm feeling a bit indifferent to it at the moment, the thought of spending most of next year pregnant is quite exhausting! I think my period has sapped my energy. I stopped taking my vitamins actually but should resume, I don't know how long folic acid hangs around in the system for, perhaps I still have a reserve, but should top myself up. Hi everyone else, it is nice to have some MN pals.