First post - Likelihood to conceive at 18?

[Kazine]

I know what you are probably thinking - "Why is this girl trying to conceive at 18, she is just a child herself?" But I do have my reasons for trying to conceive, number one being that a baby is what I want more than anything. Number two being that I suffer from very bad depression, and the idea of a baby is the one thing that keeps me in a consistently happy mood. I wouldn't say that I was still a child myself as I have been through more difficulties in my 18 years than some people go through in a lifetime. I hope you will all treat me as just another mum-to-be trying to conceive!

Now, onto my question. Since I am so young, and my partner is also young, is there a greater chance of me conceiving? I know it can take a while to get pregnant, but I'm just wondering if the process of conception may possibly arrive sooner because of my age? :)

Thanks for your help,
Kazine x

Having suffered severe PND myself, I would say it's definitely not advisable to have another baby until you are fully better yourself.

You've posted on a forum, you will get people's opinions I'm afraid.

oh, are you in the states?

Kazine - sorry but I am sat here shaking my head. In answer to your question yes you will probably conceive fairly quickly at your age but as Nagoo said the issue is not your age but your health.

I had PN Depression after both my DC and it is not a nice place to be - as you will be aware with suffering from depression. The lack of sleep you will go through is like nothing you can imagine and with myself that made the PND seem twenty times worse, try that for 2/3 years if your lucky.

Please talk to your Dr about your wish for a baby because if you are taking anything for the depression should you be trying to conceive.

Kazine, I really wish I could wish you the best of luck but as I have a friend who suffered from depression for years was in a situation much like yours, I can't.

She was a bit older than you but your situation is very similar. She had a DS and suffered from PND for a long time once the reality of the feeding every couple of hours and having no sleep and feeling exhausted hit her. She gave up her job and moved back in with her mother and it took a long long time for her to adjust.

I hope you make the decision to have a child solely on one of wanting to love them and not a way out of your present life.

I know you don't want to hear it but she wishes she had waited.

Please talk to your gp or to a counsellor or someone. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

That's the issue Kazine, it's not for "at the moment". It's for the next 18 years of your life.

And yes, I'd counsel anyone with active depression who wants to get pregnant, to get their depression as under control as they can before they conceived. Whatever their age.

It doesn't mean holding off until you're 30, or 25, or 20, just until you can get help and get it under control - and then ttc. The baby isn't a cure, it really isn't.

I'm sure you're going to be a fantastic mum and soon, but really do try to get help first, for your baby's sake.

I have read what you have put. Have YOU read what we have put?

I would advise anyone who has had depression to make sure they have made steps to get help and support before having a baby and think very carefully why they want a baby.

Sadly, no, I don't think anything we say will change your mind and we aren't saying never have a baby, just not yet.

I feel sorry for the baby tbh, such expectations and it hasn't even been conceived yet.

Kazine - what is your partner's view on this? Are you both in a practical/financial position to be able to support yourselves and a baby? I don't want to be negative but you could be about to make life very very difficult for yourselves. Why the rush? Why not focus on yourselves for a while and try to enjoy life a bit first? Get some skills that you can come back to later...you won't be able to stay home with a baby forever.

KAzine- you still haven't answered my question as to whether you have spent much time around babies, whether you have ever actually cared for one yourself. I would still like to know the answer. You have this image in your head of the baby you so desperately want- where does this image come from?

OP you say "it's very unlikely that I will still be depressed by the time the baby would arrive" - but you also said "I suffer from very bad depression" and "my depression periods don't usually last too long, 3 or 4 months usually" - this clearly suggests that your depression comes and goes. So if I understand you correctly, you are saying that you think your current bout would be over when the baby arrived, but what about the next bout???

Because it was raining in Leeds today, I remembered something that happened in Leeds station nearly 5 years ago. I fell - because the floor was wet. I was fine, in fact someone from work helped me up, but I cried and cried and cried.

Why? Because I had had a baby c. six months before and I was off-my-head mental with the hormones. I mean deranged. Also I once had to drive my car to Armley in Leeds and I couldn't find it and I went off-the-scale mental as well, similar time period.

I was 33. I had lived through all manner of things that I truly hope you haven't, such as the burglary and arson attack on my home that left me with nothing. I was completely mentalised by this experience of giving birth. (I should add I love my ds more than life itself).

This is not a cure for depression, you are kidding yourself. Of course I entirely hope you won't experience what I did, but I will confirm that if you do you don't have the life skills that I did to get through (and I was rubbish). The answer to depression is not a baby.

To answer your question, I conceived in the first month. You are generally more likely to conceive sooner than average. Please try and get some help for yourself. You will be a wonderful mum in time, but that time doesn't have to be now.

Also, why are you asking for opinions if you do not want them??

Kazine: people are just trying to help you. If you didn't want the depression thing in the equation, perhaps you would have faired better to omit the disclosure. But your failure to do so indicates that this feature prominently in your health awareness. This is not unwise. As you acknowledge it, therefore you can address it, get it treated as best you can- with your gp on board; and then address your desire for a baby. We're all very supportive to posters here. No one is trying to undermine you or deter you inane way, shape or form. You are very close to the situation. Looking from the outside in gives a perspective very difficult to garner when you are in the predicament you find yourself in. All this, without even asking of the commitment of you guys to each other, your careers, housing, etc. Even without the depression, I would suggest you try and live the life of young people, enjoy each other, your friends and family. A baby does not replace things missing in other areas of your life. Try to attain fulfilment in these areas first, before moving onto the natural progression of acquiring a child. I suspect you also need to get some hobbies, training for afuture career and/ or friends in RL who are sympathetic to your needs. If I have misread the situation and overstepped the Mark then please ignore everything I've just written. All the best.

You may not want to hear the truth but the ladies on here have said it. I suggest that for your sake and for the sake of any child, that you make the decision to have a baby when you are in a stable position financially, a supportive relationship and most important mentally.

I am really really REALLY that anyone would dare to bring a child into this world for the reasons you suggest. I am not being hostile, just honest.

You have plenty of time.

Absolute madness to think a baby will cure your depression. Work on getting yourself healthy first, and then think about ttc. You have a good 20 years of fertility ahead of you, there is no rush, and you owe it to your future baby to make sure you're in the best possible position to give them a good life. To be blunt, a depressed 18 year old is not a person I would want bringing me up

Kazine - I have no idea if you'll read this or if you've been scared off.

I was 19 when I had dd. We weren't trying but she came along anyway! She was and is the best thing that ever happened to me. She meant that DH and I had to grow up and sort out a life plan. Now that is not to say I would have planned it that way because it was hard.

I do sometimes wonder whether I found it easier than some of my friends / family because now they are in their 30s they have a lot more to 'lose' - I had nothing, no expectations at all.

I would second others concerns about your health though. If you're on medication you need to consider the effect they would have on conception and the effect that stopping them would have on you.

You sound, in many ways, pretty grown up so if you are sure that you're healthy then see your gp and ask about the meds.

And yes, you are more likely to conceive at your age.

Good luck with whatever you decide. You'll always find people to disapprove of your choices whatever they are and whatever your age

Kazine - this really isn't about your age. As the product of a young mum I have no problem with young adults being parents. But if a 35 year old friend of mine was depressed and thinking of having a baby to make herself happy I would strongly advise her not to.

Not only can pregnancy and motherhood cause depression, a baby is really the last thing in the world to make depression better (the sleep deprivation in itself can bring perfectly happy women to their knees). They are not unconditional-love machines, but screaming balls of need (to (mis?)quote another mumsnetter from a week or two ago).

Get yourself well first, so you are in the best shape possible to be a brilliant mum. In the meantime, you can look forward to one day having a baby (you are so young you have bags of time to play with!). I can't think of better motivation for taking care of yourself.

Having had depression and then had PND in both pregnancies I can safely say that a baby will not solve your depression. It will magnify it 1000 times.

Mental health is the same as physical health. You wouldn't run a marathon without being physically fit so why have a baby (which is for many people a very challenging time in their lives) when you may not be mentally fit to do it?

Good post MissBeehiving. Great name too.

Kazine - why do you feel a baby will make everything better? What is it having having one that you think will make everything all right for you?

Honestly if you have depression don't ttc. Especially if your depression has any kind of anxiety attached.

Motherhood starts with the positive test. The guilt that you're not doing it right, the fear you've harmed your baby, the worry about whether it will be healthy or not. My anxiety was mild, it's got a thousand times worse and I'm only half way through this pregnancy. My DH is practically forcing me to eat fir the baby because my depression means I don't want to, I constantly beat myself up about the effect my stress levels are having, I can't take the medication which helps because I don't know what it will do.

And I count myself lucky because before I conceive I was pretty much back to normal. If I'd been depressed or anxious then I cannot i magine what state I'd be in now.

Please, for you, et better. Be free if depressed without ADs for a year so you know you can do it. If you give yourself that target it might help pull you out and keep you out of depression, but just ferrying pregnant awont

So many typos in that last bit.

Get better, be free of depression without ADs

Falling pregnant won't.

You bring a baby into the world when it's right for the baby, not for you Kazine. Age has nothing to do with it, you are doing this for selfish reasons, and when you become a parent you have to become 100% selfless.

Every poster on this thread is trying to help you, with good, geniune and honest advice, but it's worth nothing if you won't take your head out of the sand and LISTEN!

I can see u have ready made a decision to ttc as you're on the august bus with me but I urge you to go see your gp first as certain antidepressants such as ssri's like citalopram ect have been proven to not be safe in pregnancy and can have a real detrimental affect on the fetus. Being ready to become a mother means being ready to place a baby's needs before your own so please check that medically you are ok to ttc if on any medication. I do wish you the best of luck as it is clear you have already made a decision. make the most of support of friends and family as the odds of developing pnd are def higher in your case with age and past depression.