TTC #2

[ovumahead]

Hi all,

Having just frightened myself a tad by reading the thread about those struggling to conceive number 2, I was thinking of starting a thread for those of us just starting out on this journey. I'm really hoping we won't have trouble conceiving, but I'm a pessimist!

Does anyone want to hold my hand through this process (I'm hoping for a short time only!).

To give you a little more detail, I've got one ds who is 2.5, and we want to TTC #2 between now and December if possible. The reasons for such a short time frame are that I'm on a short contract with work, and I need to get pregnant in order to still qualify for maternity pay from them (I can do this if the due date is anywhere up to 11 weeks after finishing with them). Not very interesting really, but rather a lot of pressure. If we don't conceive within this time frame (which of course I'm feeling pessimistic about!) then we will have to wait another year. And I really don't want to do that!!!

So, come on, anyone else planning for #2 soon?

Yes it is ovum. 28 day cycle. Perhaps an odd month of 29 days. So 20+ days late is very unusual.

Well, I've heard quite a few people say they didn't get a BFP until quite late in their pregnancy. You could always go to your GP and ask for a blood test, which is more sensitive? Must be agonising not knowing!

thanks xwitch, feeling calmer today and realising maybe I ought to jut be taking it more seriously than I have been and pay a bit more attention what goes into my body (apart from sperm!) and prob start checking fertile days too. Def won't be next month so gives me some time to drown my sorrows a little then whip body into shape

how many tests have you taken now?

I've already been to my GP ovum. Says he won't do anything until I have missed 'quite a few' periods. Not very reassuring.

Can I join - planning TTC#2 after my minor operation in early December.

DD1 is 16 months!

Sad as I am I have already calculated that if we are lucky enough (a) to be able to have a second at all and (b) to conceive within first month as we did with DD, then baby would be born after 1 September 2011.

Which would mean that DD and baby would be three school years apart, and therefore would not be at college at the same time ...

Do you think I am getting slightly ahead of myself ....?

Let the obsessing commence ...

bumpsadaisie I hadn't considered the whole not at uni = therefore spread the cost aspect of a 3 yr age gap. I was so desperate for a minus 2 yr age agap (DS turns 2 on sunday) but just wasn't ready, so have been stressing about 3+ age gap but that is a bloody good reason to have a bit longer between them...also in our cirucmstances I can't work again until we get the free 15hours a week for DS as I barely earn enough to cover one amount of childcare let alone two.

xwitch that's ridiculous! but then you must only be a week off when the next one would be - will your doctor test then? Because by then you'd be 3 months pregnant and due your nuchal scan so he's being stupid...can you see another GP?

xwitch I agree with the previous post - your GP sounds ridiculous. If you've missed 'a few' periods you'd be half way through your pregnancy! What if you didn't want to be pregnant? Go and see a different GP. Pretend you're considering termination (if you have to - it might jump start them in to action). What a useless bunch GPs can be! Argh. Feeling annoyed for you!

Bump welcome! I'm confused by your date calculations though - when are you planning to start TTC? Not this month?

I'm feeling stressed about TTC already, due to the two month window of opportunity we have. If we don't conceive by January, we'll have to wait until about this time next year, which will mean and age gap of over 4 years!!! I really didn't want such a massive age gap. I guess there are advantages though. Having one child feels like a complete miracle anyway, so I don't know what I'm complaining about really!

ovumahead thankyou for that...must remember to count my blesings indeed!! DS has been awesome last few days as well, mustn't not concentrate on him in the midst of all this

Hello! Can I join too?
I have 17mo DS and have been wanting to ttc for about 6mo but DH only just agreed so mid-way through first cycle.
I'm 37yo so definitely have the age thing looming!

Will be good to have some others to share the ttc rollercoaster with!

Ses xx

Ovum my dd is already 5. There are lots of reasons why there will be such an age gap.

I am a bit annoyed with GP a one point he said they won't want o do a lab pregnancy test until you are about 5 weeks gone. Telling him I had a 28 day cycle and was already 2 weeks late (at the tie of this conversation) didn't seem to register. Came out of the appointment counting on my fingers just to check I wasn't going mad. Was thinking of changing surgeries completely anyway as the one I'm with is a bit of a trek.

do it for def xwitch, when did you take your last test?

I tested today girl, negative again and still no AF. If I'm not pregnant I want it to start so that I can try again IYSWIM.

xqitch how frustrating for you! I wonder if you could go to another GP at the same practice, and perhaps take a written list of information? I've found that when GPs find it hard to listen, written info is often better. Do you use fertility friend or any charting method? If so, you could take your charts along.

Do you have any pregnancy symptoms, or just no period?

I am feeling very tired and washed out ovum and a little queasy. Nothing that couldn't be caused by anything else.

This is getting ridiculous. 53 days and no AF.

Have you done any more tests?!

I last did a test on Thursday and it was negative. Would need to go get more tests.

Hi SES

We are very similar - I'm 36, my DD#1 is 17 months today ...

We're hoping to start trying in December. On the one hand I'm desperate for another, but on the other had a pretty miserable pregnancy last time round and am not sure how I would cope if it was the same this time round.... Still, I guess you just have to go for it!

I'm more worried about the being pregnant with toddler than having toddler and newborn (though I know latter will be hard).

Have you started trying yet?

Bumps x

xwitch honestly maybe just go to a drop in clinic? I think with DS I still tested negative at 60days but at 69 (next time I tested) was positive so it's still very possible you're pregnant

DH has left for America so while we're still officially ttc, the fact we won't have sex again now til after my next period means I'm joining bumpsadaidie in ttc in December...can't believe I put it toof in the hope of having a spring baby and events have conspired to mean I'm now probably going to have a winter one instead

How's everyone else doing? anyone else coming up to testing? Why does it feel so much mnore pressured this time round?

Bumpsadaisie - hello! That is pretty similar! This is our first month trying. I'm now 6dpo and completely obsessed already!

Hello to everyone else.

girlwiththemouseyhair - so frustrating when things don't go to plan. IKWYM - if you're anything like me, you daydream about what it will be like when you're pg, give birth, etc and the time of year does play a big part of that. Hope you don't have to wait too much longer.

xwitch - that's just so wrong that no one will follow up with you. I agree, is there a drop in clinic you can go to? Or maybe contact your health visitor for her advice?

Ugh I'm having a really shit time at the moment. Warning - this will contain a lot of waffle!

Basically, we need to conceive within the next 2 months in order for me to qualify for maternity pay once my contract expires at work next July. If we don't conceive within this time, we will have to wait until I've got a new job next year. My DH's attitude is basically 'We'll do whatever you want to do because it's your body'. Literally, that's all he's really said to me about it. But as my next period and subsequent fertile phase is fast approaching, I'm starting to feel REALLY apprehensive about getting pregnant. These are my reasons why:

1. I found my last pregnancy knackering
2. Essentially, you're alone in your experience of pregnancy, which I didn't really enjoy. By this, I mean my DH wasn't really interested in what was happening, was a bit scared by the whole thing I think and found it all rather abstract - this made me feel quite lonely at times (would be different now as I have lots of mummy friends)
3. I am doing a PhD, and this is the final year. I will basically be running the house, looking after my toddler, pairing my DH's socks and sitting on my arse typing furiously whilst also being pregnant. Oh, and preparing for a viva and working part time (2.5 days per week). I am going to have NO spare time, we have no holidays booked, and it all feels like it's going to be a great big slog anyway, without being pregnant. When I consider the amount of work I have to do over the next few months, and throw a pregnancy into the mix, it makes me feel nervous and pre-emptively tired!
4. My DH has basically said he can't do any more around the house than he already does because of his work etc. So I'm going to be expected to do the same amount of housework (about 75% of it although we do have a cleaner once a week thank god)
5. We have very little money, in fact, we have no money just lots of debt. This doesn't really put me off, but it does mean there'll be no treats for me - no pregnancy massages, nice maternity clothes, etc etc - the little things that make tough times bearable IMO!

Um.. I think that's it. Despite all of these things, I do really want a baby! Am I mad? Would you do this?

Ovum there are lots of practical reasons why I shouldn't be pregnant. DP and I have worked out that these issues (too many to go into) will last for at least the next 11 years so by that time I will be well too old so we decided to just do it anyway.

ovum I think the fact that you want another baby has to be the thing you look at most. At the end of the day, that's probably the reason most of us had our first babies wasn't it? None of us will ever have enough money, so I try not to think about that, every pregnancy and every birth is different. You prob do need to sit down with your DH and make sure a) he definately wants another baby too and b) tough bloody lukc, he'll have to do more, just because you're coping now doesn't mean he can't do one more cycle of washing once you get pregnant and the baby arrives. I'm constantly pointing out to DH how he'd better enjoy his lie-ins now because he won't be getting any if we have another as I'm damned if I'm going to be getting up for night feeds and then up for the day at 6am with the toddler if baby is still sleeping.

Have you made a pros list? Don't think too much about it though...if the reasons for not having one are just the above, I reckon they're all surmountable, so long as both of you want another child, you'll work together to make sure it happens and it works for your family.

DH has said the same to me about it being my choice, seeing as putting it off as all been down to me and my career and my mental health etc, but sometimes I wish he'd just said a year ago sod it let's stop using contraception

I should add that I was totally wiped out after having my DS, I had a very very long labour, then an emergency caesarean when I was 10cm dilated, lost a litre of blood, got several infections from the hospital, and didn't sleep longer than 3 hours in a row for two years. I was very traumatised by the labour and birth experience. Once my DS started sleeping properly earlier this year, I got very stressed as I was told I may have had a stroke and was awaiting the test results for that for ages (I hadn't had one, thank goodness). I also got diagnosed with a horrible and in rare cases fatal skin disease. I really only just feel like I'm gathering myself together after all of this! I also have terrible, weird migraines fairly frequently. I do really want a baby, but I do also feel like I need to think about myself, how I would cope with working more than full time, looking after a toddler and running his life, the house, my life and everything else in between whilst being pregnant.

ovum - sounds like you've had a really tough time of it. Do you think waiting 6 months would help and the situation will have moved on? If so, may be worth considering but if not - as others have said - then you would find a way round all of the issues. That's not to say it would be easy but it's certainly possible.

Anyway, who am I to dish out advice to someone that's not asked for it?! Hope you find an answer soon.