Just MC and ready to try again? Pack your cake, wine and tightie whities and join us for more ranting, weeping and most of all, laughing. All welcome (Part 6)

[KnitterNotTwitter]

A lovely place for those either lurking, waiting, WTFing or SWI after MCing...

...with optional fish slapping

mouse sorry you've got to do the ERPC too. I can understand you wanting to be prepared - here us my experience in case it helps you, but obviously it's different for everyone.

I had an ERPC at 17 weeks, baby had died at about 14 weeks though. I hadn't passed anything at all naturally before the ERPC.

I hated the waiting around (mine was in the afternoon) and the thought of the op really bothered me but the ERPC itself was "fine". I saw the surgeon and anaesthetist beforehand so got plenty of chances to ask questions (also asked to see the hospital chaplain too because we wanted to arrange a cremation and that was sorted out straight away). Everyone I spoke to was very kind, but beware the use of medical language when you're going through the consent forms etc can be a bit upsetting.

I was given a pessary to soften the cervix and after an hour or so walked down to anaesthetic room. This was actually the part I found most difficult - because I was "voluntarily" having to walk down there to have this procedure, and it just felt so all wrong! Got a bit teary at the anaesthetic but zonked out within about 20 seconds (probably less). Came round about half an hour later, feeling surprisingly calm and lucid (think it was the drugs) and physically fine. I didn't need any pain relief, don't think I even took paracetamol afterwards, but everyone's experiences are different so do stock up just in case. I bled for about a week, with spotting for about another week. I tried not to overdo things afterwards, and was told not to drive or operate machinery (not even a kettle) for 48 hours after the GA.

As I said, physically I was fine afterwards, although exhausted - I suspect that's partly the GA and partly just the stress and hormones etc. Take your time with the recovery. Also don't feel guilty if you do feel relieved afterwards, in a way it's good to know it's over, although obviously very sad

I hope that helped and wasn't too much detail - if you want to know any more just ask. I felt so alone and scared before mine and think it would really have helped to "talk" to others who knew what I was going through.

Will be thinking of you on Saturday xx

bee thats nice ok experience compared to some of the horror stories you here.

GIRLS we will all be out there one day, not too far from now smugly rubbing our swollen tummies... but one thing will be certain, we will know to stop doing it at the slightest dagger stare from across the street!

mousey sorry to hear you have retained bits :( that was my dread. Lots of women on here have had EPRC and most havent suffered much other than emotionally i think. Mine came out all on its own and i was 12 weeks, so that far in the sac is quite large and so there is quite a bit of debris to come out. You may have passed a lot, but the hosp will want to get it out quickly in case of developing infection...which am sure you wont have :)

Fondant it is really hard when your friends succeed and you feel like a failure (well i do anyway...but we actually arent!) I would have been 20 weeks last wk, my friend is having her 20 wk scan on monday. I hardly talk to her anymore because its too hard for me. Self preservation mode see! I dont resent her, or hate her for it, but i still think why not my baby? (although now i seem to be able to do it without tears - sometimes)

IZZ i am 34 too and got married in 99! What month, date and when is your birthday?
We are June 23rd 99 wedding, and i am august baby :)

velvet sorry you are no better off knowing-wise! FX for you :) (((HUGS))) to everyone who needs them xx

shattered shattered shattered! very long week, very stressful, now i am happy as i am off work next week :) nowt planned but trying to convince DH to fetch out his paintbrush... good not to be stressed out anyway, just in case sperm met eggy and they do some burrowing together :) NOT Likely but one lives in hope

To my fellow teeth grinders... mm one here too! Thats how i know about the mouth guards! My DS is 3 and so does he

hugs to jam bee waves to wombat lolly between and anyone else missed :)

I had the ERPC after my first MC earlier this year. I've also miscarried naturally and that was Much Much more painful and intense.
Please don't worry about it. It's not the best day I've had in my life, but it certainly wasn't a harsh experience in physical terms.

PinkFondantFancy it is unfair and horrible that you saw a heartbeat etc but it didn't work out for you. It's completely understandable to feel jealous that she's getting what you want. Don't worry about that, we understand it.
I have a friend, who totally knows my history, and after I went for a scan, saw heartbeat but small for dates as well, and when I told her I was worried said "you saw a heartbeat, heartbeat = baby". Well, guess again. I know she regrets those words and will never utter them again, but I still remember them with bitter tang.

I hate my brain. Despite all evidence to the contrary, there is still a teeny-tiny part of me that is still hoping temps will go up tomorrow. They won't. I want them to, but they won't and AF will come and we'll start all over again. I'm trying not to be too down because it's still very early in this round and I need to try to stay a bit positive. But I've already looked up my 6 month deadline date.

Right. I need a new project. Off to look at knitting yarn.

I also meant to add mouse that i am sure you will be fine :)

Xposts with everyone :)

with you project wise, thats why i am trying to convince DH to decorate with me!

Were with you BEE re deadlines, mine was christmas, its now feb, EDD.

id like to ask a question please....serious one!

Last time i was pg i was mega worried about cycle length as it was around 40 days and everyone i spoke to told me that was VERY long and wasnt normal.... so it made me mega stressed! If i am OV around 23/24 and cycle is + 40 days, understand i have less opportunity to conceive than someone who OV's every 28 days, but with a UCL of 40+ do you know many people who have conceived and carried to term, sounds a bit silly, but my understanding of what it means etc is NADA.... i didnt have that long a cycle last time, and it made me mega stressed out when i did conceive! So i would like to arm myself with info this time please?!

Yeah, the heartbeat=baby thing seems to be what everyone thinks. Didn't happen that way for me. HB at 8 weeks but too small. MC at 10 weeks. Not sure that these early reassurance scans are that reassuring really. If I had waited I would never have seen the heartbeat or the baby and would have just been diagnosed with blighted ovum at 12 weeks, if it got that far. Since this I have done some googling and found out that the heart rate I had was much too low but of course I was not told this so had no idea I was going to MC.

Perhaps all these early reassurance scans are not that reassuring after all?? I agree that it is so unfair when you have seen your baby alive inside you and then have to be told that it has died.

Sending wine and cake and hugs to you PFF I totally understand the jealousy bit and also wanting to get fun side back. It seems like a long hard slog.

ladybee sorry that it doesn't look so hopeful for you this month, hope she gets her visit over and done with as quickly as possible for you.

mousey hope the op goes ok, it isn't nice but physically you should feel better quite quickly.

Thanks again ladies

Going to stock up on magazines and snacks for afterwards as the hospital 'meals' are vile.

Ugh, ugh, ugh. Just want a baby Why do we have to go through all this?

Ah well, if all goes to plan I should be home in time for x factor and strictly so should be ok to relax a bit then.

xxx

Hello everyone! mousey sorry you have to have an ERPC on Saturday :( will be thinking of you. I would recommend smarties cookies as an excellent post hospital junk food. And Dairy Milk.....

kat agree with you about scans, I don't think I'd have the bottle to have a reassurance scan - too much risk of seeing something that will do anything but reassure me, think I'm more likely to follow the head in sand route....

ladybee my MIL is really into crotcheting with Alpaca wool at the moment - it is really lovely and soft! I have everything crossed for you for a big fat temp rise tomorrow morning.

nicks a MIL fact for you too - she reckons she had 3 month long cycles but she managed to successfully conceive 3 kids so if that's true (the cycle length thing, I've met all the kids!!), there's hope for all of us!! Hope the decorating goes well - doesn't sound like a very relaxing way to spend a day off!

aandr hope you've had a more relaxing day today compared to yesterday!! When do you set off for Italy?

Thanks for all your lovely messages lovely ladies, I had a good cry when I got home and I feel soooo much better now.

I'm watching (don't laugh now) a super interesting programme about squid! I had no idea they could do anything better than make really tasty squid rings but they are coooool!!

Grrrrrrhhhhhhh just did a big post and lost the lot....im so crap on computers..typing with 2 fingers takes so long....

HELLO everyone as usual tons to catch up on.
teabaggin you naugthy girl bat good luck with results, when do you find out?

a&r poo so skundered for you but O so funney....but i do think you are just a bit mental...17hrs mental and if not now then you may be by the end....have fun...

jam sorry af got you FX its out of the way soon and you get lots of swi at the right time...

bee lurkinlolly ..i like that hehehe...i know its not lookin good but its not over till the fat lady arrives sings...but ikwym bout that hopefull feeling you still have... right in the pit of your tummy... boy that really stinks....hugs

nik Shattered...but i think thats a good sign.. the day after we dtd i felt like i was hit by a freight train....fxfxfxfxfx did you really put the legs up??
not huffing any more off work today so in good books as dinner was made and i have some spare energy...could be his lucky night!
But that depends on spotting Sorry who was asking about that?? i have always spotted before and after af for 2-3 days, before mmc.... first af of sorts has resulted in..spotting for 4 days before it arrived and am i now spotting for the 6th day....bummer

wombat (((((hugs)))) hope tomorrow brings better news xx

mummya hope all goes well with new gyne jesus you really deserve some happy news..

mouse will be thinking of you on sat, i had an ERPC 7th sept for a mmc, everything went well...no pain and staff were all lovely, as said before its not really the proceedure that gets you but i suppose what it represents iykwim.... xx

PEACE LOVE AND BFHAPPYPsssss to everyone to name but a few izzy bat velvet pff kt inbetweener

nicks - as long as you're ovulating and your LP is a decent length I would have thought it would be ok. No personal experience of long cycles though so hopefully somone more knowledgeable will be along soon.

In answer to your question, I got married on September 11th 1999 - don't suppose it's such a popular date to get married these days. I was born in March x

kat I read something the other day about that. The thing about scans is they can only tell you about the past, they say 'this is what has happened so far'. They can't say 'this is what is going to happen tomorrow'. And that's what we all want to know. We want someone to look into the crystal ball and see the future and tell us it's all going to be ok. Can't happen, but it doesn't stop us wanting it.

Entering into the scan debate, i wish i had had one this time, at7 or 8 weeks. as i had a blighted ovum, i would have found out earlier that it was empty, rather than what you think is 3 months in!

Scans hmmmmmmmm tough one, I had a mmc @ 11.5 weeks baby only measured 8 weeks with no life in him...so I think I will try a get an early one...@ 7/8 weeks...but then as said it can give you false hope if you see all is well only to find @ Next scan a different picture..... But overall I think I'd rather know Sooner...also there is a part of me that would have loved to see a little heart beating even just for that brief moment....the picture etched in my mind is so so sad... There was just no life in him......

hello
we are 7 hours behind you lot, so still havent seen doc yet. Massage was fab though

Came on to say to mousebacon good luck with the op. I have had two and as everyone says, its a bit scary and nerve wracking but it doesnt hurt and the recovery is fine. Take lots of treats, magazines music etc with you to the hospital to make any waiting bearable (hope you dont have to wait) and then just rest up in bed afterwards and let family and friends fuss over you. (tell them all it hurt like hell and you cant lift a finger ) I know its a bit of a shock to find out that not only have you lost a baby but now there are added complications, but it will all be over very soon, you wont bleed for very long after the ERPC because this is a much smaller amount of tissue compared to those who have ERPC to get all "products" out (sorry for the nasty word, when are we going to get some decent vocabulary for all this stuff?) you will recover very very quickly. Big hugs for you xxxxx

Nickster - according to the TTC bible (Toni) there is absolutely nothing wrong with a long cycle. I think we have been wrongly conditioned to believe that 28 day cycle is "normal" and anything else is abnormal. What can make things hard, or perhaps be a sign of a problem like PCOS is if your cycle length fluctuates a lot or if you only have about 2 cycles a year! (and before everybody panics, its normal to have fluctuating cycles after mc) so dont worry love, You have just the same chance as a 28dayer of hitting that BFP, and you will soon I can just feel it (and I am the oracle, remember? )

My two pennies worth on scans:

I would definitely want an early one. My baby measured 8 and half weeks but was discovered at a scan at 14 weeks. I had invested so much more in the pregnancy by then. If I had known earlier I still would have chosen expectorant management and probably ended up with the same result, but having been all through that and not had a good outcome if it happened again I would do things differently and chose the option that allowed me to recover quicker.

Really interesting to learn about fetal heartrate, I didnt know this was another clue as to the general health of the baby.

God, how did i ever survive without the knowledge of MN'ers?!

Have just set my bookface profile pic to the babyloss ribbon ready for tomorrow :) :( xxx

Great idea Nickster, have just done same. Not feeling very techy though so its come out a bit small. thought that counts eh?

Just come back from docs and had to have several large glasses of wine. Dont know whether to shout or cry or just ignore it all.

The gynecologist turned out to be incredibly ignorant about EVERYTHING related to well, gynecology but still managed to charge me more than all the other docs I have seen so far.
She did however send me off (on my request) to an ultrasound guy who was really good. He confirmed that the endometrial lining was "too thin"[terrified icon] but that I have ovulated (FF doesnt lie!) have no cysts or obvious problems and that there are blood vessels on the lining which is good apparently.

The gyne is saying I should take the pill for a month and if I dont bleed after that do an HSG. To be honest, I just got the impression that she only ever does smear tests and felt really uncomfortable talking to me as she didnt understand half of what I was saying. She ended up saying that she wanted to discuss my case with collegues and get back to me.

So I still dont have any concrete answers, or a doctor I trust, and I am a whole lot more scared about my fertility than I have ever been before (thin lining thing and HSG sounds scary).

I swallowed a contraceptive pill and it tastes of defeat.

((((( mummyabroad ))))) you're probably in bed now but just wanted to send huge hugs to you. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time of it, and that the appt didn't really help set your mind at rest as we all hoped. Iknow you must be feeling pretty low now .

It must be difficult having to take the pill - but then again, maybe it will sort things out? It's rubbish having a dr who doesn't know what they're talking about, did the sonographer (who sounds much better) give you an opinion on it? At least if the dr is going to discuss it with colleagues she may come back with some other ideas too?

Sorry you've got to wait another month for any answers, lovely, but do try to stay positive as much as you can. You will deserve the biggest sparkliest bfp at the end of all this crap, and a pretty baby that sleeps through the night within the first month x

((((MUMMY)))))

Sorry appointment didn't go well. At least sonographer seemed to know what he was talking about!

BTW when I said BCP I meant birth control Pill. I bet thats al you need to get back on track- HSG is fine, I had one a few years ago and a plus point is that you are generally really fertile just after having one as it 'clears out your tube!'

Good to know that your book thinks long cycles are fine! I have been getting myself worried about mine!

< Waves to everyone else on way out door to work >

Ohh and all swabs clear so thats another thing off my mind!

((((((MUMMY))))))

Thats rubbish news :( :( :( :(

REply properly later xxxxxx

Sorry you didnt get any anawers MummyA - let's hope the pill does the trick for you.

The fat lady is singing for me AT LAST!! Can someone drop me to the bottom of the list and change my UCL to hmmm what random number shall I pick? 35 please.

Am considering buying a thermometer since I have no idea what my next cycle length will be. Which one do you recommend?

am guessing strikeout doesnt work with punctuation?

velvet - sorry she got you, I has high hopes for you this month

cd10 here and the CBFM has gone up to high - thus is the earliest it has ever done so. Am trying not to get too excited as I do tend to have quite a few highs before a peak, but seeing as I'm desparate to extend LP then as long as cycle doesn't get any shorter ov moving fwd must be a good sign mustn't it?

On the scan debate - mixed feelings here. They would next time provide no reassurance whatsoever to me since I had perfectly normal scans at 7+5, 10 and 13+1 weeks last time and it still went wrong. On the other hand if you don't have scans and (like me) you don't mc naturally, how would you know what's going on? Also, I have to say that I now really treasure the scan memories, particularly the 13 week one, as a really happy time, and I have the pictures in my memory box and I'm glad I have those good memories of this baby. But it's all bittersweet because in the end I never got to meet the baby. Hmmm. Not sure there's an obvious answer to that.

Mornin' Everybodypeeps.

Shucks MA Arsicles in the highest order.
I'm in a sweary mood this morn and "Professionals" like that are utter fuckwits, and you paid for the pleasure!
Grrrrrr.
Sorry toots, hoooge squeezes and second what Izzy said.

Velvet sorry bout ald caaahs arrival, I bet you're kinda relieved though.
Noo Ov winging it's way to yoouu sooooon!

Hello Mousebacon thinking of you sweets, I'm so sorry you are going through this and you will be in my thoughts tomorrow.
You have found an amazing support group in this lovely bunch, I'm not around as much as I should be but I can vouch for every one of them.
I've had 4 ERPCs'and as many have already said it's not the best day of your life but it's strangely healing.
Mine were all different and it depends on the Hospital I think.
Love to you and your OH and be kind to yourselves.

I've not been about for a while and you lot can fill pages in a blink of an eye so welcome to any others that have found themselves with us and I hope you don't hang about too long before you graduate.

Sorry not to namecheck, maaahhsooooive love to all, hands are fricckin' killing me and I have at least 3 other freds to catch up with....