Avast Behind! Full of salty seamen and buxom lasses, the Gin Palais is heading off in search of Pirate Booty! For those brave BESHly wenches in their 30’s, TTC since the Black Death.

[BarbiesBeaver]

Ahoy Gin Hags, behold the Hendrick?s Palais, the finest sea goin? vessel that ever left these God forsaken shores. Packed with comely wenches and salty seamen, I be lookin? for a BESHly crew to travel the seas in search of booty. Land lubbers lackin? a twisted disposition need not apply.

Let me shiver yer minges with tales of the fearsome Droid Monster, who raises his bloody head each month, and the dreaded 2WOOFL, where the vaguest signs can be espied from the top o? the Crow?s Nest.

Get ye to the Brig, yer scurvy dogs, where Roger the Cabin Boy will see to yer needs, or apply the Cat O? Nine tails to yer britches if ye should mutter the oaths of Babydust.

Drink up me hearties, yo ho(es).

Fuck bastard wank Aries. Bollocks to the lot of it.

Lozza well I did say a couple of months go that I would almost prefer it to be you than me. And I did have That Dream .

I was quietly menkulling despite my very convincing assurances that I wasn't. Last weekend when i was surrounded by babies I didn't have a single bittersweet BESH thought, because I was probably diffed too. Was that the first BESHmeet which has ended in complete and abject failure?

Arse to droid Aries, tis especially evil for messing you about.

Am joining the crossing of everything for Lorry

Temp dropped this morning, but POAS anyway (cos am stupid) and it was unsurprisingly -ve. So now I just get to go back to gussetwatch and awaiting the inevitable. Joy.

Aw Aries am so sorry. There have been other beshmeets that have not produced baybees, I have gone to two of them. Not that that is really any help. Here, have this tequila. Cracking way to start the day.

lorry erk. Guess it'll be piss sticks a-go-go tomorrow am then? I'm always crap in the situation you are in, buy a 2 pack and do one on the Friday night after holding wee for as long as humanly possible.

I have done this approx 10000000000000 times, give or take a zero. Last time the answer was the right sort of scary tho :)

Someone dig out Jack and hose him down so rie can have a go...

Arse indeed to droidage and negatives for Bangers, Rie and Octopus. A barrel of rum and a drunken hornpipe to ye.

Lozza I won't be on MN over the weekend as I'm pretending to have a life, but all the very best to you . You can wear the Captain's Tricorn if it helps.

Rie I liked it when you were all shouty, it was really impressive.

Lordy blimey lordy, lorry. What a headfuck of a week you've have. Am prezellated for you.

Aries Fucking shite-arse news coming on top of babytastic weekend. Sympathies. I don't think it's the first BESHmeet that has ended in abject failure - when I saw Cunty and Ginhag for the first time last year, my droid started either that day or the next.

Oca I is also sad for you.

This is a Bad Friday. The only answer is a gigantic rum bender, wild sex with Jack Sparrow and...oh, just drifted off there for a moment...

Oh lorry apols for not sending lots of sympathy for your bro...and tbh I would have been highly strung if that had been my brother, is understandable regardless of hormones...smooooooooches atcha.

Also smooches to oc. have got lost as to whether that was testing early, or late, or neither of the above, but bollocks to it anyway.

Can you leave me and Cap'n Jack for a while pliz. Just don't tell the birthday boy.

Lozenge If you're not updiffed tomorrow, my name isn't chochosan! Sorry for fuelling the menkul but ya gots to be Deli-bound!

That would be an epic start to the MAD - am so hoping for yet another NHS-FU instadiff.

ABSOLUTE CUNTSTICKS! RieRie, am SO sorry. Are you sure it's the full droid and not some spotting Come and have a nuzzle in Aunty Scorps mighty buzzwams (though don't squeeze too hard)

Pssst! Cho, have sent you a msg on here :)

Morning hagettes and thank fuck it's Friday, this appears to have been the longest week in living memory and MY BOSS IS A SHIT BAG. But enough about me.

Load of wank bags for mass droid arrival, that was so not the plan. Hope Cap'n Jack can keep up with the pile on action below deck. Here, have a jug swig of punch I've made it extra strong.

LorraLorraLaughs I am also stepping away from MN this weekend as am on a hen weekend (with a quite boring hen, deep joy) but will be logging on by phone tomorrow morning to hear your news. I've got so many things crossed that doing anything useful today will be as challenging as winning the Krypton Factor. Am also joining in with Gin to offer my sympathies for your bro's accident, I'd have been loony if twere mine.

In WOOFL update, I'm kind of feeling completely non-symptomy but am mekulling like a total nut case. A man got on the tube this morning and smelt of stale smoke (mmmm) and I felt nauseous, 'clearly' my menkul says, 'tis coz you is diffed'. No menkul, it's because it was pre-breakfast and he smelled gross. (I'm a smoker though, so maybe.....) Aaargh, I need a drink, anyone care to join me?

I'm so sorry Aries :( I felt so optimistic. Will be pleading with the fates for Lorry tomorrow.

Won't be around next few days (apart from checking in to peer over Lorry's shoulder at her piss-stick ): so much happening on every front there's a v. real danger I might actually break in half. Note: the breaking in half is NOT owing to the BFN. I am not hysterical enough to get all brittle about babyfailing when it still hasn't been a year! It's everything else.

Erotiviolence to all.

Will miss ya, Bangers Good luck with the insane lifeload!

Oh bollocks just seen this. So sorry my luvva Rie , I was secretly hopeful of you too ths month.

This is a shit shit SHIT game.

Just looged on and I see we have had another random droid attack. Sorry Rie - hate it when it messes with your head like that. Boo to Oca's BFN too.

Luck to Lol and also hoping Truffkins fag aversion is due to diffedness and not the man on train just being a stinky tramp.

I'm still waiting for ovulation. Have sore buzzwams - not sure what that is all about as that is always a pre-droid thing for me. Prolly a weird post-mc thing. Have no clue when to expect the egg. Hope the egg laying happens this weekend cos MrG around to spunk me up (for some reason have gone filthy today, baggsy Cap'n Jack next, won't take long).

I'm home town bound this weekend and going out with MrG's brothers and their partners tomorrow night so should be fun. I intend to get outrageously drunk because I am NOT DIFFED.

Good job I packed one Cap'n Jack each isn't it? Poor bloke, I almost feel sorry for him. Not that sorry though .

Oh Ocky, you too? Not quite over till it's over though... but a BFN's always a slap in the face.

I prescribe an entirely Twirl-based lunch for everyone.

Only if I can eat mine melted over the end of Cap'n Jack's cock. Is it too early for that sort of language? It is Friday.

Aries :( How do you fancy a "heart-not-in-it" birthday shag instead? I'm sorry - no MAD for you and yet I was so sure you were MAD.

lorried I'm crossing all my digits for you - but I'm aghast by your news. Please to inform "The Welsh" that I will not be returning until I can be guaranteed a prom-front banana sundae on a rainy tuesday afternoon in feb.

I'm not quite sure what you lot are on about with your Cap'n Jack this and Cap'n Jack that. Clearly you're riding an imposter because the real one is here with me.

Barbie, you're terrible!

Ski love, you are deluding yourself. Clearly the real Jack Sparrow is here with me, now. I don't really fancy a droidal-shag to be honest. Tis still the spotting at the moment, but no one say "Are you sure?" because I fucking am.

Hello Occy. You too huh? What a load of wank. Sorry for the expression.

No. I have the real Cap'n Jack!
Fiiiiight!

OMG no Dolltwat wash your mouth out with soap. Actually, you might just need to clean around the corners a bit...

Here, I has tamed these sharks and trained them to pick off any crunchy metal beeping bastards they find following the ship. And yes, they also have lasers.